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	msilverstar 2004-09-11 06:46 am UTC (link)
	People who don't react the way I would are just IGNORANT! Ayep. Wanka intoleranta (species gayluvosa). Is this a law or something? (Reply to this)

khym_chanur
2004-09-11 06:56 am UTC (link)

This might be wanky on my part, but I just don't get why people who are homosexual would marry someone of the oposite sex, and keep their partner in the dark about it. If their parents are presuring them to get married and start pumping out grandchildren, couldn't they find another homosexual of the oppsosite sex who wants to have children, and do a marriage-of-convience? Otherwise, it seems like they're just using their spouse.

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cie_anthy
2004-09-11 07:25 am UTC (link)

There are lots of reasons, actually. Denial, first and foremost - 'I'm not really gay, and here I am, proving it, by marrying someone of the opposite sex!' Pressure from parents/other family members, often combined with either the family in denial of the homosexual's orientation, or unaware of said orientation.

Something I *know* has happened before, since I had a friend who went through this (as the heterosexual side, actually) - a gay person is dating someone of the opposite sex to hide the fact s/he is gay. The relationship goes on and on, and finally, the partner starts pressing for marriage. The homosexual partner feels pressured into it, thinking that if s/he refuses and breaks up with the heterosexual partner, everyone will *know* s/he is gay. They get married, and the homosexual partner is stuck in a marriage s/he doesn't want at all, and the heterosexual partner is stuck in a marriage with someone who doesn't want to be there.

There are a number of other situations, lots of them revolving around the homosexual not wanting to let other people know s/he is gay. It's sad, and in some ways I feel sorry for all the people involved, especially when their family would never accept it. At other times, I want to knock their heads together and get them to stop being so scared and to actually talk things out for once.

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ataniell93
2004-09-11 08:42 am UTC (link)

Mine was experimenting in the hope that he was bi, and knocked me up. (His uncle--whom I really liked--was a total flamer who pissed off the whole family, and who died of AIDS--and he had this weird fear that if he caught the gay he'd have to be like that too.) He really thought he was in love with me, so we got married, being as how we were in love and I was preggo.

Then I lost the baby and we went through a lot of shit and he stopped fucking me, and finally he admitted that he really wanted to be bi and he thought he was when he first was crushed out on me, because he did have a crush on me and he had had crushes on girls before. But he just didn't like sex with women.

We were best friends before he got the crush and we are pretty close to best friends now but for a few months there we were pretty disgusted with each other. I was pissed off at him because you know, the whole getting knocked up and having a late-term miscarriage and nearly dying thing and having to move out when I had almost no money. He was pissed off at me because after eight months of no sex and no explanation that wasn't utterly bogus (i.e. "Well, you have really got fat since I first met you..." "Yes, but I got fat before you got the crush on me, asshat.") I had cheated on him.

I can't believe this bitch thinks getting a divorce is unnecessary and that this is an easy thing to deal with unless you're homophobic. I have partaken of the pussy myself, but this is just not the kind of surprise anyone wants even if they sort of knew anyway.

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	visp 2004-09-11 10:37 pm UTC (link)
	I have partaken of the pussy myself, snerk I'm sorry, but the wording of that line is just... not to trivialize the rest of your story, but is it alright if I snicker? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	backfromspace 2004-09-14 07:29 pm UTC (link)
	I'm having flashbacks to badfic, actually. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	backfromspace 2004-09-14 07:33 pm UTC (link)
	Harry Potter and the Prisoner of TMI. (Reply to this)(Parent)

teratologist
2004-09-11 02:42 pm UTC (link)

In certain religious subcultures people are encouraged to marry a bit too young for our current culture anyway, when they're likely to be in the questioning stage, and on top of that if they get THOSE urges then that's nothing that marrying a nice 'godly' guy/gal (i.e. not another sinner like themselves) and popping out a few pups and praying real hard won't fix, so all the more reason to do it quickly.

Personally I think you'd have to be pretty desperate to believe it, but who am I to judge?

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sagralisse
2004-09-11 07:25 am UTC (link)

The comment I almost posted in kielle's journal went sort of like this:

I can see that this is an issue that could be used by the right wingers as yet another way to demonize homosexuals. However, from reading the article it doesn't look like that's what's going on with this group. It appears to be a support group that sprang up in response to a need. Gay or straight, when you dump somebody it hurts them. People who are hurting and are in unusual circumstances tend to clump together in support groups when they're able.

