Hetalia is a manga/anime series that stars anthropomorphizations of different countries. Stephen Colbert is America (And So Can You). rover_09 posts that "her friend" posted a fanart to the Stephen Colbert forums. Most would think it means it's yet another silly fanart of America and Colbert standing in front of the American flag being America. But to everyone's horror, it's a Colbert/America/Bandit Keith three-way.

The whole community: TAKE THAT DOWN NOW! *FAIL GIFS*

rover_09 reminds the community about "her friend".

Edit:

I am not endorsing this. I put this up because she sent it to me and I wanted to see what others thought of it. You want to yell at someone, go talk to her.

And now we got a sockpuppet troll on page 5: suckonthisnews!

( Cut for tl;dr troll )

400+ replies and rising.

Edit: The Colbert forum post was finally taken down right before this post hit 600.

Edit: Baleeted!

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

I read the strangest rant today. How strange you say? So strange no one can agree just whether it's even a rant at all!

OP replies to requests to clarify, a few times, while a brave idealist attempts first contact, before realizing only a sucker would try to breach such impenetrable walls of WTF.

A random potshot at someone's fic-writing skills prompts the best simile ever.

The more persistent commenters dig through the layers of Bizarro-talk until they uncover the truth: OP is... 'anti-criticism'?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMILEYS.

And shattered idealism is shattered.

ETA: aslongasitlasts has studied the people of FFR. He's like a magic 8-ball, in a way.

And wank_report has some too.

ETA2: Modly intervention. But he wants to be banned. No, really.

ETA s'more: Post got blanked and F-locked. Comm membership is open, though.

The ETA Apocalypse Now: Comments are being baleeted at random, and the original post is replaced by the preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's the final troll blowout, people.

ETA Captain Obvious:: Oh, so that's what started it. Taunting the mod, and then deleting comments (A no-no in ffr^2). He's banned now, but you wouldn't know because the mod comment that said that is... deleted!

ETA Cry For Justice: There are 409 Google caches of the wank still with pre-baleetion comments. Saving the ones I can before they update.

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

Well, if you're looking for some real crazy, look no further than digimon!.

Overlord_Mordax wants to know why people like Ken. Or as one user puts it, why people like her. Mom jokes are taken seriously. Anonymous gets involved.

Mordax BAWS on her own journal.


***brought to my attention by a lovely mouse on wank_report

I thought I'd pop in and see what HP fandom is up to this day. And, whatdayaknow? My favourite Slytherfen are still around. angakkuq posted about this here for the_hms_stfu

The title Rehumanizing the Slytherins: How Fandom Gave Humanity Back to a Quarter of the Wizarding World" made me weepy, albeit because I was laughing so hard. The linked essay is only a precis of the 20 page "academic presentation" sagedarkwoods gave. It's pretty standard pretentious fan meta, with headings such as "Queering the Slytherin Identity". (To her credit, there's no argument being made that being a Slytherin is just like being gay, only that some fans see it that way.)

The comments, on the other hand.... I'll just excerpt my favourite:

( This causes self-esteem issues and mental health problems. )

ETA: Bonus Wank:How Would Harry Potter Judge Susan Boyle? in which it is revealed that Snape is just like Susan Boyle, and Harry is Simon Cowell, but meaner. On the other hand, JKR is Simon Cowell, because JKR has had makeovers, and Cowell arranges makeovers. (Hat tip to mariem_1 for links in her own post.)

Lady Sybilla put out another press release. She also showed up at the Twilight Lexicon again, since that went so well the last time. (When the formatting gets hard to read, check it here.)

(Fanhistory links are all nofollow.)

After her Wikipedia article was deleted (you can go to the Russet-Noon webpage for more information), Lady Sybilla edited the shit out of the Russet Noon Fanhistory page all by her lonesome (despire Laura Hale asking around on Bebo whether anyone else had anything to contribute).

