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[08 Jul 2009|07:07pm] |
So, this has been a year long wanksplosion at my workplace. It involves a lot of people.
So, my BFF and I got an acting job at a theme park a year ago in California. She started getting really into this attractive guy that fixes the rides. Now, being the Romeo he is, other girls liked him to. I expected a bit of drama for a couple of months, but this shit is beyond belief. It's kind of like a real life ship war.
( Cut for more! )
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| If you heart Daniel, you are too young for college. |
[14 Feb 2008|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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Candy-Coated |
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music |
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The Beatles: All You Need Is Love |
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Here I present you with the ur-wank: bathroom graffiti. Which is a fairly silly thing to report, but since Daniel Radcliffe's name comes up, I couldn't resist.
I've actually been watching this tiny wank unfold for some time, sadly enough, in the bathroom of a junior college in Califoria. (For those outside the U.S., a junior college is a post-secondary institution where people from the community can take classes. They are often just out of high school and may or may not have plans to proceed to a four-year college.)
( Anyway... )
I actually went back into the stall today to write all this down... heaven knows what the other people in the bathroom thought of me.
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| Japanese schoolgirls wank like ninjas: STEALTHILY. |
[22 Sep 2007|12:30pm] |
I am an Assistant Language Teacher (of English) at a highly academic all girls' high school in northeastern Japan.
In addition to teaching classes and running English club and tormenting talking to students during free moments, I maintain an English Corner bulletin board, that I'm allowed to decorate however the heck I want. It's great, because people who are too shy or not confident enough in their English abilities to actually speak to me can read the board instead. Not just students, either; other teachers and even visiting repairmen and delivery people read it. It's pretty awesome.
Anyway, right now it's still my self-introduction, since I only showed up about a month and a half ago. But now October is approaching, and I'm starting to take down September's stuff to make room for next month's theme. Now, in one corner of the English corner, I left up a bit of space for students to write on. Above it, it says, "What should Caito do in Japan? Write your ideas in English!" Last I had checked, it was a lot of, "Let's play dancing with me! Let's play sumo with me! Let's play singing together! Marry Sugitchi!" but over the past week it appears to have devolved into something else entirely.
In the middle of the space, someone wrote I LIKE KAT-TUN (KAT-TUN being a popular boy band).
Beneath that is I DON'T LIKE KAT-TUN.
That is crossed out and replaced with I HATE!!!! KAT-TUN.
That, too, is crossed out, and someone had written "Kazuya ♥ ♥ ♥" in huge writing. (Kazuya is the 'leader' of KAT-TUN.)
Then it looks like someone wrote over the whole thing (faintly, in pencil, so I had a hard time figuring this out at first): "good luck he is a homo." Cue the lulz from me.
But wait, there's more!
Above all this KAT-TUN stuff, someone wrote "Let's singing Arashi together!" (Arashi is another Japanese boy band, and it says on the board that they're my favorite singing group.) This predates the KAT-TUN wank. Next to this, someone drew a (very cute!) cartoon version of me dancing to little music notes. (That was new this week.) Then someone took it upon themselves to list the members of Arashi and draw little hearts next to them, like this:
Ohno ♥
Sakurai ♥
Aiba ♥
Ninomiya ♥
Matsumoto ♥
Then, of course, someone went and added about a MILLION more hearts next to Matsumoto's name. Someone likes him a bit TOO much. (He's the most popular member). Someone wrote HOLLYWOOD STAR next to Ninomiya's name, as well (he starred in Letters from Iwo Jima). Then someone wrote "MY FAVORITE" next to Sakurai, but someone else crossed it out and wrote, "He speaks English, he is for Caito-san!" Yes, thank you. As crazy as these girls are, they've put at least one idol on reserve for me.
And amidst all this, someone wrote, very small in the corner: "K∞ is winner!" (K∞ being Kanjani∞ and yet another boy band.) And then, diagonally across the other corner, someone just wrote "I LOVE YAMAPI SEXY SEXY MAN". And someone wrote "Tsuyoshi is not ojiisan" with an angry face, but I suspect I know exactly who that was. (I teased one of the firsties for liking KinKi Kids, because Tsuyoshi looks like an old man to me.)
...