However I may be misunderstanding what set her off.

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	ataniell93 2004-09-11 08:31 am UTC (link)
	It just so happens that I have a gay ex-husband. Um...anyone got some Kleenex? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	sagralisse 2004-09-11 09:16 am UTC (link)
	offers kleenex and a double scotch (Reply to this)(Parent)

	phosfate 2004-09-13 01:16 am UTC (link)
	That needs to be on a sweatshirt. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	blackjackrocket 2004-09-11 08:37 am UTC (link)
	To me, the main issue should be that the guy freakin' had an affair. If he'd realized he was gay, divorced his wife, and THEN gotten with the other guy, I'd be completely on his side, but the truth was that he did know and had an affair. If he'd had the affair with a woman, I'd say the same thing. (Reply to this)

esorlehcar
2004-09-11 03:18 pm UTC (link)

You know, it's the contempt that most stands out to me in this post. She feels hugely superior these somehow subpar women who learn their spouses are and gay and aren't interested in staying in a sexless, romanceless marriage, and she wants every to know how much better than them she is, because (assuming her husband didn't leave her, which is a huge assumption) she would stay in that type of marriage, watch her husband have sex with lots of people who weren't her, and call it swinging.

And the swinging and open marriages point is ludicrous. Swinging and open marriages usually involve partners who are actually sexually attracted to each. They have sex with other people, yes, but they also have sex with each other, and that's unlikely to happen in these cases.

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bubosquared
2004-09-11 06:24 pm UTC (link)

Word. Also, swinging and open marriages/relationships are things people should discuss before entering into the relationship, or before actually opening up the relationship. It shouldn't be a matter of "Oh, BTW, honey, did I mention I'm going to start having sex sith other people now?" The issue isn't that these other people are of the same sex, the issue is that Yes, he did lie to his wife! Lying by omission (and if you're gay and you marry someone of the opposide sex, that is lying by omission) is still lying.

Sorry, I get on these tangents when people spout idiot opinions about polyamory. :) And yes, the contempt is the most annoying part. I'm poly, but I don't think that makes me "better" or "more open-minded" than monogamous people. IMO, it's as much an issue of sexuality as one's sexual orientation, and I don't claim to be "better" than straight women, either.

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	kijikun 2004-09-12 05:52 am UTC (link)
	I'm going to start having sex sith other people now? I now have a mental of Sith lords having sex. Ouch. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bubosquared 2004-09-12 03:02 pm UTC (link)
	Oops? See, clearly, my mind was just sublimimally going back to my early days in fandom and came across the Palpatine/Valorum story I wrote once ... (Reply to this)(Parent)

	lindentree 2004-09-11 07:28 pm UTC (link)
	Oy. The stupid, it burns. (Reply to this)

	ignatius 2004-09-11 09:58 pm UTC (link)
	And she's letting all the comments stand, so points for that, at least. Hee. Are we so disillusioned now that we give points when people don't delete or edit comments? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	snacky 2004-09-13 12:20 am UTC (link)
	Heh. I hadn't realized it, but I obviously am. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	chaimonkey 2004-09-11 10:07 pm UTC (link)
	omg. Marriage is about sex!? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	visp 2004-09-11 10:42 pm UTC (link)
	gasp No! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	greenling 2004-09-13 08:37 am UTC (link)
	snicker <3 (Reply to this)(Parent)

	*clasps temples* veuki 2004-09-12 08:46 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, the stupid, it slays me. (Reply to this)

	gal_montag 2004-09-14 04:28 am UTC (link)
	So like, a woman who has married the love of her life and expects to stay with him forever and ever shouldn't have hurt feelings and be angry when said love comes out to her and dumps her? I mean, wow, I may have to completely rethink my whole way of going about things. Being dumped tends to, y'know, like, hurt and stuff. (Reply to this)(Thread)

gal_montag
2004-09-14 04:34 am UTC (link)

Addendum, after reading more carefully. I not dumped, but if my husband told me that he wasn't physically attracted to me gay or not, I'd be pretty hurt and not really want to stay in a relationship like that. Not to mention, like, what would the point be really? It'd be easier to support the guy's choices as his friend than as his wife (assuming absolute monogamous marriage, of course).

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