Bitch best be gettin me my laptop back.
So apparently a professor Jasper Rine at Berkeley recently got his laptop stolen by one of his less scrupulous students. In class he made a pretty fucking scary announcement about it. (You can find a link to a BitTorrent of the webcast here.)

Someone put a transcript of the speech up on their blogspot, which isn't wanky at all, but the sixty-odd comments with advise for the poor kid in question get a little sploogy.


Good internet advise:
If he dumped it down a dark hole after running a magnet over it, he'd be in much better shape than turning it in.

Smartest thing the kid can do now is toss the laptop off a bridge, or incinerate it to destroy the fingerprints...

Pop the battery. Take it to a bus station and put it in a locker. Ride the storm and see what happens.

Duplicate the data and sell it to the Russians, drop the hard drive on the train tracks, and laugh all the way to the bank.

And of course, there are the 567 compulsory "omg how dum is this prof y didnt he encrypt his data he iz in more shit that the kid lulz" comments interspersed with the "omg nu i work for a tech company and we all have teh laptops with sooper sekrit information on them" And of course and obligitory pedophile comment:
I wonder how many pictures of "young boys" are on that computer!

Eventually Berekely edited out the statement from the webcast, so people start wondering insultingly whether or not the whole thing actually occured at all.

And it turns out Rine was stretching the truth a bit anyway. I particulary hart that last link from The Inquirer with it's rhyming slang and completely unbiased reporting. As usual.

I'll leave you with this cartoon from boingboing.