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ilanalynn ([info]ilanalynn) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2005-01-04 09:17:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Because Jack Chick is wank all by himself, here is his brand new tract.
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[info]kittikattie
2005-01-04 09:30 am UTC (link)
Is it just me, but does Jesus look like he was made of a pile of some sort of liquidy goop? I dunno about you, but I like my Jesus pictures hippiesque and not so snuffed.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2005-01-04 03:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hellespont, 2005-01-04 03:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2005-01-04 03:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaina, 2005-01-04 08:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pradaloz, 2005-01-05 05:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]non_horation, 2005-01-05 08:41 pm UTC

[info]gildedcaged
2005-01-04 09:31 am UTC (link)
All I could think of while reading that was "O.J.'s really turned his life around! That's great!"

Of course, my lack of glasses might be the reason why I think that cop dude looks like O.J. Simpson.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]j_crew_guy, 2005-01-04 09:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hoshimaru, 2005-01-05 03:45 am UTC

[info]jyuu
2005-01-04 09:36 am UTC (link)
I replaced God with porn and my computer screen. So far it hasn't made me start beating my girlfriend. That would be the voices that talk when I play my rock n roll records backwards.

(Reply to this)


[info]chaimonkey
2005-01-04 09:54 am UTC (link)
Right, so in this one we have:

1. Subtle, misplaced blame and potentially inferred racism
2. Gloopy!Jesus
3. Condoned child abuse
4. Absolutely no intelligible plot line

Jack Chick's losing it, I swear...

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2005-01-04 10:00 am UTC
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(no subject) - [info]sewingmyfish, 2005-01-04 09:09 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]adora_spintriae, 2005-01-05 10:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]selene_avis, 2005-01-12 04:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ilanalynn, 2005-01-04 11:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2005-01-04 11:26 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-01-04 11:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ilanalynn, 2005-01-04 12:56 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]ilanalynn, 2005-01-04 04:39 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-04 12:56 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]jeedai, 2005-01-05 07:22 am UTC
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(no subject) - [info]gloria_mundi, 2005-01-05 07:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2005-01-04 09:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jrs1980, 2005-01-05 08:58 am UTC
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[info]kraken_sleeps
2005-01-04 10:08 am UTC (link)
Was that not satire?

*fears*

*rethinks*

*falls over laughing*

(Reply to this)


[info]shinigami_co
2005-01-04 10:12 am UTC (link)
Wow...that hurt my brain. Normally, when I come across something this messed up, I read it again to see if I misunderstood something, but I'm afraid to go back to the beginning for fear of it eating me alive.

I think he needs to up the Ritalin so his plot doesn't resemble a hyperactive rabbit.

(Reply to this)


[info]cellardoor28
2005-01-04 10:55 am UTC (link)
'we have an awesome god'

what, awesome like a hotdog?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]jeedai, 2005-01-05 07:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cellardoor28, 2005-01-05 04:08 pm UTC

[info]oulangi
2005-01-04 11:06 am UTC (link)
You know - I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Jack Chick may have inadvertently stumbled upon a viable solution to our current economic crisis:

Saudi Arabia has an abundance of oil. The South/Midwest has an abundance of 10 year old towheads. If we just improve the logistics - really who transports children in individual trunks these days? It's so 80's - I think we could clear up that whole trade deficit.

(Reply to this)


[info]gal_montag
2005-01-04 11:28 am UTC (link)
So, Jesus is a lumpy headed black man with a utility belt. And he's packin' a gun and a nightstick. So all that peace and love crap was just to lull us in to a false sense of security?

And that is the biggest damn trunk I've ever seen. Bigger than the one on License to Drive.

(Reply to this)


[info]ashenmote
2005-01-04 11:40 am UTC (link)
That's from Jack Chick?
It looks more like Dave Berg now.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2005-01-04 03:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-04 04:46 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2005-01-04 04:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ashenmote, 2005-01-04 04:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2005-01-04 04:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2005-01-04 05:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thebratqueen, 2005-01-04 06:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2005-01-05 09:05 am UTC

[info]rinoared
2005-01-04 01:24 pm UTC (link)
Holy lump of Jesus flesh!

Which one was most absurd; the kid talking with the Lord (and getting advice like "Yell at him!" *sporfle*), the violent couple explaining themselves, or possibly the incredibly cheezy conversion scene?

