Small but juicy note_to_asshat wank
In note_to_asshat, jagwire makes a post about people who crowd him and won't shut up at the movies. His method of getting people to keep their distance is... er... unconventional?

"I have now started to buy frozen Coke purely to pour it on the seats around me. Oh no! Your bum is now cold and wet! Serves you right for being an inconsiderate a-hole; consider me karma in human form you testicle wart. Be thankful I haven't figured out how to smuggle a sufficient quantity of battery acid into the movies yet."

Post gets passed on to customers_suck, where theatre workers are (understandably) pissed.

teh_oregano responds in a separate post, causing jagwire to strike back, pissing off... well, everybody, and getting the bannination laid upon him and upon his puppet friend soulmetal.

The posts only have a handful of comments a piece. Like I said, small, but yummy.

ETA: Jagwire's second post is bahleeted, but no one can hide from Google Desktop Search!

Dear asshat humourless dickheads in this community,

How is it that I can post about ass-raping somebody with razor-wire coated in battery acid, and everyone has a good chuckle, yet if I joke about pouring an iced softdrink onto seats in a theatre, you all get out your Morality Brigade badges and go on a bitching spree? Grow a sense of humour and have a fucking laugh; you'll live longer. Nobody got up in arms about me threatening to throat-punch a teenage girl... where do your values lie?

To asshat cinema monkey: Get off your damn high horse. You work for minimum wage in a cinema, you have to expect certain shit from the patrons. I have worked in a variety of shit jobs over my years, including counter-jockey on the graveyard shift at a 24 hour service (gas) station, and as a bouncer at a rough-as-fuck Southside hotel. While employed in these positions, I was witness to, and often the clean-up crew for countless acts of human stupidity, which is a contributing factor to my general disgust for people everywhere. However, this crap goes with crappy jobs, so I sucked it up while it lasted, then went and got me a high-paying job in the I.T industry. Doesn't mean I have to deal with less dickheads, but hell, at least I'm not mopping up piss, vomit and blood every night. If your shitty job is such a painful cross to bear, go get another one.

My major malfunction is I pay every motherfucker in the world too much damn respect, and I get the shits when such a simple thing is not returned, which is why I joined this community in the first place, to have a good rant. For the record, and I'm disgusted I even have to make this disclaimer - I DO NOT POUR FROZEN COKE ON CINEMA SEATS. I even take all of my rubbish with me when I leave, and deposit it in the bins outside myself, cos I know that the underpaid kids who work at the cinema have enough shit to clean up without mine adding to the pile.

My bitch at the inconsiderate fuckwads who sit right next to me in an empty theatre is a valid one, and telling me not to get so angry in a RANT COMMUNITY is kinda redundant, you braindead cockrobber, so go choke on a turd.

I think everyone here needs to grow the fuck up and re-read the bio of this community. Pull your heads out of your self-righteous arseholes and chill the fuck out already.

To the people who took my post in the manner it was intended, thank you for being cool.

To everyone else... Jesus Christ. I hope your sanctimonious bitching has made you feel better. Go get fucked.

Me.