Small but sweet.

In the land of Glee, there are singing teenagers and many fans who want them all to bang.
Of course, there is much screaming and gnashing of teeth over the right way for a bunch of fictional underage characters to be getting it on, but someone tries to be reasonable about it.

The loudest jerks do not speak for the entire 'ship. Skurt fans and Klaine fans need to realise this.

And we all agree to disagree and go home, right? Wrong! Because even when you've worn the shipping arguments to the ground, there is still... *drumroll* Arguing about ship names!

Not going to debate you on the beginning, but please. It's Kum or Hevans. We've repeatedly asked the fandom to choose one or the other, but calling us "Skurt" or "Kam" or whatever else is disrespectful at this point.

It goes on from there:


We don't want Kam and Surt to be used because they will always sound derogatory and mocking to us, even if you don't mean them in that way.

We already put up with being called delusional, crazy, retarded, etc; ok no big deal. All we're asking here is, at least respect the ship portmanteaus we chose. Yes, it is an emotional issue to us and we do take it personally, but it doesn't cost to just give us this much.


It's about respecting slash as much as het!

Grabbed from wank_report.

So toft reveals that she's been interspersing her real requests for fics on sgastoryfinders with fake requests. Some of the "fake" fics actually did turn out to exist, and were found.

Is this hilarious or horrifying? Either way, there's tons of wank in the comments.

Brought to you by wank_report!

Clan Mitchell is a Dreamwidth community revolving around the fictional Mitchell family, which appears to be a huge group of people who live in the Carolinas under the administration of a matriarch named Momma, generally serve in some branch of the U.S. military, and/or operate under a general curtain of good ol' American values, get-well-pies, and care packages.

Motto: "The Mitchells will inherit the earth: the meek don't move fast enough."

From the profile:

"So ivorygates and synecdochic made up a bunch of crazy Southern relatives, and the "Fuck Canon, Fanon Makes More Sense, Dammit" club (meetings on alternate Tuesdays, free t-shirts at the recruiting tables, bring your own beer but the cookies are free) firmly believes that "Kansas, my ass" is the best way to approach Cameron Mitchell's home life, and, well, there should be more fic about these people!

Not necessarily a shared-continuity set of stories -- use as much or as little as you'd like -- but a shared-character-list and a place for people to build a shared-world. Grab a Mitchell and start writing. Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated. And probably baked for."

( It all starts with a ficprompt... )
ETA: Revenge of the Sith: cap including the offending fic.

Holy ETA, Batman: (thanks, mousie)
"When someone has put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to create an absolutely beautiful sandbox to play in (a sandbox that they love very very much), and then not only allows you to come in and play in their sandbox, but graciously opens the door and INVITES you in, you don't shit in the sandbox. You don't. M'kay? Good."

We can't stop here, this is ETA country: It's time for the public address roll, looks like. From eilan:
* slybrarian calls for fair and balanced.
* quinfirefrorefiddle & co. are appalled at F_W's lack of journalistic integrity.
* Synecdochic's state of the union, and also ivorygates is banned. Or left. Either way, she's not a mod any more.

So there's this video about Bleach voice actors who were at Kawaii-Kon, an anime convention hosted in Hawaii, where they were questioned about possible romantic preferences for the young man they provide voices for. Johnny Yong Bosch (JYB) is the voice behind Kurosaki Ichigo for the English dub, while Morita Masakazu (MM) is the Japanese seiyū for the dashing hero. No, he's not really dashing. More like cranky.

the toobs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQfkhEK04jE

Then someone dared to ask the million-dollar question: do they prefer RUKIA or ORIHIME for Ichigo?

In summation, JYB & MM both said "Orihime." So there!
( OH. HELL. NO. Voice actors aren't allowed opinions! )
( But this series isn't about ROMANCE!!! )

Bonus references to Avatar: the Last Airbender wank here.

This has been a busy, busy week for Bleach fandom! I have some caps, but tinypic keeps re-sizing the images.

