Genre Wars, Episode I: The Erotica-Writer Menace
This wank is pretty short, due to a Modly Being stepping in and freezing all related threads, but it's still sufficiently wanky, so I thought I'd share it.


[NB: The NaNo forums have a system in which the most recent comment is on top, so read bottom to top, last page to first page if you don't want to be terribly confused.]

Over on the NaNoWriMo forums, apparently the Humor & Satire group picks one other genre every year to have a "war" against. The idea behind this is supposedly to have a friendly competition to see who ends up with more finished stories at the end of the month. Doesn't sound so bad, right? At least, that's what I thought at first.

Brian the Hack makes a post asking who they should go after this year. After just one neutral comment, the genre-bashing begins- I won't quote most of it, because it's the same things over and over. "Fantasy writers are dorks and losers! Historical Fiction writers are old and boring! Erotica writers are just plain bad!"

Some special mentions, however:

"Chick lit, because it's written by chicks."

"Simple: Republicans." (They're a genre now? OMG conspiracy!)

"Erotic Fiction! I hate those guys, always making up stuff about my manhood."

Then E. Welch shows up, and has something to say about every genre. S/h/it also seems to be enamored of the word "jerks."

Chick Lit - Well, they make us seem better by having comedy that simply is not funny.

Erotic Fiction - We need these guys. They keep us turned on and wgive us something to do with our hands when we don't feel like writing and we're done drinking.

Fantasy - Pfft. Just like us, these guys try to have totally crazy, out there plots. But their's aren't funny.

Historical Fiction - Good points. Their old, stodgy republicans and we're young liberals.

Horror & Thriller - This would be too easy.

Literary Fiction - Too many of us fit into this genre. I don't know how we would know to seperate each other.

Mystery & Suspense - These guys have plots that are difficult to figure out. Just like we do. Only they try to make them serious. Or our plots are far too simple and theirs are too complicated. Either way, they're jerks.

Religious, Spiritual & New Age - Meh.

Romance - A bunch of jerks, but, they hang out with our allies in the Erotic Fiction front. Maybe we could convert them to have more erotic fiction.

Science Fiction - See fantasy comment. A bunch of jerks.

Young Adult & Youth - These guys are kind of like Swedes. We would feel bad attacking them.

Other Genres - Who the hell are these guys? If they don't pick a side, they're against us.

But, if i have to pick one enemy, it would be those fantasy jerks. Jerks.

A handful of people go "Hey, comedy and fantasy go well together! Just look at Terry Pratchett!"

E. Welch replies with a BPOD that is clearly meant to be funny, but is not, ending with "And if we cruch [sic] erotic fiction, what will we jerk off to?"

Then we get a small political side-wank in which a Republican gets pissed off about E. Welch's "Historical Fiction writers are Republicans!" comment:

Oh yes, please, let us apply the word republican to everything that is not cool because they and they ruined everything and took us into a war more than half the Congress voted for. Oh yes, please, let us. (rolls eyes)

It's your own opinion to hate republicans because of the Bush Adminastration, but please, let's not act like five-year-olds about it.

Thus I have provoked a war of my own. Probably one that I won't answer back to.

Erotic Fiction it is. Because they're democrats. (rolls eyes)

Then that thread is followed by a thread declaring war on Erotic Fiction. A few writers from the Erotic Fiction board show up and comment, but it all seems more or less playful and tongue-in-cheek. Though it's hard to tell with some of them. It gets locked eventually anyway. There's also a post on the Erotic Fiction forum, in which it comes to light that the Humor and Satire people are Just Jealous because the Erotica writers have had more sex than them.

Meanwhile, someone posts a mocking thread about the difference between humor and erotic fiction and E. Welch makes a post that gets locked before anyone can comment (with bonus homophobia!). The erotic fiction writers "rally the troops," plot, and then ATTACK with trash-talking and image macros.

Eventually, a mod posts a stickied reminder that genre wars are not OK, all threads are locked, and that's the end of that.