And in case your blog entry about the whole affair shows up there, I'm sorry. Lady Sybilla farmed the Russet Doom Supplementary Links Collection and changed my format a little to make the attention seem less wholly negative.

Oh also I put together an entry in my journal with links to screencaps and transcriptions and things, for quick and easy reference. 

akisawana rants on fanficrants about how much Rhinox sucks, apparently in relation to a comment made here about her friend's slashfic.

Dear Beast Wars fantwats,

Please learn the difference between "character bashing" and "Rhinox is an utter and complete tool who would totally kill half the pairing given the chance, and is practically the abusive husband of the other half."*

Please do not refer to Rhinox as "the mother hen of the Maximals" or anything along those lines. It makes me headdesk. I think my skull is getting a stress factor.

Please go back and watch the show. It's on Youtube.

Seriously, when the Pit is being more intelligent than LJ, we have a problem.

Lordy, and it ain't even my fic!*

*Friends do not strangle friends into submission.

*I'm beta'ing it. I think that makes me more defensive.

For those who aren't familiar with Beast Wars, Rhinox is generally regarded as one of the more reasonable, stable, and decent of the good guys, although like all the other characters he's had a few morally questionable moments. The rest of the comm goes "WTF mate" in response to this rather odd alternate character analysis, to which akisawana responds that we'll understand when we're older.

I guess it must be one of those things you don't recognize until you grow up [...] I guess Rhinox is just something you can't fully grasp until you've grown up.

dunmurderin notes that they're actually older than the OP. Response?

I did come up with a defense for my opinion. Your response was "you hate Rhinox so anything you say doesn't count because it's distorted by your dislike of him." So you may be twice my age, but you sure aren't acting like it.

Apparently older here is defined as mentally old enough to agree with her.

This is also when a new challenger comes diving in to claim that age isn't everything anyway and defend her colleague's assessment of FFR maturity Yes, apparently ianam1983 is the author of the nefarious fic in question and has come to show her bravery and creativity by comparing the abandonment of an immortal, sadistic mass murderer and cannibal to child rape.

It's my fic. Y'all want to argue about it, feel free to take it up with me. I love hearing this "in-context" BS. Like if the situation is screwy enough, you could rape a child and be forgiven for it. Some things are just plain unacceptable no matter what the situation, no matter what the excuse. (Hell, if you carry the "in-context" argument to its logical conclusion, you can justify Megatron's actions in the entire show, or even Rampage's. I've seen people do it.)

I'm making a moral statement here. Rhinox never got called on his crap in the show, so I'm calling him on it. What's more, I'm exploring an aspect of his character that I find highly interesting. He is not a plot device to me. I'm trying to get into his head and find what makes him tick, and why he does things like this. I'll admit that part of it is deeply satisfying to me as a fan, who found him very unnerving even when no one else did, to put my perspective down on paper, and I won't apologize for that. But I personally find that an adult perspective on a kid's show uncovers a lot of layers, subtleties, and shadows that were overlooked as a child, and those make very good story elements.

Because no one's ever used alternate character interpretation to explore the darker side of a character or faction before, and certainly not done it while actually adhering to their canonical characterization. What foolishness.

Still, for all that akisawana has a severe case of needing to chill the fuck out, she does have an excellent marketing idea!

Is your vibrator named Rhinox or something? Seriously, why can't you just chalk us up as a bunch of loonies and walk away?
Clearly you're not going to change our minds any more than we're going to change ours, so why don't you and "Rhinox" go have a little quality time together. I think it would do you good.

Beast Wars vibrators? I'd go for that.

EDIT: Apparently the ranter just isn't brave enough to face the slings and arrows of FFR and has deleted. Fortunately alanahikarichan has a few screencaps.

OK, first thing is first: If you're eating while browsing F_W right now, you may not want to read this post. Things are going to get a little gross.

A handwriting meme has been going around FurAffinity. It's pretty simple: Answer the given questions in your own handwriting. A fun and overall innocent little time waster.

