Over on Dreamwidth, impertinence
posts a warning that Aja is planning to write a Daily Dot article on hockey RPF. Because publicising RPF always ends well for fandom.

Aja replies, apparently without irony, that "...it is not my attention to shine a spotlight in places that don't want spotlights shown."

You can imagine the rest, but you don't have to. Because you have links.

ETA: Aja says she's not writing the article after all. http://bookshop.tumblr.com/post/37422170053

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Moving this over from clarivoyantwank because it's getting wanky very fast.

Cute House couple Jesse Spencer and Jennifer Morrison announce that their engagement is called off.

Over at house_cameron, there are varying reactions of glee, interrogating texts from the wrong right perspective, hope that scriptwriters will stop writing RPF, and calls of OMG THANK GOD Jenmo can do better, let's find her a new guy!

My favourite response so far has to be from diagnosticmad who gets her tinhat on, with bonus unable-to-tell-reality-from-fiction.

Aaaaaand 808song says what the rest of us are thinking: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Randomly, does a jurisimprudence law exist for how quickly the batshit in a certain fandom gets compared to Harry Potter insanity? Because there totally should be.

ETA: Finally there is questioning of what on earth this all has to do with H/C, but not to be be dissuaded by this, kianainhi soon after offers her lengthy thoughts on yaoi.

ETA 2: It's almost like if you say the word "Harmoanian" enough, they actually show up. Like Bloody Mary, in a way.

ETA 3: Awww, there are deleted comments in this thread! Some are archived here for your perusal. There's also a dressing down of the mod for making those comments - being the lurker that I am, I didn't actually realise it was the mod of house_cameron that wanted to do the matchmaking! How sweet.

And Now with extra irony! housom_baa: "Lovers and co-workers...is baaaaad. Really bad. Almost never works." Which is why you're in a shipping community for two characters that are coworkers, right?

From a mousie in wank_report:

Once upon a time there was a wacky LJ chick called brooklinegirl. She loved Garret Maggart (Blair from The Sentinel), and who can blame her? Being a wacky chick she thought up the Garretverse, the most off the wall and obviously fake Real Person World since the National Enquirer published that story about Elvis and the alien ass babies. The world turned, the number of laptops filled with Sprite increased slightly, there was much tongue-in-cheek hilarity and Funyun-bashing.

http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=brooklinegirl&keyword=GarettVerse&filter=all

And then patk noticed:
http://patk.livejournal.com/17459.html
http://patk.livejournal.com/17812.html

I love how it's like the whole RPS is WRONG!!!/RPS is HOT!!! debates of the last couple of years have never happened, and this is all new. And how surprised she is, considering the fact that one episode of The Sentinel contains as much slash as the entire first season of Smallville.

ETA:

This all started when Starry Constellation Magazine interviewed Garett, BLG proceeded to lovingly mock, the interviewer did a trackback and was amused, but the RPS-wanker was not.

And alas, one of patk's friends, _suziq_ is so aghast at WOE GARETTVERSE that she won't play in the ficathon [ETA3: retrolocked!] that brooklinegirl is running with estrella30 that incidentally has Garretverse prompts...

ETA2: patk loses, under Godwin's Law. Thanks for playing!

ETA3 OMG MEAN High school girls SUCK! sez alyburns.

ETA4: And the crazy continues.

The Dan/Emma shippers are quickly gaining a fond place in my heart. Undeterred by the Irish hairstylist/Dan Radcliffe gossip, they're continuing on in their exciting quest to smoke out Dan and Emma's true love. Highlights below from the Dan/Emma forum on Portkey. Includes colour shout outs, speculations that Dan and Emma have broken up, and various other manifestations of obsession.

( 'Well, I say keep flirting in public, kids. Announce your love from the rooftop!' )

For further insight into the Dan/Emma ship check out The Sweetest Thing, a Dan/Emma site with Reasons for Dan/Emma, including "Because they both think they are brother and sister."

Baby's first wank-posting :D I'm a member of the community, but I didn't get involved apart from offering to cut some people into bite-sized pieces...

First of all, we have Dead Men Talking, an RPG where you play with historical personages (with "historical" defined as "dead for over three years", so we have Kurt Cobain and Douglas Adams partying with Julius Caesar and William Shakespeare, to name a few). The aim is satire and comedy, and tea innuendo abounds.

Second, we have Meg, who goes by theironduke on LJ (she has since bah-leeted her journal because of OMGDRAMA). Meg has previous issues with the girl who plays Wellington (the_iron_duke) in Dead Men Talking - a long story, but I won't relate it now because everything involved is deleted, friendslocked or both. Suffice it to say Meg is a bit obsessed about the Duke of Wellington and his honour. To the point of sometimes claiming to BE the Duke of Wellington (see napoleonic_dead, her "reincarnation" community) and sometimes role-playing him in RPGs.

