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i have a space fleet ([info]aristaea) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2006-05-04 17:27:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Bittorrent Apocalypse
Tim Cohen, prodigal author of the apocalyptic expose The Antichrist and a Cup of Tea, is pissed off. Apparently, those naughty bittorrent fans have been redistributing the copyrighted "appendix to [his] upcoming series, 'Messiah, History and the Tribulation Period' (seven volumes)" or something, thus depriving him of much-needed income.

But never fear, for a vision from God prompted Tim to check teh intarnets, where he caught those thieves red-handed, and got their PayPal account suspended.

Wherein Tim is just like Jesus!:
"I have sacrificed . . . income for years to pursue God's call."

And could totally beat everyone at Pong:
"At the age of sixteen, I was perhaps the top computer programmer my age in the entire world, and acknowledged by a variety of sources as such; I had worked on city, state, and federal government projects; I had been a research intern with Atari in Sunnyvale, California . . . Today, I am a senior software engineer . . ."

Which is why this makes no sense:
"The consequence for me and my family, of the above, is that today, my only real source of income for myself and my family is the book"

He doesn't understand rhetorical questions:
"So, how should we all deal with that? Should you . . . continue to freely violate every copyright law on the books to accomplish your "rebel without a cause" approach? Or is there a better way for everyone? (I will answer these questions below.)"

Throughout, he continues to insist that he KNOWS MUCH MORE THAN ANY OF YOU REALISE. The capslock key makes it true!!!1!!1

Other posters continue to debate about torrents, copyright infringement, and the end days.

yoshua is perfectly suited for the Conspiracy Central forae:
"this is the first time I come across someone called Tim "Cohen" who claims to be a christian ...the Cohen name is obviousely jewish ....this guy is a con artist , besides are we sure that he is the real Tim Cohen or just someone posting under his name ?!?!?!?!?!"

gord3 criticises capitalism, or something:
"Moses: Speaking of donuts. My 3000th generation cousin opens a donut shop which sells donuts with messages from God on the icing. But Prince Charles doesn't want him to sell donuts. So Queen Elizabeth opens a donut shop across the street from my cousin with Illuminati Icing and they sell like hotcakes! My cousin, he's not too happy. Messages from God. For thousands of years: Nobody listens!"

tkra and Apache blame psychology:
"Someone mentioned to me the subject of Asperger Syndrome as a possible cause of Tim Cohen's behavior."
"It seems to me that Tim Cohen is bipolar and most likely refuses to even acknowledge the possibility"

Dr. Von Graffenburg wants to recruit Tim for a study!:
"5. Did God give you permission to use others photographs on your website without their permission?
14. Did God copyright the world?"

The person responsible for distributing the video under question chimes in and says Tim is a very nice man, but people are still angry. Paranoia, anti-semitism, Paypal hate, and general wtfuckery continue on for 40 pages.

Amazon.com readers never fail to amuse.

A reader: "The prince has the influence: Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth II are over the entire New World Order power structure."

Take that, Tony Blair and the British Parliament!

titan2160: "So, the author thinks that the future king of England is the anti Christ, just because the prince is into off the wall new age beliefs and wants to be the future king of Europe."

Joe: "For example, he refers to Odin the Norse God as Satan. My question was, now how could he possibly know that?"

A reader: "Indeed, anyone who has read the LaHaye and Jenkins "Left Behind" series will, upon reading Mr. Cohen's book, likely abandon that series as false prophecy . . . in favor of an author and a title that offers real, credible information . . . rather than fictional speculation and sensationalism."

yoco tries to insert some sanity: "(p 186) "New agers often uphold unicorns as 'spirit guides' telling children that they should have their own special unicorn to imagine, to love and to call apon. It is interesting to note that in 'christian' symbolism, the unicorn is sometimes taken to represent the virgin Mary. One wonders then to whom it is that tens of millions of Roman Catholics are really praying to when they call apon the 'virgin Mary'" Gee I never relized all the Catholic school girls and boys were praying to a unicorn I'm glad he cleared that up for me."

Find out who the antichrist is inside the book! (Java required)
Popular torrent site the "Piracy Bay" delivers teh smackdown.
MetaFiler comments.


