More Customer Wank
Since I'm an idiot who isn't used to posting on JF, this post was submitted to fandom_wank first. My apologies to whichever moderator I waffled with my stupidity, and you may all proceed to beat me with pointy sticks.

But first! I come bearing gifts of splooge and stupidity to rival even my own. This post was deleted even as I was typing, but thankfully I was saving pages as I went. There were upwards of 200 comments when it was lost, so this is only the tip of the condom.

Already another wank attack over at </a>customers_suck, which really shouldn't surprise anybody given that the holidays have just ended and all of us who work in customer service have finally been driven batshit insane.

</a>al_funcoot sets up the tinder by riling up both feminists and parents in a single post entitled "Happy New Year, Bitches!"

Happy New Year, Bitches!

AL HERE. First time poster, first time...reader.

Ugh! Don't you just hate how pushy kids are today? I mean JESUS-FUCKING-BANANAS-CHRIST(poster's note: Sure to bring the hardcore religious into the debate too). In the old days, if we even so much as breathed through our mouths, we'd get the poundings of Hell delivered to our assholes! We called it: being spanked by the 25-inch ruler.

But look at them now! Stupid assholes, running around! Wiping their dirty little noses on my carpet! Eating trash through the garbage because they're so hungry! PLEASE. They can wait until 4 P.M. to eat lunch JUST like the rest of us.

So, anyways. I work at a Daycare Center. You know, to pay off the bills. (My wife is a Swedish supermodel, by the way but I'm still the man. You know how it is.) ANYWAYS, some little snot-nosed punk tried to swipe juice from the cabinet in the Center's kitchen! I put a stop to this and smacked him upside the head.

Pushy, little bastard.

As anybody with half a brain can deduce, this was the wrong thing to do because OMGWTFBBQ YOU HIT A CHYYYYYYYUUUUUUUULD!!!!eleventyone!11 Splooge is sure to ensue, and we aren't disappointed!

</a>katie8787 is the first to strike a match</a>, ensuring our safety from any form of intelligent debate by being sure to omit random letters in favour of numbers. Her first post dies out pretty quickly but is immediately followed by another, in which she makes note of the fact that Al is a pototo farmer and probably gay.

The two go back and forth for a while discussing who is gayer / less intelligent / worse at spelling, etc., until </a>sephiroth21682 wonders if they're the same person. Eventually </a>inazuma_zumie pops up to do the obligatory post on the maturity level of the argument.

Highlights include:

Stupid liberals!
I'm not liberal, I'm an anarchist!
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What the fuck does linguistic mean?
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Well, technically, I'm a lesbian.
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You make Jesus cry.

Back at the original post, people are tossing in their two cents on the matter. katie8787 comments on the size of al_funcoot's wang, al_funcoot has a baby sandwich, comment_hor invokes a crying Korean family.

katie8787 then graces us with a huge picture of two chicks making out, which starts another short round of snarkiness I wasn't able to capture. devourthesky requests that the thread be bahleeted and is indulged, but not before mavenofmusic pets the troll.

Mmmm, salty.