That is, until thedarkwolfzearoth decided to pee on his filled out meme and scan it. Since he's marked it mature, one must be over 18 and have a FA account (which anyone can sign up for) to view it. So for the brave of stomach the scanned meme is here.

"Someone asked me on the original why I didn't mark the paper. I thought it through and realized I should have since my scent marks are as much as part of my signature as my name written with a pen."

As one would hope, this results in many disgusted comments. The situation is far from one-sided however, as deathclub is there to white knight all over for thedarkwolfzearoth's right to urinate! Some choice quotes:

"im pretty sure he hurt you so much with peeing on a paper... wow your eyes must bleed now or something or your arms just fell of or something o.o It must be one of such things, since you make so much drama about it... srsly... its just a peed paper... its not blood or scat or something, its just a wet piece of paper... (in fact it dried before he scanned it) its not a part of his body he choped of ... srsly let him do what he want as long as nobody gets hurt when he does it..."

"ok i replied to all you flamers an be sure, i will not answer to any reply you will give, if you have problems, send me a note. or look into my profile, there are my messenger names, IM me, if you can take a serious discussion under 4 eyes"

"yeah he did... why dont you make more photos of your granny and post it on FUR affinity and let him pee his papers?"

This is by FAR the classiest wank I've ever posted, I think.

ETA: For those who don't want to make an FA account to view the comments (and who could blame you?), here are some screencaps: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16.

thedarkwolfzearoth is now emphasizing how this was all supposed to be a joke! I mean, yes it's really his urine and all, but he did it for the lulz! So it's OK!

As a lot of you must know by now, the first 12 Chapters of Midnight Sun, Smeyer's addition to her Uh-may-zing boooookes was leaked on the internet several days ago, and this has chagrined her dazzle verily.

From her official website:

August 28, 2008 (part II)

As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.

I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution.

I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn't mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.

So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes. But how do I comment on this violation without driving more people to look for the illegal posting? It has taken me a while to decide how and if I could respond. But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here (at the end of this message on the Midnight Sun page). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest. I hope this fragment gives you further insight into Edward's head and adds a new dimension to the Twilight story. That's what inspired me to write it in the first place.

I do want to take a moment and thank the wonderful fans who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you means to me. I only hope this note will stop all the confusion and online speculation so that the Twilight universe can once again become the happy escape it used to be. After this incredibly busy year, I am now focusing on spending more time with my family and working on some other writing projects.

--Stephenie

I don't think I need to add much more than that.  Lol.  This is so bloody beautiful...Oh Smeyer...please to be going over there to cry upon your pile of ill-begotten millions.  We all know that that book is going to be finished and published eventually so that you can add to your dragon hoard of booty. 

Who else thinks that she's just waaaaahing for the sympathy and threatening to not provide any more crack so that everyone can forget about the epic fail that was Breaking Dawn and start kissing her ass again? *raises hand*

Edit:

And we get reactions from the Amazon Boards and the ♥ TwiMoms ♥. The ONTD comm weighs in on the situation.

And the NuttyMadam reacts. Though sorry, there's no vid this time since she took it down. But here, have a transcription of the lost vid, courtesy of aegflota

We are all a bunch of meanies hiding away in this little club house of ours.

Smeyer Ego stroking.

Bonus Snack: The Twimoms just cannot leave the poor boy alone!. There's wankiness in the second link, as the TwiMom in the picture appears and asks for her photo to be taken down. Also, Here is a step by step instruction manual on how to go about your Pretty Vampire Actors stalking, for you n00bs who have no idea how to go about it. It is illustrated and everything. The TwiMoms are nothing, if not thorough.

OH NOES YOU GUISE! They be calling the FBI on us!!! WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?

Twilight is going to save our country from the evil lesbians so you'd better all stop dissing it!

Cleolinda Midnight Sun Commentary! Yay. Lol.

ETA:How do you gain respect for your much derided favorite author? Why, by starting an online petition for it, of course!

