You know, I've wondered about the whole "H/Hr view of love" being different. I don't think so; I hope not. I think the main difference is stated in your first sentance: that it became bigger than it was meant to in the books.

I've often thought that our core difference was that in the OBHWF world, romance is being played for laughs and distractions, not as a meaningful part of the story. And most Harmonians think it is tied into the story. I would hope that if you thought JKR was serious about romance, you wouldn't be an OBHWF shipper either, since I don't really think most people look at bickering as some sort of an ideal in their own life. The distinction between is it serious or not lies at the core of the dispute, I feel. And everyone assumes that everyone else has the same opinion on whether it's serious. Thus, all the implied meaning of love is deeper on the Harmonian side--we are taking it serious, while your side is laughing about it. If you were to take it serious, I don't know that you would find OBHWF as exemplary. Similarily, if I thought for sure JKR was writing it just to be a diversion, then I could see (maybe) the appeal of OBHWF.

I know people have said I was insane for saying the HP series isn't really about Harry versus Voldemort, but I don't really think it is. Voldemort is a flat villain, not that interesting. The story from my view is more like A Wizard of Earthsea, in that Harry is fighting his shadow, and overcoming himself. The fight with Voldemort is just the vehicle through which the story is being told. I hope that makes sense.

None of this diminishes others contributions, btw.