I'm sure everyone remembers the Snapewives... Well, they now have company on the astral plane. That's right folks, buckle your seat belts and put your tray tables in their upright position, because the astral plane is about to take off and your in-flight movie is "Snapes on a Plane 2: Severusmoms".

It all begins at the LJ of mike_smith, a journal half dedicated to "crapping all over Harry Potter books" (that's what it says in the user info). Insane Snapefan oryx_leucoryx shows up to wank in the comments to this post while soldurios, a sane Slytherin fan, attempts reason with her.

At one point, oryx_leucoryx swears up and down that Snape could totally still be alive in canon until soldurios gets oryx to briefly admit that she doesn't give a crap about what really happened in canon and just wants validation for her pet theories and wants:

oryx_leucoryx
...The book says Severus moved no more, but that what OOTP says of Minerva when she was attacked by Aurors and we know she lived. So no, there is no body. Albus' portrait showed up within the same night he died, Severus' had yet to show up by the time of Harry's last documented visit in the Headmaster's office. Rowling's non-canon explanation of that is lame. I take it as the castle's magic not noticing the death of a Headmaster (or former Headmaster) because said Headmaster was still alive. Of course Harry has no idea, if Severus wants to leave Wizarding Britain he wouldn't let Harry know.

Of course I want Severus to live. But more than that, I want him to have the acknowledgment he deserved. By the text. In canon. Harry telling his son 19 years later (and in secret, without the other son hearing, and only at a time of crisis) that Severus was the bravest man he ever knew doesn't quite cut it. Since he doesn't get that acknowledgment I take what I can from the text, and I don't care what Rowling thinks.

soldurios
He moved no more.

Canon text does not continue on to say "And then he moved to a small resort town in jolly old England and got himself a website."

Moving no more means dead. He is dead. He's not helping people being bullied. He's not warning parents about their wizarding kids! He's passed on! This potions master is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his train station! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If he wasn't rotting in the shack, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleeding choir invisible!

This is an ex-Snape!

...Did you really need an autopsy done on Snape and for Rowling to go over it detail by detail in order to prove that he is, in fact, wormfood by now?

oryx_leucoryx
...So I want to see Minerva bringing his body to the Great Hall where all the other bodies were laid out. And Harry facing his portrait. At the very least. If Rowling can't bring herself to write that then as far as I'm concerned he lives. Call it my revenge.

Then, mary_j_59 shows up to support oryx_leucoryx and throws soldurios into disbelief that there could be two of them:

mary_j_59
It is not canon that Severus is alive. Nor is it canon that he is dead. And yes, he died protecting Draco, if you assume him dead.

If some of us prefer to assume him alive, there is nothing at all in canon to keep us from thinking so.

soldurios
At this point, I am under the belief that you or Oryx are sockpuppets of one another. I'm sorry but I just can't fathom the idea that over one person in this fandom actually believes that Snape didn't die in canon.

It is just way too much to buy into. I mean, at least the Harmoanians realized that their ship didn't sail in canon. You've just surpassed them and went right over the edge of the earth.

I remain floored by your ability to ignore everything cited above as canon. But I cannot accept that another shares your feelings in this.

Well, not unless you two are Snapewives. That'd explain it all and I'd simply back off right now.

oryx_leucoryx
Not Snapewives, maybe Severusmoms describes us better. He's my boy and I'm proud of him. When I put down HBP I just wanted to hold Severus tight and promise to never leave him.

But as to whether he died in canon - that depends on whether you are a reader who trusts Rowling or one who doesn't. If you don't trust her any loophole she didn't close is kosher.

And there you have it. First there were Snapewives, and now there are Severusmoms. Snape fandom has just kicked it up a notch from batshit insane to bugfuck bonkers.

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

The essay about Lily by randomneses continues to attract crazy people. oryx_leucoryx finally stopped wanking here, but don't worry! Enter n1ght1ng4l3, who claims to be not a Snape fan and to dislike the Marauders and Snape equally, despite being a member of Snapedom and two Sirius comms (also such comms for butthurt fans as dh_oh_shit and deadlyhollow).

Wank ensues. Some comments by n1ght1ng4l3:
( Read more )

From the annals of livejournal, I bring you, "Snape is a wonderful man and everyone around him was awful" wank.

randomnesses, a college student in the Harry Potter fandom, posts an essay, "In Defense of Lily Evans," about the rampant misogyny she has perceived in the Harry Potter fandom, especially in regards to the Lily/Snape relationship.

