There once was a soap opera called “As the world turns”
They had a gay couple called “Nuke” (Luke/Noah), then the soap got cancelled but not before Luke ran away with another guy called Reid.

First a lot of people didn't like that Reid destroyed Nuke, but then a lot of Nuke-shippers jumped ship as the new canon pairing became "LuRe" (Luke/Reid).

To be a good little "LuRe" shipper you have to bash Noah and "Nuke" at all times (best in the Douchefest)but you are not allowed to think that after Reid died in canon, Luke is allowed to ever fall in love again.

At least not in fic.

If you write or post fic that has Luke with someone else , you are insulted as stupid. Everybody who doesn't agree is also insulted and called stupid. If you call people too lazy to scroll over fic they don’t like you get banned.
If you like one fic like the next where canon gets ignored, Luke and Reid get married and have lots of kids, you are everyone's friend


yeah, I'm a "Nukie" who loves to see the "lurians" fight among themselves. So what?

Food Network Humor is a blog dedicated to mocking Food Network. They've had lots of strange little run-ins with Food Network, including when they were alerted to the fact that Scripps (owner of FN) registered Cooking Channel Humor in a preemptive strike. Well, about a year ago, the blogger emailed FN's PR person Lisa Krueger to request an email interview with the contestants of Next Food Network Star. Lisa declined with what Jillian felt was a snarky email, and that's why she posted the entire exchange. Now Lisa is leaving to work at Men's Health, and so Jillian reposted the emails for a laugh. So far, this is pretty standard for FNH, but then the comments start to get really weird.

It starts in the 3rd comment with some gentle scolding for being petty. Jillian counters with it's my blog. Boomie thinks Jillian is a crybaby and Hottody adds Jillian is childish, not funny, and oh yeah nobody likes her anyway. Leah Borgoin is excited they're getting such a rise out of Jillian and seems to admit to trolling.

There's the unfortunate implication that Guy Fieri goes commando

The comments continue in this vein for a bit longer, and then we get to Jenna agreeing that Lisa Krueger is a cunt, which sparks its own little dash of wank (which borders on unfunny, I know).

Jillian is accused repeatedly of "censoring" and "deleting" comments, though there's no evidence that she's done anything like that.

The regulars at the blog tell the trolls to stop trolling. Leah Borgoin indignantly declares she's not a troll.

We’re not fucking trolls. I visit this site because I don’t like the blogger and I want her to know that.

I’ll stop visiting as soon as she requires registration to leave comments.

Boomie returns to creepily tell Jillian that she's fucking creepy.

Toolshed scolds the people who called Krueger ugly while perhaps presenting a valid point. From there, the critical comments continue, but people stop responding to them, so the outrage dries up. What is it about Lisa Krueger that sparks such fierce devotion? Was it Lisa Krueger herself? Her buddies? An intern at the Food Network? Just some random troll taking advantage of an opportunity for recreational outrage?

[Jerri Blank]I guess we'll never know. [/Jerri Blank]

As a garnish for this wank, I offer Sandra Lee's outraged fans on Facebook. This was a little wank that began over how many nights there are in a week. Sandra thinks there are five. Jillian corrected her. Her fans were not amused.

Prologue:
A little background, fandom_wank, and then we can proceed
The Paradoxers are a clan that ship Sheldon/Penny
The show Big Bang Theory is what these characters are on
Bill Prady is a writer there; that's your sine qua non.

In lj's sheldon_penny, a mod post there is made
Concerning their show's writer and the tweets he has forbade
He does not want to be scared off by "@replies," you see
So please don't send him links to fic or he'll be forced to flee.

The general consensus first is one of agitation:
"Let's not be dicks and send him fics; we need some separation.
Who could send something like this? Who'd do something so odd?"
Imagine, then, the comm's surprise: turns out it was a mod!

She says Bill Prady asked for it but it's not very clear
(One dedicated mousy capped before it disappeared)
Upon this revelation, some members backpedal fast
And others simply quiet down - you think this calm will last?

Epilogue:
The anonymice on wank_report are those you should be thanking
They provided links and caps while they engaged in some more wanking.

Continued!
An ETA's in order, folks - there's been a change in wank
It seems these Sheldon/Penny shippers have really raised a... stank.
arabian has tweeted* that she's stepping down as mod
And at new comm spanon no mousy seems slack-jawed.

*thanks to galletas for the cap. I don't think I could shoehorn your name into a rhyme even if I tried.

Reminder: Don't troll the wank. Lurkers, I'd much prefer it if you'd support me in email.

This wank brought to you by a helpful mouse.

