smilla840 is unhappy because a Hobbit fanfic didn't warn for spoilers. Cue laughter.

Okay, so the Bleach fandom has been kinda quiet lately. (Either that, or the usual quarrels don't get out of their media). All in all, no real change...

Until chapter 474 happens, with a rather "surprising" twist. [spoilers ahoy, obviously]

Fandom's reaction?

WTF?

KUUUUUUUUUUUUUBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Some tiny jewels are:

( Under the cut, due to big spoilers! Prepare for freakouts, bashing, hipocrisy and etc.! )

And wank report has its own thoughts on this. (Warning, some parts might be toeing into unfunny)

[runs out of popcorn. Still, NOT-shipping Bleach wank was VERY needed]

Small, and somewhat late, but the mousie who wrote this up for wank_report did such a good job that I thought it had to be done. One caveat, however: due to the vagaries of my internet connection, I cannot access Twitter right now, so I have no way of telling whether or not my links are working. If I've ballsed anything up, please let me know and I will try to fix as soon as I can. Anyroad:

Listen and attend, o my beloved. Once upon a time in a town called Melbourne, just north of Antarctica, there was a newspaper called The Age. And in The Age lived a happy little film critic called Jim Schembri. Lots of people hated him because of his unremitting dislike of Australian films - one film maker famously said "Fuck you, Jim Schembri!" as he accepted an Australian Film Institute award. Schembri once wrote a stingingly accurate satire on bloggers that I post here to demonstrate his acute grasp of new media.

But that doesn't matter right now. Suffice to say, the man has form.

The latest turn in the Schembri saga began when he spoiled the ending of Scream4 in the first sentence of a review that appeared online on the Fairfax news site for around 24 hours, and consequently spent a few hours at the top of the Rotten Tomatoes website. This, predictably enough, caused some online unrest, with upset tweeters saying things like "Douchebag! You spoiled the film!" etcetera. So the review's wording was slightly changed the following day so that the spoiler was not so evident. Fair enough. A mistake was made and rectified. But - and this is where the wank begins - some special internet magic happened.

It turned out that THERE HAD NEVER BEEN A SPOILER. Jim Schembri has a twitter account, notable for the fact that under his "following" tab is the number 0. Yes, he follows absolutely no one. And he posted a tweet which said that those who had seen the spoiler were hallucinating, or something.

Clearly, an Age critic is NEVER WRONG.

In brief: the story continues here and here, as picked up by fellow critic Luke Buckmaster.

But then came the truly bizarre twist: a crazy flurry of tweets in which Schembri started going on (and on) about a time machine - and making a mock, or so he thought, of Luke Buckmaster.

Buckmaster updates the story on his blog.

Much hilarity ensues on twitter, especially as Jim signs his tweets with his own name. But then...

He follows up with a series of breathless tweets promising the TRUE STORY of the Twitter outrage!

And lo and behold, my beloved, in today's Age the explanation is unfolded in its full glory. It was a social experiment! He planned it all along! Jim Schembri "punk'd the Twitterverse!" He's just like Noam Chomsky!

[Editor's note: A hint, dear critic: no-one, but no-one, is like Noam Chomsky. Possibly not even Noam Chomsky is like Noam Chomsky.]

The "twitterverse", naturally, is less than impressed, but highly amused to have its low expectations so richly rewarded. Also puzzled that a once respected Melbourne broadsheet daily is prepared to publish such drivel. How the mighty have fallen.

The moral of the story, children, is simple. See how much more work you make for yourself when you can't 'fess up to a simple mistake? How many keystrokes you waste? How the Will o'the Wisp of Vanity leads you ever deeper into the Swamps of Delusion and Stupid?

Bonus: Max Lavergne on That Time Machine.

Also, Schembri's twitter account

Almost entirely copied-and-pasted from (I assume) several mousies over on wank_report! Thank you, mousies. *leaves cheese* Apologies in advance for any cock-ups on my part - I'm posting this to distract myself from the extreme pain currently emanating from my uterus.

Nicole Crowther (she tweets under her real name, which will be important later) is an extra on the Glee set and has been feeding the fandom spoilers on Twitter for months now. Today she decided to tweet a major plot twist for the upcoming prom episode (seriously, don't follow that link if you care at all about spoilers).

Glee fandom, a powderkeg at the best of times, predictably explodes (apparently there was a much wankier post on kurt_blaine that got deleted, which I sadly missed because I was out having lunch :( ). People speculate that her Twitter may have been hacked, or that she might be drunk. At least... Up until the spoiler is confirmed by a different extra who has been feeding the fandom spoilers (but who DOESN'T post under her real name).

