With apologies to Monty Python.

Jaina: Trouble at Fanficrants.
Kutsuwamushi: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Jaina: Ona trlls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: Pardon?
Jaina: Ona trolls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: I don't understand what you're saying.
Jaina: [irritated] One of the trolls is riling up the community.
Kutsuwamushi: Well what on earth does that mean?
Jaina: *I* don't know - Theo Harrison just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at Fanficrants, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Wankish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Wanker Izzanami enters, flanked by two junior wankers, Jinxy-sama and Ravyn Skye]

( NOBODY EXPECTS THE WANKISH INQUISITION! )

ETA!

Izzanami: Wankers, we are being mocked!
Jinxy-sama: What?! No one mocks the Wankish Inquisition!
Izzanami: Ha! Ha! Ha! I have the perfect plan.... Wankers, fetch... the EMPTY THREATS OF DOOMY DOOMINESS!

[JARRING CHORD]

ETA 2:

We have contact. Always happy to entertain, thank you for the compliment.

Diana Gabaldon, author of the wildly popular Outlander series, has an opinion on fan fiction: I think it’s immoral, I _know_ it’s illegal, and it makes me want to barf whenever I’ve inadvertently encountered some of it involving my characters.

Highlights include:

• Writing fanfic is just like breaking into someone's house.
  
• Fanfic is WAY WAY WAY TOO PORNY omg ick people have sexual fantasies!*
  
• What to do about an auction offering fanfic to raise money for a cancer patient? She doesn't want to "seem heartless"! So she seeks advice in the comments. Which are mostly full of "Fanfic? I have never heard of such a despicable load of garbage! Also, CRUSH THAT CANCER PATIENT!"
  

ETA: Unpublished author Eddie Louise (who cannot write the word "shit" and seems to fail spectacularly at reading comprehension) offers fanfic writers A CHALLENGE! Accept it if you dare, sniveling pedo thieves!

ETA 2: Previously, Ms Gabaldon has said fanfic is like selling your children into white slavery. Well. Now. I don't even know what to do with that.

ETA 3: Smart Bitches, Trashy Books has some discussion on the topic.

ETA 4: And bookshop on LJ/DW has a rebuttal.

ETA 5: See what happens when I leave the sweet embrace of the internet for a few hours? Ms. Gabaldon updates her blog!

ETA 6: Evidently Ms. Gabaldon deleted all evidence of her hissyfit, but some wankas have screencaps in this thread.

ETA 7: kate_nepevu has screencaps and the text of Gabaldon's posts here. And via alchemynerd, more screencaps available here:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/tiz4vp
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ibidpj
http://www.sendspace.com/file/r6zik6
http://www.sendspace.com/file/hlknqo
http://www.sendspace.com/file/d9alsh

Thanks for all the links! :)




MOD REMINDER: Remember, my little wankas, we DO NOT troll the wank. Nor do we write fanfic after the author has specifically requested people not and post it in the comments here, no matter how tempting it may be. Carry on. oh god my inbox ow ow



*Just as a point of interest, I was a bookseller for 12 years, and had several customers tell me about the sex scenes in her books. Some were pro ("My friend told me to read these books for the sex scenes, and she was totally right, they are so hot, this is best thing to happen to my sex life in years!") and some were con ("What is up with all the sex all the time? Where's the story?"), but one thing you can't say about her books is that they're sexual-fantasy free. :D

Meet Lironess, a person of such stunning perfection that she feels confident, nay obliged, to point out the shortcomings of others. Constantly.

When she's not diagnosing diseases over the internet, she's apparently advocating approaching strangers at cons with skin diseases to ask them:

"OMG What the hell is wrong with your skin?"

Yeah, not even kidding*.

Unfortunately no one told betnoir that icky diseased people exist solely as teaching moments for the beautiful people, and that she better learn to live with it or else spend the rest of her life in misery. Luckily for her then, that lironess is here to explain it to her.

The spat lands in sf_drama, where lironess baleeted her most offensive comments (though considering what's left - just WOW) and apparently whole threads if bizarro goodness like handing out condoms to furries, and horse sex, and her inability to spell freak. she then demonstrates her utter lack of getting teh internets, as well as proving that there really isn't a maximum fail quota per post.

After calling like, everyone, a coward or accusing them of hiding (for commenting in an unlocked post in a very public community? huh?) lironess prepares her flounce by calling betnoir (and everyone else) out. As in, *cue scareh music* she can FIND people:

"It has been fun to watch you all hide on a community and make your statements thinking I would not see and reply. However, I can find all of you, any where."

betnoir names a place and time.

but yanno, it's waaaay to far, plus it'd be a hassle and betnoir's fucking parents would sue and it would be a big mess and lironess doesn't care enough to bother. Or something.