Seriously. Maybe for one lesson I'll introduce them to English language message boards for international fans of Jpop and see what happens.
ETA: This isn't the only stuff they've written. They've also written things like "milky kitty" and "clover clover she lover" as well as drawn a cartoon of me saying "YO--I HAJIME!" which apparently means something to the effect of, "Get ready, let's start!" Someone wrote that I should "be a teacher," and someone else just wrote my full name in HUGE HONKING LETTERS OVER EVERYTHING.
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| I had too much faith in humanity... |
[12 Apr 2007|06:03pm] |
If this were online anywhere, I would link it. Sadly, or perhaps not, it isn't, which is why this is here. I present to you drama at its finest.
My boyfriend is a CNC (C&C? *darthrows*) Lathe operator at a machine shop here in Hamilton. Recently, something has rocked his workplace, which he has dubbed Coffee Drama.
There is a representative for the workers who is employed there, the idea being that he is an intermediary between the workers and the management. One of his jobs was to provide the coffee in the dining area -- my boyfriend and one other person don't drink coffee, but apparently the rest of the workers are heavy coffee drinkers -- and he also was in charge of the cream for the coffee. This was a relatively simple arrangement: the workers provide a dollar a week to donate to it.
Recently, however, this representative was taken off the job of providing coffee, something about them being unhappy with him. However, he is still in charge of the cream. Because he was taken off coffee, he basically refuses to continue being in charge of the cream, so they must drink their coffee black. We're in day three of Coffee Drama, and so far, no resolution is in sight. And my boyfriend thinks his job is boring.
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| More wank than you can shake a shillelagh at. |
[19 Mar 2007|11:19am] |
This wank has llamas, Jedi, whiskey, and strippers.
Denver's got the second-biggest St. Patrick's Day parade in the entire United States. Part of the reason for this is because we have a huge, dedicated Irish and Irish-American community. The other part is that they'll let just about anyone be in the parade. There was a German lederhosen float not even pretending to be tangentially related to Irish heritage. There was a group of marching betoga'd Hare Krishnas. A drill team from Kaiser using crutches. Though we may have had, in equal parts, a float full of strippers and the 501st Stormtrooper Division (with Jedi escorts!), one thing we did not have this year was the First Marine Division. (Wank 1.)
( Because Llamas are Serious Business! )
If you're wondering why the llamas, it's because our theme was "Irish Roots and Cowboy Boots," which caused much grousing because that was also the theme for last year's Irish Festival in July. (Wank 4) We are still a bit of a cowtown.
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| News at ten. (Central time zone, you know.) |
[13 Aug 2006|01:06am] |
Quite possibly the best wire story ever.
And for those too lazy to click that link: ( click this one )
Oh, man. Corporate sock puppets? Life is good. (Yes, technically they're shell companies, but shhh. I'm having a Moment.)
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| Wank in an elevator |
[26 Jul 2006|09:07pm] |
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music |
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Alphaville - Forever Young |
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Been meaning to write this up for months now. It's not awfully wanky, I suppose, but the location was too funny.
I live in an eight story apartment building. Last fall there was a huge shower/toilet/plumming renovation in every single one of the apartments. It took roughly six months, two of those you just couldn't live there, unless you're a real trooper and can handle no shower and twenty minute bathroom trips (I moved back in with my parents). It ended in February and all was well...
Except that the renovation project just moved to the next stair, and the infernal drilling sounds carried over like whoa. Someone couldn't handle it and what do they do? They tape up a small note in the elevator:
The drillings here seem to start really early. Some people might work nights and would want to catch up on their sleep. Would it be possible to start the work later, maybe in the afternoon? Why even all the work, I thought the renovation was supposed to be done already?
I rolled my eyes at it and went on about my business. Next morning, though, someone had added their own little note:
Yes, that's a great idea. Instead of disturbing the one or two morning sleepers, let's disrupt the lives of everyone by doing the work in the evening.
By evening, two other short notes had appeared agreeing with the above. A day later, this one is up:
I agree that it's better the work be done in the morning, but is all this sarcasm really necessary? This person was obviously just trying to be helpful. We should be working on a solution that's the best possible for everyone.
