Patrick from the popular blog Pat's Fantasy Hotlist posts an exclusive excerpt from a new Dunk and Egg story by George R.R. Martin. The first comment to this blog entry:

Anonymous
I m really glad that George can find the time to do anything under the sun, but finish the book that everyone is waiting for. For example, eating, watching football, editing crappy novels nobody cares about, talking about Paris, conventions in 3rd world countries, etc. Also, its really cool how he releases books in England first when 95 % of his fans are in the U.S. Good job fatso! Boycott?

And it goes downhill from here. For more than 200 comments "Martin sucks because he is doing everything except writing A Dance with Dragons" people and "Leave Martin alone! Quit whining and find something else to read!" people are bitching at each other. Highlights include:

( You called me Oprah? It's defamation! )

Eventually Patrick disabled new comments and made this post:

For fuck's sake. . .
Posted by Patrick

Are you fucking kidding me???? Am I running a day care??? I've been running this blog for more than 5 years, and it's the first time I've been forced to disable the comment function.:\

To the GRRM haters and the trolls out there, do everyone a favor and stop reading anything Martin writes. There's enough good SFF material to keep everyone happy, I believe. And yes, a little maturity would go a long way. . .

Never thought I'd be saying this, but you are even worst than the brainwashed Goodkind fans on the Yeard's forums. And Christ, that's saying something!=( As a matter of fact, you make Mystar sound like the Voice of Reason and the Soul of Wisdom. . .

I would like to believe that this is the work of pimply anti-social teenagers who get pick on at school and whose sex lives amount to downloading porn every night. But my gut tells me that it's from "responsible" adults. . .

Come on, man. . .

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

A "slightly disgruntled fan" wrote an 80,000-word essay about everything he disliked in the books and wants JKR to rewrite HP in accordance with his wishes.

An excerpt from the essay:

Destiny Unfulfilled is designed to convince as many fans as possible that a revised edition is called for, so they can begin haranguing Ms. Rowling (politely and with restraint, of course). Never underestimate the power of peon pressure!
Creative writing students will likely also benefit from reading this book, as the careful analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of someone else's writing often helps us spot those same traits in our own work. Finally, students of composition can use this as an example of argumentative writing, as well as a jumping off point for school writing assignments, by either agreeing with or countering points made here-in.

Then he went to The Leaky Lounge to brag about his essay and to convince the posters here to beg JKR to revise the books.

An excerpt from his first post:

I do have an M.A. in English, but I feel my main qualifications for writing the book are that I'm a (slightly disgruntled) fan of the series, and I've put a lot of effort into analyzing the seven books. To be clear, this is not a religious diatribe, political axe-grinding, nor do I attempt to take Ms. Rowling to school on who should have fallen in love with whom in the series. (I am *not* a kook! Heh.) Rather, this is an examination of issues like the role of a protagonist, the writer's contract with her readers, characterization, shaggy dog resolutions, and so forth.

The critique makes claims such as that Harry fails to fulfill his role as a protagonist and, ultimately, ceases to be even a necessary character. Hermione could easily have made it through Book 7 without Harry and Ron tagging along after her.... That seems like a fairly major problem, when the title character turns out to be unnecessary.

I hope we can make enough noise to get Ms. Rowling's attention. We aren't asking for more books in the series, just that she fulfill the promises she made to us: that the books would star Harry as the hero and protagonist, that the books wouldn't be episodic, and so forth.

ETA: "We're operating within our rights under the Magna Carta".

ETA 2: "I've been told to not post more than once in 24 hours".

ETA 3: madderbrad adds his two knuts.

ETA 4: Migdalin himself appeared on Fandom Wank. And he apologized to us.

Have you heard about the pandemonium that Robert Pattinson--the flesh and blood incarnation of Sparkly Marblepeen God Edward Cullen--has been causing as he makes his way across America in a series of Hot Topic mall tours?

Well, a group of twats, members of the Twilight humor community 'Twatlight, were there to experience the chaos first hand, and they had a plan to bring a smile to Robert's face.

