October 4th, 2010
|puipui||10:40 pm - Monthly Picspam: Hot People from Bad Movies|
FINALLY! FINALLY! IT IS PICSPAM DAY AT LAST! And this month's picspam comes with a heaping helping of cheese. HUZZAH!
It's difficult to know where to start this month, but I've decided to start with Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever, because both Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu are amazingly hot and they are as good a place to start as any.
But apparently not even their combined powers of hot could save Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever, which has an impressive 0% critics score at Rotten Tomatoes ("A startlingly inept film, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever offers overblown, wall-to-wall action without a hint of wit, coherence, style, or originality." Ouch.), no, not even when joined by their super hot costars.
But, hey, at least the stills and promo pics were hot, right?
But that is not the only reason that Lucy Liu is here, oh no! As I mentioned previously in the comments on one of our last posts, she is also here for Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, which, personally, I enjoyed, but I'll admit that I don't always have the best taste in films, and I've enjoyed many a bad movie in my time.
And from Charlie's Angels, we move on to another bad movie that could conceivably be entertaining, anyway, provided you turn off enough of your brain. That's right, it's time for G.I. Joe! YO JOE!
He never gives up, he stays 'til the fight's won, G.I. Joe is there! And that's about all that can be said for this movie, apparently, aside from all the hot people.
Why are all the hot ones always evil? I don't know. AND NOT KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!
And speaking of evil, let's have some vampires, or at the very least vampire movies, because vampire movies are often crap. Here are some hot people from Van Helsing!
Quick question for the audience: Which was worse, Van Helsing or Dracula 2000? IT IS A QUESTION FOR THE AGES. To be fair, though, Dracula 2000 also had lots and lots of hot people.
There was some discussion in the comments of our first preview about whether Gary Oldman qualified because of Bram Stoker's Dracula or whether that one's actually not so bad, but it's a moot point, really, because he qualifies for so many other reasons, including but not limited to Lost in Space and, depending on your viewpoint, probably at least one Harry Potter movie. Go, Gary, go!
BUT WAIT! We must not let the sci-fi/fantasy types have all the fun! Chris Pine was in that awful awful Lindsay Lohan vehicle Just My Luck (or Princess Diaries 2, take your pick) SO LET'S HAVE SOME CHRIS PINE W00000T!
Oh, wait, no, hold on a second, we have to go back to the sci-fi/fantasy for minute, because I forgot Catwoman and that movie was absolute crap, although props to Halle Berry for picking up her Worst Actress Razzie in person.
Also, apropos of nothing because I can't think of a decent segue, here is Priyanka Kothari, who was in some horrible movie that I can't remember (I think I found it in IMDb's Bottom 100) but here she is anyway because she's hot.
There is just no way at all to cover all of the bad movies in the world, even the ones that I actually remember and didn't have to look up on a list somewhere (I'm looking at you, Independence Day) (and you too, Broken Arrow, OTHERS MAY NOT REMEMBER BUT I DO >.<) so I think it might be time to do one of those long strings of individual people whose names are in the filenames again. IT IS A TIME-HONORED PICSPAM TRADITION OKAY? Try to guess their movies again, that was fun! :D
Yes, all of those people have been in some really bad movies, even the models. Especially the models. Also, here is an extra picture of Kim Cattrall because, like Crow T. Robot, I loved her in Mannequin. (For certain values of "loved".)
Oh, but you didn't think that was really the end, did you? Of course not. Because, as many of you may already know, Mission Impossible III still gives me nightmares, it was so bad, and that's even after I started fast-forwarding through all the Pegg-less bits after the first third or so. (There's this part at the end with the voiceover and Tom Cruise running and oh god Tom Cruise running hold me I'm scared ;_; not to mention the other bits and ;_; about covers it yes. ;_;)
Also, I've heard that Run Fatboy Run was excruciating, so there's that, too. OMG SIMON PEGG YAY!
But how will I fit Nick in? HOW? HOW WILL I EVER oh, wait, that boat thing kinda tanked, right? Yeah, that's good enough, let's go with that.
THEY CANNOT BE SEPARATED OMG!
And that, at last, is your September picspam. Except for this:
And that, at last, is your September picspam. BUT SO MANY MORE BAD MOVIES HAD SO MANY HOT PEOPLE IN THEM OMG! Post pictures in the comments, you'll be glad you did! <3