Someone else doesn't have anything to add to the issue, but instead decides to put up a short story about how he caught a thief trying to break in his car at the parking garage. He went on to describe how he was about to kick his ass, when the thief pulled a knife on him and fled the scene. Why is he telling this? So that people would pay more attention who they let in the building. (If you hang around the gate, you can just walk into the garage when someone's leaving with a car. No one's going to think twice about it.)
I expected this to start a side wank, but everyone just ignored it and concentrated on the original. Two more notes showed up telling people to just suck it up, and then finally an outsider puts up this:
I don't even live in the building, but visit here almost daily. I've been following this with growing amusement. Why are you writing this on the elevator wall? It might be slightly more useful to let the contractors know about your problems. They have a mailbox just outside, you know.
The person who started it all replies:
Thank you to all those who took this seriously and responded kindly. To the person who doesn't even live here, mind your own business.
A couple of more notes appear, with messages like: This is ridiculous and God, you all suck And vulgarities are added to the margins of already existing sheets.
I snapped a few pics with my phone and went away for the weekend. By Monday it had all disappeared. The whole thing took about a week, and every morning I was boggling at the growing pile of text in my elevator.
Disclaimer: Translated from Finnish. Also, some of the text was too inaccurate and I had to work from memory.
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[26 Apr 2006|03:44pm] |
So, some scientists did a study on whether prayer helped sick people get better. They concluded that it did not, and noted a slightly higher incidence of complications among people who thought they were being prayed for than those who did not.
The wank occurs, as is often the case offline, in the opinion page of the local paper, as many people write in to tell how horribly offended they are that scientists did a scientific study and didn't find any correlation between being prayed for and getting well. The best part is when they try to prove that prayers really are effective with highly circumstantial evidence, such as this gem:
...We have a Prayer Shawl Ministry at our church. A group of ladies have made over 900 shawls in 2 and 1/2 years. Prayers are said during the making of these shawls and prayers are said at the altar by our priest at our healing services.
We have a scrapbook full of thank you notes from parents of children and others informing us of their faith in the prayers contained in the shawls...
(bolding mine)
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| You will die alone! |
[20 Apr 2006|05:09pm] |
So this guy, whomever, in my art lecture class sends me (and probably everyone else he can find) this e-mail, outlining how we, as a class, can study for the exam. Basically, the professor is laid back and the class is boring, so all we have to do is find answers for the hundred or so questions that he lists off in class. Not a big deal, right?
So this guy (with the name "John Doe" and the e-mail "art126final" at wherever) suggests over the e-mail to write up the questions and each of us answer one and send that answer to the others. Not a bad idea, but it was also a deeply stupid idea, so I deleted the two e-mails he sent (why two, I don't know) and up pops a third:
I would like to personally thank the jackass that forwarded the email to the teacher. I bet its an ugly girl with glasses that sits in the front row and sits home every Friday and Saturday night doing homework. Regardless, the professor wrote me and actually applauded the idea. He also said he will be posting the review on blackboard on Tuesday, so everyone that has emailed me to join the list and everyone that emails me before Tuesday will get their question mailed to them Tuesday night. So once again, thanks to the asshat that forwarded the email to the teacher, and just so you know thats why you won't ever have any friends...
Your friend and lover,
Johnny
Not fandom, but still funny. And I'm a girl with glasses who sits in the front row! Woe.
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[20 Feb 2006|09:59am] |
I am an open bisexual who has a rainbow pin on her bag. Today, someone came up to me and said, “Are you gay?” I answered, No, but I am bisexual.” I was told that I can’t wear the rainbow pin because I’m not a full out gay.
...
BZUH!? The mind, it boggles. I asked if they were gay. They said yes.
Oh my god.
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[28 Jun 2005|06:48pm] |
I saw this on a bathroom stall at a college. I'm not kidding.
Someone scrawls on the door, "Day 5: The desecration of the virgin walls begins." Okay, amusing.
Someone else replies with, "Eek!" and another person bitches at the first person for using the word "virgin", blah blah sexism blah blah you're implying that virgins are just a blank slate to be written upon after they are violated.
Yeah.
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| Ketchup wank! ...okay, that sounded kind of gross |
[17 Jun 2005|10:46am] |
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Seen on CNN.com this morning.
