Kingdom of Wank
Okay, so looking for wank on IMDb is a fish-in-a-barrel kind of thing, but even by the standards of that site, the Kingdom of Heaven boards are wanky. KoH, aka "Will Turner and Qui-Gon Jinn go on Crusade and end up fighting Celeborn with help from Dr. Bashir", is a Ridley Scott epic set in the Kingdom of Jerusalem in the 12th Century, during the Third Crusade.



In KoH, the Frankish Crusader nobles are the bad guys, and Saladin is portrayed as an honorable, merciful combatant, which most sources seem to agree that he was. didishroom, however, disagrees with this assessment, and asks, in a thread titled The Just Crusades?:

does anyone else think that the Crusades were just wars and that the Turks were the bad guys? I know there were many crimes committed by the Crusaders, such as the Massacre of Jerusalem and the Sack of Constantinople. But come on! Lets be realistic. Lets look at it from their eyes.The Muslims were invaders and not just the Turks. All of Christendom was surrounded by Muslim invaders from the Iberian Penisula to the Byzantine Empire. The Muslim peoples were conquerors. Never had they had attacked a place and left it....Everyone exagerates when talking about atrocities committed by the Crusaders. Yes, they butchered some people, went agaisnt their oaths. But they didn't sell people into slavery as a regular kind of thing like some people.


Vasilis_achilles agrees that there may have been some justification for the Crusades, but he's more interested in griping about the Fourth Crusade's sack of Constantinople and getting in a few digs at those damned Romans: The holy land, jerousalem is for those Original ancient Christians (orthodox), it was their land, while the crusaders reclaiming it for christianity was rightwise, braking off from this christianity and forming their own updated version, is not just. I mean, come on, its a sin to withdraw, every sperm is a potential life, no masturbation, every time you wanna sleep with your wife you have to beget a child. This is not christianity, this catholosism.


It goes downhill rapidly from there, as Vasilis and didishroom play "Your fault!" over stuff that happened a thousand years ago. The wank reaches a peak when Vasilis brings up some of the more recent problems the Roman Catholic Church has been having:

Understand this, it is a known FACT that the catholics broke off from the Orthodox church and formed catholosism. There is no debate, that is the truth! Something, as a catholic, you would know little about. Catholosism is a cooperation, vote how the pope tells you, hide the child molesting priests from church to church, to preserve the name of the corrupt catholic church!


didishroom isn't about to take that lying down, not when everyone knows who invented the buttsex:

yes and it wads Greeks who who were some of the first people to come up with homosexuality. "greek-love"? every hear of it?

Did anyone tell those lawyers who threatened to sue Oliver Stone? Or the Countess?


Blade_Runner_Unit tries a Rodney King, but slips up when he says that "jews, christians, muslins, all worship the same god, it's the cook book that's different." didishroom is so not having any of that ecumenical crap:

I, being a Catholic, worship a Triune God-one God who exists as three different, distinct yet equal Persons.Some Protestants have simialr views to the Trinity while others deney it completely. Jews worship technically the same God, but are ignorant of the Trinity. They do do worship Jesus Christ.

I'm thinking that last sentence had a typo, but that could just be me.


Son_of_Gigis pops by to defend the good name of the Greek Orthodox Church with all caps and lots of exclamation points:

CATHOLICISM IS A RELIGION OF AIR

GREEK ORTHODOX RULES!! ZHTW H ELLADA! ZHTW H KYPROS! ZHTW H ELEFTHERIA!

ZHTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FU*CKING LOVE BEING GREEK ORTHODOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Finally, Arsalan1986 shows up, and invokes Godwin:

A bit like Himmler or what's his name, anyway he was a big nazi, going to the American Jews and saying: "hey, come on, there might have been some problems, but let's move on. I want to be friends..."

The atrocities committed by the Crusaders were unspeakable. Dont ever consider an atrocity that has been committed on someone to be forgotten. Otherwise we wouldnt have all these "Remember the Holocaust" days.


With this kind of wank already, I can't wait until the movie opens--and not just because of the hot Liam/Orli.