Thank you, wank_report mousie, for this little morsel of sheer, unadulterated crazypants.

In the land of figure skating, all was quiet -- well, okay, all was wanky, but no more than usual. Then, Aunt Joyce (skating's most popular blogger, perpetrator of much unfunnybusiness, and generally awful human being) makes a post about the retirement of popular and controversial figure skater Johnny Weir. The actual post is rather disgustingly homo and transphobic, so we won't really dwell on it. It doesn't have much of anything to do with the impending weirdness that follows.

Now, a good number of Johnny Weir's fans are well known for their special snowflake attitude, so I'm sure you can all see where this is going.

At first, the comments are generally divided between snarking about Johnny's career and outrage over the fact that AJ is basically a huge ass. That is, until this comment, when, to quote directly from the wank_report, "someone claiming to know Johnny's friends (who he calls the Dingles) IRL pipes up, claiming that Johnny is happy now after being in a black hole of despair following the Vancouver Olympics, and even has a new special someone. Of note, he says that Johnny doesn't really hang out with the Hollywood types, but prefers a small circle of personal dingles (aka friends). "

Initial response is a mix of people thanking the commenter for their insight and more wank about Johnny's personal life. Until somebody else who claims to know the Dingles chimes in.

Then it gets downright bizarre.

( I quite like this fanfiction, but could you also include Evan not winning in Vancover, and werekittens if at all possible. )

In conclusion: LOL, Dingles. I still can't get over that.

EDIT: Thanks to tarash, who pointed out that a previous pseuicide had been carried out by none other than Johnny Weir's astral wife. It's a good thing they have phoenix down on the astral plane. Some of the people mentioned by name in this wank are also mentioned there. I still don't know what's going on.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

deleriumschild is at it again, guys!

Happily, lnlmandrake summarized the situation nicely at stupid_free, complete with links, so I don't have to do any work risk a bunch of borked HTML.

Still, though, let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up:

Red Sox/Yankees is arguably the biggest rivalry in sports. You can't be a fan of both teams. You just can't. It is a physical impossibility. Yes, it is. Yes, even then. However, our dear friend deleriumschild disagrees. At length. Profanely. (And watch it, guys, her language is so bad it actually makes the stupid_free post NSFW!) Just because she was born a Red Sox fan, happened to drop them and support the Yankees while the Yankees were winning everything up to and including the Nobel Peace Prize, and then dropped the Yankees and went back to the Sox when the Yankees got killed in the postseason and the Sox won the 2007 World Series doesn't make her a bandwagoner, guys!

Members of both redsox and yankeesfans disagree, some wankily, some hilariously. There is even a cameo by Godwin!

I knew when she first posted at redsox a couple of weeks ago that this was bound to get good.



Edited to, uh, fix borked HTML. You'd think a baseball fan would know better than to tempt the fates, wouldn't you? Thanks to puipui for saving me from pulling my hair out in frustration by pointing out that JF is defaulting to rich text and I would have to manually switch to HTML.

I haven't seen any finals wank yet, so I hope you don't mind that I brought my own. *insert first wank/virgin cliches here*

So, for the soccer watching public out there, last night's final of the World Cup was filled with extreme wank potential in its own right. There was the dubious first penalty and Zidane's sending off and the final penalty shoot out, right? If there was any wank about it, surely it would have been more about those incidents than anything else, right? Right?

Only, some Australians on the Sydney Morning Herald website don't really see it that way.

I can't really link to individual comments on that page, but here's a selection of the wankiest cuts.

I suppose I should also offer some background for non-Australians/people living in Australia. Italy beat Australia about two weeks ago in extra time with a controversial penalty decision by the referee that had a lot of football fans in Australia shouting about how the Italians had bought their way into the quarter-finals.

Fair enough, some people might say. Turn off the TV and forget about the World Cup until 2010, maybe?

( Never! )

( We're not sore losers! We played with Honour and Integrity! )

( Although not all Italians are gracious in victory )

( Thankfully there are some saner fans )

It's like a veritable fountain of stupid that won't stop gushing! *insert obligatory joke about penises here* All I can say is, I'm glad this wank comes around only every four years.But yay for Luca Toni and Andrea Pirlo - I'd have their babies. But then I'm not into club football.