Nah, I think I'll take the Most Clueless Cop Ever.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]onetrickpony, 2005-01-04 09:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rinoared, 2005-01-04 10:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2005-01-04 09:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]shatfat, 2005-01-05 05:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]electricchick, 2005-01-05 03:23 am UTC

[info]hellespont
2005-01-04 03:27 pm UTC (link)
I like the domestic violence reconciliation scene. You can tell they'll be whaling on each other again the second Officer Awesomegod leaves the house.

Too bad Mrs. Comfort spent so much time converting neighbourhood children and so little time teaching them not to fall for the oldest trick in the Plaid-Flanneled Child-Snatcher's book. Priorities, woman!

(Reply to this)


[info]papervolcano
2005-01-04 04:29 pm UTC (link)
Chick tracts usually depress me, but that one was just... awesome in it's badness.

Has anyone in the world ever been converted by one of these plotless wonders? I've seen badfic more likely to get me to turn aside my Heathen ways than these.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]esorlehcar, 2005-01-04 05:39 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]cleolinda, 2005-01-04 05:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thebratqueen, 2005-01-04 06:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sewingmyfish, 2005-01-04 09:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thebratqueen, 2005-01-04 09:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loony666, 2005-01-07 07:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ilanalynn, 2005-01-05 07:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]loony666, 2005-01-07 07:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2005-01-05 03:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thebratqueen, 2005-01-04 06:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kadath, 2005-01-04 10:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eljuno, 2005-01-05 01:32 am UTC
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(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2005-01-05 10:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fuzzytowers, 2005-01-05 03:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cynicelle, 2005-01-06 08:11 pm UTC

[info]nightfalltwen
2005-01-04 06:07 pm UTC (link)
.... I looked at some of the others...

oy.

o.O

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]thebratqueen, 2005-01-04 06:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nightfalltwen, 2005-01-04 11:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]inquisition, 2005-01-04 11:23 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2005-01-04 08:28 pm UTC (link)
Ooh, what about the "Mohammed was a pedophile" one? Brilliant!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-04 08:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]goldberry, 2005-01-04 08:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darkrose, 2005-01-04 08:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kadath, 2005-01-04 10:38 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2005-01-05 10:44 am UTC
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(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2005-01-05 10:42 am UTC
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(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2005-01-05 06:44 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]darkrose, 2005-01-06 07:15 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]kadath, 2005-01-05 08:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]marlo, 2005-01-05 12:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2005-01-05 12:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-05 12:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]marlo, 2005-01-05 12:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-05 01:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shatfat, 2005-01-05 06:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2005-01-05 10:44 am UTC
(no subject) - redwarrior, 2005-01-09 12:42 am UTC

[info]goldberry
2005-01-04 08:46 pm UTC (link)
O.O Dude. So much crazy.

Plus: His cartooning style? Kinda creepy.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-05 12:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]goldberry, 2005-01-05 06:13 am UTC

[info]sewingmyfish
2005-01-04 09:31 pm UTC (link)
I really don't know where to start on this.
I love that the wife is apparently trying to kill her husband by stabbing him with a shoe. Also God apparently uses the same fonts as the begining of Star Wars. And what kind of stupid person is completely nonplussed by the idea of someone keeping kittens in the trunk of a car? And what about the other children, surely they must have prayed and cried too, did Jesus try other advice with them first.
kidnapped child:"Help me Jesus!"
Jesus: OK, LETSEE, LIE STILL AND PLAY DEAD!
kidnaped child"But how is that-"
Jesus: JUST DO IT!
kidnapped child*is sold into a life of slavery*
Jesus: OH, WAIT, THAT'S FOR BEARS

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]thebratqueen, 2005-01-04 10:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tekenduis, 2005-01-04 10:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sewingmyfish, 2005-01-04 11:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tekenduis, 2005-01-05 01:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]marlo, 2005-01-05 12:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]circumstance, 2005-01-05 02:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ilanalynn, 2005-01-05 07:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]adora_spintriae, 2005-01-05 10:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fuzzytowers, 2005-01-05 03:08 pm UTC
Actually, many bears are carrion eaters - [info]karmakaze, 2005-01-05 04:00 pm UTC
Re: Actually, many bears are carrion eaters - [info]sewingmyfish, 2005-01-05 05:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loony666, 2005-01-07 07:11 pm UTC