Remember House, the TV show about a Hugh Laurie brilliant doctor who plays by his own set of rules? Well, all you really need to know is that one of its major plot lines consists of two or three seasons of will they/won't they sexual tension that ultimately goes nowhere.
( Read more... )

Yanked from wank_report

Springjack starts a discussion over at TV Tropes.org about Nakama. He doesn't like the term. He thinks it should be "Fellowship." He doesn't care that the site has been unable to resolve this issue in the past. HE IS SURE HE CAN CONVINCE THEM!

His main argument seems to be that if you google the word you get a yaoi fansite and a lot of steak houses. He doesn't like the "Japanophile" term because it doesn't fit like a glove.

Springjack argues with every bit of semantics because "Tropes aren't a second language. They're slang." And when people try to meet him part way it's not good enough. And he continues to rail and lecture no matter what anyone says.

They put it to a vote and even though it is voted down Mr. Springjack can't STFU. And we're only at page 3 of 12. It devolves into discussions of "ohana" which Springjack suggested as a joke, but people seem to like. And then about kneepit vs kneebutt.

Springjack wanders off and the debate over a closed issue limps on. O_O

PART IV: ATTACK OF THE 404 ERROR

The rebel forces at MLL got their bus ads (at least two of them, which is like 5%) Notice I'm linking to the images at BWP, because the Death Star forums at MLL have mysterious gone down.

There are rumors and speculation that Sleezer and Kate are in the MLL chat and kick out everyone who tries to pop in.

Kayspleen who donated all the money for the ads was banned from MLL as were JTF, evilyn, and lila. Mod Reuben quit and was replaced by pantiesinawad bunchesoffun.

There is a fun philosophical discussion on the nature of hate over at BWP.

Will the forums come back up? Will we ever find out how much the ads actually cost? Will we learn if the kind of bus the ads are on makes a difference? Will we find out if Sleezer actually ate any of those pagan babies? Stay tuned...

ETA alpha: rijane has more dirt on Sleezer deleting a huge chunk of the forum late last night.

ETA beta:: Leeser caught lurking at BWP??

ETA gamma: Ex-MLL mods offer pretty damning evidence that Sleezer skimmed $10k off the 2008 con money.

ETA delta: rijane explains about lawyers filing charges in this mess.

ETA epsilon: More con $$ shennanigans.

ETA zeta: SLEEZER SAYS MLL FORUM DOWN FOR GOOD!
edited to remove link to chat transcript because it violates F_W rules. You can find it if you dig around at BWP, but I am suspicious of the empty brand new journal.

ETA eta: I smell bullshit. I'm not the brightest bulb in the hallway, but this reads like one of Sleezer's supporters pretending to be a mouse and "leaking" info to us. YMMV.

ETA theta: www.lisagerry.com/ includes lots of MLL caps and all sorts of fun and damning evidence!

ETA iota: BWP has gone to registered users only for the off-topic forums. So none of these links work now. YAY? I think that concludes this wank unless Sleezer brings the forums back and explains it was a social experiment or something.

disclosure: I registered over there because I wanted to ask the site owner to take my user name off of lisagerry.com. FTLOG. Thank you!!

( resources below cut )

Previously, on Moonlight: Busgate 2008:

In the last episode, the Moonlight kerfluffle, (reported here in the original wank report) we had $11k missing and people demanding answers for it. For a dramatic week, people wondered if there'd ever be an end to it all.

Finally, we get some relief as Leeser's payment goes through and kayspleen reports that she is satisfied.

But it's not over yet... dun dun dun!
( Read on, for more! )

Will rijane and the other winners ever see their vials? Will the board implode under the weight of all the drama? Will Leeser ever cough up any explanations for anything? Will Kate post again on any other non-issues? Will the fanfic writers gain access to their fanfic again?

Stay tuned, true believers, for the next episode of Moonlight Line: Busgate 2008, Electric Boogalo!

Disclaimer: There is no way one can possibly write this up and get ALL the links available on this. I cherry picked what I thought were the best tidbits of this on going drama that's getting huge enough to rival Godzilla.

ETA the first!: Even the Germans are smelling something foul.

And let's not forget the propeller story, for it has tasty details as well. Thank you killer_gopher.

ETA's mother: Quick, everyone, look busy, we've been spotted!

Many thanks to Lila from the MLL board for providing details on the ghosts of Eris. So far, we have MyImaginaryFriend, gandhhi, BooBerry, Chaos, Inara, Addiecurly, and CaptainJackMorgan.

ETA's mother's cousin: Rijane's revenge has been enacted.

ETA's mother's cousin's best friend: Moonpies? No seriously, MOONPIES?

ETA's mother's cousin's best friend's ex-girlfriend: The Fleur de Lis reference explained.

ETA's mother's cousin's best friend's ex-girlfriend's dog: Thanks to ari_o, we now have the Moonlight Bingo Card.

ETA's mother's cousin's best friend's ex-girlfriend's dog's chew toy: Flashback scene! Leeser apparently tried to run her own church and PRE-SCHOOL.

