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Monday, August 29th, 2005
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12:14p - Law of Diminished Crack Returns
Also known as the Diluted Crack Law:
The more people who declare a new fannish activity to be "like crack", the less its effects are actually like crack.
Bills under consideration by the legislature:
1) Penalty for the Forum Omnipotence Fallacy
Any person endowed with the powers of a forum mod who labels a person they disagree with a troll and bans them to win the argument, shall be forced to wear giant donkey ears when the aggrieved party comes back in the form of a sockpuppet.
Corollary #1: Denouncing the aggrieved party as a sockpuppet instantly loses the argument. Because, duh.
Corollary #2: Calling attention to the dispute on Fandom Wank in order to call the aggrieved party a sockpuppet shall result in an open season on mockery of all parties.
*This law shall not be invoked by actual trolls who have broken forum rules, with the provision that any forum rule to the effect that mods can ban to win an argument will be invalidated as an absurdity.
2) The Reductio ad Nitpicker Law
If criticism of a TV show provokes a debate, the longer the debate goes on, the closer the probability of one party attempting to trump the argument with "If you don't like it, you can always stop watching the show!" gets to 1.
3) Proposed Additional Penalty for Stealth Offenders of all Ad Hominem Attack Laws
If a person complains about Ad Hominem Attacks, but then proceeds to use stealth Ad Hominem attacks on others (such as using loaded verbs that carry implications about the character of your opponent, for example: "she nagged" vs. "she asked"), then a giant H (for hypocrite) will be branded on that person's forehead.
*Any indication that the offender is self-satisfied in the cleverness of a backhanded slap shall result in an additional branding of "A" for asshat.
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