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rotten_fish
2006-07-13 05:44 am UTC (link)

shallow_kid was very clever and copied the original post into her LJ.

Maria is my precious two-year-old daughter. She is my life. She is all that I love in this nasty world.

I hate her father, my husband. We've been married for 5 years, and everything was fine until he got me pregnant. I know that's not the "correct" way to describe that disgusting event, but it's the only way I can. He knocked me up. I hated being pregnant. HATED IT. I wanted to kill myself. Although I understood the natural, important aspect of pregnancy, I felt disgusted everytime I looked in the mirror and saw my swollen belly. I wanted to stab him in his sleep many times for ruining my body like this. Yes, it takes two to tango, but I still to this day can't help but feel it was his fault. Pregnancy is disgusting.

Well, my beautiful Maria was born and I could not have been happier the first time I looked at her face. I know billions of babies have been born throughout human history, but at that moment, I couldn't imagine that anyone else had ever felt what I felt at that moment. That's when I first knew I hated my husband.

Maria is my child, not his, not "ours." Don't tell me how deranged I am. I cannot help what I feel. I was pregnant with her, he wasn't. He can never know what that's like. How dare he look at her like she's part of him. She's not. Everytime he touches her, I want to vomit. He's not a bad father at all, by conventional standards. In fact, most mothers would probably think he's "the greatest" because he wants to be so involved it's sickening. He comes home from work early because he says he can't wait to see her. He talks endlessly about putting her in Montessori schools when she's at that age, or about how we should describe God to her, or about what sports he wants her to play, what instruments, and so on. Everytime he opens his mouth I want to scream at him, "She's not your child, you filthy prick!" She's my child, and I will guide her through life as it was meant to be. When he smiles at her, I want to chop his lips off. How dare he?!!!

I would leave him and take Maria across the country or even across the world to someplace in the Orient if I could afford to, but we are dependent on that filthy prick because I don't have my own source of income yet.

I can't believe I'm the only woman, the only mother, who knows her disgusting, impregnating husband has no right to even look at her son or daughter. Can anyone else relate or am I really alone?

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	rotten_fish 2006-07-13 05:45 am UTC (link)
	And by 'LJ' I mean 'JF,' of course. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	radiotrash 2006-07-13 05:50 am UTC (link)
	Ooh whee, and I was happy when I just found that last line quoted! Wow. Crazy much. Or a troll. But either way so batshit. I mean how dare he be a great loving father, the dick?! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	flightstothesea 2006-07-13 05:50 am UTC (link)
	... I really really really hope that's a troll, because the idea of someone that fucked-up having children frightens me. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	beccastareyes 2006-07-13 06:00 am UTC (link)
	Wow, that's some impressive anger issues there. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	gun 2006-07-13 06:08 am UTC (link)
	Wow. I feel really dreadful for her, because she's obviously really, really sick, and nobody in her life has done anything about it. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	symbeline 2006-07-13 06:30 am UTC (link)
	I never knew postpartum depression could last that long. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)