ETA So what does that make us?: Ads are up!

ETAs galore. cleolinda, how in the world did you keep up with this?

Another flashback to a time when Leeser was more godlike.

The proposed ad itself.

Another mod flees from the board.

Some of the snowflakes have realized the error of their ways.

Rijane is in a car accident, and we blame Leeser somehow.

More questions that likely will never get answers.

Today's ETA is... elizabuff goes right back to wanking. Anyone surprised?

And another large ETA: Leeser's school was apparently just another scam.

What follows is an account written by swsa, a friend without a JF account, and it is such a classic take-the-money-and-run story that I present it to you unaltered (well, okay, I threw in some links).


In Moonlight fandom, their high priestess of campaigning is named Leeser. Leeser's status in the fandom grew and grew as she organized fan cons, did the leg work for their Variety ad, etc. She is absolutely beloved and a hero of their cause. Which is why another fan apparently felt secure enough to give her $11000 in order to pay for bus ads to run in L.A. ( This ends about as well as you might expect )

ETA ∞: I was waiting to update until the supposed Leeser-vindicating deadline this afternoon, but it looks like... I don't even know what. So:

The donor updates:

The ad agency has stated they cannot confirm whether the funds are available or not. The New York office is placing at least a 3-5 day hold on Lesser's account in order to verify funding with the bank, however it may be longer. They are now hoping to be able to post this account on Friday. The ads have arrived and are waiting in the warehouse. Lesser is aware of this. I am so angry at this moment I dare not say too much more. One thing I must say though is to Lesser: Shame on you! To put me through this is one of the most unconscionable deeds I have experienced in my life.

Also: Homophobia on Leeser's board? Convention money shenanigans? Sockpuppetry? (Note: the Blue Whale Pub board seems to be down at the moment.)

ETA ∞ +1: And now about $8K in convention funds cannot be accounted for. (More.) Yes, we are pretty sure this is not VB on the rampage again.

ETA ∞ +2: I think dhaunea called this one...

ETA ∞ +3:: The ads are going up on Monday?

ETA 9/29/08: Y'all, please somebody take this over and do a new entry or something. I can't keep up with all the board shenanigans now.

Just when I think I've seen just about everything wanked there comes Gay German Soap Opera wank. Credit for writing the report goes to the Anonymouse over at wank_report. All I did was fix the html as there really was nothing to add.

Once upon a time in fall 2007 there was a German soap opera named AWZ (Alles Was Zählt) with hot gay kissing. So the blog romanunddeniz.blogspot.com was created to post youtube clips and spoilers for people to squee about.

All was well.

Except then hot boy 1 starts declaring his love for some chick and dicking around behind boy 2's back. The fans are stunned. Denial. Anger. Depression.

Just as hot boy 1 is stepping out on hot boy 2, a second German soap named VL (Verbotene Liebe) pops up and also features hot boy kissing. People bring up those two guys from As The World Turns and Hollyoakes. People are curious how gay storylines are being handled all over the world. And so romanunddeniz.blogspot.com turns into gaydaytime.blogspot.com where clips from gay storylines in daytime and primetime are posted and everybody lives together peacefully, right?

WRONG.

The VL storyline gets linked in a couple of places, it has subtitles and some people are really feeling it. The fans of AWZ feel neglected. They complain that blog owner Wolfi doesn't appreciate the subtle humor and superior writing of AWZ when he complains that a soap doing a storyline on a killer virus is stupid. And why or why don't people acknownledge that AWZ is clearly the vastly superior German soap opera featuring two guys swapping spit? (notice user chrisms and gabi, they are gonna show up again)

So Wolfi makes a main post defending his decision and his right to think killer virus storylines are stupid. He expresses his anguish over the good old AWZ days when they were all so happy together and his sadness that when his blog featured a poll asking people that if they could cancel a soap from the gay daytime lineup people picked AWZ rather than As The World Turns as he expected.

The AWZ fans go quiet for a while.

Except then suddenly things start looking up for AWZ. The female love interests disappears. Hot boy 1 starts taking cocaine and dryhumping hot boy 2. Some people are feeling it, some don't. chrisms complains that people don't see that the VL storyline is badbadbadwrong.

The next AWZ clip gets posted and chrisms complains that not everybody thinks that having sex with your ex-boyfriend while he is on drugs is stuff we all would do when we are in love. Some people call boy 2 a whiner. chrisms and anonymous accuse each other of having wrong expectations of the soap genre.

The next clip gets posted and chrisms tells people how they really feel about VL storyline, about people not appreciating the sublime beauty of the AWZ story and how they gleefully wait for the day when VL goes down in smokes.

Anonymous (that makes the wank suck a bit, most VL fans tend to use anonymous, in the squee posts too) steps in and says that "asshole fans" like chrisms are keeping them from having sympathy for the story.