(Post a new comment)


[info]phosfate
2006-05-04 10:02 pm UTC (link)
I thought the Antichrist was supposed to be charismatic and hunky and statesmanlike an' shit.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]ourself
2006-05-05 05:09 am UTC (link)
OMG Captain Carrot. Why did I not see it before?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2006-05-05 09:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2006-05-08 03:37 pm UTC

[info]honorh
2006-05-04 10:24 pm UTC (link)
I got as far as the "bronze statue" of Prince Charles before I started sporfling too hard to go on. I mean, couldn't this nutbar have chosen Prince William instead? He's more likely than his pop to gain absolute power, IMHO. Not that either of 'em are real likely . . .

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]honorh
2006-05-04 10:29 pm UTC (link)
Also, books like this are so totally why I refuse to read most of what's masquerading as "Christian prophecy" these days. Because they're written by nutbars who, if they weren't religious, would be like what's-his-nose who thinks the world is run by "reptilians."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mindset, 2006-05-04 10:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2006-05-04 11:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]minibalrogmum, 2006-05-05 09:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2006-05-05 09:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]khym_chanur, 2006-05-05 01:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fevered_ego, 2006-05-05 02:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]khym_chanur, 2006-05-05 02:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2006-05-05 05:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]khym_chanur, 2006-05-05 05:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2006-05-05 05:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2006-05-05 08:09 am UTC

[info]fevered_ego
2006-05-04 10:27 pm UTC (link)
God damn, I love apocalypse nuts. I would pay to see this guy go spastic on stage. The first five rows WILL get wet.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]lindentreeisle
2006-05-05 04:20 am UTC (link)
When the New World Order is enthroned, televangelists and insane religious conspiracists will be caged and kept in zoos for our amusement.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]wankismyfandom
2006-05-04 10:35 pm UTC (link)
God, I love the Pirate Bay.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]suziecroft
2006-05-04 11:37 pm UTC (link)
Isn't it great?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]seiberwing
2006-05-04 10:45 pm UTC (link)
"New agers often uphold unicorns as 'spirit guides' telling children that they should have their own special unicorn to imagine, to love and to call apon. It is interesting to note that in 'christian' symbolism, the unicorn is sometimes taken to represent the virgin Mary. One wonders then to whom it is that tens of millions of Roman Catholics are really praying to when they call apon the 'virgin Mary'" Gee I never relized all the Catholic school girls and boys were praying to a unicorn I'm glad he cleared that up for me."

I want my own special virgin unicorn.

(Reply to this)


[info]amyheartssiroc
2006-05-04 10:59 pm UTC (link)
Personally, I think the apocalypse will happen when everyone stops predicting it.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]smo
2006-05-04 11:04 pm UTC (link)
A watched sky never boils?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2006-05-04 11:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-05-04 11:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]honorh, 2006-05-04 11:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-05-04 11:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2006-05-05 08:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-05-05 11:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2006-05-05 12:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-05-05 12:56 pm UTC

[info]theartema
2006-05-06 05:53 am UTC (link)
Heck, that's scriptural even, or pretty bloody close to it.

... and arg, I can't find it in my bible presently, but I know that it says in regards to the end of the world/the apocalypse that only God knows when it's all gonna go down. Humans don't know; the angels don't know; Satan doesn't know; heck, even Jesus doesn't know.

So all these whackos waving their bibles around screaming "REPENT COS THE RAPTURE IS COMING TOMORROW!!!!!1one" are doing a fine job of making themselves look like Grade A morons. Read the source material, 'tards.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]notjo
2006-05-04 11:37 pm UTC (link)
P.S. I have sent a request to thepiracybay.org, through their contact
>link, requesting that they remove the illegal content. They have not
>done so. In fact, it seems to be ThePirateBay.org's policy to mock and
>ignore ALL such requests, as they boast about this themselves:
>http://thepiratebay.org/legal.php . The only recourse, then, is to take
>down their site to force them to comply with global copyright laws.
>Please take down thepiragebay.org's site for copyright infringement
>ASAP. NOTE: PayPal has already closed ThePirateBay.org's PayPal account
>for such infringements, which are ongoing. Thank you,


Are we breaking his copyright by mocking it on otf_wank?

But seriously. Published authors that can't spell ThePirateBay.org consistently in their ranting are funny. It's not that hard.