There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments (basically just another day in Glee fandom), right up until Brad Falchuk (one of the showrunners/writers) tweets at Nicole:

@nicolecrowther hope you're qualified to do something besides work in entertainment.
@nicolecrowther Who are you to spoil something talented people have spent months to create?

Well, shit.

On the other hand, the showrunners and actors have something of a history of lying to/trolling their fanbase, so some fans are still suspicious.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE:

Seems an extremely invested fan actually called the Paramount Studio to report Nicole's transgression and thus get her fired.

Mousey/ies over on Wank Report have more: apparently Nicole apologised to Brad before deleting her Twitter, but not before being sure to flail about whining at the internetz bullies and to present us with the following classic:

@NicoleCrowther: I don't want to be an extra anymore that's why I said what I said. Haters need to back off, you're not cool or funny. Get a life.

Because obviously, the best way to quit your job on one of the most successful programmes of the moment is to break your non-disclosure agreement... Although if Gawker is to be believed, she's got her wish.

And to think, there's still at least a month until this episode airs!

ETA: SPOILERS NOW IN COMMENTS. Don't blame me, blame the C&P-er...

ETA II: Again, from a mouse on wank_report ... shit's really going down!

Turns out, Nicole Crowther was fired from the Glee set last year for inappropriate behaviour, and it looks as though she's been pretending to be an extra on set for months in order to give out spoilers. The initial article suggests that there's now a possibility that all the regular extras on Glee could be fired and blackballed if her sources don't give themselves up, although that seems somewhat ... extreme?

ONTD_Glee reacts pretty much as you might expect, and some more info here and here.

From wank_report:
Genevieve Koski, writing for the A.V. Club, offers her opinion on a recent screening of Ghostbusters for Better Late Than Never, the feature in which authors who never experienced some element of the pop culture of the past go back and review it with the jaded eyes of the present. Her opinion, of course, is negative.

( Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. )
...I don't have to warn for Ghostbusters spoilers, do I?

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS FOR EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MEDIA PRODUCED SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME IN THE COMMENTS. SPOILERPHOBES, BEWARE!


Over in fanficrants, auburnmaven posts a rant about being spoiled for an anime series by reading the summary of a fic. Discussion ensues.


The highlight is this thread, featuring noracharles (My point is, I think it's perfectly reasonable and doable to want to avoid spoilers, and to therefore stay away from places where spoilers are likely to be found. In smaller fandoms it can be difficult, but that's life.) and feywood (That's life? Oh that's the lamest excuse ever. "I'm sorry, we'll have to chop your hand off, but that's life." "I'm sorry, you'll have to warn for spoilers till perpetuity, but that's life.").

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

This wank brought to you by a helpful mouse.

Remember House, the TV show about a Hugh Laurie brilliant doctor who plays by his own set of rules? Well, all you really need to know is that one of its major plot lines consists of two or three seasons of will they/won't they sexual tension that ultimately goes nowhere.
( Read more... )

( Spoilers for Torchwood and oh god great linky madness within. Enter at your own risk. )

This post brought to you by the ridiculously helpful mousies on wank_report, the letter W and the number 4. (The W is for wut and 4 is how many cups of coffee I've already had today).

A "slightly disgruntled fan" wrote an 80,000-word essay about everything he disliked in the books and wants JKR to rewrite HP in accordance with his wishes.

An excerpt from the essay:

Destiny Unfulfilled is designed to convince as many fans as possible that a revised edition is called for, so they can begin haranguing Ms. Rowling (politely and with restraint, of course). Never underestimate the power of peon pressure!
Creative writing students will likely also benefit from reading this book, as the careful analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of someone else's writing often helps us spot those same traits in our own work. Finally, students of composition can use this as an example of argumentative writing, as well as a jumping off point for school writing assignments, by either agreeing with or countering points made here-in.

Then he went to The Leaky Lounge to brag about his essay and to convince the posters here to beg JKR to revise the books.

An excerpt from his first post:

I do have an M.A. in English, but I feel my main qualifications for writing the book are that I'm a (slightly disgruntled) fan of the series, and I've put a lot of effort into analyzing the seven books. To be clear, this is not a religious diatribe, political axe-grinding, nor do I attempt to take Ms. Rowling to school on who should have fallen in love with whom in the series. (I am *not* a kook! Heh.) Rather, this is an examination of issues like the role of a protagonist, the writer's contract with her readers, characterization, shaggy dog resolutions, and so forth.

The critique makes claims such as that Harry fails to fulfill his role as a protagonist and, ultimately, ceases to be even a necessary character. Hermione could easily have made it through Book 7 without Harry and Ron tagging along after her.... That seems like a fairly major problem, when the title character turns out to be unnecessary.

I hope we can make enough noise to get Ms. Rowling's attention. We aren't asking for more books in the series, just that she fulfill the promises she made to us: that the books would star Harry as the hero and protagonist, that the books wouldn't be episodic, and so forth.

