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Zee ([info]zee) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2004-01-02 12:52:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:annoyed

Software Wank?
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm not sure if this technically counts as a wank since the people complaining aren't actually being unreasonable, but it all seemed pretty wanky to me. Please tell me if this isn't the place to post this.

I was searching for an IP tracker to download when I found a supposedly free program called Primedius Total Privacy & Security. It promises to deliver "fast, clean anonymous surfing; blocks pop-ups, URL referrers, and ads. Hides your Internet address. Features anti-spam/virus private e-mail, secure storage, cookie manager, panic button to close all Internet Explorer instances, settings to delete Internet temp and hidden DAT files, cookies, and all address bar entries. Clears URL history, recent document, start/run lists, and Microsoft Media Player files. Totally free Anonymous Surfing and firewall/anti-spyware intrusion detection." I took one look at this and figured it was far too good to be true. Otherwise, wouldn't people be raving about it all over the net? But it did have a user opinion poll of 68% positive...

So I clicked on the user opinions. The first thing that caught my eye was that the positive user opinions all sounded like something off the back of a box. Things like, "Great combo of features and performance," and ""WebTunnel is a gem." Another interesting thing was that a number of people (all with very un-internet type names like "Jeff," and "Jake," and "KL") all said "Highly recommend." Not "highly recommended, but recommend. Over 10 different people all made the same grammar error in their review? I smell a fish.

Next, I clicked over to the negative user opinions, and people- real people, this time- were none too happy. Not only were they annoyed at the obviously false positive votes, all of which were cast by one person (one of the software designers, most likely) just minutes after one another, but they were pissed about the software, too. The software apparently has a tendency to crash people's computers, and it isn't freeware as it advertises, but adware. Quite a few people were upset to see ad banners on their new program. On top of that, it slowed down their computers, and "promises things will speed up once [they buy] a year subscription." Unfortunately, anyone who was foolish enough to fall for that quickly lost their money and nothing got any faster. Calls to support services got no response, save for one person who had the following experience:

"After a few days I asked for my money back. I emailed, called, etc. No reply for days. Then finally I get someone on the phone. They called me names, told me I didn't know what I was doing, then hung up on me. Wow...I'm still in shock from such treatment."

I wouldn't be too shocked, but then, I wouldn't be foolish enough to spend $30-$100 on wonky adware that slows down my computer, either. I'm just waiting for this to get ugly and end in a lawsuit.


(Post a new comment)


[info]shoiryu
2004-01-02 10:02 pm UTC (link)
Wow. THere aren't words.

As far as IP trackers go, I've got one that's pretty decent... I can't remember what it's called just now, though. Heh.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-02 10:08 pm UTC (link)
I used to have a nice one called Neo Trace Pro, but they want me to pay for it now...right after Christmas. :P I was hoping to find a good free one, but no such luck, I guess.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]shoiryu
2004-01-02 10:11 pm UTC (link)
Incidentally, love your icon!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-02 10:14 pm UTC (link)
Why, thank you! Sandman fan?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]shoiryu
2004-01-02 10:15 pm UTC (link)
*sheepish* Only vague familiarity with it, unfortunately, but several of my friends are really into it. I should probably get off my butt and get some of it, too.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-02 10:19 pm UTC (link)
Yes, yes, do! It's an absolutely wondrous piece of literature.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]shoiryu
2004-01-02 10:40 pm UTC (link)
Looks like we've got a couple of things in common, and WOW is your layout pretty. Mind if I friend ya? :D

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-02 10:46 pm UTC (link)
Thanks! Go right ahead, I'll friend you back. ^^

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]bubba_ray
2004-01-02 11:06 pm UTC (link)
That rings a bell of a similiar scam that posed as spyware killer but in fact was spyware itself, as far as I recall same tactics were used to get people to download and install the scumware.

