c/p'd from Mousie's hard work:

Emma Watson is guest editing a British magazine that comes out on Thursday.

In it, supposedly JK Rowling shares her regret for making a certain pairing canon over another one.

Nowadays she admits she got it wrong - she should have shipped Harry / Hermione.

( You can see where this is going )
The actual article is slated to come out on Thursday. Prepare yourselves for the Second Coming...

Zephyros, a tumblr user with the URL 30secondstomurder, doesn't like Supernatural and decides to express their feelings on the matter:

This show sucks ass. The only reason I know about it is because my dumb ass little sister watches it in the living room, which is sadly where the computer is at.

The worst part of Superntural is the tumblr fans. Always clogging up my dash with fucking gifs and graphics, and they’re always the same fucking picture. IT’S NEVER ANY DIFFERENT. Always talking about how awesome Misha Collins is or isn’t - I’m gunna have to say he sucks ass, his acting is shitty and he looks like a hipster dad trying to be young - Always screaming ‘destiel’ or ‘wincest’ is the best pairing.

Always making gay porn images that look N-O-T-H-I-N-G like the Supernatural cast members and saying they do look like them.

It’s fucking irritating when I reblog a picture of guys kissing or fucking and I get a bunch of notes informing me that the Supernatural fandom has gotten ahold of it and are saying how much it looks like Cas and Dean, or Sam and Dean, then attaching shitty written fanfiction next to it. I’ve actually had to DELETE a lot of my rebloggs because it was filled with so much Supernatural bullshit.

So fuck you Supernatural, fuck you and all your fucking fans. In the ass. With a big rusty stake.

Fuck you Misha Collins for coming on the show and being all over my dash, you damn hipster.

Fuck you Jensen Ackles for lowering your great acting abilities on a shitty teen show.

Fuck you Jared Padalecki, I used to think you were hot but now you’re doing steroids and look creepy.

Fuck anyone following me that reblogs Supernatural, please remove me.

Fuck anyone I’m following that gets offended or posts Supernatural. I’ll be removing you shorly.

( Read more... )

RPG.net has often been accused of having a Liberal Hive Mind, or being unfriendly towards right-wing posters. Today morgonstjarnan takes a stand against this tyranny by posting a thread titled Superman & socialist self-loathing to Other Media.

( Cut for right-wingnuttery, patronization, and deliberately missing the point. )

The mods, who while competent and gracious often have a habit of spoiling the fun, are quick to evict him after this revelation. The Trouble Tickets thread also reveals this isn’t his first violation.

Silly Superman trolls. Don’t they know it’s Captain America who’s commanded to wank?

With apologies to Monty Python.

Jaina: Trouble at Fanficrants.
Kutsuwamushi: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Jaina: Ona trlls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: Pardon?
Jaina: Ona trolls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: I don't understand what you're saying.
Jaina: [irritated] One of the trolls is riling up the community.
Kutsuwamushi: Well what on earth does that mean?
Jaina: *I* don't know - Theo Harrison just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at Fanficrants, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Wankish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Wanker Izzanami enters, flanked by two junior wankers, Jinxy-sama and Ravyn Skye]

( NOBODY EXPECTS THE WANKISH INQUISITION! )

ETA!

Izzanami: Wankers, we are being mocked!
Jinxy-sama: What?! No one mocks the Wankish Inquisition!
Izzanami: Ha! Ha! Ha! I have the perfect plan.... Wankers, fetch... the EMPTY THREATS OF DOOMY DOOMINESS!

[JARRING CHORD]

ETA 2:

We have contact. Always happy to entertain, thank you for the compliment.

Direct from the pages of wank report:
"Sheezyart's (http://sheezyart.com) admins troll members who use Adblock by forcing a flashing red and yellow background and music to appear for anyone who uses Adblock on their site."

"Comments with a star are Sheezyart staff/admins, who have been the epitome of class throughout...

The flashing background and music have since been removed and replaced with a text banner, but not before someone actually had a seizure from it."

720+ comments, including an appearance on page two by the Goddamn Batman. Yes, that one.

and it is JUST LIKE THE HOLOCAUST, Y'ALL! http://community.livejournal.com/tothehometree/4785.html?thread=105393#t105393 !

So they made an Anti Na'vi Defamation Community http://nadl-org.livejournal.com/

and much wank ensued! http://community.livejournal.com/tothehometree/4785.html

I know my write up is lacking, but I think the wank found inside is not!

ETA: it looks like nadl_org is set up as a personal journal. FYI.

ETA Part 2: and the troll is out of the cave http://nadl-org.livejournal.com/1667.html

This Avatar wank brought to you by wank_report.