And *are* there any Global Copyright Laws? Are there any Global laws at all?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


dracothelizard
2006-05-04 11:55 pm UTC (link)
I *think* all countries have a law about not killing people.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]notme, 2006-05-05 12:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]amxjm, 2006-05-05 06:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]notjo, 2006-05-05 06:11 am UTC

[info]miss_arel
2006-05-05 02:25 am UTC (link)
I found out from my Philosophy prof that there was a study done to see if there were any moral values (admittedly not the same as laws, but still) that were found in all known cultures. There were two: apparently every culture on Earth believes (to some degree or another) in the right to Privacy and the right to Property. (Right to Life is, apparently, not universal.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lindentreeisle
2006-05-05 04:36 am UTC (link)
There's a global copyright convention. Berne? Something? I forget. *is not an ip lawyer*

Speaking of which, someone should give Tim some advice:

1. Business and legal communications are not typically typed in all caps.
2. Also they are usually spell-checked.
3. Reading a Wikipedia entry on the DMCA does not make you OMG Intarweb Lawyerman.
4. Speaking of which, if you're so BIG and IMPORTANT and SPECIAL and OMG VIOLATED, why don't you hire a fucking lawyer? Or a secretary to type your letters, because I'm sure s/he would probably be better-educated and better capable of turning your frothing vitriol into print.

Yeesh.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2006-05-05 09:49 am UTC

[info]suziecroft
2006-05-04 11:44 pm UTC (link)
I met Prince Chuck once. He reminded me more of a wet hanky than of Satan Incarnate.



These nutbars do realise that the Windsors hold little to no power other than sucking up huge sums of taxpayer's money and embarrassing the nation on a fairly regular basis... right?

(Reply to this)


dracothelizard
2006-05-04 11:55 pm UTC (link)
Prince Charles is the Anti Christ? Okay, er, I know we're not supposed to suspect the Anti Christ IS the Anti Christ, but come on!

Also, that yoshua person going on about the Cohen name needs to remember that someone is Jewish through their mother, not their father. His dad could've married someone who wasn't Jewish.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]antigone, 2006-05-05 12:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentreeisle, 2006-05-05 04:22 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2006-05-05 09:13 pm UTC

[info]xero_sky
2006-05-05 12:05 am UTC (link)
Consider this to be a letter that replies "fuck you" in an ironic yet subtle way.

I see that the PirateBay follows the Lowtax method of dealing with legal threats.

(Reply to this)


[info]scorpio20
2006-05-05 12:49 am UTC (link)
Throughout, he continues to insist that he KNOWS MUCH MORE THAN ANY OF YOU REALISE. The capslock key makes it true!!!1!!1

He's like Tom Cruise, in a way.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2006-05-05 02:49 am UTC

[info]mathilde
2006-05-05 01:23 am UTC (link)
Is it literal even to the point of its apocalyptic symbolism?

But... symbolism isn't literal. That's why it's symbolic.

My head hurts now.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2006-05-05 01:34 am UTC (link)
The title is so very genteel, although I'm pretty sure Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett already have a copyright on the Antichrist + Cup of Tea concept.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mathilde, 2006-05-05 01:54 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2006-05-05 02:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-05-05 05:46 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2006-05-05 03:06 am UTC (link)
I had a run in with this freak or somebody with a very similar name in an AOL chatroom about 10 years ago. He used the SN "tim_here" and was trolling the Wizard Press chat room telling everyone that they were going to hell for reading "devil books" (his word for comics) and ignoring the bible. He was claiming to be a "prophet" and kept going on and on about how Jesus or god had sent him to "spread his message via the internet and save the godless heathens" out in cyber space.

My memory is a strange thing, I can recall wierd shit from over a decade ago but I can't absorb a single thing from the CCNA class I'm taking.

Mousey

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mookie, 2006-05-05 07:48 pm UTC

[info]ahiru
2006-05-05 01:43 pm UTC (link)
At the age of sixteen, I was perhaps the top computer programmer my age in the entire world, and acknowledged by a variety of sources as such; I had worked on city, state, and federal government projects; I had been a research intern with Atari in Sunnyvale, California; I had won the Colorado-Wyoming State Science Talent Contest (an offshoot of the Westinghouse contest), etc.

So, when do we get to the part where he's ded from coke?

(Reply to this)


[info]snacky
2006-05-05 03:44 pm UTC (link)
Whose power base is behind the New World Order

Who, unknown to the general public, is the number one globalist in the world today

Who is really behind the Mideast "peace process"

Who has already taken a traceable bio-chip implant


I swear, the answer to these questions is BATMAN, not Prince Charles.

(Reply to this)


 
   
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