Chrisms friend Gabi steps in and calls anonymous on being an anonymous and calling chrism an asshole. Anonymous comes back and defends their decision to call chrisms an asshole and proceed to praise apparently without irony how much less petty they are than the AWZ fans. People award points to gabi. Other anonymous steps in and indicates that chrisms a hypocrite for complaining about the level of discussion the blog is compared against their statements about the level of intelligence of the VL fans.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Aww, look, alliteration!

A post is made in West Wing Fans this morning listing rumours about some of the cast members (and by "cast members", apparently terminator generally means "people who did a 2-ep guest spot"). 

Hey, did you know that Rob Lowe was caught on tape with an underage girl, Aaron Sorkin has a drug problem, as does Matthew Perry, John Goodman, Christian Slater, and Jimmy Smits?!?? Also, Lily Tomlin likes girls.

Most of them are negative (although technically a lot of them are also mostly true, even though they're exaggerated), no source is cited, no explanation is given for the post, and I don't know about the rest of the people in that com, but I have no idea who the poster is.

People express dismay in the comments, defend Rob Lowe from the INJUSTICE of these unsubstantiated rumours, request a source for all this, and generally wonder wtf is going on.  A search of the OP's user info and reading some of his back entries reveals that he apparently only started watching the show when he realized Alan Alda was on it.  In a bizarre twist of events, comments start mysteriously disappearing.

Another post is made asking if the com has a mod.  We're mostly a self-modding community, since A)no one knows who or where the mod is, and B)it's the West Wing.  We only fight when the Josh/Donna shippers and the Josh/Amy shippers get going.

And then, the plot twist!  The OP is the mod!  Horrors, how did this happen?!  Apparently the old mod hasn't posted in her journal since 2001, so your friend and mine, terminator, took over her account and modding duties.  Yes, there has been a coup d'etat in the West Wing fandom.</span>

I didn't expect it to grow quite as quickly as it did, but now that we've apparently been taken over by a foul-mouthed moron, things should be more interesting.

edit: Sorry, didn't mean to kill everyone's friends page for the whole of the afternoon. No excuse other than being html's bitch. Hopefully it's fixed now.

Hello wank fans... I’ve got a good one for you. I’m sure you’ve read a few of those axe-grinding customer reviews at Amazon.com that have little to do with the book in question, and everything to do with the customer’s personal agenda? Well, check out the “Spotlight Review” written by “Benjamin” from Seattle...

Joss Whedon: The Genius behind Buffy

This is more subtle and well-written than most of the wanks posted here... but what makes it particularly priceless is that the writer isn’t half as subtle or clever as he thinks he is. Ben has an axe to grind, all right, but it’s not reallly about the “dangers of deification.” It’s some classic sour-grapes rambling from a disgruntled ex-fan.

And why is Ben an ex-fan? There’s one clue in this review:

At one point she appears to equate Willow's lesbianism with her magic addiction, but Havens' writing is so unclear I honestly can't tell if she meant to make that point.

Uh-huh. But for more evidence we need to go to another of Ben’s reviews: This one is a ways down the page:

Seven Seasons of Buffy

It is badly marred, however, by the inclusion of a piece by Kevin Andrew Murphy. His essay digresses into vile, dubious and non-representative portraits of fans of actress Amber Benson, who played Tara on Buffy, as stalkers. It's based on wild speculation and deserves contempt for its intent to smear these fans.

ETA: So he's pre-emptively defending his fandom, when probably most Amazon visitors don't know what he's talking about. Yep.

heather_nicole really hates being spoiled for her nighttime soap opera "The O.C.".

So it's plenty o'fun when nadien rejects such purity.

Uh-oh! "I propose banning her from the community, and perhaps re-wording the community rules to include spoilers of any kind."

Although, avoiding this particular spoiler would be hard to do under the best of circumstances.

Spoiler whore or spoilerphobic, there's enough wank here on both sides for all.

Attention! Is someone in your fandom bugging you? Getting up your nose and not sharing your values? Fear not, because for the price of a dial-up, you can now share the hate with the rest of the class!

Display emails, IM conversations and chat transcripts! Go searching for posts in other forums in order to prove your point! Get your friends to agree with you! Spend hours of time building a website dedicated to one person (albeit a stunningly silly person) instead of having a drink and forgetting about it! Act now now now!

LIEK OMG!!!111 CONAN T0k3d T0 M3!!!111

atkatkwaht.OH.MY.GAAAD. he talked to me. conan christopher o`brien talked to me. i had made a shirt that said conan is magically delicious, with a picture of conan surrounded by hearts on it.

I'd quote more goodness from this journal, but the damn Harry Potter plagarists are preventing me from doing so I'd spoil the rest of the wankiness for you all.