And so the stage is set. Now, on to our main action.

First we have the first outraged anonymouse. Disrespect to carcasses OMG! (This wasn't proven to be one of Meg's bunch, but the wording sure sounds familiar...)

Now Napoleon (boney_the_ogre, now also bah-leeted) appears on the community. His player is none other than Meg. But in the same post, her once cohort crimeofthought appears as rowland_hill (a general of Wellington's) and attacks Wellington's player. Note "Napoleon's" outrage at the attack. (At this point Wellington's player didn't know "Napoleon" was Meg.)

The next round happened in e-mail and locked posts. Meg promised good behaviour and swore up and down she never meant to disrespect or hurt Wellington's player, swearing only crimeofthought was to blame, the mod agreed to let sleeping dogs lie until further notice, everyone was happy. And Wellington was happily leaving his waistcoats in Byron's rooms, don't ask.

Until yesterday. Because MEG (theironduke, no underscores) WENT BOOM! In a priceless way:

PERHAPS, SOMEDAY, YOU WILL GET WHAT IS SO DESPERATELY COMING TO YOU.

I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL, MADAME.

BELIEVE ME &TC.

-THE VERITABLE LORD OF THE PSYCHOPATHS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS MEG

The mod took steps to ensure this doesn't repeat. Meanwhile, it turns out Meg had more than one sockpuppet in the RPG! All of them get banned. Everyone happy?

Oh noes! Meg and her cohorts have to state their intentions somewhere, they can't just leave like that! Where do they go?

The mods' journals. This is relatively mild, but where this is concerned...

Meg did NOT stalk, harrass, or berate [Wellington's player], and the post on deadmentalking was a result of disgust at the moral decency of the people, and in her opinion, the EXTREME defamation of character that was going on.

Defamation? Oh yes, DMT is Hell Personified, because we Do Not Respect historical characters!

And it /is/ defamation, not only of character, but of history, and of national identity and MANY other things. It cannot be prosecuted, that is true, but defamation regardless. It is such a pity that our society has degraded so thoroughly that you people can do what it is that you do with absolutely not sense of shame. I hope that some day you will realise that if it were not for history and certain people in it you would not be around today and that history and the dead are deserving of your deepest and most profound respect.

And finally the truth is revealed: Meg (now in the guise of maria_hortensia) is out to kill Dead Men Talking!

No, my goal is and has always been to give you enough hell to the point where you must either go F.O., you give up in frustration, or you have so many problems that it simply becomes impractical for you to maintain your sick filth any longer. In short, to remove the abomination that is DMT and to a certain degree the idiocy of [Wellington's player] from livejournal. I am normally not fond of stating such full purpose, but, that, I presume, should have been obvious enough by now.

Oh noes, what shall we do???

(Except fall down laughing. That's the obvious part.)

And in a fitting coda to this wankage, all Meg's journals involved are now bah-leeted! EDIT: with a tearful good-bye cruel world!post in her friend's journal./EDIT

Stay tuned for the return of the undead zombie vanquisher!

(Or maybe she'll get a job writing lines for Bond villains instead...)

EDIT: For the meantime, have a tearful eulogy from rowland_hill crimeofthought, complete with claiming it was LJ Abuse who deleted the journals. And he trembles before the mighty mod, claiming they're all innocent because Meg IS Wellington. And comparing her to Johnny Depp.

EDIT: 24 hours later - aaaaaan SHE'S BACK! Crying about death threats and being harrassed by mentions of Terri Schiavo, no less!

neadods makes a "RPS/RPF is bad, mmmkay?" entry here. As expected, wank follows.

Look for the inevitable "It's just like rape!" "Uh...not even close." argument, complete with Ginmar spooging all over the place and making personal attacks.

There's also the "Plz stop presenting your opinion as the RIGHT opinion kthx." "That's not what she said. P.S. You're wrong." debate. Again, many charming contributions from Ginmar.

This thread comparing RPS/RPF defenders to NAMBLA hasn't reached epic wank proportions but I expect it to explode before too long.

Finally, here the OP proves that she doesn't know the difference between slash and porn.

Good times.

ETA: Bonus "Think about the chirrun!" mini-wank here.

Son of ETA: The OP whines about being wanked and also compares the Terry Schiavo case to RPF. No, really.

I never post here, damn me for succumbing. But.. but it's establishment wank. C'mon, someone even pulled out the Kettle to call it black!

you have officially been persecuted

I'd post some witty play by play here and links to everything everywhere, but frankly I can't be arsed to as Est wank seems to propagate itself at rates of speed which would astonish even Stephen Hawking. Go, and gaze in wonder as the laws of physics fall to the power of the wank. Faster than the speed of light, I tell ya.

Yet more RPF kerfluffle! It'll probably be locked shortly, though.