Livejournal decided to tag fanficrants as may contain explicit content, which means that nobody logged in as under 18 can see the posts. People logged out can see them, and click the "Yes I'm 18" button—but ffrants doesn't allow anon or non-member commenting. Officially, it doesn't allow sockpuppets, either.

The wank is playing out in a couple of posts at ffrantsrants

jinxy_sama is surprised anyone's upset:

I thought it already was marked Explicit Adult Content. I have to say I find it surprising that so many of you who so vehemently disapprove of loli/shouta ... would not dissuade actual underage individuals from creating socks or moving to DreamWidth in order to view content inappropriate for children, ie. rape, bdsm, a myriad of different kinks, explicit smut, etc, etc. With the comm in such disarray over the inability of minors to partake, maybe it's a good thing LJ took the reigns."

Several people point out that "not wanting kids to read x-rated fanfic" is not the same as "not wanting kids to read ranting about fanfic, some of which is x-rated." It's also pointed out that some of the "minors" now being excluded are legal adults in their countries of residence.

But, she continues, sending a lemon to a person under the age of consent via email constitutes corruption of a minor, which, if prosecuted by a parent, could land someone in jail. That's not wank, it's fact. (Plz to ignore the total lack of any such prosecutions in the history of the internet. It's fact that it could happen!)

Yeah, says izzanami, you think telling kids to go to DW to see things ADULTS get triggered and squicked by is alright? You may think that sex should be an open subject for children (and I think it should be), but unless YOU are their PARENT, it doesn't matter.

(All arguments are more persuasive with some words in caps. Really.)

Jinxy says "it should be up to the minor in question's parent/guardian to decide what they deem suitable for their children's eyes, not any random person on the internet."

(LJ's staff is, of course, not "any random person on the internet." You *know* they polled the parents of every minor on that comm.)

Izza brings on the Special Logic: Even though *she's* an enlightened and sensible parent who doesn't believe in hiding the existence of sex from kids, it's totally reasonable for LJ to take a stand against it, because not every parent agrees with her, and *of course* policies should be based on the most hysterical parents' wishes.

Buried in the (mostly frozen now) subthreads are bits about how LJ is only protecting itself from lawsuits (which nobody is admitting has nothing to do with whether or not the content is dangerous for children), and speculations about the real purpose/intent of the "May Contain Explicit Content" tag: "Once a comm has even one entry marked as explicit it's supposed to be marked as 'may' contain explicit adult content, that "may" part is very important."—because once a comm. has a single locked-to-adults post, no minors should be allowed to join that comm.. Riiiiight.

Also includes tangential wank about whether FFR does, or does not, disapprove of loli. IDEK.

jadedissola explains the whole situation to an unhappy 15-year-old:

But we have to protect you from reading about such naughty things, otherwise you might get IDEAS and you might start thinking about trying this S-E-X thing for yourself! Clearly, without all this talk of sex, you'll never think of trying it on your own/fantasize about celebrities! What's worse, you might get the idea that sex is something to be enjoyed, maybe even celebrated! You need to understand that sex can KILL YOU (or at least give you babies).

Try again in three years when, magically, you become an adult overnight and suddenly your brain will be capable of handling all these grown-up ideas.

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

Inglourious Basterds is the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Oh No They Didn't, is a gossip site based on LJ that is big enough it's actually taken LJ severs out more than once all on its lonesome (I think the last time was when Michael Jackson died, but don't quote me). Eli Roth is the guy who plays Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds (he also wrote/directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and its apparently awful sequel. That guy).

It all started when Eli Roth discovered the Inglourious Basterds Kink Meme.

Surprisingly, not via a fangirl breaking the sacred rule of Though Shalt Not Force Porn On The People In It AFAIK, but all on his lonesome. He was pretty much amused and also decided to show it to and discuss it with Quentin Tarantino (who apparently agreed with him the Donny would be a top), and also Christoph Waltz (who played Landa in IB) and apparently his parents, because he's that kind of classy. This garnered many facepalms from fangirls in places like 100_scalps, but shockingly, very little wank.

This resulted in a lot of twittering porn at him and his discovery of ONTD. He made a I <3 ONTD sign. Something a fair few celebs have done in the past.