From an email exchange in a British law firm:
Lawyer: "Dude, you got ketchup on my pants. That'll be 4 quid for dry cleaning expenses, plzkthx."
Secretary: "ZOMGWTF you selfish bastard fuck you and your pants!!!!111!!zed!"
Everyone else: "Tee hee hee. *forwards*"
Good times, good times.
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| Post of DOOM |
[15 Dec 2004|02:00am] |
Long story, here. Will contain NSFW links - not that half the stuff posted is work safe, but you know.
Somewhere in the middle of the semester, a supplement to our school paper (The State Press) published an article on erotic nipple piercing. The picture you can see at the top of the web version was placed on the cover of the State Press Magazine, which is a supplement to the paper that's published on Thursdays. Now, Arizona State is a college campus, and 99% of its students are of legal age. Not only that, but the papers were folded in such a way that you'd have to pick one up to actually see this cover.
The administration isn't too happy with said article, according to an unrelated newspaper. There's a whole article there about how wanky our adiminstration is, and the article is pretty wanky in and of itself, but the basic point is that our biggest donor called up the school president and bitched about the article above, at which point, the president had a crony threaten to kick the State Press off campus. Also, President Crow is evidently catering towards Mormons more than is...well...strictly necessary. And he wants to make us the "BYU of the south" (I'll now pause here so most of the campus can stop choking on its own laughter.)
The wank continued after the article broke in the New Times in the opinions section of the State Press. Most people seem to support the article and the State Press, but there are a few that think the article and picture were inappropriate. See here, and here, where the wank has officially been dubbed 'Nipplegate', and here. The wank might have continued, but the students were then distracted by Thanksgiving and religion wank. Because what is a college paper's letters to the editor section good for if not a breeding ground for wankers?
Meanwhile, the New Times article is sprouting other wanks, related to other things President Crow has done that are not Nipplegate. For example, this editorial on the play mentioned in the NT article.
Most of the hubbub seems to have died down. However, at the end of the semester, the State Press publishes a spoof paper titled "The Stale Mess". The paper, having a delightful amount of snark, takes it upon itself to make fun of Nipplegate.
A little background for the last: on campus, we have a piece of oddly placed architecture that rises above our underground library and resembles, oddly enough, a nipple. (No, really, we swear it does. Squint.) This has long been dubbed the "nipple of knowledge".
Unfortunately, the spoof article appears not to be online for whatever reason, but here are some the choice excerpts. "ASU President Michael Crow unveiled a new piercing for the famed 'Nipple of Knowledge' Monday in an effort to arouse interest in Hayden Library. ... The enormous steel structure was added to the 'nipple' as part of ASU's 'Knowledge is Sexy' campaign."
It goes on like that for awhile - it's all very amusing, and it comes complete with a photoshopped image of the nipple. If anyone wants I can type the whole article up.
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| Ray Bradbury says, "OMGDUNSTEAL!!!1!" |
[05 Jun 2004|12:24pm] |
Apparently, Ray Bradbury has given an interview indicating that he is cheesed off at Michael Moore.
"Bradbury added, "[Moore] is a horrible human being. Horrible human!" When asked if he agreed with Moore's political positions, Bradbury replied, "That has nothing to do with it. He copied my title; that is what happened. That has nothing to do with my political opinions." According to the Swedish daily, Bradbury said he had tried to discuss the issue with Moore several months ago, but that the director avoided him, the site reported.
According to the report, Bradbury refused to say if he would take legal action against Moore."
Now, this is a Swedish to English translation of an interview that may well have already been translated once before (I don't know if Bradbury speaks Swedish.) But, even if his actual words are more moderate, Ray Bradbury is certainly old enough to know that you can't copyright a title and that Moore's use of a similar title is solidly in the fair-use zone. So I call this as another example of the fact that old, respected sf writers should be encouraged to shut up when they start going senile.
Edited to Add: Here is the Swedish if anyone can read it, since WorldNetDaily isn't always - how shall we say - the most scrupulous with their fact-checking, and I'd hate to fall for a devil-down-the-oil-well story.
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| Boston Metro Letters Wank! |
[04 Jun 2004|05:57pm] |
Long-time F_Wer, first time fw_offline-er. Please bend me over a chair be gentle.
Not a massive wank, but a mildly amusing one.
