bite-size newsblog wank
A frivoulous post in the Guardian's Newsblog about an irreverent pair of British students provokes an angry response from one of its American readers.*

Basically, these two students plan to travel across the States breaking all the unusual and seemingly redundant byelaws they can find.

Mark finds this offensive:

As a citizen of these United States, I find it appalling that someone would knowingly and with malicious intent violate the goodwill of our laws....just to say they did it. We value and trust the lawmakers and their intent for protecting our rights and safety. So, how dare you mock those hard working legislators across the country.

James takes offense at Mark's comment:

You big loser. You guys have far too much faith in the money grabbers that tell you how to live. Cant believe you felt you had to write that; cant believe you ve angered me enough to write this!

Peter Turbey takes the diplomatic stance:

In the interests of trans-atlantic harmony let us extend a similar invitation to of our former american dominions to come over here & do the same.

The obligatory "Americans don't understand or employ irony" comment:

I thought Mark was being ironic, but then I remembered...irony has yet to reach Stateside. Mark, my friend, look around you and open your eyes.
Also, this probably won't be that funny or entertaining.

Mark gets serious:

You know that I've forwarded all your emails to the Homeland Security Office. Of course, Smith and Bateman [the students planning the law-breaking trip], they are marked men. Where "they" will send them....you've never heard of.

Say hello to the "Americans are all Islamophobic!" comment, it's the "Germans are all Nazis" of the 21st century:

It's a good thing neither Richard or Luke has the name, Yusuf Islam, or they wouldn't even get there to offend right-wing zealots like Mark.

"We value and trust the lawmakers and their intent for protecting our rights and safety"

Oh, PLEASE?

*snerk*
lighten up Mark, you sound really unhappy there.
We have a law in Greece I would love to see you try and break - it forbids people from jumping off National Heritage cliffs.

Guess what, kids? Mark's just kidding!

If you folks think I'm serious....forgive me. Not all of us voted for Bush, trust our lawmakers and endorse torture of prisoners.

and I do read the newspapers....when I want to find out what is really happening in the world, I look to news organizations like the Guardian which our outside the US and its propaganda machines.....

ian says "read my book!"

In fact the egg is on our face for over-reacting to Mark - and showing what a bunch of poe faced humourless lefties we are - about as interesting as Polly Toynbee writing about unions or something ... I think this says a lot about what we have become, and I can only suggest you all read my book about the subject at www.coqandbull.com

A couple of comments I don't really get:

While you are here do not forget to shoot Iraqis. That was a law that was passed by an Idiot in the White House two years ago. Apparently shooting Iraqis is... illegal? Or is this person saying it is legal?

Strangely enough it is STILL illegal to drop a Nuclear bomb on a Japanese town on a Sunday, or burn Vietnamese children during half day closing with Napalm. And we can talk, turning Dresden into a fireball was only permitted by Churchill because the temperature had dropped below 3 degrees ... what a funny ole world! oh, har har.

Dura lex sed lex :D I don't get it. Enlighten me?

Fern points out that some laws exist for a good reason:
it's not "Oh boy!"

it's more like...a white cracker southerner...sneering to a black male adult to insult him...."Oh.....boy, come here and shine my shoe" Have fun...that will be amusing. Hope you don't get killed.

The other ones are fine...but context is needed if you're going to Georgia.

Ba-dum-pishh!

Is it true that it's illegal to eat minch pies on Christmas Day or is that an urban myth too?

Minch pies are made of reindeer droppings so there's a sound basis for that law. Lol.

*I can't link to the individual comments, so you'll have to scroll down. It's only short, I promise!