But does he have horns?
From the Cauldron, a lovely and quite sane Pagan forum, comes a charming, albeit EPIC, tale of interspecies rape, Cthulu bunny slippers, and saltpeter.

Meet Demonboy. Demonboy, as may be inferred from his username, claims to be "half demon" -- not Otherkin, not possessed, but a realio-trulio biological half-demon. He assures us of his sincerity thus: "I know that that is hard to believe but whatever." What does he want? Only "a ritual that can awaken my dormant powers," which can, apparently, be found by appealing to random strangers on the Internet. The snark from the forum regulars flows fast and free, and Demonboy, though remaining more or less polite, doesn't appreciate it, and proceeds to stomp his tiny cloven hoof.

What follows are the highlights; the entire (LONG) thread is tasty reading, what with the buildup of the forum members' inability to conceal their giggles and how Demonboy's bafflement at the forum's disbelief gives way to snippiness.

The forum mod, at first, keeps an impressively straight face:

I've never encountered a half demon before so I'm afraid I'll need to know a lot more before I can create a ritual that might help you awaken your powers. To start with:

Which parent was the demon? What myth system was your demon parent from? (Many religions have demons, so your ritual will need to be tailored to the proper religion and myth structure.) What was your demon parent's name and his/her position (if any) within the demonic heirarchy of the demon's myth system. How do you know these things, demons are often very good liars, after all.

Why do you think you inherited any powers that can be awakened, it is possible to inherit none, you know. Genetics sometimes works that way. Why do you want to awaken these powers (if any)?


When pressed for details about his family background, Demonboy informs us that:

My father was the demon, he raped my mother. it is from pagan religion. I know this from a vision that I had when I was younger, before I even knew or practiced pagan. the vision was him sitting on a throne, and the only thing he said was that he created me for a purpose. I have always had emmence power, however through meditation and self exploration I have discovered that there is some hidden power that is lying dormant inside of me. My powers once I started practitioning also confirm my demon blood. Instead of syphoning energy I feed off of souls, but I try not to hurt anyone.

Well, that's a relief. The mod gently responds that "This really calls things into question. Demons generally do not care about hurting people. Especially demons with immense powers." Another poster remarks, "Perhaps he's a very conflicted demon. I suspect that a course of cognitive therapy might help him resolve his conflicts and become the demon he was meant to be."

In addition to kindly and gently sucking souls, Demonboy is aging extremely slowly; at age 21, he has trouble growing facial hair, always certain proof of demonic ancestry. Also, he gets plenty of compliments on his hairless immensely powerful soul-siphoning body, thank you very much.

Stuck, by way of warning, brings up a valid point: "You do realise that if you are a demon, then a Ceremonial Magician could call you into their service? I myself have personal need of a demon who could maintain high hygiene standards for my kitchen floor and my toilet."

Other posters want to know what "pagan religion" Demonboy is referring to, to which he responds "the only true pagan religion", which opens up a whole 'nother can of worms; he backtracks by asserting that he thinks it has Celtic origins, to which other posters respond that demons as such don't really have a place in Celtic religions. When asked to name names, he picks a couple of Middle Eastern beings and a fictional beastie from Lovecraft as babydaddy contenders. He gets called on it. While Demonboy never actually answers, this excursion into pantheon accuracy happily brings us to Cthulu plush toys.

Others rain on Demonboy's lava pit parade by recommending a thorough medical and psychiatric checkup, if only to rule out other possibilities. Demonboy doesn't appreciate this at all, and finally snaps that "My father is not on earth, if you can tell me how to contact him than I will try."

In the most delightful turn of events, Elfwreck decides to take Demonboy at his word, and provides a ritual to awaken his demon powers, to be performed in a candle-filled circle made of saltpeter, sulfur, and ground charcoal. She points out that the ritual would indeed be safe for " anyone with substantial demonic powers," who would thus be able to survive the resulting explosion. Randall the mod edits Elf's post, albeit regretfully, "to remove overly dangerous stuff that should not be performed by people who have to ask in a forum how to do things." Other posters bemoan the loss of such an effective troll-repellent.

As of today, Demonboy's still there, plugging away for someone to assist him in his quest for mad demon powerz, despite a complete unwillingness to delineate exactly what he plans to do with said powerz once he gets them. Any guesses?

[edited to correct punctuation and grammar]