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Looking for wank on AOL is like using a rocket launcher to fish in a koi pond. If they weren't bad enough already, for the 40th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, AOL started a message board for people to discuss their memories and conspiracy theories, and oh, but the fur did fly. Most of them are pretty dull and technical, but then we get the gem of a poster by the name of Gerald6804.

And I should mention: All of the moronic HTML is copied straight from the board posts and unretouched. Reading this without the formatting would take a layer of absurdity away from it.

<lj-cut text="Oh yes, he has conspiracy theories, but they ain't about the assassination.">
Message 1 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:21 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: gerald6804

JFK was EVIL and an avowed SOCIALIST (French Liberal Leftist).  That is why he married Jacqueline Bouvier was because of her FRENCH DRUG CONNECTIONS.  It was in the best interest of AMERICA that he had to be bumped off by the military as well as all the other Kennedys that tried to follow in the steps of what Pappy Joe Kennedy was trying to do to AMERICA.  It was to RECAPTURE AMERICA for the FRENCHIES and return it to them via FRENCH CANADA as one of their lost Colonies and make FRENCH SOCIALISM reign again.  The Kennedy name was anglicized after the English won the war for control of this area of North America.  Their name was CANADAY, like in CANADA.  The CANADYS (CANADAS) were a very large family group that came to the New World in the late 1700s.  They were latching on to all the property of the NATIVE AMERICANS by dealing in French Nudie Cards (JoJo Cards) and drugs and making the Native Male Americans addicted to EARLY HAND DRAWN PORNO and OPIUM (Crack) that they had full control of from the Mid and Far East (Asia).  If you think that the Kennedys are sooooooooooooooooo pure then perhaps you should have your brain taken out of cold storage.  Why in the hell do you think that America got involved in Vietnam?  It was because the FRENCHIES (Socialistic Liberals) were losing their DRUG CONNECTIONS (plantations) in that part of the world.  JFK came in and enlisted YOUNG AMERICAN MEN to go in and save Pappy Joe's and his French friends drug plantations.  WAKE UP YOU NERDS! 
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<lj-cut text="StevenDeeDee is not pleased, nor all that concerned about the country's looming exclamation point shortage.">
Message 2 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:24 AM Eastern Standard Time
From:StevenDeedee
"WAKE UP YOU NERDS!"

RUBBISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BACK TO SCHOOL .
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<lj-cut text="But gerald6804 is quick to demonstrate that school, like statistics, can be used to prove anything.">
Message 3 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:35 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: gerald6804

WAKE UP YOU NERDS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RUBBISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BACK TO SCHOOL .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't you wish. The Kennedys are EVIL and for exactly the reasons stated. If you think that they are IRISH then perhaps you should study the MIGRATION PATTERNS of peoples from Europe into the British Isles and mainly FRANCE (The Franks, Like in Barney Frank). I stand by my statement.  YOU HAVE BEEN SNOOKERED INTO BELIEVING THAT THE KENNEDYS HAVE THE INTERESTS OF ALL AMERICANS AT HEART. Like hell they do. It's all $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and wheeling and dealing in things that can turn as fast and easy buck, lick porno, drugs and SCOTCH WHISKEY.How in the hell do you think that old Pappy Joe made his Fortune during the PROHIBITION ERA? He was running all the whiskey from Ireland to Canada and then down to Boston and then into the big cities like New York and Chicago. Wake up!
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<lj-cut text="And it's only a matter of time, in a Kennedy debate, before Jackie O's honor guard turns up.">

Message 4 of 153
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 12:28 PM Eastern Standard Time
From:BobbyConnie

JACQULINE KENNEDY HAD "CLASS" , WHICH MOST PEOPLE IN POLITICS DON'T UNDERSTAND, OR HAVE ...! IT IS LACKING IN THIS SOCIETY....YOU EITHER HAVE IT , OR YOU DON'T...!!! 
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<lj-cut text="...but prove useless in the face of gerald6804's overpowering smel--er, rhetoric.">
Message 5 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 12:38 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: gerald6804

Jacqueline Bouvier didn't have class, she had what Old Man Joe Kennedy wanted for his son, soon to become President of the USA.  Her FRENCH DRUG CONNECTION in Europe and a true belief in FRENCH SOCIALISM for the TAKE BACK of America from the Anglo-Saxon way of thinking.  Them is FACTS, BobbyConnie!  Now prove me wrong!  I DARE YOU! 
 

<lj-cut text=<An obstute observation and wise advice from Bbinbama">
Message 6 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 1:03 PM Eastern Standard Time
From:Bbinbama

you are a sick and deranged person. You can't prove your theory either. You need to listen to your own deranged blabbery and get your self a good french wine or a good cup of Irish coffee.
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<lj-cut text="Which is, strangely enough, partially accepted by gerald6804.">
Message 7 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 1:12 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: gerald6804
you are a sick and deranged person. You can't prove your theory either. You need to listen to your own deranged blabbery and get your self a good french wine or a good cup of Irish coffee. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Don't drink FRENCH WINES, only Californian (Made in the USA) but the Irish Coffee sounds great!
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<lj-cut text="And we can't have a mention of the French without getting jingoistic, now can we?">
8 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:55 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Corunesa1

>Don't drink FRENCH WINES, only Californian (Made in the USA) but the Irish Coffee sounds great!