As far as free IP tracker go the tools at samspade.org were not too shabby, no fancy map thingie like neotrace has but can do lots of stuff and is complete freeware, plus the site has some great online tracking tools too.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-02 11:41 pm UTC (link)
Interesting, thanks for the link.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kijikun
2004-01-03 01:04 am UTC (link)
Gotta love Red drawf

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sagralisse
2004-01-02 11:33 pm UTC (link)
Oh, so that's where Seryna works. Now it makes sense.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-02 11:40 pm UTC (link)
Nice correlation! =)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]sagralisse
2004-01-02 11:51 pm UTC (link)
::tips hat:: :)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sagralisse
2004-01-02 11:50 pm UTC (link)
Would it be unethical to post fake bad reviews on this product? I'm thinking it'd be a public service, since the developers are obviously faking good reviews.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 12:02 am UTC (link)
I don't think it would be unethical at all. We could even make a contest out of it. "Most creative bad review," "Most convincing sob story..."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]sagralisse
2004-01-03 12:13 am UTC (link)
I submitted one, but I didn't save a copy of it. CNET says they review them, so I'm not sure it'll get through.

If anybody else submits one, please keep a copy, okay?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 01:11 am UTC (link)
Oh, it got through...!

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DOWNLOAD!!!11!!!"
Not only did this software slow my browsing speed down to that of a 2400-baud modem, but the gigantic dancing ads caused me to have a petit mal seizure! When I recovered I found that it had corrupted my registry AND kidnapped my cat! When I called customer service, they told me that my problems stemmed from my mother's crack addiction. Don't believe the fake positive feedback! This software was developed by SATAN HIMSELF. RUN! Run while you still can!!

*laughs her ass off*

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]rann
2004-01-03 01:31 am UTC (link)
*falls over giggling* RAWK! XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 01:50 am UTC (link)
Mine's kind of lame, but hey, every bad comment lowers the user rating, right?

Don't download this software! It's really made by those foreign internet scam people who send you emails about how they've just come into a lot of money and want to share it with you if you can get them to America! By downloading it, they have access to your computer and can find all sorts of private information! They can also upload things to your desktop through your modem, like bondage porn. Their support line is even a scam, making you spend lots of money to make an international phone call! Also, this program occasionally writes satanic manefestos across my screen and I can't uninstall it! These people are bad people!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]wolfsamurai
2004-01-03 03:18 am UTC (link)
I think the bondage porn thing would actually be a selling point to software for a lot of people. ^_^

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 03:40 am UTC (link)
*Coughs, blushes*

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]backfromspace
2004-01-03 06:16 am UTC (link)
Wow, I totally marked off your bondage porn idea.

That's what I get for assuming everything I think actually originated in my brain.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]backfromspace
2004-01-03 03:31 am UTC (link)
When I first installed this program, all my thoughts were of lightness and joy. My neopets were healthy, my livejournal universally loved and read; my finances were untouchable, my orchids in full bloom.

Lo, one day after installing the program, not only did it uninstall Internet Explorer and reformat my harddrive, it also killed all of my neopets, deleted the livejournals of all five hundred of my closest friends, and used my credit card information to buy $33,000 worth of bondage pornography. It caused the printer to spew out mile after mile of photomanipulations of me holding large containers of suspicious powders and plant materials, with the warning message that it had faxed these images to my congressman and the FBI. Somehow, it also enticed my computer to electrically discharge thousands of volts into the surrounding plants, killing my priceless orchid collection. Attempts to uninstall were met with Satanic laughter and image files of dead puppies.

After shelling out $30 for the paid version, the situation improved somewhat; the plants entered a stage of unlife and tried to eat my brains, but at least they're green again. However, the only noticeable difference between the paid and free versions is that the paid version enabled it to somehow grow arms and legs, which it used to violently sodomize me in front of my loving wife of forty years. A call to customer service yielded only the automated message that they would get back to me when they were done dancing on the graves of my unborn children and shooting prostitutes in well-known historical landmarks.

I suggest you look elsewhere for privacy and security software.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 03:38 am UTC (link)
However, the only noticeable difference between the paid and free versions is that the paid version enabled it to somehow grow arms and legs, which it used to violently sodomize me in front of my loving wife of forty years.