ETA: "We're operating within our rights under the Magna Carta".

ETA 2: "I've been told to not post more than once in 24 hours".

ETA 3: madderbrad adds his two knuts.

ETA 4: Migdalin himself appeared on Fandom Wank. And he apologized to us.

On overheardinmelb, lythdan posts an overheard conversation. This includes the revelation that Bella Swan 'wasn't a vampire for most of the series...'

princessjess22 comments with:

Oh crap.
That should have a spoiler :(
I have tried so hard to shut friends up, not read the Twilight books I have sitting there, quickly close browsers when I see a spoiler warning.. then BAM! Now I know :(

That probably sounds so pathetic. But I'm really annoyed by this..

Waitaminute. She's been trying not to read the books? Bzuh? What madness is this? It's okay! Her motivation is revealed a little further down:

Die hard fans wouldn't want any disappointment, and would resist the temptation to read the books before seeing the films.

(Emphasis on the batshit mine.) Oh, of course. That totally explains it. Naturally everyone would want to wait an extra few years to see all the films when they have the books right there.

She gets laughed at, and flounces. Said flounce is shared with the comm, and tokicat finds her tumblr, which has some more BAAAAWWW I WAS ARSERAPED.

tl;dr: Twihard claims films > books (uh, I think) and she therefore isn't going to read the books until she's seen the films, but still doesn't want zomgspoilers! Whut.

Edit: Wanka breaks rule 3.

Well, the wank presaged here has come to be. If you're a Heroes fan who hasn't seen the latest episode, tread carefully.

( Spoiler. )

Mucho gracias to the folks over on wank_report. AND A SPOILER WARNING WITH EXTRA SPARKLES FOR TWILIGHT FANS. I suggest Twilight fans who actually care that much about being spoiled avoid this post like the plague.

( Why do I feel we've been through this before? )
ETA: Fixed the tag on the last link. Sorry, folks.
ETA3: A support request was entered by someone claiming to be from a law firm, claiming to represent the publishing group with a pretty much standard letter that has been going around like a strain of herpes to people leaking the book or even discussing spoilers (julian_black explains exactly why here). I don't think intellectual property laws work that way.

( text can be found here )


Other posts concerning the leaks can be found here and a twilight_news (thanks to hooloovoo_too). Possible confirmation of some of the spoilers has also sparked more wank over here.

There's some more fun over at ontd (the macros start on page 2). The OP itself only concerns the movie, but that doesn't stop people from wanking over the spoilers.

ETA4: system is love.

( Go System! )

And there's now been blurry confirmation on spoilers (thanks to miraba).

ETA5: Ok, guys, lay off the Mormons or I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the pool. I really, really, REALLY hate to quote mcity but plz no Mormon bashing. Let's have some class.

ETA6: SMeyer allegedly wrote a parody version of Breaking Dawn according to this EW article (thanks to greenconverses).

Because it's not just the native English speakers who are wanking and spoiling their little hearts out ;).

Right, bit of an explanation: There is a columnist for a website NU.nl which is basically an up-to-date and brief newswebsite. They also have columnists, like the one who wrote a column including the spoilers. Spoilerman writes a column about how he's read that leaked version of DH, and puts two spoilers in the first paragraph, which is visible as a sort of teaser for the whole column on the main website of nu.nl.

The rest of the column is basically about how much the columnist enjoys spoiling things for other people and taking the fun out of things for them.

Nu.nl has a sisterwebsite for commenting on their articles, and people are obviously not liking it. Except for those who are going LOL STOP OVERREACTING, because they find everything very amusing.

( In here are links and SPOILERS. )

Someone on my flist wondered why this wasn't here already. I was forced to concur.

( It's all about 3rd season casting spoilers )

SPN fandom, why you so crazy?

cupati is having a bad day. It is, therefore, her God-given right to bitch about spoilers in the torch_wood community. Again.

Must be Tuesday.

ETA: Clairvoyantwank report of cupati's previous post.

This wank is small but very angry, and the combination of Big Brother spoilerage and the shootings in Montreal (not to mention Totally Random French!) is just too fucking weird to pass up.

nineashe made a spoilery post in Big Brother 7. Trouble is, the show hadn't aired on the West Coast and she forgot to put it behind a cut. Oops! There is minor outrage, but she fixes it, apologizes, and it seems to end there.

Two days later, enter bubbles11389, catalyst for FRENCHY RAGE! Well, I'm assuming it's rage, I don't speak a word of French. Anyone want to translate?
( Read more... )

But it doesn't end there! She makes another post to big_brother_7, explaining how bubbles11389's comment of yeah i'd just like to thank you for ruining the season finale for me has hurt her deeply in her soul in the wake of the shootings in Montreal. No disrespect to the victims, but using tragedy as an excuse to wank? Wanky, dude.

