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Random Dent (random_dent) wrote in otf_wank,
@ 2005-05-14 21:00:00

Restaurant Wank
I love food. I really do. Especially really good food. However, there is 'very good food' and 'very wanky food', and this is just wanky:
http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?s=8cf00bae8fd96d4fc4231d209f61734c&showtopic=66997&st=0

There are some particular titles that leap out: "FOIE GRAS rhubarb, sweet onion, walnut". I have this feeling that this is what's left at the back of the Queen's fridge when she's forgotten to go shopping.

Plates? Plates are for losers! We put our food on coathangers!

One for Dr Who fans only; but doesn't that look just like Adam's pre-frozen vomit?

You can tell it's a posh place; when the waiters spit in the food they take the time to get up a huuuge mouthful of spit.

Then you can read the pages and pages of "Oh Daaaaaahling, the food looks simply Maaaaahhhvelous".

The tastes were extraordinary and if they weren't they were always interesting. I find lots of things interesting. There is a huge difference between 'interesting' and 'yummy'. And even the normal stuff: "apricots, puffed wild rice maybe, yogurt--and suddenly you realize you're eating breakfast, a yogurt and granola breakfast"; yeah, but I don't pay $175 for my yoghurt and granola.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any wankier... graphs are produced.

And you have to pee in time with the service, of course.

This meal takes seven and a half hours to eat. My arse would be numb and I'd have pins and needles in that length of time. And 28 courses or not, with portions that tiny I might well have sent out for some chips to stop myself starving.

(Post a new comment)

	morgyne 2005-05-14 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	Not seeing the wank. MY OPINION. (Reply to this)

l_s_q
2005-05-14 10:03 pm UTC (link)

those are some damn strong (and equally honest) words. i can't even imagine how you must've felt throughout your dining experience. i can't wait to read more about people's reactions and feelings. and it will all lead up to my may 24th reservation when i will find out just how amazing this restaurant is going to be. i just got goosebumps.

It's a fucking meal, not a religious experience. Jesus Christ.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

altoidsaddict
2005-05-14 10:10 pm UTC (link)

I've had more feelings of rapture at a table than in a synagogue. Rapture brought about by an appreciation of god is physiologically indistinguishable from that brought about by sex and really good food, IIRC.

May God strike me dead for blasphemy, but I've had chocolate mousse with chili powder garnish that's made me thankful for whatever deity sparked such an idea.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-05-15 06:47 am UTC

altoidsaddict
2005-05-14 10:06 pm UTC (link)

Oh, my God, that transcends anything I would ever be able to do in my kitchen. Absolutely stunning. The PB&J and the A-1 are very funny. The flavor combinations... I'd never have thought of it, but it occurs to me that bison and beets would be very good. Heck, if cranberries and japaleno peppers are a match made in heaven, why not rhubarb and foie gras?

I suddenly feel the need to make pommes fondants. (I don't use duck fat; instead, I use butter at that stage. Makes the reduction at the end harder, but the potatoes are softer and less greasy.)

(Reply to this)

	kookaburra 2005-05-14 10:07 pm UTC (link)
	ARRRGH. I hatehatehate it when people try to get fancy with "presentation" and make up contraptions to serve things in. Plates and silverware have been around for a while for a reason: they work. Also, I keep reading every post in that forum with an outrageous French accent for some reason. Someone should send the links to James Lileks. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	telophase 2005-05-15 01:20 am UTC (link)
	I think it's deliberately meant to be seen as tongue-in-cheek, and as such it's pretty fun. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

kookaburra, 2005-05-15 02:45 am UTC

telophase, 2005-05-15 02:55 am UTC

kookaburra, 2005-05-15 03:41 am UTC

telophase, 2005-05-15 03:55 am UTC

caoilainn, 2005-05-15 04:39 am UTC

atalantapendrag, 2005-05-15 05:56 am UTC

kookaburra, 2005-05-15 07:04 am UTC

crickets, 2005-05-15 09:49 pm UTC

	cat_mcdougall 2005-05-14 10:24 pm UTC (link)
	Do people really pay that much for a meal? It... sickens me to realise, that minus rent, that $175 meal could pay for my car, my internet and my electricity, for one month. I... it just sickens me. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	lulinda 2005-05-14 10:38 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, don't worry, you can pay lots more. There's a sushi place in NYC that can average to about $300 per person if you go the whole nine yards. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

cat_mcdougall, 2005-05-14 10:49 pm UTC

bubosquared, 2005-05-15 02:22 am UTC

	papervolcano 2005-05-14 10:48 pm UTC (link)
	linky $205 for a bowl of soup. $205 (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

cat_mcdougall, 2005-05-14 10:49 pm UTC

blackjackrocket, 2005-05-15 04:28 am UTC

	ladysorka 2005-05-14 10:59 pm UTC (link)
	...maybe it's just the way I grew up, but, uh, that's relatively cheap for a four or five-star restaurant. Expensive for one person, sure, but for the final bill for a table of four? Cheap. Especially if you ordered wine. This would be why I don't often go to four or five-star restaurants. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

papervolcano, 2005-05-14 11:24 pm UTC

ladysorka, 2005-05-14 11:40 pm UTC

cat_mcdougall, 2005-05-15 12:01 am UTC

sorchar, 2005-05-15 08:03 am UTC

sorchar, 2005-05-15 08:04 am UTC

gal_montag, 2005-05-15 12:25 am UTC

darkrose, 2005-05-15 07:53 am UTC

sorchar
2005-05-15 08:09 am UTC (link)