For those of you who don't live in Boston, the Boston Metro is a free paper that gets distributed at various T stations on weekdays. It's got mostly AP articles, a comic strip, a relatively easy crossword puzzle, some columns courtesy of local freelance writers, and a shitload of ads at the back (which is how they make their money).
It also has letters to the editor. And oh mah sweet baby Jesus are they wanky.
Typical scenario:
1. Columnist A or AP reporter A prime writes about gay marriage/Iraqi prisoner torture/Bill Cosby calling black teenagers lazy.
2. Letter-writers B (yes, they are all one entity) write in expressing largely the same opinion: torture is teh evol, gay marriage is teh kewliez, Cosby's got a point but the matter's more complex than that, etc.
3. Letter-writer C, of which there is usually only one per day, chimes in with a dissenting, usually somewhat crackpotted, opinion: it wasn't really torture, gays didn't get enough love as kids, Cosby shouldn't playa-hate, etc.
4. Letter-writers B rip C a new one en masse.
4a. Sometimes C responds to B's criticisms, which just makes everything more fun.
5. Wank ensues. Oceans worth of splooge. Enough to keep me reading and giggling like a loon being shocked and outraged long after I've finished the crossword puzzle and seen what the street merchants are up to in Mason Darrow.
It's highly entertaining. If you live in the area, I heartily recommend checking it out.
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| Real life HP offline fandom wank, my life sucks |
[11 May 2004|12:06am] |
*looks around*
Um, Hi. This is my first post and I just joined, so be gentle.
This HP real life wank happened a week or so ago, Aurora was amused by it, so screw it, I'll post it:
( Jesus!Harry )
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[22 Mar 2004|09:08pm] |
And in the category of the sun revolves around the earth…
I wasted the past weekend at Revelcon. As with most cons, I’m sure there were great gobs of wank allover the place. And I’m sure I would have heard more of it had I been the least bit more sociable. Instead, I mostly read while (occasionally) helping at Mysti’s table. Still, I have a lovely piece of wank to report….
It was at a panel on LiveJournal. The topic was fanfic posted to LJ. A person piped up that she thought posting fanfic to LJ was an abuse of LJ and not the purpose of it. Okay. Even though the panel was making the point that an online journal could be anything you wanted. The person made some confused statement about how she wouldn’t read fanfic in LJ because she didn’t like that you couldn’t leave comments on LJ fanfic. Uh? Then, here’s the best:
Person: I won’t read fanfic on LJ. You’re depriving me of fanfic by posting to LJ.
Me: Uh, actually, you’re depriving yourself.
Person (bombastically): Well, I DON’T agree.
Okay.
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[05 Mar 2004|09:50pm] |
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The boys and I got our geek on tonight at Game Storm 6. We spent most of the time playing Apples to Apples, and we'll probably go back before the weekend's over. The dork in the air was beautifully overwhelming.
My only quibble is the message in the front of the con guide, from the chair of events. Let me quote: To wax pastoral for a moment; Men desire "An Adventure to Live", "A Battle to Fight", and "A Beauty to Rescue". And women desire "An Adventure to Share", "To be fought for", and "To Be a Beauty to Unveil".
I'll pause while you all retch before continuing.
Yes, that's right, kiddies: You boys better be all fighting and taking charge, and don't you forget to rescue you a girl or two. And ladies, don't you dare pick up a sword or try to find your own way out of your dilemma. You just sit there and wait for a big strong man to come and help you. And don't even THINK about trying to rescue someone else, or your uterus will jump right out of your body and run screaming for the hills. Let's not even go into wanting to rescue or be rescued by someone of the same sex, because that just never happens, right?
>.< Gaming - the last bastion of geek chauvinism. And the beautiful irony is that one of the panels at the con was to address the question of why more girls don't game.
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| Some people take hometown pride a LEETLE too seriously. |
[30 Jan 2004|02:38pm] |
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From the letters page of Mystique #10:
( Ron Ferraro is PISSED! )
Right. Because clearly no writer is ever allowed to make fun of any city anywhere, ever. Even fucking Pittsburgh. Obviously the only form of redress for such an egregious offense is the death of a fictional character. Nothing less will suffice! Shortpack must be punished!
Woo and hoo.
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