Does wank + telemarketing = phone sex?
Oh, customers_suck, you bastion of wank.

shadowsync posts a potentially wanky list of things to do when a telemarketer calls (how to get them to stop calling you the polite way, but phrased badly).

Of course, it's customers_suck. Are they going to let them live it down?

Not if they can help it!

Be sure to look out for tigerwolf's comment about his newly-purchased airhorn (second page), and susano_otter's comment about how telemarketing is equivalent to selling yourself (second linked thread, last comment).

And, of course, there's a condensed version of the stupid on stupid_free.

Telemarketing: only the strong survive.

ETA: Fixed to include link to original post.

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froda_baggins 2007-01-20 05:23 am UTC (link)

I can totally understand the plight of the telemarketer - I've never done that myself, but I did spend nine horrific months in high school doing phone surveys. Many, many people automatically assumed I was a telemarketer, and I got bitched out quite a lot. It was pretty scarring to a shy, sensitive 16-year-old. Really. On the other hand, I can't stand telemarketers who don't let me get a word in edgewise. I make a point of trying not to be rude, but some of them, the only way to get rid of 'em is to just hang up. This is why I don't even have the phone in my dorm connected - anyone who knows me knows to call my cell phone. Uhm... LULZ TELEMARKETERS? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	explosivefun 2007-01-21 02:08 am UTC (link)
	D: I feel your pain. And I only spent one month doing the phone surveys. It was kind of weird--our brance of the company was in Canada, but the only place we ever called was America. (Reply to this)(Parent)

dottiness 2007-01-20 05:34 am UTC (link)

Yeah, I've sold my soul to Satan or whatever, telemarketing was my first job. I will say, a lot of my coworkers did suck serious balls. But the people bitching on c_s are acting just like the "entitlement bitches" they whine about in every other post. You have no reason to act like a dick to someone who is just doing their job. There were girls my age (16) who would be crying after calls because the people on the other ends wouldn't shut up. And in telemarketing, hanging up on the customer is a firable offense -- you can't just cut the line if someone is being an ass. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	dottiness 2007-01-20 05:57 am UTC (link)
	**16 then, back in 2002. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	sadisticferret 2007-01-20 05:35 am UTC (link)
	~thoughts on telemarketers, answering the phone and general telephone-related subjects~ (Reply to this)(Thread)

	jat_sapphire 2007-01-20 06:04 am UTC (link)
	~indignant reply! semi-relevant personal anecdote!~ (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - sadisticferret, 2007-01-20 06:12 am UTC

(no subject) - thexphial, 2007-01-20 06:20 am UTC

(no subject) - ecchaniz0r, 2007-01-20 06:55 am UTC

(no subject) - kylenne, 2007-01-20 11:08 am UTC

(no subject) - harrylovesron, 2007-01-20 07:33 pm UTC

My Obligatory Telemarketing Anecdote fevered_ego 2007-01-20 05:38 am UTC (link)

My mom is in intensive care, breathing by machines and not expected to live. While I was watching her place, I got telemarketed three times yesterday morning between 8 and 10 AM. Friendly voice: "Hello, is Dianna there?" Me: "Mom's in the hospital ICU. May I take a message?" (BEAT) Friendly voice: "I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm, uh, George with TruGreen ChemLawn and we're, uh, trying to set up our spring route for your neighborhood... and, um..." etc. Each different salesperson managed to plug their product and company spiel in between the stammered apologies and best wishes. I think their programming just sort of went haywire. It was a rare spot of amusement that morning, in a sort of cringing "ouch, faux pas" way. (Reply to this)

The official response to this post thexphial 2007-01-20 06:26 am UTC (link)

One time I (worked as a telemarketer/had a bad experience with a telemarketer/had a wankfest over telemarketing in general). It was horrible! Of course I (was young then, and needed the money/was totally funny in how I handled that moron/splooged all over everything). Telemarketing (sucks/sucks/sucks111!!1). (Thank god I got a better job/I love my caller ID/WTF IS THE KLEENEX FOR?). (Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: The official response to this post - (Anonymous), 2007-01-20 05:01 pm UTC

	sashenka 2007-01-20 06:28 am UTC (link)
	Ahh, internets. Making the phrase "Thank you, but I'm not interested" seem so difficult since its inception. (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2007-01-20 07:27 am UTC (link)
	One day, when I was bored, I decided to actually try talking to a telemarketer. Except that, when I told them that the homeowner wasn't available, they hung up on me without another word. Bad day in Call Centre Land? ;P (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2007-01-20 07:36 am UTC (link)
	Baleeted. I miss all the good wank :( (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - jrs1980, 2007-01-20 08:13 pm UTC

	drakyndra 2007-01-20 08:06 am UTC (link)
	I used to work as a telemarketer. I got fired for not making enough sales. (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - puipui, 2007-01-20 09:17 am UTC