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

laryna6, who already has a history in the Devil May Cry fandom, has created a bunch of new communities: spardaxeva, dantexnevan, dantexalastor, dmc_yuri and vergilxlady. Given that the fandom is composed of AT MOST about 150 people, and the sole fanfiction community, dmc_fics, gets about one new fic per month in its good days, people ponder out loud the need for so many communities fractionning the already tiny fandom.

laryna6 doesn't take too kindly to this and deletes negative comments.

_sirius_denial, poster of a deleted comment, does not take kindly to it.

ETA: Aaaaaaaaaaaand laryna6 disabled all comments. So much for "Reasonable objections get answers, wank gets deleted."(laryna6), huh?

Unfortunately for her, we have the entire thing.

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine

ETAA: Laryna is blaming the Ass Burgers, again. Funny how quite a lot of other people with Asperger's manage to not act like complete asses online.

Hiii. Reporting in from the Devil May Cry fandom, as well as the Castlevania fandom, in which a giant WANK EXPLODEDEDED under the ever lovely LJ RP group, ergheiz_etic (avoid like a plague, by the way). They also insist Castlevania is a RPG...*headdesk*

It started out when the resident Nicolai player asked if she could pick up Lady in the OOC community. In response, one of the horrible moderators who plays a WANGSTY King from...(it doesn't matter anymore) puts up an addition in the FAQ. Mind you, the moderators don't friends lock their posts...

And this is why they do not allow Devil May Cry...


EDIT...I take that back, it seems the moderator has disabeled the comments.

Goldens are here and we managed to get the last comments: http://x.moony.nu/lins_comment.htm and http://padfoot.moony.nu/ohthewank.htm

You heard right. Here you are. I'm c&ping this under a cut in case the author g-men.us decides to take it down.

( J.K. Rowling is a Pop-Culture Hitler and Thomas Jefferson Wouldn't Have Invited Her To His Christmas Parties )

ETA: OP identifying himself as Keith Ellington posts in comments: "Paragraphs added and Quintus Snape's troll deleted. Laws are made to be broken, including Godwin's. Sorry about Fueherbunker, don't know much about European history because it's all about famous sociopaths like J.K. Rowling."

Over in flcl, ezlizard makes a series of comment-disabled (FLCL-related) posts (apparently to deter trolls).

Meanwhile, thejedipunk starts wanking, saying that if people really loved FLCL, they'd leave it alone. The community is confused, but nothing explodes.

But that's a precursor to today's wank, where thejedipunk announces:

to ezlizard: STOP POSTING. and then bitches about FLCL content being released.

johnhenry gets confused over maturity. (Gem: "its not imature. its "internet." ")

It turns out that thejedipunk isn't pissed because ezlizard posts a lot; it's because "he is a fully grown man whoring over an anime. pathetic in my estimation."
It's not pathetic for TJP to be whoring over an anime, as he/she expects to be dead by 25.

There are some WTF threads (as well as this one).

And, of course, the n00b image.

Since I'm having problems with JF for the moment and can't check older entries, I can't know if this has been reported or not...

But then again, it's SO wanky that it DESERVES double posting.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/yaoi/961916.html?view=7622268#t7622268

Please stop it, for the sake of Tatsumi's IQ.

*Deleted entry*

---

[ucfangirl] 07:16pm - wank question and favorite quotes from the libertine "crisis" otherwise known
mood: Amazed

( ...as why wankers are posting three times a day about her. thanks to Jumble (see below entry) for the links, hilarious! )

---

AGH. STOP DELETING THINGS BEFORE I FECKING GET A CHANCE TO READ THEM. (Yes, that's right, f_w, are you paying attention to me? SERVE MY EVERY WHIM. O_O)

Ucfangirl, make up your mind, are you gonna report a wank or not? Jeebus.

Seriously though, I get the feeling lots of wank is flying fast and furious far above my head, and I'm sure I'm not alone when I wail piteously, "WTF is going ON?"