davidkevin the gnome
I do believe I've discovered an uptapped fountain of wank!

It all began when I was randomly friended by davidkevin. I soon discovered that he posts only quizzes, so defriended him. Oh, did I ever act too soon! It seems that he has a loose definition of "relevance," and has thus attracted the loathing of many an LJ community. But he is a sensitive soul, and all the mocking got to him. So, he put up a disclaimer in his userinfo (emphasis mine):

This journal is Copyright © 2003 by David K. M. [last name deleted]. All Rights Reserved. This copyright extends to but is not limited to any posts I make in any LiveJournal communities, and to any comments I make to any other posts. Any reprinting, reposting, paraphrasing, or other reproduction of my words by other parties either elsewhere on LiveJournal or on any other website without explicit permission is forbidden. Other parties' reposting of any of my material which I have deleted is prohibited.

And then he whinged. "Why are all the people leaving the communities I post to?" He also posted excerpts of internet sociology articles talking about how repressed he and others like him are.

All of this went over like a lead balloon in one of his favorite ~~victims~~ communities, dot_cattiness.

At some point (comments deleted), he apparently compared being mocked on the internet to RAPE. He was then justly mocked extensively by various members, so he deleted all his comments. And was mocked for it. By now the members had gotten themselves all in a tizzy and yet more mockage ensused, including the wonderful line "Do I detect the smell of burning martyr?"

This culminated in

riverheart's suggestion that, in light of davidkevin's stated preferences, we should start using a form letter to fascilitate notification of the wanked. In the end, all of the wanking eventually culminated in a beautiful piece of poetry:

Back to the computer turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I saw a posting, something lamer than before,
"Surely," said I, "surely, that is not what I think it.
Let me see, then, what this post is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
"davidkevin has broken wind, and nothing more."

(Post a new comment)

	wolfsamurai 2003-12-05 03:09 am UTC (link)
	I pondered reporting this, but I'm still stunned at the sheer...stupidity of this guy. That and the screenshots I took before he started eliminating the opposition didn't work right. >_< (Reply to this)

	terminal_frost 2003-12-05 04:48 am UTC (link)
	Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore. "davidkevin has broken wind, and nothing more." I'm sorry, but nothing else can top those last two lines... laughing hysterically (Reply to this)

	calluna 2003-12-05 05:39 am UTC (link)
	It warms my heart to see that sewingmyfish and I are not the only ones to have written The Raven filks about self-righteous trolls... (Reply to this)

	backfromspace 2003-12-05 06:19 am UTC (link)
	Martyr smells remarkably like ass. sniff It's so beautiful. Now why, I ask, would you possibly imagine comparing the interest in JFK and Aldous Huxley's deaths could possibly be classified as anthropology? P.S. The public domain's a bitch, ain't it? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	smo 2003-12-05 06:34 pm UTC (link)
	Martyr smells remarkably like ass. That so needs to be an icon. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	maryavatar 2003-12-05 07:07 pm UTC (link)
	Muah ha ha ha! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	maryavatar 2003-12-05 07:16 pm UTC (link)
	Not work safe! Although, who would read otf_w at work? Nothing on here is work safe. Better put some scrolling space just to be on the safe side. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2003-12-05 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you for that mental image, which will be haunting my dreams for the next two weeks. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	maryavatar 2003-12-05 09:11 pm UTC (link)
	Ah, my work here is done... :) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	moonjaguar 2003-12-05 09:15 am UTC (link)
	I thought my LJ attracted whiners who would friend me out of the blue. I take off my hat. David gets the Bukkakke Bucket o'Wank. (Reply to this)

	maryavatar 2003-12-05 03:34 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, that poor tortured soul! To be treated like this! The terrible terrible WANGST! Damn, f_w has been getting prime wank recently :) (Reply to this)(Thread)

	maryavatar 2003-12-05 05:29 pm UTC (link)
	Or otf_w even... facepalm (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	sagralisse 2003-12-05 05:59 pm UTC (link)
	That's okay. It's all one big snarky family. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	maryavatar 2003-12-05 06:56 pm UTC (link)
	Heh, I have all my communities bookmarked in one sub-folder (I'm anal that way), and I have them labelled 'wank', 'more wank', 'stupid wank' etc. I was scrolling up and down on f_w going 'I could have sworn I replied to something on here today...' (Reply to this)(Parent)

ataniell93
2003-12-05 06:47 pm UTC (link)

*facepalms*

I know about half the people in this wank in RL, because I used to be in CAW and I used to hang out with the Bay Area poly community (which is how I figured out I'm not polyamorous). I have never had the misfortune of meeting David-Kevin, but he's ruined quite a few lists and the like.