After that it kind of got out of control, progressing from ONTD changing his Wiki page to say he was their Official Boyfriend to him twittering he would think about all of ONTD when he jerked off the night, then posting a picture of a very used looking tissue, then to a very candid interview with questions from a lot of people at ONTD*, to-- and here's where the wank really started, pun utterly and completely intended-- having cyber sex with various ONTD'ers on his MySpace. The Eli Roth tag on ONTD contains basically every screen cap and citation, so I'm not linking to everything individually. Scroll on down.

Then it came out that some of said cyber sexin' ONTD'ers sent him pictures of their boobs.

ONTD proceeds to have a 5000 comment long flamewar consisting of the brilliant arguments (paraphrased, but I assure you all quite accurate as you will see if you click this link): YOU'RE SLUTS. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE.

I think, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite what you may think of Mr. Roth, he certainly knows how to make a girl laugh.

*This is the only thing that is locked, however, you only have to join ONTD to see it. It's... worth it.

[ETA]: Omar Doom answered a similar fangirl written survey for ONTD, said he wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing some fangirl boobs, and the wank goes ever on and on in the comments.

It's amazing that Warhammer 40000 fandom hasn't wanked its way here before now. But here it is!

It all started when someone on a bizarre conspiracy theory site makes a play to become the next BADD (see also: Dark Dungeons), by writing the article "Space Marines - Death Toys" about the super-soldiers from Warhammer 40k. It lays bare Games Workshop's nefarious plot to brainwash our children for the coming of the New World Order.

ETA, 2009/08/21: It begins.

Watchmen screenwriter David Hayter writes a sincere but slightly tongue-in-cheek open letter on Hardcore Nerdity to Watchmen fans and non-fans, to urge them to see the movie more than once in order to understand it.

One of his other points is that he thinks those who hate the movie on principle without having seen it should let it marinate in their minds and give it a chance:

It may upset you. And it probably will upset you.

And all along, we really meant it to. ...All this time, you’ve been waiting for a director who was going to hit you in the face with this story. To just crack you in the jaw, and then bend you over the pool table with this story. With its utterly raw view of the darkest sides of human nature, expressed through its masks of action and beauty and twisted good intentions... Like the Comedian on the Grassy Knoll. ...You'll be thinking about this film, down the road. It'll nag at you. How it was rough and beautiful. How it went where it wanted to go, and you just hung on. How it was thoughtful and hateful and bleak and hilarious. And for Jackie Earle Haley.

Trust me. You'll come back, eventually. Just like Sally.

Comments begin in the 'we love Watchmen (although some of us have reservations about the swinging massive blue dong), go Dayter' mould, until people, from page three onwards, suddenly notice the metaphor he used to describe how the movie should make you feel:

DUDE. No one asks to be cracked in the jaw and bent over the goddamned pool table. Was there NO OTHER ANALOGY you could have used? Do you realize that you're comparing your movie to a rapist and the moviegoers to victims asking for it? And what is this "You'll come back. Just like Sally" crap? Do you have any f***ing idea how offensive that is? Could you not have come up with some other analogy, some other pithy tag, something that doesn't make it out like the Comedian was doing Silk Spectre a f***ing favor when he beat her bloody and tried to rape her?

Did you mean to do that?? If not, erm, consider your words more carefully next time you do the "open letter" thing, because wow, did that part get away from you.

Dayter comments on page 7 with an apology claiming he does not condone violence against women, which is edited into the original article. People briefly thank him for apologising, and then attack him again. Dayter responds graciously via huge spoonfuls of sarcasm and retracting his apology (page 8):

Clearly, you can't get less hateful or spewy than that. I humbly retract the statement.

Anyway, I'm sorry you disliked the film.

And you're right, I don't know why I ever set out to do this in the first place. It's really the world I'm hurting. Damn my family, and their almost-constant need for food!

On top of all of this there's huge amounts of movie rage, but the best thing about the whole altercation is the people at Hardcore Nerdity going so far as to make a video response urging people to LEAVE DAYTER ALONE, starring a very angry Dr. Manhattan.

Taking your children to see Watchmen is child abuse? -found at wank_report

Conservative blogger's "review" starts:

"If you take your kids to see "Watchmen," you're a moron.

If you see it yourself, you're also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being. The movie arrives in theaters at Midnight, Thursday Night. It's rated "R"--which should kinda sorta be a hint--but it really deserves an "NC-17," at the very least. And plenty of clueless parents brought their young kids and kept them there for the entire almost three hour "experience" at the screening I attended."

