On Snapedom marionros/smallpotato made a post - Teacher Snape and Student Harry, where she argued that Snape was a wonderful teacher and Harry was a prejuidiced brat. An anon named "Maria" bravely tried to take on Marionros, but to no avail.

I'm sure everyone remembers the Snapewives... Well, they now have company on the astral plane. That's right folks, buckle your seat belts and put your tray tables in their upright position, because the astral plane is about to take off and your in-flight movie is "Snapes on a Plane 2: Severusmoms".

It all begins at the LJ of mike_smith, a journal half dedicated to "crapping all over Harry Potter books" (that's what it says in the user info). Insane Snapefan oryx_leucoryx shows up to wank in the comments to this post while soldurios, a sane Slytherin fan, attempts reason with her.

At one point, oryx_leucoryx swears up and down that Snape could totally still be alive in canon until soldurios gets oryx to briefly admit that she doesn't give a crap about what really happened in canon and just wants validation for her pet theories and wants:

oryx_leucoryx
...The book says Severus moved no more, but that what OOTP says of Minerva when she was attacked by Aurors and we know she lived. So no, there is no body. Albus' portrait showed up within the same night he died, Severus' had yet to show up by the time of Harry's last documented visit in the Headmaster's office. Rowling's non-canon explanation of that is lame. I take it as the castle's magic not noticing the death of a Headmaster (or former Headmaster) because said Headmaster was still alive. Of course Harry has no idea, if Severus wants to leave Wizarding Britain he wouldn't let Harry know.

Of course I want Severus to live. But more than that, I want him to have the acknowledgment he deserved. By the text. In canon. Harry telling his son 19 years later (and in secret, without the other son hearing, and only at a time of crisis) that Severus was the bravest man he ever knew doesn't quite cut it. Since he doesn't get that acknowledgment I take what I can from the text, and I don't care what Rowling thinks.

soldurios
He moved no more.

Canon text does not continue on to say "And then he moved to a small resort town in jolly old England and got himself a website."

Moving no more means dead. He is dead. He's not helping people being bullied. He's not warning parents about their wizarding kids! He's passed on! This potions master is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his train station! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If he wasn't rotting in the shack, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleeding choir invisible!

This is an ex-Snape!

...Did you really need an autopsy done on Snape and for Rowling to go over it detail by detail in order to prove that he is, in fact, wormfood by now?

oryx_leucoryx
...So I want to see Minerva bringing his body to the Great Hall where all the other bodies were laid out. And Harry facing his portrait. At the very least. If Rowling can't bring herself to write that then as far as I'm concerned he lives. Call it my revenge.

Then, mary_j_59 shows up to support oryx_leucoryx and throws soldurios into disbelief that there could be two of them:

mary_j_59
It is not canon that Severus is alive. Nor is it canon that he is dead. And yes, he died protecting Draco, if you assume him dead.

If some of us prefer to assume him alive, there is nothing at all in canon to keep us from thinking so.

soldurios
At this point, I am under the belief that you or Oryx are sockpuppets of one another. I'm sorry but I just can't fathom the idea that over one person in this fandom actually believes that Snape didn't die in canon.

It is just way too much to buy into. I mean, at least the Harmoanians realized that their ship didn't sail in canon. You've just surpassed them and went right over the edge of the earth.

I remain floored by your ability to ignore everything cited above as canon. But I cannot accept that another shares your feelings in this.

Well, not unless you two are Snapewives. That'd explain it all and I'd simply back off right now.

oryx_leucoryx
Not Snapewives, maybe Severusmoms describes us better. He's my boy and I'm proud of him. When I put down HBP I just wanted to hold Severus tight and promise to never leave him.

But as to whether he died in canon - that depends on whether you are a reader who trusts Rowling or one who doesn't. If you don't trust her any loophole she didn't close is kosher.

And there you have it. First there were Snapewives, and now there are Severusmoms. Snape fandom has just kicked it up a notch from batshit insane to bugfuck bonkers.