(no subject) - stella_polaris, 2007-01-20 02:28 pm UTC

(no subject) - v_digitalwytch, 2007-01-22 09:29 pm UTC

rachelthedemon 2007-01-20 08:32 am UTC (link)

Yeah, telemarketers are annoying, but I'm polite 99% of the time because it doesn't really pay to be bitchy when a simple "no thanks, I'm not interested" will do. The only times I am ever verbally abusive are when the telemarketer is an asshole first. Such cases are rare, but they do happen. Most memorable is the one who did not believe I was waiting for a call from the hospital because my brother had been admitted through the ER with a severed fingertip on the same day my late aunt had her mastectomy. The telemarketer told me he knew I was lying to avoid the call and proceeded with his sales pitch, and I told him to shove the credit card he was trying to issue my mother up his ass. (Reply to this)

shinga 2007-01-20 08:34 am UTC (link)

But seriously though, I don't mind the few seconds taken out to tell a telemarketer I'm not interested. The only thing that'll piss me off? When they call you with a damn recorded message. A MACHINE. Man, fuck you! If you're gonna call me, make it a person. Seriously, one of these days I'll get a recorded telemarketer, yell "FRACKIN' TOASTERS!" at the phone and then slam it down in the most exaggerated fashion possible. This will not be as effective if it's a cordless phone and the slamming doesn't actually... hang it up... But it's fun in theory. (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - ilpalazzo, 2007-01-20 09:19 am UTC

(no subject) - shinga, 2007-01-20 09:25 am UTC

(no subject) - ilpalazzo, 2007-01-20 08:15 pm UTC

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-01-20 07:16 pm UTC

(no subject) - ilpalazzo, 2007-01-20 08:08 pm UTC

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-01-20 09:03 pm UTC

(no subject) - catslash, 2007-01-21 12:50 am UTC

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-01-22 01:40 am UTC

	mochibuni 2007-01-20 10:32 am UTC (link)
	Nuu!! It's bahleeted! (Reply to this)

black_spot 2007-01-20 01:46 pm UTC (link)

My mum, who speaks with a baritone voice, confuses them. After they’ve called her sir and she’s corrected them, all heart seems to go out of them. Boss, when they won’t listen, asks what colour knickers they are wearing in a pervy voice – seems to do the trick. I can’t remember the last time I received one. I’m listed in the phone book, always answer the phone, am polite (usually) – did I do something wrong/right? (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - silrana, 2007-01-20 02:45 pm UTC

[My thoughts on telemarketing] stella_polaris 2007-01-20 02:26 pm UTC (link)

Blah. I did that for a few months last summer. I wasn't very good at it, I just couldn't keep pestering people if they said no. So my average calls were 30-60 seconds. So. I understand that people hate the kind of callers who just won't give up. They deserve to die or something. But it takes just a few seconds to say "no thanks" and "bye" and give the caller a chance to say, "okay, thank you for your time!" Because that seriously does not feel nearly as bad as "Hi, I'm calling from Company X - click". Because not all of us try to make you burn your potatoes or something. Seriously. 30 seconds. However, the best calls (apart from the ones where you actually managed to sell something) were porbably the ones where I'd call someone who'd just gotten three calls from other companies and then I'd apologise sincerely and then we'd laugh a bit at the absurdness and hang up. Don't ask me why, but those just left me with a warm and fuzzy feeling. [/my thoughts of telemarketing] (Reply to this)(Thread)

Typos - stella_polaris, 2007-01-20 02:29 pm UTC

Re: Typos - black_spot, 2007-01-20 03:20 pm UTC

Re: [My thoughts on telemarketing] - belafarinrod, 2007-01-20 04:31 pm UTC

caoilte 2007-01-20 03:19 pm UTC (link)

I'm actually a 'recovering' phone-phobic. I hate talking on the phone - I will let it ring until it annoys the hell out of me before answering it (if I ever do) which annoys hubby cuz then HE gets the calls I didn't answer. Then calls me to ask why I didn't answer it. Kinda defeats the purpose if you ask me, cuz I never pick up for him either unless it's obvious that it's him. What irks me is someone appears to be giving out a cellphone number that ONLY MY HUSBAND HAS to banks and the like, and I am getting messages on my cellphone saying CALL US NOW! and I don't even bank/deal with them. Surely there's got to be some rule against this? So yeah, I hate phones and rarely pick them up to actually call anyone on them (I have 2, go figure *chuckles sheepishly*...). Text messaging is my friend. What is totally ironic about this? I used to work for Vodafone. *coughs* (one of the bigger cellphone providers in the UK.) (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - mary_mac, 2007-01-20 09:40 pm UTC