She can't stop bitching that it is somehow being marketed to children because there are people in superhero costumes. Or something. Are there like happy meals with these characters or something? I honestly don't have a clue about the marketing and am curious now. There's a video game--but like the movie it is rated for Mature Audiences Only.

There are comments over and over that Debbie doesn't get it. SHE DOES THOUGH! IN ALL CAPS! AND WE'RE ALL MORONS IF WE DISAGREE WITH HER!!

My favorite comment:

"Its not enough to feed children to Molech to satisfy depraved adult desires. No we must show children what adult desires are like when they are young enough before they are fed to Molech."

Yesssss, it makes them more tender to traumatize them first.

Also her photo scares the bejeezus out of me. Instead of ponies with hateful eyes watching me sleep, I am sure I will now see her in my nightmares.

ETA:
She posted about Watchmen again and the screed is even less comprehensible. One of her commenters calls himself "Uncle Joe McCarthy." D: The Godwins breakage is coming up like kudzu.

So, there is a petition aimed towards Stephenie Meyer and her publisher Little, Brown that's actually more of a letter about why Breaking Dawn sucks and what the author (of the letter!) would have done to make it better. It has received 1152 signatures so far.

When it broke a thousand, the petition's author emailed the following letter to Seth*, the maintainer of StephenieMeyer.com:

Seth,

I completely understand that you are not the whipping boy for Stephenie Meyer, but she has given us no address to reach her directly, so sadly, I have few choices- and one of them was to send this to you.

My name is Heather Faust, and I have written a letter to Stephenie and to Little, Brown. As suggested by a number of others on message boards, I posted this letter as a "petition." Today we reached a thousand signatures. (It has only been live for a few days.) We will continue to leave it live and see how it grows.

I feel that it is well written and respectful, and I would hope that you would take a few minutes to read it. If it gets through to Stephenie, well, I'd be thrilled. We are not looking to hurt her, we aren't looking for her to rewrite it... We just want our opinions acknowledged, and we'd like to no longer be referred to as a "vocal minority." We'd also love it if she'd be able to answer our concerns with more than just "it's fiction," "I'm not a biology major" or other brush offs. We don't, of course expect that at all. But just a simple "Yes, I hear you, I'm sorry that you were disappointed" would be enough for us.

Anyway, sorry that you are in the middle of all of this. That must suck for you.

Thanks for your time

Seth responds:

( In an attempt to keep the books clean and not make young girls think about things that they don't need to think about, no other book mentioned anything about reproductive systems. )

*A lot of people have mentioned that Seth is not only the webmaster of SMeyer's site, he's also her brother.

As Whomageddon rolls on, doctorwho  brings us another sterling gem. Or rather, two bright turds of wank, coupled together to form a synergistic pile of perfection.

First, cringer1982 shares that he's written a very pointed letter to the BBC about how they have portrayed Asians in their recent episode Turn Left. He neglects to mention that he's white as the fresh driven snow. Irish, in fact.

BBC officials respond with a letter that has nothing to do with anything.

Some people don't see his point.

( Meanwhile, back on the blog... )

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Alrighty, first and foremost ASSUME ALL LINKS IN THIS POST TO CONTAIN CONTENT THAT IS NSFW! . I cannot stress this enough. If I didn't think blinking red text would incite justified rage, I'd put it in that. THESE LINKS ALL HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO HAVE VERY VERY NSFW CONTENT! So I'll try and summarize it the best that I can here.

Yesterday on the Discovery Channel 'Mythbusters' message boards, a questionable image started being spammed. The image contained what was claimed to be one of the hosts, Adam Savage, doing what I'm going to politely describe as a somewhat mild Goatse impression (DON'T LOOK IT UP IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD). Naturally the threads containing said photo were quickly deleted... but of course not before plenty of folks had the chance to save the evidence.

Encyclopedia Dramatica already has a write-up, including a screenshot from the original chaos on the Discovery Channel message boards of a post from a concerned parent (copypastain' so folks won't have to click it):

"this is to whomever is posting the photos of Adam naked, my 11 year old son woke up early and hopped on the computer to come here to see what episodes are coming up (this is one of his favorite shows) and clicked a photo link (i wont post it here) but the link seems to contain naked photos of Adam Savage, he was terribly upset by these and I feel compelled to contact media sources for scarring my young boy. this WAS his favorite show, hes been crying all morning. It seems to me the names of these invaders are googleable and come back as members of www.ebaumsworld.com please look into this, and until i see an apology for this consider my family no longer viewers of Mythbusters OR ANY Discovery channel shows, if these are the kinds of perverts you put on air. thanks"

There are massive threads about it all over the web, including on Something Awful, ONTD, and Digg.com.