It was the first day of a shiny new year, full of possibility and promise, when tireanavi created tothehometree, "a community for all those who identify with the Na'vi race in some way - people who are Na'vi on a spiritual or mental level, people who are reincarnated Na'vi, Na'vi souls trapped in human forms, people who worship the great Eywa, etcetera."

And for a time, love and acceptance swept across the land. Cake, glitter, ponies! But alas, the peace was eventually shattered.

By a Swedish, bipedal wolf manta ray.

( Read more... )

I read the strangest rant today. How strange you say? So strange no one can agree just whether it's even a rant at all!

OP replies to requests to clarify, a few times, while a brave idealist attempts first contact, before realizing only a sucker would try to breach such impenetrable walls of WTF.

A random potshot at someone's fic-writing skills prompts the best simile ever.

The more persistent commenters dig through the layers of Bizarro-talk until they uncover the truth: OP is... 'anti-criticism'?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMILEYS.

And shattered idealism is shattered.

ETA: aslongasitlasts has studied the people of FFR. He's like a magic 8-ball, in a way.

And wank_report has some too.

ETA2: Modly intervention. But he wants to be banned. No, really.

ETA s'more: Post got blanked and F-locked. Comm membership is open, though.

The ETA Apocalypse Now: Comments are being baleeted at random, and the original post is replaced by the preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's the final troll blowout, people.

ETA Captain Obvious:: Oh, so that's what started it. Taunting the mod, and then deleting comments (A no-no in ffr^2). He's banned now, but you wouldn't know because the mod comment that said that is... deleted!

ETA Cry For Justice: There are 409 Google caches of the wank still with pre-baleetion comments. Saving the ones I can before they update.

C&P'd from wank_report:

"The original post was deleted, but there's caps a'plenty at sf_drama. These are probably the most complete: http://pics.livejournal.com/halrenna/pic/000e0zr0

So. chiibiusa, co-mod of sm_secrets, announces in sailormoonfans that she's thinking of shutting down the comm (at least temporarily, but possibly for good), because there aren't enough secrets being submitted, and she's tired of it. The first commenter, tenchichan, suggests that chiibiusa needs to calm down.

DON'T. TELL. CHIIBIUSA. TO. CALM. DOWN.

Cue raeg, increasingly incoherent responses, a small amount of "OMG don't leave us we love you!" fangirling, and some sighs from people who thought their comm had outgrown this shit.

Then the whole thing hits sf_drama: http://community.livejournal.com/sf_drama/2556609.html?page=1#comments

Bringing chiibiusa with it: http://community.livejournal.com/sf_drama/2556609.html?thread=404234945#t404234945

She is STILL replying to comments left on the sf_d post, as well as randomly friending comm members. There are rumors of a post waiting in the sf_d mod queue, presumably telling us all how gullible we are for falling for her trolling, and how we've all been lol!pwnd! There's been a few comments from people who claim to know her and say that this is really unlike her, so it's possible that this is all leading up to the classic "I GOT HACKED!" defense."

ETA! Chiibiusa flounces: "i amno longer updating this journal from now until ever. and 'ever' is subjective is until i am ready to open it back up again."

Aptly, she's back for more. I guess in the recession, the exchange rate for 'ever' is approximately 45 minutes.

ETA 2: Oh, lordy, more posts. Courtesy of sistrelwood.

ETA 3: *facepalm* First rule of fight club, y'all.

A minor wank, but with tasty bits of hilarity.

Football (or soccer to everyone on the other side of the Atlantic) is an integral part of British culture. There's few things fans find more enjoyable than spending a Saturday standing in the rain watching your team lose again before going off to the pub for pie and a pint. It's serious business.

Southampton FC (aka the Saints) have been going through some hard times. The club is in desperate need of a buyer, or risks being shut down. They find one, but right before the final whistle it pulls out. Saints fans are distraught:

"OMG!!!!!! that officially says THIS IS IT!!!! Saints is FINISHED!!! I cant believe it! no one is buying saints its finished!!"

"Here i am led on my couch on my laptop, tears in my eyes knowing that i have seen my beloved saints for the last time..."

"BLUE SQUARE
YOU SAW ME CRYING ALONE
WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART
WITHOUT A CLUB OF MY OWN"


Then, amidst the wailing and gnashing of teeth, someone raises their voice:

"Amazing how quickly the post-count on any Saints story rises. It's only a game, peoples"

( The crowd's not happy! )

I think what makes the whole thing amusing is that the comments are clearly being trolled, but nobody save TSF notices and so take it at face value. That and the sheer vitriol being hurled at anybody they think is to blame for SFC's troubles. Oh wank, you do show up in the strangest places.

As those of you who haven't been living under a rock may know, a new Star Trek movie just came out. Over on fanficrants, roq is upset about this. Apparently, TEENAGERS are now WRITING in HER fandom! Quelle suprise!

She has some choice words to say about it.

