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thekiwiwhoflew ([info]thekiwiwhoflew) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-01-23 04:52:00


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Oh, Britania.
Okay, does this really bear explaining?

So some English punk posts about how inferior Americans are and doesn't even have the drive to be funny about it.

But ofcourse, someone finds it funny and feels that it has to be shared with the world, forgetting that Americans are part of said world.

And it is on! People are, ofcourse, unimpressed by failed sense of humor and not even thinly veiled condescension.

Americans blatantly prove him wrong by going on about Mets, Yankees and the scientific definition of a Californian rather than giving him the attention he craves.

Apiphile quirks on the real reason behind teh hatredz.

But let this be a lesson to this new crowd of so called 'anglophiles' who think the U.K. is a bunch of lovely victorian like people sitting around eating krumpets and drinking tea.

(outside of MQ, a reply to his journal- if this is not allowed, please let me know and I will remove it immediately)Speaking of Anglophiles, cue obligatory "ooh mr brittish man, its true, its true! Were all just like that! Oh please excuse us, mr brittish man, were the enlightened americans who see the error of our people's ways! please take pity on us and take us to your land of tea and krumpets and that weird sport with that black and white ball and spice girls!!111'


For all he talks about Americans, he's pretty big on the stereotyping- Not only on the American stereotypes, but English too with this 'yankee' buisness. In growing up in London, I've heard many ways to refer to Americans; 'Americans', 'People from America', 'those people' and 'Yeah, Good Ol' We'll Wait Until The Last Minute To Join The War When London Has Already Been Leveled And Blitzed Half Way To Hell'.. Maybe it's used in places like Manchester which are decidedly bitter because they spent most of the nineties getting their asses handed to them by Liverpool-*shotshotshot* but I never heard the term Yankee being used for an American by an English person in modern times outside of television or American-written books.

And on the "Disproportionate Levels of Enthusiasm" Uh.. Is he for real? I mean, really? Come on, now. Has this man ever been near a pub? Think Englishman Drinking Prowess + Subconscious awareness that nearby police aren't really armed.

Wanky but small. Just like the English. OH. I JUST WENT THERE. IF YOU'RE OFFENDED YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND MY SENSE OF SARCASM AND YOU'RE A YANK. HAH HAH.


Oh, English wank. Perfect timing after a lot of Dr. Who and Eddie Izzard icons.

EDIT:After repeatedly eating my foot in the comments below, I'd like to go on to make a big apology that I let my own wankiness get in the way of the funnez and that this post came off as bad as it did. I was hasty and to say this was unbiased would be an obvious lie- No, I am not American, but living here I was quick to get my underwear in a knot. In my own self righteous indignity, I forgot that the intrenets iz not serious buisness. Please accept my apologies and crumpets with a K. I'd also offer you my left foot, but I already promised it away to someone else.)


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magpiggles
2007-01-23 05:01 pm UTC (link)
Would you be happier if I was mean to the rest of the cities?

Maybe some sort of "A Soft Southern Pansy's Guide To The Godless North And The Hairy Men Who Roam There?

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[info]brown_betty
2007-01-24 01:17 am UTC (link)
That would make me happy, just from the title.

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magpiggles
2007-01-24 01:49 am UTC (link)
Well, never let it be said that I won't do anything to get out of writing essays.

Hello dear reader. My name is Magpie and while I am currently languishing in Canterbury, I was born and raised in the heart of the civilized south of England.

Brighton, City of same sex kissing and one and a half piers.

I am the child of a disastrous union of a Scotsman and a simple Belfast girl. Due to my heritage I have travelled all over these isles, I have flirted with pretty boys at the Dun Laoghaire culture festival in Ireland, travelled all across England meeting people from the internet (none of whom were creepy predators) and even spent one painful week in Whales when my parents decided to have one last holiday “as a family” even though they had decided to get divorced.

But today I am talking of Scotland. A country that has been deeply romanticized with its glens, thistles and men in kilts.

Glasgow is the dark heart of this nation. Home of many fantastic gigs but also many heroin addicts. Its cursed inhabitants speak an unknown dialect that will drive you insane if you don’t’ placate them with offerings of battered mars bars.

Dundee is a lot like Innsmouth from the works of everyone’s favourite cuddly racist: Howard Lovecraft. Looking over the dark river Tay, it harbours many strange secrets. The worst of which being the mysterious substance known only as “Jute”. I have only ever heard this mentioned when we are visiting our relatives, no one in my family talks about it at home, but as soon as we come to visit, conversation meanders over to Jute Mills, Jute Factories and so forth. What is Jute? I do not know. I could google it, but as Lovecraft has taught us, there are some things man is simply not meant to know.

Edinburgh is ok. I have nothing bad to say about it. Except that thanks to its university, many of my exes live there. A terrifying prospect.

Finally I will mention as small village known only as Stromferry. We visited once for a weekend, it was dead. There were no people at all. Were we simply there at the wrong time of year or had tentacled beasts devoured the population? Only the deer that brazenly walked the streets knew and they certainly weren’t talking.

This ends my descriptions of the godless north.

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(Anonymous)
2007-01-27 03:44 pm UTC (link)
WIN. \o/

"Were we simply there at the wrong time of year or had tentacled beasts devoured the population?"

Unless you made the appropriate offerings (twenty Marlboro and your credit card) on the altar in the bus stop, the inhabitants of Stromferry would be invisible to you. They are a shy and retiring people who worship the Great Cthulhu, and his Consort Across The Sea, Sheena Easton.

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