Concerning Lamentations of the Fangirls
To the young women who are as my children I, sagralisse, sayeth this:

Of the actors of the screen, and of the characters of the manga that are acceptable in thy sight, thou mayest choose One to cherish. Of all the stars of the hip-hop and of the boy bands, thou mayest choose One to praise above all others. But I sayest to thee, do not stalk thy Chosen One, nor dwell upon thy plans to wed Him, lest thou fall into iniquity.

When thy Chosen One speaks to all, seek thee not for the secret messages meant only for thine own ears, for they are mere delusions. Shun those who claim friendship with Him upon the web, for they are surely false. At thy board of messages, do not say, "He surely reads here," for boards are as numerous as stars in the sky, and thy Chosen One dwells not upon each one.

When thou seest the Girlfriend of thy Chosen One, do not shriek at Her, nor afflict her with curses, nor plot Her murder with thy friends. Whether She be real or fictional, do not pray for Her to be cast into the depths of Hell, nor create pages upon the web to malign Her. Heed me, and do not chose for thyself a name of the screen that expresses thy burning hatred for Her. Yeah, even if thy Chosen One should touch Her nether reigons in a public place or should kiss Her upon the screen, thou shalt not call Her "skanky whore," nor any other blasphemous name.

O my children, thou art disobedient and cause great sorrow among thy companions. Thou hast moped when thy lustful letters have garnered only an autographed picture in return. Thou hast wept and torn at thy hair when thy Chosen One attendeth not events in thy town. Thou hast cursed at the security guards who prevent thee from throwing thyself upon Him. Thou hast grown angry that He returneth not thine affections, until at last thou hast cursed Him and sworn to seek Another to cherish. Thou hast strayed from the path of righteousness and shall suffer the mockery of strangers until thou hath learned to get a grip.