Some of these people have had years to be annoyed with D-K (just imagine the letters 'ic' in the middle...)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	smo 2003-12-05 08:14 pm UTC (link)
	What kind of parent inflicts a name like "David-Kevin" on their kid, anyway? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	eljuno 2003-12-05 11:19 pm UTC (link)
	I went to school with an "Aja", and with Prairie and Indigo, the Ruth-Davis brothers. And my mother's first boyfriend was named "Richard Head." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2003-12-06 12:37 am UTC (link)
	My sister went to school with a Paul McCarthy, and when I was at college, there was a guy at our brother school named Ben Dover. Obligatory Only in Berkeley Story: My sister also went to school with a girl named Alexis Harasemovitch-Truax. As she put it, "If you can say her name, she'll love you forever." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ataniell93 2003-12-06 08:54 am UTC (link)
	Heh. I'm in San Francisco, and people still don't get that I have a Japanese first name and an English surname. "It's Kiri. NOT Carrie." It ain't that hard. *sigh* But when I taught freshman history as a TA at the U. of Kentucky I had a student named "Michael Hunt". And he called himself "Mike", I shit you not. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2003-12-06 07:54 pm UTC (link)
	[tangent]Kiri is a really pretty name.[/tangent] There's a woman at my work whose maiden name was Lynn Sharp. Her married name is Paine. She goes by all three. Yeah. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	panthea 2003-12-06 11:00 pm UTC (link)
	I knew a Kiri in high school (short for Kirith). She was in my art class, and after three years with the same teacher, the woman still persisted in calling her "Carrie". But then again, I have cousins who have been mispronouncing my name all my life, despite all evidence to the contrary-- such as, you know, other people actually pronouncing it correctly. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	It pretty phonetic really... (Anonymous) 2005-06-14 08:50 am UTC (link)
	Even better...we both went to school with a girl named Aquanetta. Hairspray anyone? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: It pretty phonetic really... smo 2005-06-14 11:51 am UTC (link)
	XD Too bad she wasn't Aquarelle. Then she could have had a budding career as an arteest. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	panthea 2003-12-06 04:23 pm UTC (link)
	Hee. I went to school with a kid named Aja, who would get very upset if she thought we were pronouncing it "Asia", as there was apparently a distinct difference between the two!!!!; a girl whose last name, I shit you not, was Booze; and a poor unfortunate soul whose last name was Hussein (this was during the first Gulf War). (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2003-12-06 07:55 pm UTC (link)
	My sister and I both made the acquaintance growing up of a girl whose name was Paisley. Her first name. Hippie parents can be so cruel. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	panthea 2003-12-06 04:24 pm UTC (link)
	Oh yeah-- and my friend's last name is Bush. Her mother's name is Rose. Her father's name is Richard. He goes by Dick. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	maryavatar 2003-12-06 04:59 pm UTC (link)
	A common surname where I grew up is 'Twatt'. There's even a parish of that name too. A friend of mine, Louise, lives with a Thorkel Twatt; they were going to get married, but she said she couldn't face spending the rest of her life with people calling her 'loose twatt'. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	panthea 2003-12-06 11:01 pm UTC (link)
	Ahahahaha. That's all I have to say. Bwahaha. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	virago 2003-12-06 01:41 am UTC (link)
	I'm amazed that more than one person would want to shack up with this lam0r. Scary. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ataniell93 2003-12-06 08:57 am UTC (link)
	Being poly is no guarantee that you WILL have sex with more than one person; it just means you want to. I know this guy who's poly who is always bitching that his wife gets way more ass than he does! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	virago 2003-12-06 07:38 pm UTC (link)
	Ah, I see. I call those kinds of people wannabes. ;) Thanks for the clarification, though; this moves it from "scary" over to "extremely sad." (Reply to this)(Parent)