Tom Sturridge is the somewhat lesser known in real life BFF of RPattz. There's several running in jokes amongst the twats involving Tom, and lots of joking around about RPattz/TomStu slashing because the two guys apparently share clothing, and Tom tends to be photographed hovering around Robert protectively as he speaks to the media during red-carpet events (see video for examples. He is the bearded guy standing watch 39 seconds in and at 1.22 minutes. Tom also happens to be wearing the infamous green plaid shirt that he and Robert share.)

The Bring A Smile to Rob's face plan was for the twatlight member kristaynuh to wear this homemade shirt during the autograph signing session. The shirt is of two hearts with Tom Sturridge's face stuck right over the boob area with the words 'TomStu ♥s You' directly
beneath the pictures.

Wanna see how Rob reacted to seeing the face of his best friend over a random girl's bosom? Well, she posted a reaction vid of Rob to youtube, yo here yah go.

The general consensus within the Twatlight community was that she was awesome, and that what she'd done was totally in keeping with the community's lulzy attitude towards Twilight. But others do not agree! Some think that it was a majorly creepy move. Others claim that the twats have a double standard when it comes to mocking TwiHards, that to them it's okay for twats to pull stunts like these, but would find it creepy if it were the TwiMoms doing it. And still more claim that Twatlight has gone too srs bsness and has forgotten about its lulzy origins.

It's small wank right now, but haven't you missed Twilight wank lately?

Bonus Unrelated Thing: RPattz has been doing a lot of promo interviews lately, so he's been doing a lot of Stephenie Meyer slagging off. Like in this video, where he says: "I was convinced... that Stephenie was convinced... that she was Bella... and it was like a book that wasn't supposed to be published. And you're reading like, her sort of sexual fantasy. [...] I was like, This woman is mad. She's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And sometimes you'd like feel uncomfortable reading this thing. [...] It's kind of... like a sick pleasure."

And he says this kind of thing not once, but TWICE.

I'm going to rip this straight from wank_report   because the Mouse summarized it perfectly:

"Small wank so far, but I'm sure Chancery won't disappoint us.

After Stone's debacle on the Amazon romance forums, Chancery discovered Nora Roberts. And immediately finds her so silly and her writing so horrible, she can't HELP but write a big long post on just how LITTLE Chancery thinks of la Nora.

http://danny.blogspirit.com/archive/2008/09/12/bleedin-nora.html#comments

Also, in the comments, to prove to everyone that she really DOESN'T CARE AT ALL about Nora, Chancery goes to her local library for some of Nora's books. Because she COULD REALLY CARE LESS. The butthurt is continued in her next blog post, wherein Chancery cares so little about Nora and her success that she psychoanalyzes Roberts' home life, motivations, and lack of strong female influences in her life.

http://danny.blogspirit.com/archive/2008/09/19/romancing-la-stone.html#comments

It would have just been left at that, perhaps, if Karen Knows Best, the former blog that complained about the Amazon wank, hadn't picked up on it and posted their own butthurt on behalf of Nora. Now that people are paying attention to her tantrum, Chancery will inevitably ascend to the peaks of Mount Wankalaya never before scaled.

http://karenknowsbest.com/2008/10/01/can-you-smell-the-desperation-from-here/#comments [ETA: Karen's account seems to have been suspended for some reason.]"


*applauds mousie*
The only things I'll add to this is that Chancery added another post in which she tries to spoof Nora's writing, with hi-fucking-larious results, and she found that last link the mousie gave.

I would've put this in clairvoyantwank  , but Chancery trying to spoof Nora's writing just put this one over the top.

Edited again to fix wacked-up HTML. GODDAMN RICH TEXT TAB.

Bride of ETA: There's now some bonus wank/rage in the comments of Chancery's post on being spotted by Karen. I don't know if it's related to Karen's blog going down or not, but some people clearly think so.

Son of ETA: Karen's blog is now back up. Leading theories are lasers, monkeys, space lasers, space monkeys, or space laser monkeys or us wankas overusing metered bandwidth.