There's still heavy debate on if the picture is real or not, with folks pulling out their degrees in Photoshop all over the place and the blame being cast on everywhere from good 'ol Ebaumsworld to /b/. There has been no official statement from the Discovery Channel on the incident, and so far the hubbub seems to be confined to the internet. But oh, what a hubbub it is.

ETA: Added the 'concerned parent' quote from ED.

ETA 2: According to what's being said on the 'Discussion' page of the ED article, it's possible the 'concerned parent' screenshot was faked. Moreso, it's possible there never was any spamming of the Discovery Channel message boards. Making it quite an epic (and judging by the reactions around the web, successful) joke.

Fanficrants again. And yet, not a single thought on yaoi in sight. Instead, we have emmabrock posting a review she got on a recent story of hers, as you do. However, the fanfic review -- the fandom for which is never even mentioned -- is really secondary to the real purpose of emmabrock's post, which is: Homeschooling!

The wank wastes no time, as emmabrock helpfully shares some of her, "ah, research," by which she means googling for homeschooling vs. publicschooling wankbait. Helpfully, she posts some of her results, which 'prove' that homeschoolers regard public-schoolers as barely one step above microbes.

So, are public-schoolers illiterate, drooling retards, or are home-schoolers surly, elitist, socially malformed trolls? Judging by some of the responses to emmabrock's post, I don't see why both can't be right:

( Some, but not all, of the wank below... )

"Intelligent, reasonable, and open-minded?"

lawl.

Well, apparently the mods at least aren't open-minded enough, because emmabrock promptly gets banned for editing her post. And then unbanned a little later because she might not actually have edited her post, maybe. Oh, well, as long as we're clear on what we're doing and why.

Comments devolve into "My Thoughts On Education" on the second page off the FFR post with no new comment thread kerfluffles to show for it, but in the meantime the wank moves to a reaction post on fanficrantsrants, where people are shocked I say, just shocked irritated by the mod's overreaction.

Of the many shows currently playing on Broadway, one of the more popular for the family set is The Little Mermaid at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre.

Our wankstory begins on the Broadway World message boards, when EdwinDrood172 posts that he saw one of the cast members from TLM outside, in his makeup and hair, smoking a cigarette.

( He says... )

The very first comment on the thread summed it up with "This should go well."

It is later figured out - and without a lot of difficulty - that the "offending" cast member was Tyler Maynard, who plays Flotsam. (*points at icon* That's him.) But beyond all of that, is a lot of rending of garments, so to speak, about how it's disrespectful and he is a "Disney employee" and he doesn't deserve to be in the show if he smokes, yadda yadda yadda.

Four pages later, they're still going strong. There's some bonus "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" comments as well.

Previously on the ridiculous number of Lexicon-related entries on Fandom Wank:

Entry the First: ( Read more... )

Entry the Second: ( Read more... )

Entry the Third: ( Read more... )

Today:

An update on the TLC article: ( One or the other is misrepresenting something. Again )

Another update regarding the publication date: ( The order was pushed back to January 4 )

A new addition to the RDR Books Lexicon page: ( Why didn't they read the book we didn't give them? )

From julian_black: It's like goldy or bronzy, only it's made out of iron.

Things are slowing down now. Barring a pseuicide, I have high hopes that this could be the last entry.

ETA: A summary in lolcat.

ETA 2: Snape fans weigh in on the matter (warning: the deer is teal). (Thanks, kerryblaze.)

ETA 3: Huh. A comment at TLC alleges that some sixty negative comments were deleted from the Lexicon statement last night, but I was on it with ScrapBook and Screengrab pretty frequently, and I can't see any discrepancy in numbers. Also, there's still a number of negative comments yet. Does anyone have any evidence that this actually happened?

Also, from lidane: "Steve Vander Ark = a House Elf and/or Harry Potter", per a comment on TLC.

ETA 4: Pics of the disputed timeline (here on the OOTP DVD). So did WB steal it or not? Analysis in the comments.

Also, now that RDR's edited out the reference: Invisible Nagasaki.

