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Edit: The consensus was that this wasn't funny. Sorry about that. I obviously made an error in judgment yesterday. Also, some people said this was triggering/upsetting with regards to bi/homophobia, so be warned.

Edit 2: holy shit. That's a nice painting.

This is one of those wanks that kind of speaks for itself, so that makes my job easy!

On the FurAffinity forums, Enoki posts a list of rules all furries should live by originally composed by a guy known as Sammyfox:

1) By joining this fandom, you agree that you will get ridiculed someday.

1a) You agree that you will act responsibly and maturely. This means that you won't, for example, try to blank that Encyclopedia Dramatica article you don't like. Not only this doesn't work, but it'll get you ridiculed even more.

2) Three words: Orthography, grammar, and punctuation. This fandom doesn't need idiots who can't greet someone without replacing entire words with abbreviations.

2a) I'm dead. Fucking. Serious. Writing like a mongoloid pisses off EVERYONE, especially those whose native language isn't English and who learnt it - be it entirely by themselves or with help. See, I learnt English ENTIRELY by myself, and while it's still not perfect, I'm doing my best to be comprehensible.

3) You will NEVER bother an artist with requests unless said artist SPECIFICALLY states he takes requests.

3a) In an art site which allows you to comment on an artist's work, you will NEVER ever type shit like "murr I'd fuck her/him/it/whatever" and the thousands of derivatives which are just as stupid and retarded. There are better ways to praise art.

3b) You are allowed to diss shitty art without restraint. Wannabe artists have the duty to use their judgment to assess the quality of their own art and to decide whether or not they should upload it. This is even more important when said art is drawn porn. If you can't draw anything correctly, DON'T UPLOAD IT. Do this fandom a favor and do not pollute the internet with your sub-par excuse of a drawing.

4) You will not take photos of yourself in a fursuit, no matter the costume's quality, where you are engaging in sexual acts, be it with another person, a sexual toy, or your hands. It's people like these who give this fandom a bad name.

4a) Diaper fetishists, stay the fuck away from this fandom. "Diaperfurs", get the fuck out. You are not liked in here. We hate you. You guys are awful even by furry standards.

4b) You are responsible for what you say in there. If you say that you diddled a kid or that you fucked a dog, you must accept the consequences.

4c) You will not take the defense of people convicted of serious crimes, and you will not complain if they get banned from a website even though their crime has nothing to do with it. (I'm looking at you, Frank Gembeck fans.)

5) Upon achieving fame, you will not act like a snob at others. You may be famous, but you are only known in the furry fandom. There's far better people out there, so don't let your ego take over.

5a) You will not rip off people. Your customers are most likely what helps you pay the rent. If you commit a fraud, and people gets word of it, you're pretty much dead in this fandom.

5b) You will accept responsibility for giving the fandom a bad name if you end up saying that you fuck your mate in a fursuit and proceed to parade with it on national TV.

5c) You will accept that we are entitled to hate you just as much as you hate us. You will not use substitutes to names (the usual idiots instead of liberals) to make your rhetoric sound more manly. It does not. All it does is make you sound like a pompous asshole.

6) You will not threaten to sue a website for failing to live up to your personal expectations. This means that you won't threaten to sue just because a site will not force your set of beliefs down the throats of others.

7) If you fail to follow these rules, we have the right to insult and humiliate you until you leave this fandom.

Guess how well this goes over?

( Quotes over this-a way. Including good 'oil Godwin's Law! )

Inglourious Basterds is the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Oh No They Didn't, is a gossip site based on LJ that is big enough it's actually taken LJ severs out more than once all on its lonesome (I think the last time was when Michael Jackson died, but don't quote me). Eli Roth is the guy who plays Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds (he also wrote/directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and its apparently awful sequel. That guy).

It all started when Eli Roth discovered the Inglourious Basterds Kink Meme.

Surprisingly, not via a fangirl breaking the sacred rule of Though Shalt Not Force Porn On The People In It AFAIK, but all on his lonesome. He was pretty much amused and also decided to show it to and discuss it with Quentin Tarantino (who apparently agreed with him the Donny would be a top), and also Christoph Waltz (who played Landa in IB) and apparently his parents, because he's that kind of classy. This garnered many facepalms from fangirls in places like 100_scalps, but shockingly, very little wank.

This resulted in a lot of twittering porn at him and his discovery of ONTD. He made a I <3 ONTD sign. Something a fair few celebs have done in the past.

After that it kind of got out of control, progressing from ONTD changing his Wiki page to say he was their Official Boyfriend to him twittering he would think about all of ONTD when he jerked off the night, then posting a picture of a very used looking tissue, then to a very candid interview with questions from a lot of people at ONTD*, to-- and here's where the wank really started, pun utterly and completely intended-- having cyber sex with various ONTD'ers on his MySpace. The Eli Roth tag on ONTD contains basically every screen cap and citation, so I'm not linking to everything individually. Scroll on down.

Then it came out that some of said cyber sexin' ONTD'ers sent him pictures of their boobs.

ONTD proceeds to have a 5000 comment long flamewar consisting of the brilliant arguments (paraphrased, but I assure you all quite accurate as you will see if you click this link): YOU'RE SLUTS. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE.

I think, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite what you may think of Mr. Roth, he certainly knows how to make a girl laugh.

*This is the only thing that is locked, however, you only have to join ONTD to see it. It's... worth it.

[ETA]: Omar Doom answered a similar fangirl written survey for ONTD, said he wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing some fangirl boobs, and the wank goes ever on and on in the comments.

I come bearing fresh Supernatural wank, because I'm sure none of you are tired of it by now.

A little background: The most recent episode, entitled "The Monster at the End of This Book", was pretty much "A Very Meta Supernatural". It involved ( Spoilers, and lots of juicy crazy follow herein )

( Wherein some fans hate the show like they've never hated a show before )

The latest skirmish in rec.arts.drwho escalates the continual bickering to breath-taking new heights.



And I haven't even mentioned the tinfoil.

Tiny confession: I have railed at Agamemnon in the past and in one of these threads I give links to a Google groups kill file.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a LiveJournal user called _allecto_ who hated Joss Whedon and his so called feminist reputation, and was determined to expose him for what he was.

To that end, she posted a rant on her LiveJournal which, to be quite frank, has to be read to be believed.

Here.

Highlights:
Zoe calls Mal 'sir' (thereby proving that Joss hates women).

Mal threatens to duct-tape Kaylee's mouth and lock her in the hold (thereby proving that _allecto_ would not recognise humour if it bit her on the butt while wearing a Groucho Marx disguise...oh, and Joss hates women).

The best bit?

On the strength of Joss' work on Firefly and interviews she has seen, _allecto_ alleges that:

I feel awful for Joss Whedon's wife. From what I've read about him and the interviews I've watched, I'm fairly certain that he rapes his wife and abuses her in various other ways.

Because _allecto_ appears to be screening comments (can't imagine why) or deleting any she doesn't like (ditto), disagreeing comments can be found in another LJ:

here.

~~~

ETA: Whedonesque reacts.

Screencaps of Whedonesque before it's gone can be found here.

The wank is in the comments, specifically one commentor:

What, you mean some women actually have rape fantasies? OMG! That's, like, sick and wrong and INDECENT. Because, sexual fantasies, are, of course, a place where decency and decorum should be exercised at all times.

Wow. So, my fantasy about Sean Bean in highwayman gear kidnapping me at swordspoint and having his wicked wicked way with me means that I really want Sean Bean to kidnap me at swordspoint and have his wicked wicked way with me?

...

Er. Bad example. You get the drift.