Snapefen at Snapedom are engaging in their favorite pastime - abusing everybody who isn't Snape or at least a Slytherin. This time their designated target is Remus Lupin. Note that this wank started 21 day ago and is still going on.

It all began when terri_testing posted an essay Remus (and other Lycanthropes) as Parents, where she depicts Remus as bad and irresponsible teacher, husband and father. Some excerpts:

( Read more )

The essay ends with a horror-novel scenario:

But if my reasoning is correct, human mothers, in general, can only carry a human child to term. So Remus should have been angsting over the possibility that Tonks would miscarry her much-wanted child, not that it would be born a lycanthrope. But he wasn’t.

Unless the only precedents Remus knew of involved werewolf mothers, who must always produce werewolf children if any. In which case Remus got Tonks pregnant while believing that any child he fathered MUST be born a lycanthrope.

*

But there’s a wrinkle thrown into all this by the fact that Tonks is a Metamorphmagus.

She can alter her body—including, we have seen, taking on superficial bestial characteristics (a pig’s snout). Can she alter other organs to be bestial? Specifically, can she alter her uterus and the mother’s portion of the placenta, perhaps subconsciously, to be more lupine to save her changing child?

If she can, that opens a truly chilling possibility. The metamorphmagus alters her uterus at the first full moon after conception, and manages to carry her lycanthrope fetus past the first full moon. And past the second, and the third….

Over time her fetus’s nervous system develops, and with it its normal instincts. Human, for almost all of the month. Except for those few hours when the full moon is above the horizon.

Her fetus will have no teeth, not before birth, unless that might be another point in which werewolves are unlike other canids, but it will eventually grow claws.

And then will come another full moon, the last one, and the werewolf-fetus’s instincts will urge it overwhelmingly to rend, to tear, the nearest human.

The one surrounding it.

terri_testing also posted a drabble Teddy’s Sister to go with her essay. I guess the name of Teddy's sister is Renesmee Lupin.

sailorlum, a sane Snape fan and Lupin fan, decided to argue, that Remus didn't completely suck. That caused a huge wankfest, where terri_testing, oryx_leucoryx, 00sevvie, duj and oneandthetruth argued that Remus was a bad guy, that it was cruel of him to make Snape!boggart look funny and not to drink Wolfsbane Snape brought immediately ("HOW ON EARTH is that scene supposed to be FUNNY to anyone in a way that does not deny the validity of Severus' pain? HOW?", wondered terri_testing), that Remus was hunting human prey with his friends the animals, that terri_testing is Lizzie Bennett and Lupin is Wickham, that Remus was only kind to Molly because she cooked for the Order and that werewolf!Lupin was probably more aggressive than werewolf!Greyback. Several Snapefen were also pretty rude to sailorlum. My favorite exchange is this one:

( Read more )

After all that 00sevvie made a new Snapedom post, where she bemoaned supposed whitewashing of Lupin's flaws and lack of validation of Snape's pain and trauma from other HP characters, JKR and sailorlum. marionros/smallpotato appeared in the comments to this post and proved how logical and reasonable she is by claiming that lycanthropy symbolizes pedophilia and that Remus metaphorically almost raped Snape while at school:

( Read more )

ETA: Harry has no ability to love and Ginny reminds him of Bellatrix.

ETA 2: farmercuerden summarized the Snapewank in a song.

Snapedom issued a new challenge - Bullies and Fathers. This topic was suggested by mary_j_59. She wrote:

What convinces so many people that Snape is a bully by nature, and abusive? And why do people like me - who can see that he actually does bully, and is even abusive on a couple of occasions - insist that, nevertheless, Severus is far more victim than perpetrator, and is neither habitually abusive, nor an habitual bully?

That seems to be the real gulf between the Snape lovers and the Snape haters, and it's a sore point.

