Snapefen at Snapedom are engaging in their favorite pastime - abusing everybody who isn't Snape or at least a Slytherin. This time their designated target is Remus Lupin. Note that this wank started 21 day ago and is still going on.

It all began when terri_testing posted an essay Remus (and other Lycanthropes) as Parents, where she depicts Remus as bad and irresponsible teacher, husband and father. Some excerpts:

( Read more )

The essay ends with a horror-novel scenario:

But if my reasoning is correct, human mothers, in general, can only carry a human child to term. So Remus should have been angsting over the possibility that Tonks would miscarry her much-wanted child, not that it would be born a lycanthrope. But he wasn’t.

Unless the only precedents Remus knew of involved werewolf mothers, who must always produce werewolf children if any. In which case Remus got Tonks pregnant while believing that any child he fathered MUST be born a lycanthrope.

*

But there’s a wrinkle thrown into all this by the fact that Tonks is a Metamorphmagus.

She can alter her body—including, we have seen, taking on superficial bestial characteristics (a pig’s snout). Can she alter other organs to be bestial? Specifically, can she alter her uterus and the mother’s portion of the placenta, perhaps subconsciously, to be more lupine to save her changing child?

If she can, that opens a truly chilling possibility. The metamorphmagus alters her uterus at the first full moon after conception, and manages to carry her lycanthrope fetus past the first full moon. And past the second, and the third….

Over time her fetus’s nervous system develops, and with it its normal instincts. Human, for almost all of the month. Except for those few hours when the full moon is above the horizon.

Her fetus will have no teeth, not before birth, unless that might be another point in which werewolves are unlike other canids, but it will eventually grow claws.

And then will come another full moon, the last one, and the werewolf-fetus’s instincts will urge it overwhelmingly to rend, to tear, the nearest human.

The one surrounding it.

terri_testing also posted a drabble Teddy’s Sister to go with her essay. I guess the name of Teddy's sister is Renesmee Lupin.

sailorlum, a sane Snape fan and Lupin fan, decided to argue, that Remus didn't completely suck. That caused a huge wankfest, where terri_testing, oryx_leucoryx, 00sevvie, duj and oneandthetruth argued that Remus was a bad guy, that it was cruel of him to make Snape!boggart look funny and not to drink Wolfsbane Snape brought immediately ("HOW ON EARTH is that scene supposed to be FUNNY to anyone in a way that does not deny the validity of Severus' pain? HOW?", wondered terri_testing), that Remus was hunting human prey with his friends the animals, that terri_testing is Lizzie Bennett and Lupin is Wickham, that Remus was only kind to Molly because she cooked for the Order and that werewolf!Lupin was probably more aggressive than werewolf!Greyback. Several Snapefen were also pretty rude to sailorlum. My favorite exchange is this one:

( Read more )

After all that 00sevvie made a new Snapedom post, where she bemoaned supposed whitewashing of Lupin's flaws and lack of validation of Snape's pain and trauma from other HP characters, JKR and sailorlum. marionros/smallpotato appeared in the comments to this post and proved how logical and reasonable she is by claiming that lycanthropy symbolizes pedophilia and that Remus metaphorically almost raped Snape while at school:

( Read more )

ETA: Harry has no ability to love and Ginny reminds him of Bellatrix.

ETA 2: farmercuerden summarized the Snapewank in a song.

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

The essay about Lily by randomneses continues to attract crazy people. oryx_leucoryx finally stopped wanking here, but don't worry! Enter n1ght1ng4l3, who claims to be not a Snape fan and to dislike the Marauders and Snape equally, despite being a member of Snapedom and two Sirius comms (also such comms for butthurt fans as dh_oh_shit and deadlyhollow).

Wank ensues. Some comments by n1ght1ng4l3:
( Read more )

Apparently Snapefen can't stop wanking. terri_testing posted a James-bashing essay James the Stag.

oryx_leucoryx (whom we remember from "Lily was a traitorous bitch" wank) and lil_itu (who wanked on hp_essays several months earlier) got loose in the comments. night_train_fm tried to insert some sanity in the discussion, but without success.

From this wank we learned that Snape was a downtrodden woobie, James was a sociopath and as bad as Lucius and Vernon, Luna was probably bullied because she was perceived as a closet Gryffindor, Ron was like rapist, all people who think that pureblood prejudice is like racism are racist themselves, but inter-House rivalry is totally like racism and inter-religious hatred. Enjoy the crazy!

