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Clan Mitchell is a Dreamwidth community revolving around the fictional Mitchell family, which appears to be a huge group of people who live in the Carolinas under the administration of a matriarch named Momma, generally serve in some branch of the U.S. military, and/or operate under a general curtain of good ol' American values, get-well-pies, and care packages.

Motto: "The Mitchells will inherit the earth: the meek don't move fast enough."

From the profile:

"So ivorygates and synecdochic made up a bunch of crazy Southern relatives, and the "Fuck Canon, Fanon Makes More Sense, Dammit" club (meetings on alternate Tuesdays, free t-shirts at the recruiting tables, bring your own beer but the cookies are free) firmly believes that "Kansas, my ass" is the best way to approach Cameron Mitchell's home life, and, well, there should be more fic about these people!

Not necessarily a shared-continuity set of stories -- use as much or as little as you'd like -- but a shared-character-list and a place for people to build a shared-world. Grab a Mitchell and start writing. Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated. And probably baked for."

( It all starts with a ficprompt... )
ETA: Revenge of the Sith: cap including the offending fic.

Holy ETA, Batman: (thanks, mousie)
"When someone has put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to create an absolutely beautiful sandbox to play in (a sandbox that they love very very much), and then not only allows you to come in and play in their sandbox, but graciously opens the door and INVITES you in, you don't shit in the sandbox. You don't. M'kay? Good."

We can't stop here, this is ETA country: It's time for the public address roll, looks like. From eilan:
* slybrarian calls for fair and balanced.
* quinfirefrorefiddle & co. are appalled at F_W's lack of journalistic integrity.
* Synecdochic's state of the union, and also ivorygates is banned. Or left. Either way, she's not a mod any more.

Thank you, kind mousey from wank_report!

Crystaldawn doesn't think that IchiHime shippers are so bad. So she writes an essay about it, debunking some of the "myths" about them... (Thanks for the exact link, mariem_1)

Yulieana (from these wanks) finds out. And she is not happy AT ALL.

Feminism is not about celebrating and encouraging women! Bullies must only be dealt with through hitting them back! A True Woman should NEVER EVER become a teacher! And samurais do not belong in Bleach. That's what Yulieana says, after all.

And as a bonus, Fandom Secrets seems to have some things to say about her...

ETA: Aaaand she saw us. Now WE are the stalkers, the bad "feminists" and the wankers, according to her and Co.. =D

ETA 2: "I wrote an eleven page essay in reply to yours!" "And I think you're such a BITCH for not fucking replying to her on it! Not from Yulie herself, but still damn wanky.

ETA 3: Why ship wars are awesome! IDK MY NOT BFF YULIE? Thanks, lady_ganesh!

ETA 4: And the whining bout CD's essay FINALLY reaches Bleachness

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

We begin our saga on the fair hills of house_wilson, where the grass grows green and the House/Wilson shippers occasionally throw shit fits over whether or not David Shore is dicking around House/Wilson shippers.

One day, this (relatively) peaceful comm is visited by slow_mo_panda, who had arrived to bring to everyone her thoughts on yaoi The Contract, a love-it or hate-it extreme-whump fic amongst House fandom.

The masses do not react well. (And euclase wins the "most over-the-top reaction to criticism" award for this week.)

Having been thrown out by her ears, slow_mo_panda once again continued her travels, landing on the shores of fanficrants, where she hoped to be greeted with open arms and kind words telling her how everyone else is a bunch of mean bitches.

Alas, she had no luck on that front, either.

After a number of negative comments, she deleted that post and was banninated from fanficrants. And there was much rejoicing.

Hearing the commotion, ffrantsrants and sf_drama arrived on the scene so that they could point and laugh.

However, this is not the end of our story. slow_mo_panda, apparently having not learned her lesson yet, appeared once again, this time in ffrantsrants in order to talk about how oppressed she is. Or something. ETA: Now locked down, but here's a text-version:
( also long )
ETA2: And now doire brings the screencaps.


Caps courtesy of xayeidemon.

ETA: Removed links to locked fanficrants content.

ETA2: Apparently, our friend has left a review on ff.net on the original fic:
( cut for length )


ETA3: Now a tl;dr post in her personal journal. Man, she really doesn't know when to stop, does she?

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

Dear Author is a genre book review blog and this Romance Novel review is hilarious all on its own. (Completely NWS excerpts are posted as part of the review.)

