Wank Wank
In a thoroughly amusing thread started by a local troll, the upright citizens of the Hatrack River Young Writers Forum (Orson Scott Card, yo) discuss the merits and dangers of masturbation.

"God created right hands, didn't he? He's practically forcing you to masterbate."

"I would understand calling something wrong if it hurt someone. For example, masturbating with someone elses intestines may hurt someone. Doing it with shampoo or lotion, or even your own mucus, isnt hurting anyone. "

"My personal theory is that a lack of masturbation leads clearly to fundamentalism."

" Erections aren't near that simplistic and controllable, man. Hell, you could be thinking about Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, then realize that there's a bulge in your pants from the mere friction of your pants."

Wank provided by an helpful anonymouse. Someone give the man a ~~kewpie doll~~ code.

(Post a new comment)

	littlest_lurker 2004-06-18 02:47 am UTC (link)
	blinks hooookay then. (Reply to this)

	sesana 2004-06-18 03:49 am UTC (link)
	That isn't a bad bit of trolling right there. "And that's why I think my relationship with Jesus is the most important in my life - even more so then with my mom or my grilfrind. (hahaha, I'm just jk, I don't have have a girlfriend - or a mom, she left when I was little)" Hee. (Reply to this)(Thread)

nakannimi
2004-06-18 04:37 am UTC (link)

The whole post is pretty funny.

I mean, I sure do love video games, but Jesus (or God) created video games, even Zelda, which is the coolest series of video games ever. So really, every time I play I video game, I'm playing Jesus - and I like that a lot!

Playing video games is a form of prayer! If only my parents had known this when I was a kid, I could have stayed home playing Ninja Turtles on Sunday mornings.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: sesana 2004-06-18 04:52 am UTC (link)
	That would be a worth a try. Just to see the reactions. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	iczer6 2004-06-18 04:03 am UTC (link)
	Headdesk Look, people, masturbation is fine as long as you don't become obsessive about it. Obsessive anything isn't good. Oh and it would help if any of these people could SPELL 'masturbation' correctly. Icz (Reply to this)

	dorian 2004-06-18 04:12 am UTC (link)
	or even your own mucus EW EW EW!!! Ah, trolling. It is truly an art. (Reply to this)

meshou
2004-06-18 04:51 am UTC (link)

Alienminds is absolutely right. We should all take the story of poor Onan as an example and a warning to us that we should not spill our seed, for it is evil in the eyes of the Lord.

I'll keep that in mind next time I'm having sex with my dead brother's wife in order to give him a kid, and refusing to come inside her because I l want my kids to inherit his goats.

Now excuse me, I'm off to find me some porn.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-06-18 06:01 pm UTC (link)
	Honestly, I've always thought the story of Onan was warning us all about the dangers of money shots. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	auguris 2004-06-18 05:05 am UTC (link)
	My personal theory is that a lack of masturbation leads clearly to fundamentalism. So true, so true. (Reply to this)

	crickets 2004-06-18 07:18 am UTC (link)
	Yet none of them fret about mental masturbation. Pity. (Reply to this)

	plazmah 2004-06-18 02:51 pm UTC (link)
	Holy hell, Fluffy Puff Marshmallows?? Why am I once again reminded of the Cheat penis from a while ago? sobs (Reply to this)(Thread)

	rikoshi 2004-06-18 09:36 pm UTC (link)
	Cheat penis? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: plazmah 2004-06-18 10:26 pm UTC (link)
	Hmm, cannot find a link (perhaps someone else can) but in fandom_wank there was some wankery when someone posted X-rated H*R fanart in a community. One picture included anthromorphic Cheat penis. It destroyed what small shred of innocence I still retained. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	meshou 2004-06-19 02:37 am UTC (link)
	I got it. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	visp 2004-06-18 06:36 pm UTC (link)
	This "Aaron" is merely a troll with too much time on his hands, and he doesn't take any of this seriously, right? Right? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	circumstance 2004-06-18 06:45 pm UTC (link)
	Right. The others, sadly, seem to be wanking in earnest. (Reply to this)(Parent)