Here is the second post in its entirety, as I suspect it will be bahleeted.
( Read more... )

***EDIT:*** Both of nineashe's posts have been bahleeted. A new post from magentathompson has appeared in big_brother_7, calling out nineashe on her creative use of facts. It also includes a link to the reply nineashe gave magentathompson the first time magenta tried calling her out (which was bahleeted.) Nineashe likely won't respond to this latest post, as she appears to have left the fandom! community.

Here's the new post (in case of bahleetion):
( Read more... )

Wow. This wank 'sploded quite nicely.

Snagged from wank_report

http://mru-forum.com/index.php?showtopic=698&st=0

Leigh apparently has super special inside contacts to the show Lost.  Possible Lost spoilers in the link so click at your own risk.

 

 

I saw this while searching through hp_icons and was going to report it to wank_report, but someone beat me to it.

Well, 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' just came out four days ago technically, if you count it being released midnight on the 18th of November. Some countries don't get the movie until much later, even until December.

Of course this doesn't mean that the movie already hasn't been leaked on the 'net, of course. teh_indy already has caps up of GoF just a few days after release, and well, someone who hasn't seen it has complained about not cutting the post for spoilers.

From this, many people have basically said 'if you don't want to be spoiled, don't click the link', but much arguing is being had with solus_aetas with everyone about how it's not fair that some countries got to see GoF before others as well as claiming that the caps are illegal, and all of teh_indy's friends come to defend her honour and insult solus_aetas's English, amongst other things.

Friends, are you tired of digging through comment threads to find links to the gnashing and wailing of despairing shippers?

Dig no more!

holy god, HP fandom is fucking insane!

Innermurk's HBP reaction

Homophobia made her do it!

The obligatory Dido reference (Yes, yes, dear, go down with your ship -- make sure to use a weighted lifejacket.)

Apparently I Was Wrong

OMG BLAISE IS BLACK!

Dear Mrs. Rowling: YOU SUCK!

WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT HYSTERICAL!

Atanielle's triple threat . (Now with religious sneering!)

ZOMG I had to wait an extra minute for my book!

The Funeral of OBHWF

Someone on remusxsirius needs a serious reality-check.

Half-Blood Prince -- A Run Down

WE ARE FINALLY CANON! (A nice change of pace.)

HBP_WTF. 'Nuff said. Now with icons!</i>

Tonks is just (bleeping bleep) of a beard

Someone's complaining about spoilers STILL?

The letter-writing campaign begins! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

A Picture Message for JKR For some reason, I'm reminded of Brenda Starr.

Homophobia Made Her Do It! Volume II

Even the political communities are getting in on it

Spoilers make you a bad RPGer!

Fictionalley Park's shipping thread joins the party

Mock, and wtf_inc mocks with you! (Not wanky, but funny!)

Whiny fangirls prove they are twelve years old at heart

More protest art The last is soooo classy.

Are you sure you want a fandom, CC?

I don't think they put faces on milk cartons in the UK, liebchen...

Kenboy provides a sense of perspective Too bad he can't bottle it; it's desperately needed.

I have the right to be offended because I can't comprehend the original post! Metaquotes + huffy H/Hr shipper = wank!

Gordon Lightfoot Kills Harry Potter A filking tribute to the 'shipping wars. It came from MP3!

The Weasley Twins: Threat or Menace?

But it's different (really!) when you're making fun of MY ship!

She did it on PURPOSE! JKR supposedly targets H/Hr shippers and the SugarQuill archive.

More whiny protest art. (Locked. So much for never surrendering!)

OMG! JKR'S SO MEEAN!

The wank turns meta!

Another call for perspective Again, if madlorivoldemort could bottle this, she'd be debt-free in hours.

Wow. Someone's got entitlement issues.

And someone else didn't listen to JKR's thoughts on Snape, either.

Witherwings. Because we love proving Emerson right.

Suggestion: visit the library more often.

Reality check, Aisle Nine! (And bring a mop) </ href>

Projection, much?

Some people have a problem with reading comprehension...still.

Sigh. Kids, if you're trying to prove you're sane, "canonrape" isn't the way to do it, 'kay?"

Grow the hell up, gang! Because people are still being stupid.

Everytime you post with a H/G icon, the terrorists win! See what I mean?


Would anyone blame her? Not wanky, but funny.

Ginny bad, Draco good!

Looking for R/S wank? We got yer R/S wank right here! (Friendslocked. I guess they want to go down with their ship the way the Puppies would have wanted, with a little dignity. Or something.

ETA: Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the fandom....

The Mugglenet Wall of Shame, 'shippers edition