Most posters react in agreement or alarm, not having realized that the anti-Lily sentiment was so strong.

Enter oryx_leucoryx.

"Lily betrayed Snape and married an abusive bastard," "Remus is a dangerous mental patient," and "Lily should have forgiven Snape for being a racist who wanted her dead" comments abound.

And of course, the party continued in the rec post at Snapedom.

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

I’ve been watching this since a little mouse on wank_report pointed it out and waiting for the moment when I actually had time to piece it together. The infamous Snape’s Wives have had a falling out.

( Astral Wives: Holiday Survivor Edition )

( ETAS )

Quick, someone think up a clever title for a blockbuster sequel!

Thank you, mousie on wank_report, for this.

I'm sure the recent Snapewank is still fresh in everybody's mind, but goodness gracious, Christmas must have come early, because it's the wank that keeps on wanking. A new chapter has unfolded in the saga of Snape's most severely obsessed fans. You see, Lady Darkness, Snapemaniac, and SnapesRose (the three lead characters in Snapes on an Astral Plane: A Fandom Wank Musical) seem to have encountered a little bit of turbulence on their astral flight. Is Snape's internet harem breaking up? For reals this time?

First piece of evidence is the Wall of Shame on Lady Darkness's SeverelyObsessed message board. Though the thread was started in August, there has never before been a need to post anyone there until this past Saturday, at which pointed Snapemaniac's name begins the list of the damned banned.( It says... )The next day, SnapesRose is added to that list.( O noz, not her too! )Oh my goodness gracious! Such strong words! What has happened, one has to wonder. Perhaps looking at SnapesRose's livejournal will provide a hint. ( Some excerpts, for the lazy who don't click links to see the crazy. )

In turn, Lady Darkness responds to SnapesRose's allegations in detail in her own livejournal. ( More details here. )Snapesmaniac is either invisible or strangely mute throughout all of this. Either that, or I just haven't found where she's vented. Perhaps she's following Snape's advice and watching out who she talks to on the internet after all.

In summary, both sides think the other is crazier, and both claim the other's personal Snape is false (will the real Sev Snapey please stand up?). And it looks like what started it was Snape's sex life. Deep down, I think we all knew Snape's harem wouldn't be able to share him peacefully after all. And, in the end, just as always, a winner is wank.

ETA: SnapesRose's livejournal entry is now friendslocked. On top of that, it turns out that Lady Darkness had emailed Narcissam, asking to be wanked. The plot thickens. Who knows what the next twist in the tale shall be!

ETA 2: Snapemaniac seems to be taking the high road this time.

Correction: Looks like SnapesRose's lj entry wasn't just flocked, it was bah-leeted.

ETA 3: tez sez that Lady Darkness has issued an apology to SnapesRose and Snapemaniac. Will kisses and hugs and happily-ever-afters come next?

ETA 4: SnapesRose has responded to Lady Darkness, and has mused in her own journal about how real the Master is. Is anyone else suddenly in the mood for a little "Manos" The Hands of Fate?

NB. This is a fairly long post, since the forum I'm linking to is unreliable in its availability at any given time, and there's just so much here to turn your mind inside out. Also, warning for extreme creepiness and fannish mental instability. Thanks to julian_black who first discovered this fan.

SeverelyObsessed/Lady Darkness was in love with Severus Snape. So she did what any red-blooded woman would do and made a webpage in honour of that love. On the webpage were many pictures of Alan Rickman, but also her Marriage Vows To Snape.

( My Personal Unbreakable Vow to Severus... )

In case the viewer was left unaware of her total devotion to S. Snape, she also posted a photograph of her shrine to the Potions Master.

The course of true love never did run smooth. After a time, she felt she was slipping in her devotion to Snape. Days would go by when she didn't post more than a hundred squeeing messages on various Snape fan forums. Eventually she had to renew her vows.

( 'I will stop demanding you to come and see me, as I should respect your wishes.' )

( Letters to Severus, Dream Appearances, Treason Within the Ranks of the Snapefans, and Finally, The Break-Up. Also six special ETAs. )

ETA 7: I wasn't going to ETA anymore, but well,

Snapemaniac's comment to SnapeTatoo!Rose:

"Hey Rose! Did you know that Severus warned me quite a while back to beware who found out about us believing in him? Plus, more recently, HE told me to beware who I trust/speak to on the computer.
Now I know why.
He is something."

ETA 8: It's official. Snape has forbidden his followers to post at Fandom Wank.

5002 comments and we're done! Thanks everyone for coming! The after-party's at Fandom Lounge.