And it actually goes along with Snape as a father. I'm sure that those who see Snape as bully would insist that Snape would be an abusive father, whereas I and others see him as struggling to break the chain of abuse -and succeeding. Again, Rowling would like us to see Harry this way, but she never shows us Harry holding back, being sorry, reconsidering his actions - all of which she actually does show us in Severus. So I can't buy the "happy family/Harry as good father" picture she tries to sell us in the epilogue. I can, on the other hand, see Snape as a good father, perhaps most of all because he does have a conscience (however rudimentary - this sets him apart from just about everyone in the Wizarding World) and is not afraid to discipline the children in his care.

sylvanawood added:

I would like to extend this topic to other fathers in the wizarding world. How about James? We know he was a bully, we are being told he was a good father. How do you see it?

How about Remus Lupin who ran away from his responsibility but later totally fell in love with his son?

And Arthur Weasley who is presented as the model father? Some call him hen-pecked, some Molly's eightst child. He certainly seems like the anti-bully. What do you think?

How about Lucius Malfoy? Would Sirius have been a good father or would he have lost interest when the child didn't turn out the way he wanted? Can you think of others?

Snapefen proceeded to answer that Snape was never a bully, that Lucius was a good father and that Arthur, Remus and Harry were bad fathers. pearlette and night_train_fm tried to disagree with that and were told that James and Lily would've abused Dudley, that Dumbledore wanted Harry to be abused by the Dursleys and sent Hagrid to Harry in order to make Harry emotionally dependent on Dumbledore, that the Wesleys are Gryffindor propagandists who forget nothing and learn nothing, that Albus Severus probably thinks that his father hates him because his relatives constantly diss Snape, that Draco is watching out at the Ministry, keeping Hermione's self-righteousness in check (and even JKR doesn't know about that). Never change, Snapefen!

ETA: marionros graced this wank with her loony presence.

ETA 2: sylvanawood thinks we all are stupid and lazy:

Discussing old topics again after a while will often give new ideas, so banning that or rolling your eyes over it is just as silly. We're not one of those communities who are too stupid and lazy to come up with their own stuff and thus find nothing better to do than to mock what others do, after all.

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

Apparently Snapefen can't stop wanking. terri_testing posted a James-bashing essay James the Stag.

oryx_leucoryx (whom we remember from "Lily was a traitorous bitch" wank) and lil_itu (who wanked on hp_essays several months earlier) got loose in the comments. night_train_fm tried to insert some sanity in the discussion, but without success.

From this wank we learned that Snape was a downtrodden woobie, James was a sociopath and as bad as Lucius and Vernon, Luna was probably bullied because she was perceived as a closet Gryffindor, Ron was like rapist, all people who think that pureblood prejudice is like racism are racist themselves, but inter-House rivalry is totally like racism and inter-religious hatred. Enjoy the crazy!

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

I thought I'd pop in and see what HP fandom is up to this day. And, whatdayaknow? My favourite Slytherfen are still around. angakkuq posted about this here for the_hms_stfu

The title Rehumanizing the Slytherins: How Fandom Gave Humanity Back to a Quarter of the Wizarding World" made me weepy, albeit because I was laughing so hard. The linked essay is only a precis of the 20 page "academic presentation" sagedarkwoods gave. It's pretty standard pretentious fan meta, with headings such as "Queering the Slytherin Identity". (To her credit, there's no argument being made that being a Slytherin is just like being gay, only that some fans see it that way.)

The comments, on the other hand.... I'll just excerpt my favourite:

( This causes self-esteem issues and mental health problems. )

ETA: Bonus Wank:How Would Harry Potter Judge Susan Boyle? in which it is revealed that Snape is just like Susan Boyle, and Harry is Simon Cowell, but meaner. On the other hand, JKR is Simon Cowell, because JKR has had makeovers, and Cowell arranges makeovers. (Hat tip to mariem_1 for links in her own post.)

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

On hp_essays, raisin_gal posts an essay about Petunia.