ETA 5: Apparently that TLC commenter (re: ETA #3) was posting from the future, because now all the Lexicon comments are gone. Which was pretty much inevitable. I'm just saying, that's why I was on it with Screengrab and ScrapBook the other night. (One giant screencap from SG and then three small ones manually taken from SB, sorry.) The reason there's no comment box on the last cap is because it was taken shortly after comments were closed entirely.

ETA 6: Ah, here's what I was waiting to post. ( Steve would be an excellent speaker at the Terminus 2008! His encyclopedia's coming out this month! )

ETA 7: A PDF file of the actual filed complaint.

ETA 8: From waltraute: elanor_isolda counters several of the allegations. I would note, however, that many of these allegations stem from information on RDR Books' own site, or their uncooperativeness in handing over a copy of the book to confirm that they're in the right. ( Read more... )

I posted the news story in fandom_lounge originally, but it looks like the wank has arrived.

HP Lexicon wants to publish the site as a book.

JK Rowling and her lawyers are not pleased.

People are not pleased that JK Rowling is not pleased ("That fucking bitch.... But that's not good enough for Ms. Anne Rice, Jr. No. It has to be her way or the highway").

Over at Fandom Lounge, Defensive Mouse Is Defensive.

More importantly, Dumbledore is still gay.

More coming as it turns up. Because I'm pretty sure more is coming.

ETA: Ah, here we go. Points of interest, including a few from the FL comments: ( Read more... )

ETA 2: Aaaaand we have Godwin's law: ( Read more... )

ETA 3: It's for the children, y'all.

ETA 4: The publisher responds. THE CHILDREN, WHY WON'T YOU THINK OF THEM?! ( Read more... )

ETA 5: From pyratejenni: The best explanation of the legal situation that I've seen so far.

Six Apart may or may not have reported elaboration and ponderosa121 to the NCMEC.

Via fandom_flies, here.

As people are saying in fandom_flies, I kind of hope they get bitched out for wasting the NCMEC's time.

Also, hi, this is my first post on f_w!

Edit: I thought it was pretty funny that 6A seems to want the NCMEC to go look for fictional children at elaboration and pond's houses. I see some people don't find this as hilarious as I do; oh well.

Also, fixed link.

Edit again: afairytalestory calls tamburlaine a complete moron for saying s/he doesn't think LiveJournal should break the law, and that fans are "deluded" for not thinking someone should be reported for child abuse because they drew something. Wank ensues.

It's only a mini-wank, but it seems wanky enough to go right here rather than to clairvoyantwank - you know, since the size of the wank shouldn't matter, just the motion of the...well, you get the idea.

More importantly, I thought we could all use some mommy wank that was actually fandom related and had nothing to do with boobies breastfeeding.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Nick Jr's Wonder Pets! - it's a show about three photo-puppeted classroom pets who go around the world helping baby animals in trouble. Examples include a baby pigeon stuck on the Statue of Liberty's nose, a baby elephant with his trunk stuck in the mud in the jungle, and a chimpanzee in space. Like many other children's shows, it's set to music, in this case, opera, and all the dialogue is sung. It has the requisite theme songs that kids will repeat ad nauseum and cutesy message about helping others in trouble.

The Wonder Pets have flown their flying boat past the Sphinx, the Swiss Alps, into outer space, and to Hawaii, but one baby animal in trouble has a less glamorous problem. It's a puppy stuck in the kitchen, and he needs to go outside to pee. As Ming-Ming would say, "This is serious!"

Parents on the Nick Jr message boards take issue with the fact that the word "pee-pee" was used in the episode, and all the tl;dr excerpts are behind the cut. Although some of the posts were back in March, people are still commenting through April, May, and June on the same issues.

( There's a puppy who has to pee pee )

fandom_scruples is making a list and checking it twice. 'Gonna find out whose naughty or nice...

It seems that arabe1la's little rant may have inspired others to come forward against the kiddie corrupting cesspool that is the HP fandom!

This journal is asking for nominations for those in the fandom who've been good little fanfic writers and have politely locked away their naughty Dobby/Twincest Epics, and for those who have been TEH NAUGHTY.

Of course, we have the first nominee, epicyclical, because clearly they cannot leave her out of their little plans even though they claim they pay no attention to her.

Yes.

Browsing the Scruple's f-list proves to be fruitful as we get to hear from:

tartanboxers who is very stupid confused.
perceval who takes, um, well, a different approach on how to rid the mind of such pollution.

*sniffs* Lordy, I love my fandom.