*I debated if this should be in UNF because disability!fail = so fucking unfunny, plus there's bonus!fail on both sides, but for sheer overwhelming WTF wankiness I think it belongs here.

Sorry, turns out this involved a minor. Party's over.

ETA: Turns out Chinookblue is not a minor, he forgot to change his listed age after his 18th birthday in November. Anyway I got permission from Sepiamagpie to re-post the wank. His Deviantart journal where he talks about his birthday http://zethelius.deviantart.com/journal/28565122/#comments for further proof.

So as you've heard already Chinookblue is one of those all to rare clean furry artists. One day he decides to turn off the mature filter on FA. And he is shocked and appalled by what he finds Many furries do not take well to his anti-porn sentiment.

I come bearing fresh Supernatural wank, because I'm sure none of you are tired of it by now.

A little background: The most recent episode, entitled "The Monster at the End of This Book", was pretty much "A Very Meta Supernatural". It involved ( Spoilers, and lots of juicy crazy follow herein )

( Wherein some fans hate the show like they've never hated a show before )

Wow, its been ages since I've done this (Lol, College) but let me give this a go.

A sock provides a rather interesting story about bad role playing Batman/Joker slash on BRPS with a mentally unstable class mate who is also apparently compulsive liar. The post while perhaps dubious is not necessarily wanky.

Of course, the comments are.

irelands is just infuriated with the concept that someone dare to slash role play the pairing Joker/Batman (or maybe its just Batman/Joker they have a problem with).

crazymaxwell (and a few others) and not ones to take such "fandom elitism" lightly.

nymosy has a rather interesting opinion on the matter.

And andstardust has probably the most appropriate reaction to blooming wank.

It'll probably continue to grow over night folks like foot fungus in an unwashed gym sock.

A little Thanksgiving-themed wank for those celebrating the holiday! And heck, I guess those who don't can enjoy it too. I'd like to think of myself as a fair gal.

So Furaffinity, a website for furry-themed art, changed its top banner for the holiday. Rather than the usual theme for these sorts of things like some character chasing a turkey/a bunch of people sitting down to a meal/a disappointed dude watching the Lions lose game number 5 million, they decide to instead go a different route.

Namely by having their two mascot characters laying on a couch looking morbidly obese. On the original artist's upload there are both positive and negative comments along with much proclaiming that their fetish is NOT OK.

Within minutes there are many journals on the subject. Some displaying total disgust about the subject manner while others tell everyone to (pun intended) lighten up.

In one journal the head of the site, Dragoneer, mocks the people who are complaining about the banner: "Thousands of angry furries who can not take a joke are lining up!" He also edits the news post announcing the banner change to have what is supposed to be a link to a forum post discussing the subject, but is instead our old friend the Rickroll. There IS an actual discussion thread in the forums however, with the title "New Banner is tastless and disgusting". The poster of this thread, Rilvor, wants to start a petition to have the banner removed.

Rilvor: "I would like to start a petition to have it removed. That banner makes me physically ill every time I see it. I do not appreciate having such content in this fandom, which I make a point to avoid, thrust into my face."

The thread so far contains five pages of arguing over whether the banner is disgusting or not and people reminding others that it's only going to be up for 24 hours.

ETA: Thanksgiving is over, and as expected, the banner is gone. However journals about it continue to appear!

"All this pissing and moaning about the banner. I like the banner. I don't like the banner. Journals and forums and fucking petitions.

You know what? People in DR Congo and Somalia are being attacked by rape gangs and war lords, their families are being murdered. People in North Korea are starving to death on the street. Massive terrorist attack in India. Etc."

So today's Fandom Secrets post had a secret about a show called Kodomo no Jikan. WHat is Kodomo no Jikan about? Honestly I have no idea, but going by the posts in the community it's some anime about an elementary school girl who tries to have sex with her teacher.

Oh, but wait! Kodomo no Jikan is actually deep and meaningful!

Fandom Secrets' response: bitch say WHAT!?

But people keep defending it, because it really is more than pedobait! Seriously! Also, there's lots of South Park comparisons, because the two series are so much alike! But some say it's not.

Either way, there's a lot of fail on both sides.

As Whomageddon rolls on, doctorwho  brings us another sterling gem. Or rather, two bright turds of wank, coupled together to form a synergistic pile of perfection.

First, cringer1982 shares that he's written a very pointed letter to the BBC about how they have portrayed Asians in their recent episode Turn Left. He neglects to mention that he's white as the fresh driven snow. Irish, in fact.

BBC officials respond with a letter that has nothing to do with anything.

Some people don't see his point.

( Meanwhile, back on the blog... )

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Thank you very much to the mice on wank_report for the links.