From the annals of livejournal, I bring you, "Snape is a wonderful man and everyone around him was awful" wank.

randomnesses, a college student in the Harry Potter fandom, posts an essay, "In Defense of Lily Evans," about the rampant misogyny she has perceived in the Harry Potter fandom, especially in regards to the Lily/Snape relationship.

Most posters react in agreement or alarm, not having realized that the anti-Lily sentiment was so strong.

Enter oryx_leucoryx.

"Lily betrayed Snape and married an abusive bastard," "Remus is a dangerous mental patient," and "Lily should have forgiven Snape for being a racist who wanted her dead" comments abound.

And of course, the party continued in the rec post at Snapedom.

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

A certain well-known person in the Hikaru no Go (Aja aka bookshop, whom you might remember thanks to other kerfuffles she's been in) claims that some BNF's had their fics plagiarised. And posts about it in her journal. Citing excerpts of the fics by both "victims" and "culprits" (which, in this repoter's opinions, aren't THAT similar) and a *very* wanky call to fandom.

So, yeah, SHUN HER, discredit her, go forth and spread the word. Let the trumpets of indignation sound!

And people start commenting about it. Some excerpts are here:

- What a skeeve. Can't you use your BNF to make ppl troll this journal?

- "She deleted her DW!" "that's the power of the BNF lol"

- The author tries to defend herself. And is hatepiled on. Errrr...

- "Please understand, I'm not implying that *any* of these fics are plagiarized, I'm saying that I'm not sure but I suspect..."

- A post on it by one of the supposedly plagiarised authors

One of the so-called "culprits" accused has had it, though! And she's NOT gonna take it! Watch as Aja keeps insisting that there was plagiarism, pretty much making an ass outta herself, and people come to umareawareru's defense.

... And finally, Aja snaps. And SCREAMS.

( HNG fandom. Please leave me THE FUCK alone. Kthx )

Thank you so much, mousies from wank report!

ETA: mischif tells us that Aishuu has written about the subject. Thanks to ya too!

A "slightly disgruntled fan" wrote an 80,000-word essay about everything he disliked in the books and wants JKR to rewrite HP in accordance with his wishes.

An excerpt from the essay:

Destiny Unfulfilled is designed to convince as many fans as possible that a revised edition is called for, so they can begin haranguing Ms. Rowling (politely and with restraint, of course). Never underestimate the power of peon pressure!
Creative writing students will likely also benefit from reading this book, as the careful analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of someone else's writing often helps us spot those same traits in our own work. Finally, students of composition can use this as an example of argumentative writing, as well as a jumping off point for school writing assignments, by either agreeing with or countering points made here-in.

Then he went to The Leaky Lounge to brag about his essay and to convince the posters here to beg JKR to revise the books.

An excerpt from his first post:

I do have an M.A. in English, but I feel my main qualifications for writing the book are that I'm a (slightly disgruntled) fan of the series, and I've put a lot of effort into analyzing the seven books. To be clear, this is not a religious diatribe, political axe-grinding, nor do I attempt to take Ms. Rowling to school on who should have fallen in love with whom in the series. (I am *not* a kook! Heh.) Rather, this is an examination of issues like the role of a protagonist, the writer's contract with her readers, characterization, shaggy dog resolutions, and so forth.

The critique makes claims such as that Harry fails to fulfill his role as a protagonist and, ultimately, ceases to be even a necessary character. Hermione could easily have made it through Book 7 without Harry and Ron tagging along after her.... That seems like a fairly major problem, when the title character turns out to be unnecessary.

I hope we can make enough noise to get Ms. Rowling's attention. We aren't asking for more books in the series, just that she fulfill the promises she made to us: that the books would star Harry as the hero and protagonist, that the books wouldn't be episodic, and so forth.

ETA: "We're operating within our rights under the Magna Carta".

ETA 2: "I've been told to not post more than once in 24 hours".

ETA 3: madderbrad adds his two knuts.

ETA 4: Migdalin himself appeared on Fandom Wank. And he apologized to us.

As you all know, we've had a lot of n00bs join fandom_wank recently, and we've been suffering some growing pains. Once again, we urge you to read our user info and learn about the rules and how to contact the mods and all the non-fun business.