It gets hijacked almost immediately when blackpearl777 gushes about the post: "It really shows, above all else, how 'Harry-centric' the books are, and how little JKR cared about those characters who served a purpose in making Harry look like the hero..." randomness wonders if the books aren't supposed to be about Harry, after all -- and they're off.

randomness points out that the books are from Harry's POV, and blackpearl777 says that's an insult to her intelligence. In the ensuing comments -- after calling randomness hysterical -- blackpearl777 says Actually, it isn't 'JUST' Harry Potter. To you perhaps, but not to me.

For five years of my life I cosplayed Severus Snape and attended conferences, went to quite alot of expense to enjoy my passion about it. I met people from different parts of the world, and I had to put up with quite alot of 'stick' from my family. I dyed my hair black, made my house into a second 'Hogwarts' and lived, breathed and ate Severus Snape, the character.

I identified completely with Snape, and his world and I was utterly devastated when his 'creator' killed him off like a dog, so needlessly, despite his immense knowledge and intelligence.

So, please, do not presume to tell me it's 'JUST' Harry Potter.

I wonder if she ever bartended in the dark?

Teratologist responds to being on Fandom Wank. The big wankage is in the comments, though, where there's another round of Slytherins, Death Eaters, racism, Snacky's Law, and parenthetical sentences [love of].

I thought ataniell93 said she wasn't going to read Fandom Wank again because we gave her bad karma?

According to former wanka teratologist, Fandom Wank isn't just like those mean girls from high school--we're like supporters of the war in Iraq, too!:

When you want to see others hurt and humiliated, and you don't want to feel guilty afterwards, the best fix is to find some people that 'deserve' it. Better make them pretty close to one hundred percent bad, to be safe. Such people being in short supply, they sometimes must be created. Or the regular sort of people must be cunningly disguised as them. This is not exactly an earth-shaking psychophilosophical discovery, over here. Most of the f_w crew, most of the people who got a real chuckle out of the Ton-Tongue Toffee and felt a fierce joy at Marietta's facial scarring, hell, even most people who still support the Iraq war, could probably tell what I just told you, on an intellectual level, and could probably invoke such an explanation to cover the behavior of characters and fans they don't identify with. [emphasis mine]

As she continues taking fandom Way Too Seriously, she describes The Incredibles as "a disappointing crypto-facist bowl of nut crunch" in a comment. Apparently:

It was a great movie for people who unsophisticatedly imagine that _they'd_ be the superheroes. Sadly, the demographic at Rotten Tomatoes seems prone to contain a lot of people who also think they're magically delicious in the genes department.

Which of course is completely and entirely different from people who think that the Malfoys would just adore them, as opposed to using them for target practice.

Lots of links here, and I probably left out stuff. Oh well...

A new anonymous journal appears on Eljay: slytherfanatics. Its first entry is titled Yes, Ataniell, Pureblood Prejudice Is Racism and argues that ataniell93 is being illogical about the subject. bookshop/Aja seems to have been the first to post about in public, but she's locked it since. Have no fear, there's a lot of first-reaction wankiness in the comments of the slytherfanatics entry as well.

ataniell93 posts I know about the post in slytherfanatics, and an icon in retaliation. A bit later, she announces she's leaving the fandom.

ajhalluk posts Just when you were thinking the online HP fandom couldn't possibly make a bigger arse of itself if it tried, it unexpectedly turns the other cheek. Condemns slytherfanatics. sistermapie writes a post about Dumbledore but the comments are filled with wank, including a very random Fandom Wank used to be funnier!

Then there's a follow-up post on slytherfanatics Ataniell93 is not racist! But her position isn't conducive to rational argument either.

A.J. Hall writes another rant. Someone called agarttha takes advantage of the general fuss to write a weird rant about how 'One cannot, therefore, go about brandishing puerile ideas of DNA and red blood around.' sistermapie writes a serious essay on the subject, but there is wank in those comments. Our own darkrosetiger has her take here.

A third post on slytherfanatics New standards of Niceness about ataniell93 and theregoesyamum. No reaction yet that I can find.