Ficwriter1966 doesn’t like Wincest or slash or RPS. Her first post on the subject doesn’t attract a lot of attention from fandom at large. So she made a second one. That segues into a plea for more feedback on her fics. After she insults her audience.

( Quotes under the cut )

A selection of responses.

This post sums it up best:

YOU ARE DESTROYING ALL OF FANDOM BY WRITING PAIRINGS I DON'T LIKE AND I MUST SAVE FANDOM FOR US ALL BY DRIVING YOU OUT posts are a dime a dozen, but I've never seen anyone so neatly turn that claim into blatant feedback whoring. I'm impressed!

I think there was a previous wank where people jokingly said "Wincest is what happens when good people do nothing"? Well, it's not a laughing matter anymore, Supernatural fandom! From this post:

this was a quote from ficwriter1966 before the replies were all axed:

'Oh, I don't have any delusions about rebuilding the fandom, or even a tiny part of it. What I wanted to do was be brave enough to stand up and SAY "I think what you're doing is wrong, and this is why." In keeping with that old saying - all evil needs is for good people to do nothing. I suspect there are a lot of people who are uncomfortable with the status quo but are afraid to say so for fear of being ridiculed or demeaned.'

ETA: For your reading pleasure: The Day Fanfic Turned Jared and Jensen Gay and Totally Ruined Their Lives Forever

Incestuous Love Child of ETA: Have a macro, courtesty of arionhunter!

When an ETA and an ETA love each other very much: Posts from the 14th and 15th provide some context. And lulz.

In vergil_fangirls, rosiesintherain posts:

I know I'm going to be stomped with flames and insults for asking, but why exactly do people like Dante/Vergil?

It's something I never understood. I understand people appreciating the brotherly (FAMILY) love between them. The fact that they're so different and would definately be willing to kill each other, but they can't bring themselves to completely hate each other. Lady and Arkham had that too. Despite all the horribly things that Arkham had done to both her and others, she was still saddened when she killed him. Same with Dante. Despite what Vergil had done to him and was planning on doing to the world, when he left the human world forever, he was saddened by that too.

I don't find it romantic in the least and I don't understand why people try to make it out to be. I don't think someone can completely hate their family member, and DMC3 decided to play on that. And it's fairly obvious that Dante likes women. He hits on almost all the DMC girls, has naked pictures of women in his office, and totally got a boner the moment he saw Nevan. I don't think he's ever done that around Vergil.

Plus.... they're brothers. That's just sick.

So since there seems to be quite a lot of twincest fans here, I'd like to hear what they have to say. It confuses me when people dislike Dante/Trish because Trish is a clone of his mother, but turn around and say that two brothers fucking is hot.

Just curious.

( YAY WANK! )

ETA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE GODWIN.

Okay. I was, um, really waiting for someone else to post this, and I continue to be staggered that no one has beat me to it. But, racewank! In HP! Come on, kids, you've got to do this kind of stuff before I come in and get my lame on it.

So, daily_deviant has monthly challenges. This month's included miscegenation. This is apparently very bad.

DD has responded, with comments disabled.

My scope of the wank is limited; if there are links I've missed (and I'm sure there are plenty), let me know?

ETA: "I hate to break this to you, but racism works both ways. I learned that lesson hard and fast when I took African-American history in my final semester of college."

ETA2: I know you asked me not to, but, really, it's just necessary: Godwin has been evoked. Break out the pie.

And three: Plonking: not nearly as fun as it sounds. ('But it's not a bad word, really, see, Democrats used it!')

Plus, assumptions make an ass out of u and mptions.

( More under cut, though I think maybe this is a bit much. )

Remember that Answerman kerfuffle with the Answerman bashing loli? The main issue was a Seven Seas manga release called Nymphet, a loli-themed manga. Someone posted a page of the manga with a young school girl writing down a request for her teacher to ejaculate inside of her.

( I hope for you to ejaculate inside of me )

Well, the title has been put on Hiatus, no wait, it's been completely canceled! Cue the finger pointing! Quite a few fingers jab in the direction of our recent lj censorship/delete fest wank. Cries of censorship go up. People froth at the mouth and vow never to buy Seven Seas manga again.

Oh, won't someone think of the lolis? They think of you, ejaculating inside of them.

As a semi-related aside, ANN has posted about the deleted/suspended journals issue.

