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Dan Fogelberg's ([info]llama_treats) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-02-06 15:10:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Manorexic
Entry tags:person: eric schaeffer, there's a reason you're still single

TL;DR, Douchebags, and Stalkerblogs; OH MY!
I'll try to keep it short.

OK, so there's this guy named Eric Schaeffer who acts and directs and stuff, and also suffers from manorexia. But most importantly, he wonders why he's still single. Let's see if we can figure it out, shall we? Is it the cutoff age for his potential mate so she can still pop out his puppies (36, when he's 45)? Is it the fact that he says "Namaste" all the time? Is it the tl;dr? I wonder.

But Gawker doesn't wonder, they know. It's because Eric's a douchebag, which they painstakingly let us know. Over and over again.

Unfortunately, the rise in blog hits alerted Eric that something might be awry. So, he lets Gawker know that "I AM YOU"...and also that he practices deep-throating dildos. No, really. Scroll down. Gawker says nanny-nanny-poo-poo (I'm totally paraphrasing. Almost.)

See also:
--"I ♥ Eric!" "No, Eric is a douche" rambling
--I Know Why You're Still Single, complete with cafepress store.

Assholes for everyone...on me!




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[info]hearsawho
2007-02-06 09:34 pm UTC (link)
You get ten thousand points for posting something in [info]otf_wank that made me LAUGH. I'd almost forgotten what that was like.

Example 37592375 why actors/directors/screenwriters/producers should be seen and not heard on the intraweb?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-06 09:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hearsawho, 2007-02-06 09:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]delcj, 2007-02-06 10:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hearsawho, 2007-02-06 11:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]onaga, 2007-02-07 04:51 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-06 09:40 pm UTC (link)
If Lucy Fell was the lamest movie ever; basically, he played his own Mary Sue.

(Reply to this)


ealusaid
2007-02-06 09:44 pm UTC (link)
I honestly tried reading his blog, and it was so touchy-feely it felt like I was being molested.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]big_bad_wolf, 2007-02-06 11:33 pm UTC

[info]mister_terrific
2007-02-06 09:50 pm UTC (link)
Oy.

That is just...whoa.

Mister Terrific
Yet I Can't Stop Reading

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - verthandi, 2007-02-06 10:05 pm UTC

[info]the_mouse
2007-02-06 09:53 pm UTC (link)
So much crazy. It was almost tl;dr, but if you kept reading you were rewarded with more delusion.

(Reply to this)


[info]prettypinkkitty
2007-02-06 09:57 pm UTC (link)
I blame you for making me drop everything to read all the Gawker and I Know Why You're Still Single posts.

Ahahahahaha. He ends his posts with Namaste. Ahahahahahahaahahahahahah! I keep giggling like a loon!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-06 10:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-06 10:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-06 10:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-06 10:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2007-02-07 01:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-07 08:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]onyxnoir, 2007-02-07 10:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-02-06 10:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-06 10:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2007-02-07 12:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-07 12:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2007-02-07 02:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-07 08:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2007-02-07 06:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-07 07:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2007-02-07 10:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2007-02-07 10:28 pm UTC

[info]mindset
2007-02-06 09:57 pm UTC (link)
From this post:

"The two things that made me end the correspondence were: he gave me a few compliments, then demanded I tell him something equally flattering about him because he needed to feel attractive too (I couldn't think of anything to say)... this struck me as very whiny and needy, qualities that I was not looking for in a man. The second thing he said that I found highly objectionable was when I asked him what he did all day (he said he was unemployed at the time)- he gave me a laundry list of activities, including prayer, yoga, meditation, and MAKING LOVE TO HIS HAND. I think that's when I 'suddenly' realized I was much, much too busy to date (him) at that time."

Can't... stop... laughing. Help... me...

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]carlanime, 2007-02-07 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-09 11:40 pm UTC

[info]hallidae
2007-02-06 10:21 pm UTC (link)
They could smell the north on me and hated me for it.

I'm with the commentor. As skeevy as his posts are, I think "smelling the north" on him would be way down the list of reasons to hate him. I don't think it'd even make the list, compared to a lot of other things.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-07 04:43 am UTC

[info]tez
2007-02-06 10:26 pm UTC (link)
Omg...omg. Can't stop laughing. Have feeling I should be cringing more than I am but cannot stop laughing. Oh my GOD.

