The Harry Potter Cornfield's Journal

A sporked version of this wank is available at The H.M.S. STFU. Though I suppose, technically, it should be just "H.M.S. STFU", since it otherwise works out to "The Her Majesty's Ship STFU", but... then again, without the "the" it sounds wrong.

Now, see, that's over-analysing. However, not quite so much as today's crank does: D.I.A.T.S.S.I.S.E., or QWERTYUIOP, as I shall refer to it, is a crank theory from before Deathly Hallows which, when proven wrong, sent its author into a rant of epic proportions.

Basically, it says that Dumbledore Impersonated A Trustworthy Severus Snape In Spinner's End - or QWERTYUIOP. This was the grand solution to all the mysteries of the Harry Potter series. As he explained:

To solve a mystery, most mystery genre fans know you have to use logic and deductive reasoning. What is logical to the fantasy genre fans is illogical in real life. I believe J. K Rowling is about to end the series in a logical, reasonable manner.

...a logical, reasonable manner which involves Dumbledore randomly impersonating Snape and agreeing to kill himself. But then, I'm a fantasy genre fan, and, according to him:

The Harry Potter fantasy genre fans believe the plot of Half Blood Prince has Dumbledore, the most intelligent wizard ever born, assign to a 17 yr. old teenager the almost impossible job of saving the world alone with no backup or support. Just think how illogical that conclusion is, but the fantasy genre fans tell you that was the plot of Half Blood Prince. They tell you it is logical for Dumbledore to have assigned this task to Harry Potter, and that the plot of Deathly Hallows will simply be about how this unqualified teenager finds the horcruxes, gets past their protection, destroys them, and then locates and kills the most evil and powerful wizard of all times. What a stupid idiot plot. I hope J. K. Rowling doesn't insult my intelligence with such an idiot plot. Examples of the errors of the logic of the fantasy genre fans is given throughout this site.

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