Edit: And now there's a follow-up and the first comment brings another wave of wank. Seven Seas' manager, Adam Arnold, releases another statement giving a timeline of events, their reasoning behind the decision and replies to some of the accusations and insults that have been flung at the company. Despite the discussion link saying there are 17 replies to the article, when I click it I get a "No posts exist for this topic" message. Adam Arnold also mentions the situation on his Aoi House blog. (BTW, Aoi House is a fund read full of fannish humor and Arnold does some interesting blogging in that bottom space about his job and his fannisness in general [/plug]) And so the saga continues.

curefreak asks the Blog_Sociology comm the not wanky at all question "why slash and other porn writings (I'm not familiar with the terms) are considered acceptable, or, at the very least, overlooked in the main".

However, it turns out that s/he is merely clueless of what these words mean, as their *real* point is about underage fic: I'm aware there may be an argument that these characters are fictional. However, were someone to set up a community on here, writing porn about an imaginary 14 year old boy or girl, I'd imagine there would be an outcry

The comments, predictably, are full of wank. They're also really full of stupid.

All fanfic writers are children, women, writing "girly porn", immoral, and should be bludgeoned to death. Got it.

(I think this one is wanky enough to pass Clairvoyant and go right to the mothership, especially now that metafandom has picked it up.)

Taken from wank_report


arrmaitee and daylyn are assigned to write ravingraven's Harry Holidays giftfic. In the spirit of the season, they decide to include all of her squicks and deride her pairing of choice.

( Author's notes )

People are not amused. Arrmaitee doesn't understand why.

Ravingraven is upset by the fic and decides that this is the last straw:

( Reply )


Arrmaitee responded but the post has since been locked.

ETA: The authors apologise in the comments of ravingraven's latest post.

ETA 2 We have some details on the locked post here, here and here (oh, and here). They make the apology seem even more sincere!

ETA 3 oh_envy has provided the text of the originally unlocked post.

ETA 4 Mod has apologised and taken down the fic. Screencap of page 2 of the fic and comments. Screencap of mod's now-deleted comment praising the fic. Friend of the pair flaming ravingraven. There's also another 'apology'.

Recently, manga artist Mimei Sakamoto was quoted in an article in which she basically ripped the hell out of Japan's otaku subculture moe, which is apparently a fetish/love/attraction to certain things in anime, most commonly young, innocent girls. (Eh, just read the wiki and don't yell at me if I don't have this exactly right. I'm familiar with the term but not an expert.)

Over at Anime News Network's forums, people flip out. Responses to the article range from "I have a new hero" to "he intolerance from this lady is quite sad and it's magnified by her elitism and draconian definitions." There are some voices of reason in the mix, but there's also plenty of spooge.

The whole thread is fun, but here are some highlights: ( Read more... )

My favorite part is Navak's comment in page 3, in response to the inevitable "can't we get along" plea: With 314 icepicks and 313 people, we sure can get along.

Copied from a mouse at wank_report. On the smallish side but has potential to explode.

acostilow posts Dean/Sam graphic little-brother molestation childsex fic cowritten with closetcrombie. For a minute, the co-authors "revel in the dirtybadwrong" and then the feedback starts.

Most responses fall into the categories of "I'm not sure I understand the motivation to write something like this," or "This story really needs stronger warnings than just non-con and underage," or "This is totally badwronghot." There is this anonymous "Shame on you." comment for a break from the carefully-worded and polite condemnations.

The co-authors respond with a rather redundant, "This is a line that we think needed to be crossed," for awhile, and then they start just thanking people for commenting.

The feedback is very carefully thought-out in order to keep it from breaking into full-on wank mode, until isika breaks out the ALLCAPS OF D00M and, er, chastises the people who responded negatively.

Unfortunately, the rant was deleted.

Saving the original post in case of deletion, too.

fanficrants is at it again!

alanahikarichan posts to remind the world of the existence of bisexuals and, especially, polyamorous individuals.

aquaocean disagrees:

I must be one of the people who strongly believes love, by nature, just exists between two people. Most human societies practice monogamy for reasons.

And, when challenged:

There are people who think they are capable to love multiple people but the fact is that they love no one beside themselves. These people tend to be the manipulating type who uses it to get advantage, or the ones who lack life experience to understand. That's how people break up, divorce, have unwanted kids, lose their jobs, etc.

And they're off, ladies and gentlemen!

Bonus: aquaocean is not pleased. So she takes her toys and wanks on at home. Waking in the Dark, or Wanking in the Dark? You decide.

I've come to the conclusion that this place is filled with kids who barely or just hit twenty but think they're too old, wise and knowledgable.

Note: I don't know how old aquaocean is, and she doesn't list it anywhere on her user info page. People hope she's a teenager, but that would ruin our fun, wouldn't it? Edit: She apparently attends UC Berkeley, so we should be safe.

ETA: *Someone* baaaahleeeted all her comments, yes, yes she did.

BRIDE OF ETA: AAAAW. Her widdle feelings were hurt. Thanks homasse and helpful anonymouse!