Finally, a friendly reminder to my fellow wankas: don't feed the trolls.

:throws cheese to mousey for collecting links:

( Aww, ETA's for breakfast? You're too kind! )
( We have contact! )

Edit 3: Fandom Wank's name was dropped like it's hott. jaseroque got a special mention for the translation.

Edit 4:( The wank levels up! Or uh... Bankai. )

Thank you, kind mousey from wank_report!

Crystaldawn doesn't think that IchiHime shippers are so bad. So she writes an essay about it, debunking some of the "myths" about them... (Thanks for the exact link, mariem_1)

Yulieana (from these wanks) finds out. And she is not happy AT ALL.

Feminism is not about celebrating and encouraging women! Bullies must only be dealt with through hitting them back! A True Woman should NEVER EVER become a teacher! And samurais do not belong in Bleach. That's what Yulieana says, after all.

And as a bonus, Fandom Secrets seems to have some things to say about her...

ETA: Aaaand she saw us. Now WE are the stalkers, the bad "feminists" and the wankers, according to her and Co.. =D

ETA 2: "I wrote an eleven page essay in reply to yours!" "And I think you're such a BITCH for not fucking replying to her on it! Not from Yulie herself, but still damn wanky.

ETA 3: Why ship wars are awesome! IDK MY NOT BFF YULIE? Thanks, lady_ganesh!

ETA 4: And the whining bout CD's essay FINALLY reaches Bleachness

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

So,spacefragments has a Dean icon they wanna use. Well, according to this icon mouse, they don't love Sam enough to use that icon.

After all, you can only like ONE character on any show and spacefragments is violating FANDOM LAW, by pretending otherwise.

Furthermore, the Icon Mouse is not only appalled by the hypocrisy of using an icon for a 'ship you may or may not support, they find it bratty and a bit offensive.


In defense, vivalana offers to provide an Official Fandom Icon Operator's License. For a price.


There's also a whole secondary wank about mishaland and how offensive the comm is to wholesome, decent Wincest 'shippers and the epic love of J2.

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

I know we've had a few HP posts lately, so of course it's time for something Twilight related. I saw this posted in a forum I lurk in and felt some of you might find it interesting, even if it is a few months old.

This doesn't involve Twilighters so much as the dark side of the fandom: TwilightSucks.com. Specifically, the Fangirl Encounters forum.

First, the backstory. You see, the OP, Nyxbel Hawthorne, has a cousin who is a bit obsessed with Twilight. So obsessed, in fact, that when she catches Nyx browsing TwilightSucks.com, she is moved to spit in Nyx's yogurt when Nyx is in the other room. Nyx finds out with the spoon in her mouth, spits out the yogurt, then takes to the TwilightSucks fora in order to have the members come up with ideas for revenge. Interestingly, in later iterations of the tale she says she threw up for "a half hour" after, though in the initial post she makes absolutely no mention of this. She posts two threads, one in which members vote on which plan of revenge she should implement, and one in which she announces the winner.

( What happens next is fairly interesting indeed. )

EDIT, per ara: Seems the thread has been archived in the "Bullshit Encounters" forum. Was it all a dream?

Inglourious Basterds is the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Oh No They Didn't, is a gossip site based on LJ that is big enough it's actually taken LJ severs out more than once all on its lonesome (I think the last time was when Michael Jackson died, but don't quote me). Eli Roth is the guy who plays Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds (he also wrote/directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and its apparently awful sequel. That guy).

It all started when Eli Roth discovered the Inglourious Basterds Kink Meme.

Surprisingly, not via a fangirl breaking the sacred rule of Though Shalt Not Force Porn On The People In It AFAIK, but all on his lonesome. He was pretty much amused and also decided to show it to and discuss it with Quentin Tarantino (who apparently agreed with him the Donny would be a top), and also Christoph Waltz (who played Landa in IB) and apparently his parents, because he's that kind of classy. This garnered many facepalms from fangirls in places like 100_scalps, but shockingly, very little wank.