( Wank long and prosper )

It's a beautiful day in the fanficrants neighborhood. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, people are ranting. amandasapanda stomps in to let the community know, in no uncertain terms that Star Trek fanfic is for real characters and not stinky OCs.

( Phasers locked on grudgewank, Captain! )

( ETA THE FIRST )

( ETA THE SECOND )

( TRIPLE ETA )

Roleplay!Secrets is an LJ community in the PostSecret vein, wherein when you have a grudge against another RPer, you can Photoshop (or MSPaint) your complaints onto a related picture, post it anonymously to the community, and watch the wank explode. You can also make secrets about how awesome you are -- but if you're using a screenshot of one of your own threads, be sure to edit the delete buttons out of the comments so that you can pretend that you really didn't posted it.

Normally, I would never post wank found there, because let's face it -- the thing's a complete cesspool of wank. But this one's a little more interesting than your typical "You suck at RPing!" and "lol self-post" wanks, so I thought I would share it.

So one day, a secret appears on the community about someone who plays Demyx, a character from Kingdom Hearts II. The secret complains about said player making said character have sex with another character in a portapotty. Yes, a portapotty. You just can't make these things up, folks! Or can you? Though anons act as though it's real and vehemently insist that it really happened (in a game whose name they can't divulge, or the crazy mod will show up and BAN EVERYONE FOREVER), various people begin to suspect that the community is being trolled -- especially when a sock journal for the portapotty in question shows up and attempts to explain the circumstances of the game's smutty outhouse goings-on. The "Demyx player" shows up to defend herself, leading to a discussion of the insanitary nature of having sex in a place where many people have, er, excreted; later, the "Sora player" shows up too.

Several days later, another secret shows up, ostensibly about the same Kingdom Hearts character. This one uses a graphic implying that the Demyx is the one in a game known as tltw_university; however, this is apparently lies and slander -- that Demyx has never had any lewd encounters in privies. At this point, the fake wank turns into real wank. The posters of the original secret come out of the woodwork and condemn whoever posted this latest one, appalled that their troll secret has been used for, uh... trolling. There are accusations of a mod at tltw wanting to kill her own game and using the secret as a means of doing that. And someone sings Les Mis songs for some reason. (I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, but the comment says it's a response to secret #6, so...)

It is at this point that your humble wank-writer-upper completely loses track of what's going on. But whatever it is, it is pretty special.

ETA, thanks to chlorhexidine: The troll responsible for the mod-wank accusations comes clean here. Also, this PSA in this post is the first appearance of the trolls behind the first secret. Also, it's a social experiment!

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

This is a small bit of slightly stale wank that I found in two communities for the price of one!

Princess Destiny bemoans to both fanficrants and marysues about a Sailor Moon fanfic titled The Great Matter written by papirini.

"WTF?! Since when are Sailor Senshi Tentacle Monsters?"

I found this on dotmoon.net the traumatized princess begins before posting the mark-up for a character, who doesn't even seem to be Mary Sueish other than having their species be a tentacle monster.

Over on fanficrants she proceeds to berate the author with "What were you thinking when you wrote this piece of godawful tripe." and "Thanks a lot for making my brain hurt, if you want to make a big deal out of my ranting I'll be scrubbing my brain."

Commenters are confused as to how the fic was bad and how the character in question is even a Sue other than being a tentacle monster.

The author of said fic also comes up and humorously writes "I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE MY FANFIC TENTACLE SAILOR AND I WILL NOW PROCEED TO SLIT MY WRISTS."

Small, morsel-sized, but funny.

Fandomsecrets's mod Technophile makes an announcement about other communities trolling Fandomsecrets and posting fake secrets. It initially came with a link to the Capslock Supernatural Comm with a specific tag for Fandom secrets. The link has since been deleted but here's a screencap.

Called on their game, the capslock_spn-ers turn out en mouse to try and show how cool and easygoing they're taking this whole thing. They give anyone who calls them stupid or attempts to apologize on Supernatural Fandom's behalf a beat down and otherwise generally troll the comments.

Being embarrassed by your fandom makes you stuck up.
Calling the capslock_spn-ers dumb makes you dumb.
Witchling's apology on behalf of fandom earns her a smackdown.
And into the fray jumps Jameth....I dunno, your guess is as good as mine.

Technophile pops back up on the fifth page to comment on the continued presence of the trolls and gets grilled on the decision to moderate the secrets posted into his own community. Tianar expresses her rage with mighty capslocks. ashe_frost calls technophile out on his modding skills.

And in the midst of it all Capslock_spn turns off open membership to stave off the flood of potential new members and keep things manageable they say.

Once upon a time the Sci-Fi channel had the great idea to have a messageboard and leave it widely unmoderated. Then came Battlestar Galactica. As you can imagine: this went well.  The following trends emerged: you would fangirl your chosen object of fanlove by making its thread as long as humanly possible by posting endless picspams, pages of what every poster had for breakfast and how the enemy-ships or characters resembled a trainwreck. 