For that money, I could go to Ruth's Chris and have a fucking awesome shrimp appetizer, heavenly steak, delicious garlic mashed potatoes, and creme brulee for dessert, and still have about a hundred bucks left over even after tip. If you factor in the cost of the wine, I could do that for a WEEK. And dude, Ruth's Chris ain't exactly Denny's. It's the kind of place my husband and I go to once a year, on our anniversary, because it's pretty spendy.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	chaimonkey 2005-05-16 12:50 am UTC (link)
	Call me a freak, but for thst kind of experience, I wouldn't mind. $175 is one week's paycheck in a slow period. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

funwithrage, 2005-05-16 10:43 pm UTC

	(Anonymous) 2005-05-16 08:24 am UTC (link)
	Honestly, $175 for twenty-eight courses spanning seven hours strikes me as suspiciously low. Either the portions are as miniscule as they seem, or somebody's skimping on ingredients. (Reply to this)(Parent)

mastervex
2005-05-14 10:29 pm UTC (link)

...
......
That's insane.
But then, I frequently eat frozen pizza off paper plates. Usually the fanciest resturaunts I get to eat at are chain steak places. And I like to drink pickle juice while eating potato chips. So...that is entirely alien to me.
And that's so damn long and with such tiny bits of stuff, I think I'd end up hungry the whole time. And I'd need my gameboy. Do you think they allow gameboys in there? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

mastervex, 2005-05-14 10:34 pm UTC

25th_of_april, 2005-05-15 03:03 am UTC

electricchick, 2005-05-15 04:59 am UTC

mastervex, 2005-05-15 05:04 am UTC

atalantapendrag, 2005-05-15 05:55 am UTC

sorchar, 2005-05-15 08:00 am UTC

blackjackrocket, 2005-05-15 04:29 am UTC

lulinda
2005-05-14 10:50 pm UTC (link)

You can tell it's a posh place; when the waiters spit in the food they take the time to get up a huuuge mouthful of spit.

I've never understood the appeal of these foam-type whatevers. They look rather digusting, whatever the taste.

The NYT recently had an article about avant-garde food like this place.

*yawn*

I'm all for good eating but this place and others like it seem to be more interested in creating buzz for their wacky recipes and presentation techniques.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-05-15 04:02 am UTC

lulinda, 2005-05-15 05:04 pm UTC

suzycat, 2005-05-15 07:05 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2005-05-14 11:25 pm UTC (link)

Honestly? The people are wanky, the restaurant concept? Not so much. Yeah, it's different, but isn't that point? If it's not your cup of tea, don't go. Achatz was insanely popular and known for amazing food while he was at Trio, it's not surprising that people are obsessing over his new restaurant.

Now, come on. If you want real Chicago food wank, look to Trotter and Tramonto. Now that was wanky.

(Reply to this)

	nifflet 2005-05-15 12:11 am UTC (link)
	I was going to argue not wanky until I saw the phrase and column D is the approximate bites it took to consume the dish. ...daaaamn. These people need help. (Reply to this)

	greenling 2005-05-15 06:11 am UTC (link)
	Wow. Any place that has dishes and presentation like that yet can still pull off a PB&J as the first course without needing to keep a straight face goes on my list of Things I Have To Do Before I Die. (Reply to this)

	radiotrash 2005-05-15 07:14 am UTC (link)
	This reminds me of a penis. Also, I can never finish a plate at any restaurant and even I'd be able to eat all 28 courses and still have room for desert. (Reply to this)(Thread)

darkrose, 2005-05-15 07:55 am UTC

	suzycat 2005-05-15 07:22 am UTC (link)
	I notice that there is no ketchup on the table. Was this a problem? Comment. Of. The. Year. (Reply to this)

	sorchar 2005-05-15 07:56 am UTC (link)
	You have to PEE in time with the service? Fuck that. I'd say, "No, I don't mind at all," return to my table, and pee right on the floor. (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2005-05-15 04:32 pm UTC

telesilla
2005-05-15 08:40 am UTC (link)

To be honest, I don't see the wank here.

Then again I've had meals that cost about this much, if you take inflation and exchange rates into account. And if I had that kind of money now, I'd do it. But, not at this place. It looks cold, like the kind of place where Patrick Bateman would have dinner. And you can see the huge effort they put into looking cutting edge. I don't mind irony with my meal but I want it to be a little more subtle.

The sheer work you'd have to put into being hip while eating here would invalidate the dining experience. For me at least.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

lulinda, 2005-05-15 05:01 pm UTC

	schuldig 2005-05-15 08:48 pm UTC (link)
	So~ what you're saying is that the food is mocking you with its wankiness? Okay! (Reply to this)

	marlo 2005-05-16 06:59 am UTC (link)
	the utter fucking decadence is what gets me. WHAT percentage of the world suffers from malnutrition? (Reply to this)(Thread)

morhout, 2005-05-16 01:30 pm UTC

	thoms 2005-05-16 04:07 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not seeing wank. I'm seeing people who can afford it spending their money how they so choose. Not my cuppa, but it's their money. (Reply to this)(Thread)

suzycat, 2005-05-17 01:29 am UTC

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