You forgot to add, or french cheeses and other products.  I haven't bought them for since their refusal to support us.
</lj-cut>
<lj-cut text="No, we can't.">
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:27 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: Eagle3992

you are free to leave the country any time brain dead.
</lj-cut>
<lj-cut text="Even gerald6804 doesn't like jingoism.">
Message 16 of 153 Subject 1 of 1 
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:42 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: gerald6804

you are free to leave the country any time brain dead. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
I won't be leaving too soon, but you will be.  The Military has a bead on your kind that want to return ALL OF AMERICA to the FRENCH EMPIRE.  Is it any wonder why all the EUROPEANS DISLIKE the FRENCH SOCIALISTS (Liberals)?  What you see happening in the world today (Protesters and bombings) are directly tied to your kind and their convoluted way of thinking (REALITY).  We are coming and we won't be denied.  Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, the Pope, Asians and Stalin had your kind PEGGED RIGHT.  TRUST ME! 
 

</lj-cut>
<lj-cut text="These people, don't they know that 'facts' are just the Man's version of the story?">
Message 17 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:49 AM Eastern Standard Time
From:NikiMtchll

Okay, when exactly was America part of the French Empire? I sort of missed that part in American history. Let's see I remember 1776 and that during the Revolutionary War the French were allies, but I didn't realize we had actually been colonized and apparently freed from the French. Can you be more precise as to this point in history?

Message 22 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 4:10 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: LEN0RE52
No you should just go back to school and learn grammar.  Not are we at war with the French.  Now the Brits have had a bit of a problem with the French over the centuries, but that is England. Now it is individuals like Gerald6804, who toss hateful statements about so freely who are EVIl. You try to infect others with you bias and that is EVIL. Because of that, this is the only response I will give to you. Hateful Evil creatures of your nature are best ignored. Just like Bi Laden
<lj-cut text="gerald6804 does!">
Message 24 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 11:23 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: gerald6804
Please, Niki, try and understand the scope of history past.  You have to go back to another place in time and space and see what was evolving and why.  The French were wheeling and dealing with the Native American Indians in Early Porno Cards and yes, DRUGS!  They had these young native American Indians hooked.  BIGTIME!  There was OVERPOPULATION in EUROPE and WARS  were common things as a way of reducing the head counts there.  WAR IS NOTHING MORE THAN LEGALIZED GENOCIDE.  These CANADAY/CANADA (Later KENNEDY) families migrated here in order to STEAL LAND FROM THE NATIVE AMERICANS using simple tools of their trades.  PORNO and DRUGS.  They didn't come selling utensils and food.  They went for the young male Indians who were like any young generation of youths, VULNERABLE.  They addicted then to opium (drugs and JoJo (hand drawn nudie) Cards and took control of their lands.  The English were more religious and bought Manhattan Island for $24.00 worth of beads and trinkets, but no OPIUM or JoJo Cards.  Study later the French and English Wars (French-Indian) wars that were fought between these parties.  The French were pouring out of FRENCH CANADA with their Jojo Cards and Opium and coming into what is now the United States and addicting all the Native American Indian Youth to drugs and old time porno. 
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<lj-cut text="And Godwin's Law invoked in 3... 2... 1... now.">
Message 23 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 4:12 PM Eastern Standard Time
From:GRANTPATEN
IGNORE BIN LADEN? HE KILLED 3,000 AMERICANS. SHOULD WE HAVE IGNORED HITLER, TOO? 
</lj-cut>
<lj-cut text="And if that wasn't bad enough...">
Message 31 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 5:44 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: DanMin62

You forgot the Bush family in that statement

Message 32 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 6:26 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Memaw2x

its people like you that we don't need in this country go back from where you came, hell sounds like it. 
 


Message 33 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 23-11-03 12:45 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: NONOY2NY

Just got a place for you to go - Iraq!!
</lj-cut>
<lj-cut text="I'm still not sure this is aimed at gerald or the 'Bush family' guy.">
Message 37 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:43 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: Ocalagram

Where in heavens name do you come from...left field, with all the other sicko's..people like you are evil spreading propaganda and maliciousness
</lj-cut>
<lj-cut text="gerald6804 thinks he's being talked to, though.">

Message 38 of 153 Subject 1 of 1
Subject: Re: JFK WAS EVIL
Date: 22-11-03 10:59 AM Eastern Standard Time
From:gerald6804
Where in heavens name do you come from...left field, with all the other sicko's..people like you are evil spreading propaganda and maliciousness
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was once like you, believing that the Kennedys (Canadays) were sooooooooooooooo innocent and pure.  I found out different.  They are the epitome of EVIL.  TRUST ME. 
 
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</lj-cut>

That's as much of it as I was able to stomach. I'm sure they're all still there, wanking away.