But two weeks ago the zombie-admins decided to close all the multi-thousand pages threads and force the posters to start new ones. Things might have gotten a bit competitive because 200 pages into their own thread a few Kara/Lee shippers call fans of the Leoben Conoy character and actor Callum Keith Rennie (lastly wanked about in the Ray Wars) fans of a psycho stalker (Their thread being on page 250 probably had nothing to do with this.)

Now Rennie's character is a bit of psycho stalker, but the original remark apparently left it ambiguous/implied that it was calling the actor a psycho stalker, not the character. (The post has been bahleeted before I could read it to judge it myself.) Unfortunately, the same day the actor who played another rival of the Lee character and a threat to the posters' beloved Lee/Kara relationship had been severely injured in a car accident.

Cue greycoupon's dramatic entry  "Someone save me":


Right. I see they have moved from bashing the Kara/Leoben fans to the Callum fans directly.

Classy bunch that group. I am just waiting for someone to post that Trucco should have died in the accident so that we wouldn't have Sam getting in the way of Kara/Lee's OTP. Oh, you know someone will say it. I am just waiting.

lyssie says I need to stay out of that thread as it causes my IQ to drop. Not to mention causes me to twitch.

Said lyssie quickly replies with Wasn't there one who said they hoped Trucco never came back, or something? Eh. Same thing, really.

The word of that post get quickly back to the Kara/Lee thread and wank pours in quick and fast by the way of lyssie's whose opinion of the Kara/Lee shippers couldn't be lower.

But it's the anonymice who bring the real fun. Their contribution varies from: Does belittling others bring you great pleasure, because I am starting to develop the opinion that it does. to it gets me as hot as rape gets you leobenites to my absolute favorite:

Look. I know I'm an idiot, but you should really come to terms with your own. I mean you have such a grasp of the english language and the way you know how words go together and are used and ...gosh darn it, I'm just lost for words. It's kinda hard to believe that you're so petty, but I guess it's true and since I can't compete with you in that way....I'll just call you Rapist and leave it at that.

You know what all this controversy means: A Sequel by greycoupon about how her original point was misunderstood and so what about those trolly anonymous commenters?

Anonymous quickly makes a suggestion: do you want my name and address?..or some make up Name. Call me Daddy and leave it at that. You should get a kick out of that. 

BRPS has been on a roll of late, haven't they?

This starts with a lengthy -- and I do mean lengthy, it needed three posts -- rant by ehzoterik regarding one Smoke Bomb. It appears that Bomby-poo seems to feel that s/h/it is the ultimate authority on all things RP-related, and likes to sit in AIM chatrooms and make sure s/h/it tells everyone who comes along exactly how they suck and what they can and can't do (apparently quoting Star Wars is total RP anathema), usually in highfalutin' language.

So ehzoterik posts all this to BRPS and gets a really interesting side effect.

Smoke Bomb starts IMing anyone that commented negatively on the post to personally bash them.

The first chat log was posted to BRPS itself. (It's locked, you'll have to join the comm to see it.) Then wolfwanderess supplies one that resulted when Bomby-poo randomly IMed her to harass her for a comment she left on one of the BRPS entries.

( My favorite part! )

ETA: Edited to put in the first chat log link, 'cause I'm a doofus and forgot you can link to open-membership community posts even if they're locked. Durrr.

Oh, look, another troll with a vendetta. How cute.

Still waiting on the mod tags~

(why yes I'm a big dope sitting at home on a Friday night, why do you ask? :P)

Everyone remember these two Bleach wanks? Good, you've got your background. Earlier today on the ichi_ruki forum on LJ a post was made by ichirukicanon, which is now deleted (saved here!), but she's made up for it by bitching on her LJ.

At first, it looks like some members of ichi_ruki are trolling her, including ruhime, ichiishi, and kurosakiorihime (formally orihime_kun), except that all of their journals were made in the past week. Just sit back and get some popcorn.

Bonus: Two women can't have sex, and besides it's totally icky and gross. Two men? That's okay.

EDIT: Benihara showed up in the clairvoyantwank post. Not a sock of Orihime, but possibly more fun in the future?

New (socks? trolls? I'm so lost) journals: benihara, byaruk, and everyonexswords.

I endorse this last pairing.

Son of the Edit: Orihime has shown up. We're all mean f*ckers, and she's taking away the intranets! Quick, download as much porn as you can!

Another edit: I'm not doing the laundry this week. chizuxhime, and renichiruki. I have no clue what you guys are doing, but watching them implode is great. We've got a request in the comments for Chad/Ichigo. Any takers?

And a new word from orihime: Veggina.