(no subject) - caoilte, 2007-01-20 11:04 pm UTC

(no subject) - mary_mac, 2007-01-21 12:20 am UTC

(no subject) - caoilte, 2007-01-21 02:22 pm UTC

(no subject) - v_digitalwytch, 2007-01-22 09:44 pm UTC

(no subject) - caoilte, 2007-01-25 01:19 pm UTC

	dragonfangirl 2007-01-20 04:23 pm UTC (link)
	You know, an actual logical reason occurs to not be a total bitch to telemarketers. Because then the ones who actually have some compassion left will have mental breakdowns and quit, and we'll be stuck with nothing but the assholes who frankly like ruining your lives. (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - pointandlaugh, 2007-01-20 05:11 pm UTC

(no subject) - mireille, 2007-01-20 10:24 pm UTC

(no subject) - pointandlaugh, 2007-01-20 10:31 pm UTC

(no subject) - iwanttobeasleep, 2007-01-21 01:26 am UTC

(no subject) - pointandlaugh, 2007-01-21 01:29 am UTC

(no subject) - iwanttobeasleep, 2007-01-21 01:33 am UTC

(no subject) - pointandlaugh, 2007-01-21 01:40 am UTC

(no subject) - paintobscura, 2007-01-22 08:42 pm UTC

(no subject) - pointandlaugh, 2007-01-22 10:43 pm UTC

(no subject) - aristaea, 2007-01-20 10:38 pm UTC

	napalmnacey 2007-01-21 08:32 am UTC (link)
	My brother invariably takes telemarketers for a ride. And records it. Once he started yelling at mother who was trying to break out of her cage. That was just before his hand fell off. (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-01-21 07:19 pm UTC

(no subject) - napalmnacey, 2007-01-21 07:29 pm UTC

Obligatory Mostly-Related-To-Telemarketing Anecdote (Anonymous) 2007-01-21 10:24 pm UTC (link)

A few months ago, my dad was expecting a call from my uncle. As a joke, he changed the outgoing answering machine message to: "Hi, you've reached the Jones family. In an attempt to avoid telemarketers, we have decided to only answer calls from lovers of musical theatre. Please sing a few lines from your favorite show tune, and if you get all the words right we'll pick up the phone. Thanks!" He left the message that way for a few days just to see what would happen. I've since been wondering how many actual telemarketers he confused with that thing... -- jessalae (Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Obligatory Mostly-Related-To-Telemarketing Anecdote - psychesky, 2007-01-22 03:02 am UTC

Re: Obligatory Mostly-Related-To-Telemarketing Anecdote - (Anonymous), 2007-01-22 03:51 am UTC

	digigirl132 2007-01-22 03:48 am UTC (link)
	I remember that, for like three days, our answering machine played porno music when somebody called. I still have yet to figure out how that one happened. o_o (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - anonyrat, 2007-01-22 03:59 pm UTC

(no subject) - monsley, 2007-01-22 04:53 pm UTC

(no subject) - digigirl132, 2007-01-22 10:41 pm UTC

	paintobscura 2007-01-22 08:44 pm UTC (link)
	I just got upset at a telemarketer who called me back and told me I was extremely rude for hanging up on him. What I'd done was listen to his spiel, politely say, "No thank you," and hang up. I don't consider that rude. Apparently he did. I was 16 and burst in to tears after he yelled at (and hung up on!) me. (Reply to this)

didodiva 2007-01-23 06:04 pm UTC (link)

What, no gripes about the jerks who sit through the whole machine message then leave either dead air or a recorded message on the machine? That pisses me off royally, considering my machine doesn't have that many slots and the more that are filled up, the less time the person has for a message. If it's obvious it's a machine, for God's sake hang up before it picks up! It never makes sense that there's apparently a law about telemarketers leaving messages, but they still leave recorded messages or dead air (which makes no sense). Why's that legal? *boggles* As for when I have the phone with me and see Tollfree Number or Unknown Caller (without a phone number) on the caller ID, I just hit On and Off to hang up on them. If you're lucky enough to know if it's a telemarketer, why waste your energy on the theatrics? (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2007-02-05 09:23 pm UTC (link)
	the auto-dialers are confused by my ringback tones. i haven't gotten a telemarketing call on my cell in almost a year. (Reply to this)

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