But some commenters get a little tetchy and accuse the reviewer of OMG HATING THE AUTHOR! It's fairly polite as wanks go. Then there are some faily arguments about whether or not the author is using racial caricatures or not. (note: that wasn't the funny part.)

Enter Stevie who tells everyone they are interpreting it all from the wrong perspective and their arguments wouldn't hold up in court. No really. And don't miss hir witty zingers there are near misses on both Godwin's and Snacky's laws which are tongue in cheek.

And yet Stevie refuses to see anyone's point about "gentleman's bathrooms".

Our saga begins with azewewish complaining about the warning system used by lotrips, a community that lists new stories in LotRiPs fandom. Which is fair enough as the moderators define warnings to be anything in the fic that readers should be aware of.

But then it devolves into: OMG STOP LABELLING MY FIC WITH LABELS THAT ARE NOT IN THE HEADER! and MY FIC IS NOT ANGST WHY ARE YOU LABELLING IT ANGST?! and OMG YOU ARE LINKING TO LOCKED POSTS DONT YOU KNOW THAT'S CARDINAL SIN #1 and OMG THE HORROR YOU ARE LISTING WHAT TYPE OF AU A STORY IS! and OMG YOU ARE SPOILING THE STORY

And it wouldn't be fun if there isn't a threat in the whole mess:

Knock if off or stop listing us all. WE are the authors here, NOT you. What WE want people to see about our stories is what WE post in OUR OWN HEADERS. YOUR opinion on what should or shouldn't be there DOESN'T MATTER. Such things about a story is what individual feedback is for, NOT what people should see before they read something!

And another, courtesy of Nverland

As was stated, you have the right to comment, you do not have the right to defame others work by your own opinions. And as such lotrips and msilverstar have both been banned several places already today.

The lotrips posts start here and here. azewewish has a
whatcha guys think about this?' post. LJ's metafandom has a whole slew of links about this bruising of authorial sensibilities here

Fic-labeling and warning wank: can spring and the REVIEWS ARE EBIL chorus be far behind?

(Found on a combination of wank_report and metafandom on LJ. Hat-tip to the 'mouse I'm blatantly swiping it from, and apologies to miraba. Couldn't pass the title up.)

It's been a long time since we had a batshit insane Potter essay wanked, and a genius friend found this last night.

menolike, who posted a completely insane, incoherent essay about Snape a couple of weeks back (resplendent with the classic warning atop:

You're all set on treating the characters in a CHILDREN'S  FICTIONAL book as real life people.

 Please read the piece, then leave it for a few days, think about it, then read it again. Pretend you're Snape defending himself. Argue. Then If you still feel as you did when you first read  it.  I will be more than willing to argue each and every point. 
PLEASE:  READ 'FRANCKESTEIN' . DO NOT WATCH THE MOVIE.
Then you might understand.

has posted a brand new essay: how poor is poor Remus Lupin?

The highlight? Totally unrelated but did you notice that most of that house have students of Muggle background? Makes you wonder about the loyalties of wizards doesn’t it?

The comments in response to the readers are completely marvellous:

Just because some one is ill (MY cousin is DYING from leukemia, don't you dare compare it to being a werewolf). NOT mortally so, but exhaustingly and painfully on certain days of the month (and some women would strongly relate to that) doesn't mean that we should let them get away with their offenses too often.

This is just about the wankiest, crackiest Griffyndor bashing essay I've read in the past... oh, two days. Curse you, potterfen!

In the CAA, the following Trigun review is given by the ever wanky millyfan:

( When you post this at the CAA... well, that's like signing your own death sentence, you see *facepalm* )

In case the post in CAA is deleted (and it was), millyfan cross-posts it at snarky_yaoi.

And a baby troll responds to the "WANK ME!" call. And people pet it. And the wank flows...

Barely starting, but just BOUND to grow. It's yaoi wank, WHAT else will happen?

EDIT: And it HAS. Read what millyfan has to say about the troll itself. What. The. Shit. Indeed. And. At. This. Rate. I. Don't. Know. If. I. Should. Believe. It. Or. Not.

EDIT 2: More from the Troll here:
http://www.animeangels.net/forum2/viewtopic.php?p=11983#11983
http://www.animeangels.net/forum2/viewtopic.php?p=10011#10011

Edit 3: And Millyfan doesn't give up!. Bleeeh. Aren't you ever DONE with it, cutie? *poke poke poke*