[info]ladysorka
2005-01-04 10:27 pm UTC (link)
Because it must be linked in a discussion of Chick Tracts:

http://www.ghastlycomic.com/d/20020428.html

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2005-01-04 10:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]circumstance, 2005-01-05 02:51 am UTC

[info]blue_linnet
2005-01-04 10:50 pm UTC (link)
Why is the blondeness of kid-victims so often emphasized? I find it kind of weird. Not just in this sort of thing, but I've seen it in news articles too. And is there really a greater desire to kidnap small blonde children? I don't know, maybe there is. And why am I trying to make sense out of a Chick tract? Sigh.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-05 12:44 am UTC
second comment.
[info]nightfalltwen
2005-01-04 11:39 pm UTC (link)
I showed that to my ex roommate and she wanted to point out the over use of bold and under use of italics.

K: "It's so bad. Every second word is bolded! What's up with that?!"

Personally my favourite comment is "we replaced god with out TV"

LOL

I replaced God with my vibrator. :>

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: second comment. - [info]adinaj69, 2005-01-05 12:46 am UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]darkwitch666, 2005-01-06 09:38 pm UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]nightfalltwen, 2005-01-06 10:22 pm UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]darkwitch666, 2005-01-07 02:51 am UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]nightfalltwen, 2005-01-07 03:06 am UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]visp, 2005-01-08 06:39 am UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]nightfalltwen, 2005-01-08 06:46 am UTC
Re: second comment. - [info]visp, 2005-01-08 10:32 pm UTC

[info]sakemaki
2005-01-05 12:13 am UTC (link)
I think that's my brain which is oozing out of my ears...

(Reply to this)


[info]fxh
2005-01-05 12:36 am UTC (link)
Donna wept before the Lord asking Jesus to save her.

He did and wiped the record clean.

The wording of that last sentence makes it sound like Donna was some criminal who just made a really sweet deal with the DA or something.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]fuzzytowers, 2005-01-05 03:26 pm UTC

[info]majinkarp
2005-01-05 12:38 am UTC (link)
Eh, not one of his best. Above-average art, but it loses points for trying to take on too many plotlines along the way. I give it a 5.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chaimonkey, 2005-01-05 12:46 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-01-05 05:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fuzzytowers, 2005-01-05 03:33 pm UTC

[info]lindentree
2005-01-05 01:27 am UTC (link)
Holly looks a bit like Little Orphan Annie.

The drawings are hysterical! Bwahahaha! Especially the one of the wife beating the husband with a shoe. Heeee!

PS: I think it's pretty clear that I replaced God with Fandom_Wank.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]atalantapendrag, 2005-01-05 02:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentree, 2005-01-05 05:25 am UTC

[info]schoenschoen
2005-01-05 02:15 am UTC (link)
Okay... I'ma try and break this down.


Act I:

Cop: There's a ring of kidnappers? To the CopMobile!
Holly: This is my friend Donna, and she's here to be brainwashed converted!
Mrs. Comfort: Well, hello Donna! LOVE JESUS!
Donna: Okay!

Act II:

Cop: Domestic Abuse, hooooo! To the CopMobile! Oh, and kidnappers are terrible and I hope I catch one.
Holly: I like kittens.
Flannel Shirt Man: And I like little girls. Get in my trunk!
Jesus: YELL, FOR CHR... MY SAKE, HOLLY!
Holly: EEEEEEEE!!!
Cop: Hey, you're driving is really messed up, son. THERE'S A KID IN YOUR TRUNK!
Jesus: SCORE.

The end.

Uhhh, what? It's like that episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force that was on Sunday, where the Hypnogerms liked to write their own off-Broadway plays, this is how little sense it makes.

I stopped being offended by Jack Chick a long time ago. Now I'm more "WTF was that?"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lindentree, 2005-01-05 02:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]schoenschoen, 2005-01-05 02:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentree, 2005-01-05 05:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentree, 2005-01-05 06:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fuzzytowers, 2005-01-05 03:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]visp, 2005-01-08 06:43 am UTC
(no subject) - redwarrior, 2005-01-09 12:46 am UTC
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