*Laughs hysterically* Okay, so far you win the prize, whatever that may be.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]backfromspace
2004-01-03 03:39 am UTC (link)
*bows*

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]rhi_silverflame
2004-01-03 10:20 am UTC (link)
Holy shit.

*dies laughing, returns to a state of undeath, and worships*

That was fucking BEAUTIFUL.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]backfromspace
2004-01-03 09:26 pm UTC (link)
Look! They put it up!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]rhi_silverflame
2004-01-04 05:42 am UTC (link)
*looks*

Hee! And in prominent view on the first page! Yay on you!

I note a shitload more of the fake positive comments, though. Grr.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]rann
2004-01-03 11:10 am UTC (link)
This caused me to laugh in such a way that my rabbit gave me a "What the shit?" look. XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]smo
2004-01-03 11:19 pm UTC (link)
You realize, of course, that now I'm everyone's going to beg you to make a "What the Shit is This?" icon with a picture of your rabbit.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]renjenri
2004-01-05 03:31 am UTC (link)
OMG. Jeff. Ow. Pain. I think I just tore all the muscles in my abdomen. Too fucking funny.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]backfromspace
2004-01-05 03:56 am UTC (link)
Vote [info]backfromspace!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re:
[info]renjenri
2004-01-05 05:01 am UTC (link)
... Does this mean I have to go back and vote with my name on it? I'm gonna get in trouble if I do that. meep.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]backfromspace
2004-01-05 05:03 am UTC (link)
Voting anonymously is for loooooosers.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]nekoneko
2004-01-03 02:45 am UTC (link)
Death! Heee. Have you read Endless Nights?

*pulls out her only Neil icon* Neiiiiillllll.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 03:10 am UTC (link)
Hmmm, which one was that? I may have read it and simply can't put the name to a face, as it were. But yay for Neil Gaiman fans!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]nekoneko
2004-01-03 03:14 am UTC (link)
It's the book that was released... last year. That sounds so weird to say. x_x; The newest Sandman book, with stories about each of the Endless. Desire actually looked GOOD in his/her story. I was surprised.

I need a Sandman icon. :/

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 03:17 am UTC (link)
A...NEW Sandman book? Oh my. The latest one I have is that silly manga Death one by Jill Thompson.

*bounces happily off to Amazon.com* Thanks for the info! :D Mind if I friend you when I get back?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]nekoneko
2004-01-03 03:22 am UTC (link)
Go ahead. ^_^ It's an awesome book. I love it to death. A lot more than I liked the Death manga. I thought it was an ugly little thing.

Have you seen Neil's blog? It's got some great stuff on it, and there's an LJ feed that I visit often. [info]officialgaiman

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]zee
2004-01-03 03:31 am UTC (link)
I do read his blog now and then, but I didn't know there was an LJ feed. That'll come in handy. =)

I didn't really like the Death manga either. Though there were bits I liked, it felt too removed from the usual feel and logic of the usual Sandman.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


allen
2004-01-03 05:15 pm UTC (link)
Amusingly, more of those similar-sounding positive reviews popped up yesterday.

(Reply to this)


[info]treehugger
2004-01-04 05:25 am UTC (link)
Actually, I've seen something similar a couple of times on Yahoo!Shopping. Take this digital camera, for example.

$29.95 for a Fuji FinePix 2800 with Zoom! Wow! Amazing!

Except, if you check the customer reviews, all these different customers say the same things: "Terrible customer service, they said my credit card was denied, but when I called the credit card company, they said a request was never made. Was promised to be shipped in 3-5 business days, but it never arrived. I called to cancel my order, but they already charged my card, etc."

There was another great one where you could buy this cheap camera, but the problem was, the camera you were buying was a shell - no battery, no memory card, no flash, etc. People that tried to order just the shell for very little money wouldn't receive confirmation for their order or their purchase. When they called customer service, they were told the camera was out of stock, but they had a package deal that pretty much tripled the cost they originally intended to pay. If they didn't want that, the customer service rep would hang up on them and cancel the order.

You can't even go by merchant ratings on these things because for every lousy review they get, they just go in and add two positive ones of their own. It's always good to read what the real customers have to say.

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