This resulted in a lot of twittering porn at him and his discovery of ONTD. He made a I <3 ONTD sign. Something a fair few celebs have done in the past.

After that it kind of got out of control, progressing from ONTD changing his Wiki page to say he was their Official Boyfriend to him twittering he would think about all of ONTD when he jerked off the night, then posting a picture of a very used looking tissue, then to a very candid interview with questions from a lot of people at ONTD*, to-- and here's where the wank really started, pun utterly and completely intended-- having cyber sex with various ONTD'ers on his MySpace. The Eli Roth tag on ONTD contains basically every screen cap and citation, so I'm not linking to everything individually. Scroll on down.

Then it came out that some of said cyber sexin' ONTD'ers sent him pictures of their boobs.

ONTD proceeds to have a 5000 comment long flamewar consisting of the brilliant arguments (paraphrased, but I assure you all quite accurate as you will see if you click this link): YOU'RE SLUTS. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE.

I think, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite what you may think of Mr. Roth, he certainly knows how to make a girl laugh.

*This is the only thing that is locked, however, you only have to join ONTD to see it. It's... worth it.

[ETA]: Omar Doom answered a similar fangirl written survey for ONTD, said he wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing some fangirl boobs, and the wank goes ever on and on in the comments.

We ask, and wank_report provides.

Team Fortress 2 is an online FPS game in which two teams made up of nine different classes attempt to blast each other into comical bloody oblivion. TV Tropes says it best:

"Two corporations erect fortresses 10 yards from each other and then send waves of men to kill each other to steal a briefcase out of the opposing fort's basement."

Now add hats, equipable items that were introduced earlier in the year that change the appearance of a character and serve no other purpose whatsoever. But they're rare drops, man -- you could be on for hours and not see hide nor hair of a precious, precious hat.

( Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? )
In conclusion: hats!

Say you're a member of ontd_ai and you're getting a bit tired of the fanfic posts, the idol appreciation posts, the way a particular mod runs things, and anything else you feel doesn't fit the ~true spirit~ of the community. There's only one thing to do!

Start a super-secret elite comm where you and 26 of your friends (including some ontd_ai mods) can plan the upheaval of the 5000-member community, including abrupt fanfic banning and gif trolling of appreciation posts and anyone who objects, or course!

This involved heavily trolling an appreciation post for Megan, one of the AI competitors from the latest season, with gifs and insults. EDIT2: Found it! There are pockets of drama all over the place, but the big stuff is on page six here.

( this is getting long, so i'm cutting it )

A certain well-known person in the Hikaru no Go (Aja aka bookshop, whom you might remember thanks to other kerfuffles she's been in) claims that some BNF's had their fics plagiarised. And posts about it in her journal. Citing excerpts of the fics by both "victims" and "culprits" (which, in this repoter's opinions, aren't THAT similar) and a *very* wanky call to fandom.

So, yeah, SHUN HER, discredit her, go forth and spread the word. Let the trumpets of indignation sound!

And people start commenting about it. Some excerpts are here:

- What a skeeve. Can't you use your BNF to make ppl troll this journal?

- "She deleted her DW!" "that's the power of the BNF lol"

- The author tries to defend herself. And is hatepiled on. Errrr...

- "Please understand, I'm not implying that *any* of these fics are plagiarized, I'm saying that I'm not sure but I suspect..."

- A post on it by one of the supposedly plagiarised authors

One of the so-called "culprits" accused has had it, though! And she's NOT gonna take it! Watch as Aja keeps insisting that there was plagiarism, pretty much making an ass outta herself, and people come to umareawareru's defense.

... And finally, Aja snaps. And SCREAMS.

( HNG fandom. Please leave me THE FUCK alone. Kthx )

Thank you so much, mousies from wank report!