Since we have so many new baby wankas, we need some help gently reminding the young ones (and some not so young ones) of the rules. We want you to be the FW Nannies, and help us guide our sweet n00bs through this harsh, wanky world. So, if you see any of the following things:

thoughts on yaoi
out of control boobie trains
excessive posting of recipes
unfunny macros
wank reenactment in the comments
trolling, trollbaiting, trollbiting, trip-trapping across my bridge
any random breaking of actual rules

please, feel free to use the comments of this post to tattle report to us. We've set up a new community for our baby wankas, fw_timeout to spend some time, if they are caught. Make sure you join!

Remember, this will make us a stronger community!

As an offshoot of the Lexicon wank, it appears Melissa wank has arrived.

As part of her "impartial" coverage of the lawsuit, Melissa Anelli of TLC apparently felt it necessary to qualify Steve Vander Ark's (signed under oath) statement that the advertising on the Lexicon "covers the cost of running the site" by reminding people that "The Leaky Cauldron houses and runs the Harry Potter Lexicon for zero charge, and has since it came under its current domain name. That is true as of this posting." However, on Feb 11 she admits to denying a request for the transfer of hosting.

This prompts SVA to release more detail than anyone wanted to know about the finances of the Lexicon. Quote: "If there was any income to me, it wasn't much, especially by comparison to the income other websites have earned." The "other website" he specifically mentions is MuggleNet, whose owner claims a "six-figure income" from the site. SVA doesn't mention TLC, but Melissa goes crazy.

A bit of digging reveals that TLC's finances have been discussed before over on I was a Leaky Lounge Mod. In May 2007, a mouse says: "I know for a fact that Melissa used Leaky money to buy herself a new laptop." In September 2007, Gina raised suspicions about who paid for Melissa's New York apartment ("the web provides a TON of information about purchase prices of condos which are pretty darn high to not have jobs *koff koff*") Over Sep/Oct 2007 the subject was raised again, and another mouse said:

"To take Melissa as the main example, as has been pointed out she lives in New York. That place is very expensive, not just real estate but the cost of living as well. She is in no way living off the advance on her book because let's face it, even if all her fangirls and boys buy it it's not going to be a huge best seller. The time has been and gone for that. She has left her full time job and therefore she must be taking at least a 5-6 figure salary from Leaky. If she is doing this and has deliberately registered it in a way that doesn't mean full disclosure, then that is appalling."

The matter was pretty much put to rest until Melissa forced SVA's hand. Ex-staff are pissed. Highlights:

There will continue to be no transparency about Leaky income. They've claimed for far too long that they make no money. I can only say that I actually know this to be total BS. I'd love to tell you my proof, alas I'm not able. Steve threw some stones but Melissa opened a door that, IMHO, that now begs the question of well, so, what DOES Leaky earn then?

and:

Since Melissa is bringing up money herself, she really should answer. If she is going to criticize Steve for trying to make this a full time job that she should be above that same criticism.

Arianhrod marches over to Leaky Lounge with this:

But since it doesn't appear that anyone else is going to ask the logical question, I will.

Just how much does Leaky make from all of this--in profit? Is this considered a hobby by the IRS, or is it a major source (or even sole source) of income?

And before anyone questions my audacity, Melissa has laid it out on the line and brought the subject of hosting and ad revenue costs into the open. It's no longer a private matter--the whole world now knows about it and as such this is a valid question, especially if TLC has been or gets dragged into this lawsuit.

I don't expect an answer--I do expect to get ripped to shreds, and that's fine. But at least I'm not afraid to ask.

Melissa ignores the question. Arianhrod calls her on it ("With all due respect, Melissa, that is avoiding the issue.") Melissa gets defensive.

Devilfancy stole fic from Celandineb. When Celandineb found it, Devilfancy came up with some of the worst plagiarism excuses I've ever seen. ETA: Devilfancy's icon is NSFW

( I signed up for an account because i thought it would be a great place to keep fics I was reading or wanted to read again little knowing that OTHER PEOPLE COULD READ MY JOURNAL. )

ETA: She's Done This Before.

ETA 2: Devilfancy Explains Situation To Fans. She might have stolen another author's sex scene, but it was a mediocre sex scene, so that's okay!

ETA 3: She's locked down her LJ. But there is plenty of c*&ped stuff in the report.

Friends, are you tired of digging through comment threads to find links to the gnashing and wailing of despairing shippers?

Dig no more!

holy god, HP fandom is fucking insane!

Innermurk's HBP reaction

Homophobia made her do it!