Bride of the Son of ETA: What the shit? (from a new comment, made today, in CS's first post)

Revenge of the Bride of ETA: Speaking of batshit comments, there is now delightful catfighting in Chancery's post about Karen. Particularly beautiful (emphasis mine):
ItsASecret, why do you all have an obsession with me changing? Do you have problems with people changing on you? Is this a fear of werewolves, vampires? Did your mother have a sex change and become your dad? And there is no facility to screen comments on Blogspirit. All I can do is delete them. Would you like me to delete yours? Would that help you feel more special? Try not to look so paranoid. It's an ugly trait, and you're already trying too hard. You can't win, you know.

Don't worry, I have screencaps in excess should CS go on a deleteathon.

ETA with a twist of lemon (i couldn't resist): I think this deserves an ETA of its own for sheer fucking irony. Chancery's latest comment on this post:

Of course you "don't have an obsession with anything" about me, ItsASecret. And of course you "are not trying to win". And we do know why you keep posting "stupid comments". That, we do. However, maybe you want to try and learn not to "protest too much." Fails to convince.

And does anyone "disagree with me on the internet"? All I hear is the same sad assortment of 'insults' followed by "oh Chancery, never change", all the time, every time, over and over, endlessly. Not an 'argument' in sight.

Lastly, in the wild, giddy impossibility of one of you actually managing to think up something resembling a "disagreement" - why would that damage my "sparkling reputation"? (Thanks, by the way)

Do you ever think before you speak?

many bothansquotation marks died to bring us this ETA.

As a lot of you must know by now, the first 12 Chapters of Midnight Sun, Smeyer's addition to her Uh-may-zing boooookes was leaked on the internet several days ago, and this has chagrined her dazzle verily.

From her official website:

August 28, 2008 (part II)

As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.

I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution.

I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn't mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.

So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes. But how do I comment on this violation without driving more people to look for the illegal posting? It has taken me a while to decide how and if I could respond. But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here (at the end of this message on the Midnight Sun page). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest. I hope this fragment gives you further insight into Edward's head and adds a new dimension to the Twilight story. That's what inspired me to write it in the first place.

I do want to take a moment and thank the wonderful fans who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you means to me. I only hope this note will stop all the confusion and online speculation so that the Twilight universe can once again become the happy escape it used to be. After this incredibly busy year, I am now focusing on spending more time with my family and working on some other writing projects.

--Stephenie

I don't think I need to add much more than that.  Lol.  This is so bloody beautiful...Oh Smeyer...please to be going over there to cry upon your pile of ill-begotten millions.  We all know that that book is going to be finished and published eventually so that you can add to your dragon hoard of booty. 

Who else thinks that she's just waaaaahing for the sympathy and threatening to not provide any more crack so that everyone can forget about the epic fail that was Breaking Dawn and start kissing her ass again? *raises hand*

Edit:

And we get reactions from the Amazon Boards and the ♥ TwiMoms ♥. The ONTD comm weighs in on the situation.

And the NuttyMadam reacts. Though sorry, there's no vid this time since she took it down. But here, have a transcription of the lost vid, courtesy of aegflota

We are all a bunch of meanies hiding away in this little club house of ours.

Smeyer Ego stroking.

Bonus Snack: The Twimoms just cannot leave the poor boy alone!. There's wankiness in the second link, as the TwiMom in the picture appears and asks for her photo to be taken down. Also, Here is a step by step instruction manual on how to go about your Pretty Vampire Actors stalking, for you n00bs who have no idea how to go about it. It is illustrated and everything. The TwiMoms are nothing, if not thorough.

OH NOES YOU GUISE! They be calling the FBI on us!!! WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?

Twilight is going to save our country from the evil lesbians so you'd better all stop dissing it!

Cleolinda Midnight Sun Commentary! Yay. Lol.

ETA:How do you gain respect for your much derided favorite author? Why, by starting an online petition for it, of course!

Teratologist responds to being on Fandom Wank. The big wankage is in the comments, though, where there's another round of Slytherins, Death Eaters, racism, Snacky's Law, and parenthetical sentences [love of].

I thought ataniell93 said she wasn't going to read Fandom Wank again because we gave her bad karma?