ETA: mischif tells us that Aishuu has written about the subject. Thanks to ya too!

( Spoilers for Torchwood and oh god great linky madness within. Enter at your own risk. )

This post brought to you by the ridiculously helpful mousies on wank_report, the letter W and the number 4. (The W is for wut and 4 is how many cups of coffee I've already had today).

A minor wank, but with tasty bits of hilarity.

Football (or soccer to everyone on the other side of the Atlantic) is an integral part of British culture. There's few things fans find more enjoyable than spending a Saturday standing in the rain watching your team lose again before going off to the pub for pie and a pint. It's serious business.

Southampton FC (aka the Saints) have been going through some hard times. The club is in desperate need of a buyer, or risks being shut down. They find one, but right before the final whistle it pulls out. Saints fans are distraught:

"OMG!!!!!! that officially says THIS IS IT!!!! Saints is FINISHED!!! I cant believe it! no one is buying saints its finished!!"

"Here i am led on my couch on my laptop, tears in my eyes knowing that i have seen my beloved saints for the last time..."

"BLUE SQUARE
YOU SAW ME CRYING ALONE
WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART
WITHOUT A CLUB OF MY OWN"


Then, amidst the wailing and gnashing of teeth, someone raises their voice:

"Amazing how quickly the post-count on any Saints story rises. It's only a game, peoples"

( The crowd's not happy! )

I think what makes the whole thing amusing is that the comments are clearly being trolled, but nobody save TSF notices and so take it at face value. That and the sheer vitriol being hurled at anybody they think is to blame for SFC's troubles. Oh wank, you do show up in the strangest places.

(Be warned: long wank report is LONG. Continuation of this clairvoyantwank post. ETAs are under the third cut.)

This weekend, Torchwood fans flocked to Chicago for TorchSong, a John Barrowman-centric convention with a website that looks like it was modeled after a Geocities page circa 1997, a half-assed commercial that aired on BBC America, and some awfully expensive tickets.

When the con was first announced, the only guests were John, his sister Carole, and Mark Sheppard. When people started emailing the organizers about possible other guests, they were emphatically told while more guests would be coming, there would be no other Torchwood guests because it was a John Barrowman event, not a Torchwood event.

Ticket sales apparently convinced them this was not a good strategy, so over the following months they added Kai Owen, Tom Price, and Gareth David Lloyd. Fans squeed, and despite being not particularly impressed with the organizers' behavior, they willingly plonked down as much as $500 to see John and friends and to see John perform. (Later, 'special' auction packages went for up to $1,410.)

Then things start to go wrong.

On Wednesday, Kai Owen was forced to drop out due to a family emergency. Thursday, the day before the con began, they announced that John Barrowman had torn ligaments in his ankle and he would not be attending.

Aaaaand we're off.

( Act I: Pre-Con )

( Act II: The Convention )


( Act III: The Ongoing Aftermath )
ETA3: "UR JUST JELUS!!"

ETA4: Con-goers have now created their own special clubhouse: torch_tanic (torchsong_09 post announcing it. Commenters are not amused, but you'd never know it because she deleted all the wholly negative ones. Raise your hand if you've got a screencap.) (Thank you kaylamds for the heads-up.)

Watchmen screenwriter David Hayter writes a sincere but slightly tongue-in-cheek open letter on Hardcore Nerdity to Watchmen fans and non-fans, to urge them to see the movie more than once in order to understand it.

One of his other points is that he thinks those who hate the movie on principle without having seen it should let it marinate in their minds and give it a chance:

It may upset you. And it probably will upset you.

And all along, we really meant it to. ...All this time, you’ve been waiting for a director who was going to hit you in the face with this story. To just crack you in the jaw, and then bend you over the pool table with this story. With its utterly raw view of the darkest sides of human nature, expressed through its masks of action and beauty and twisted good intentions... Like the Comedian on the Grassy Knoll. ...You'll be thinking about this film, down the road. It'll nag at you. How it was rough and beautiful. How it went where it wanted to go, and you just hung on. How it was thoughtful and hateful and bleak and hilarious. And for Jackie Earle Haley.