The obligatory Dido reference (Yes, yes, dear, go down with your ship -- make sure to use a weighted lifejacket.)

Apparently I Was Wrong

OMG BLAISE IS BLACK!

Dear Mrs. Rowling: YOU SUCK!

WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT HYSTERICAL!

Atanielle's triple threat . (Now with religious sneering!)

ZOMG I had to wait an extra minute for my book!

The Funeral of OBHWF

Someone on remusxsirius needs a serious reality-check.

Half-Blood Prince -- A Run Down

WE ARE FINALLY CANON! (A nice change of pace.)

HBP_WTF. 'Nuff said. Now with icons!</i>

Tonks is just (bleeping bleep) of a beard

Someone's complaining about spoilers STILL?

The letter-writing campaign begins! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

A Picture Message for JKR For some reason, I'm reminded of Brenda Starr.

Homophobia Made Her Do It! Volume II

Even the political communities are getting in on it

Spoilers make you a bad RPGer!

Fictionalley Park's shipping thread joins the party

Mock, and wtf_inc mocks with you! (Not wanky, but funny!)

Whiny fangirls prove they are twelve years old at heart

More protest art The last is soooo classy.

Are you sure you want a fandom, CC?

I don't think they put faces on milk cartons in the UK, liebchen...

Kenboy provides a sense of perspective Too bad he can't bottle it; it's desperately needed.

I have the right to be offended because I can't comprehend the original post! Metaquotes + huffy H/Hr shipper = wank!

Gordon Lightfoot Kills Harry Potter A filking tribute to the 'shipping wars. It came from MP3!

The Weasley Twins: Threat or Menace?

But it's different (really!) when you're making fun of MY ship!

She did it on PURPOSE! JKR supposedly targets H/Hr shippers and the SugarQuill archive.

More whiny protest art. (Locked. So much for never surrendering!)

OMG! JKR'S SO MEEAN!

The wank turns meta!

Another call for perspective Again, if madlorivoldemort could bottle this, she'd be debt-free in hours.

Wow. Someone's got entitlement issues.

And someone else didn't listen to JKR's thoughts on Snape, either.

Witherwings. Because we love proving Emerson right.

Suggestion: visit the library more often.

Reality check, Aisle Nine! (And bring a mop) </ href>

Projection, much?

Some people have a problem with reading comprehension...still.

Sigh. Kids, if you're trying to prove you're sane, "canonrape" isn't the way to do it, 'kay?"

Grow the hell up, gang! Because people are still being stupid.

Everytime you post with a H/G icon, the terrorists win! See what I mean?


Would anyone blame her? Not wanky, but funny.

Ginny bad, Draco good!

Looking for R/S wank? We got yer R/S wank right here! (Friendslocked. I guess they want to go down with their ship the way the Puppies would have wanted, with a little dignity. Or something.

ETA: Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the fandom....

The Mugglenet Wall of Shame, 'shippers edition

New member, first wank. Of course, it's Harry Potter.

Mugglenet.com (along with many other HP news sites) reported about an interview Emma Watson (aka Hermione Granger) gave to a French magazine. In the interview, she states that she hopes Hermione never has to kiss either Harry or Ron, because she thinks of the actors who play them as if they were brothers. The interviewer then asks:

If Hermione doesn't fall in love with Ron or Harry, whom do you see her with?

Emma responds: I hope she doesn't get with anybody! If she had to have a crush on a guy, I think he would have to be very serious, very academic. Why not a Hogwarts' teacher? I think that would be appropriate for her character. But she would definitely be embarrassed with the age difference.

Uh oh. A mention of student/teacher relationships, and Emma Watson daring to hypothesize (and possibly joke) about her character. Cue the wank on the comment board.

( Some examples of the wankage. )

Special thanks to WIKTT for letting me know about the post and interview in the first place.

Talking about dredging up the past...remember all the angst when Gary Oldman cast as Sirius? All cries of "He's not cute enough! He doesn't have the rugged good looks and the pustules that ooze male sexuality? Where's the bulging biceps and the gigantic throbbing d-"

There was sobbing, wailing and the sound of a thousand keyboards misspelling words and replacing all the letter c's with k's!

But that's not all! There's the inability to tell apart shoddy photoshop with high end posters! There's endless barrages of "I hope you jump of a cliff!" And more! Go forth, boggle:

http://darkmark.com/galleries/details.php?image_id=2936