And, just for variety's sake, wank of the non-is-HP-racist?-sort, Ataniell93 tells threeoranges (whom she recently banned from her LJ) that she's such a Gryffindor on kannaophelia's LJ, and kannaophelia makes a rule'that no one is allowed to accuse anyone else of belonging to a certain Hogwarts house in my lj.'

ETA: WTF????????????? "as a matter of sheer practicality the children probably will in fact be worse off being half- whatever than full- something, so it isn't that the cautious advice is wrong precisely"

telesilla wrote a post entitled On Dealing with Half a Canon which asks how people deal with the holes and the unknowns in JKR's canon, when writing fic or coming up with theories. Most of the responses were polite, on-topic, until (18-year-old) durins_bane_616 asks the not-so-innocent question,

"Incidentally, what exactly do you mean by Slytherin apologists?"

darkrosetiger: There's a certain segment of adult HP fans who insist that not only is JKR being unfair in her portrayals of the Slytherins, where at best they're morally ambiguous, but that in reality, the Slytherins are the good guys and the Gryffindors are teh evil. Some of that crowd goes even further, and try to claim that the Death Eaters' insistence that "purity of blood" is the most important thing is not really at all reminiscent of the Nazis or the KKK, and it's not really intended as an analogy for real-world racism.

durins_bane_616: Wow. I can't believe there are people that actually believe that. Please do not misunderstand what I am about to say. I am not racist in real life, only in Harry Potter. I realize that Slytherins are evil, and that's why I support them. But I separate that from my real-life beliefs. I think that it is dangerous to excessively analogize books to real life.

darkrosetiger: don't think it's dangerous to draw parallels, especially when the author has stated repeatedly that the parallels are intentional. And I'm sorry, but "I'm not racist in real life, only in Harry Potter" doesn't fly with me. Lucius Malfoy is one of my favorite characters, but I still find his racist sentiments appalling. Having heard similar sentiments expressed toward people who look like me, I don't have the luxury of "being racist" in fiction, and I don't feel comfortable around people who don't understand how offensive that is.

Instead of answering, Durins_bane_616 went running to his own LJ to whine about it. eg. "I am not a racist Nazi." And apparently deleted Darkrosetiger's comments. Apologies are made at the end (good for Durin's Bane) but it's still great WTF? fun to read.

It's been a long time since we had a batshit insane Potter essay wanked, and a genius friend found this last night.

menolike, who posted a completely insane, incoherent essay about Snape a couple of weeks back (resplendent with the classic warning atop:

You're all set on treating the characters in a CHILDREN'S  FICTIONAL book as real life people.

 Please read the piece, then leave it for a few days, think about it, then read it again. Pretend you're Snape defending himself. Argue. Then If you still feel as you did when you first read  it.  I will be more than willing to argue each and every point. 
PLEASE:  READ 'FRANCKESTEIN' . DO NOT WATCH THE MOVIE.
Then you might understand.

has posted a brand new essay: how poor is poor Remus Lupin?

The highlight? Totally unrelated but did you notice that most of that house have students of Muggle background? Makes you wonder about the loyalties of wizards doesn’t it?

The comments in response to the readers are completely marvellous:

Just because some one is ill (MY cousin is DYING from leukemia, don't you dare compare it to being a werewolf). NOT mortally so, but exhaustingly and painfully on certain days of the month (and some women would strongly relate to that) doesn't mean that we should let them get away with their offenses too often.

This is just about the wankiest, crackiest Griffyndor bashing essay I've read in the past... oh, two days. Curse you, potterfen!

onlyinfatuated over at eljay wrote a lovely little manifesto on Purebloods in the HP universe and why they're oh so much better than half-bloods and mudbloods for obvious reasons. Behold the glory! Nobody asked your opinion, you filthy little mudblood!

( Highlights in fictional bigotry ... or frustrated attempts at wish fulfillment? )

Late ETA: ZOMG! Flocked now. :'(