Trust me. You'll come back, eventually. Just like Sally.

Comments begin in the 'we love Watchmen (although some of us have reservations about the swinging massive blue dong), go Dayter' mould, until people, from page three onwards, suddenly notice the metaphor he used to describe how the movie should make you feel:

DUDE. No one asks to be cracked in the jaw and bent over the goddamned pool table. Was there NO OTHER ANALOGY you could have used? Do you realize that you're comparing your movie to a rapist and the moviegoers to victims asking for it? And what is this "You'll come back. Just like Sally" crap? Do you have any f***ing idea how offensive that is? Could you not have come up with some other analogy, some other pithy tag, something that doesn't make it out like the Comedian was doing Silk Spectre a f***ing favor when he beat her bloody and tried to rape her?

Did you mean to do that?? If not, erm, consider your words more carefully next time you do the "open letter" thing, because wow, did that part get away from you.

Dayter comments on page 7 with an apology claiming he does not condone violence against women, which is edited into the original article. People briefly thank him for apologising, and then attack him again. Dayter responds graciously via huge spoonfuls of sarcasm and retracting his apology (page 8):

Clearly, you can't get less hateful or spewy than that. I humbly retract the statement.

Anyway, I'm sorry you disliked the film.

And you're right, I don't know why I ever set out to do this in the first place. It's really the world I'm hurting. Damn my family, and their almost-constant need for food!

On top of all of this there's huge amounts of movie rage, but the best thing about the whole altercation is the people at Hardcore Nerdity going so far as to make a video response urging people to LEAVE DAYTER ALONE, starring a very angry Dr. Manhattan.

nikkitrix admits that she has a sockpuppet in every house at Hogwarts Elite.

This doesn't even register to many of the people squibbing her application at sorting_elite.

ETA: Some highlights before I go to work:
Psychiatrist!Anon diagnoses.
But what about our trust?
HEADMISTRESS ABUSES HER MANIFOLD ~*~POWERZ~*~

And, according to Nikki's house descriptions:
RAVENCLAW FULL OF BITCHTASTIC SNOBCAKES!
"Full of mouth-breathing wikipedia editors with nothing better to do than enter elitist fan contests."
THERE ARE DORKS IN SLYTHERIN!
"Lots of dorky goths in this house."
GRYFFINDOR RESEMBLES BEATEN PUPPIES!
"Ah, they've got it all. The dullness of the Ravenclaws, the lackluster talent of the Hufflepuffs and the apathy of the Slytherins."
BUT CONGRATULATIONS TO HUFFLEPUFF ON BEING SASSY!
"totally the house of chubby chicks and soccer moms"

Also, I hate Rich Text mode. With burning.

Those dragons that pop up everywhere and you're supposed to click on them for your friends so the dragons hatch or grow or take over Sunnydale?

The eggs have changed. The "alts" look like regular eggs now and people do not know what will happen when they click on those. I still don't know entirely what that means, but the rules say the fun of playing is the surprise. Players with Excel spreadsheets disagree. And some players will resort to "murder" because they can't be as control freaky about their imaginary breeding of pixels.

alts explained Thank you!

Would you kill your dragons? Most people answer HEAVEN FORFEND! sort of--kind of. There is a nice lecture about how deleting pixels is not an immoral act. ETA: post bahleeted.

Another thread asks what will happen? Won't someone think of the children hatchlings?

The FAQ says that if your attempt to kill an egg the dragon might survive and flee from you because you tried to fucking kill it. LOL.

Oh, look. Common sense.

You are mean and your dragons are ugly.

It's not so much RAGE as OCD entitlement.

ETA note: The links I provided seemed to me to be comments made by adults. The users I know are all of age and many of them hang out here. If an actual F_W mod wants me to delete that is cool.