This wins on as many levels as he fails on. And I totally want that hoodie.

(Reply to this)


[info]puipui
2007-02-06 10:35 pm UTC (link)
Oh, Gawker. Why don't I read you more often? Why? I am enthralled here.

Also, Eric Schaeffer is pure, distilled, hilariously tl;dr ew. Ew!

i also know how much time he spends surfing the web, probably reading each and every blurb about himself as he masturbates at 2 am while eating non-dairy chocolate. and hating himself for it.

Hi, Eric! Have you tried horses? I hear they're the marrying type!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-06 10:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2007-02-06 10:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2007-02-06 10:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mister_terrific, 2007-02-06 11:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2007-02-07 01:19 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 01:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caoilainn, 2007-02-07 02:08 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 05:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-02-07 08:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2007-02-07 09:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-02-08 02:19 am UTC

[info]semirecluse
2007-02-06 10:38 pm UTC (link)
Yay! I am so pleased this made it here. :D

Snookypants? I'm pretty sure you're all conviced that you've made a Deep, Important, Philosophical Statement of which only the Exceptionally Enlightened and Stoned Liberal Arts Majors will fully grasp the awesome intensity, but you just sound like a ninny.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]heddychaa, 2007-02-07 08:28 pm UTC

[info]gal_montag
2007-02-06 10:53 pm UTC (link)
Maybe he wouldn't be single if he didn't retell his sexual escapades in his blog.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-06 11:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]judyhazeleyes, 2007-02-07 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-07 08:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2007-02-07 04:39 am UTC

[info]white_serpent
2007-02-06 10:55 pm UTC (link)
From his most recent blog entry, about his conversation with Melinda and telling her how he could like her more:

...
Freezing cold, standing in water for 20 hours a day. You chopped the heads off, pulled the guts, cleaned the blood line from the spine with a spoon shooting water out of it or threw them in a bin.
...
I wonder if your affection for me is blast frozen or deep frozen."

"Deep frozen... but I understand you need time to trust that."


I'd like to express my total and deep belief in the reality of this conversation. Obviously she would have responded positively. ...Because nothing is more romantic than having your relationship equated with gutting, cleaning, and freezing fish.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]koipool, 2007-02-07 06:56 pm UTC

[info]smo
2007-02-06 11:00 pm UTC (link)
"namaste" is "ciao" squared.

I'm a stitch that on a pillow.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - rachelthedemon, 2007-02-06 11:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-07 01:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2007-02-07 02:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lykomancer, 2007-02-07 02:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]onaga, 2007-02-07 04:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lykomancer, 2007-02-07 04:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]funwithrage, 2007-02-07 03:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-07 08:56 am UTC

[info]mistal
2007-02-06 11:35 pm UTC (link)
I would have been up for chatting or getting a coffee but I'm a recovering alcoholic for many years and the whole drinking thing is a dealbreaker for me

...
Buh...huh...wha...?

Now, I don't drink coffee, but I'm pretty sure it's alcohol free.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]april_hurst, 2007-02-07 12:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2007-02-07 03:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistal, 2007-02-07 03:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mcity, 2007-02-07 05:13 am UTC

[info]rewil
2007-02-06 11:56 pm UTC (link)
Industrial accident waiting to happen:

I have a friend who refuses to go in Jacuzzis. She once got sick from the bacteria in one and feels they are cesspools of evil, and though I'm not proud of it and would never do it again, I will admit that I once held my dick up against one of the jets in the one on the roof of a seriously fancy hotel and let it jerk me off until I came. I know, it's fucking so wrong in every way and so unlike me. It was ten years ago, I mean I was still 34, and I was sober, it's not like I was a drunk 16 year old so I have no excuse really I know. I don't know, LA, man, it fucks with my whole trip.

And the Jacuzzi never called back, either, that disappointing whore!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 12:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]keleri, 2007-02-07 02:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2007-02-07 02:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]onaga, 2007-02-07 04:45 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 01:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]big_bad_wolf, 2007-02-07 09:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]v_digitalwytch, 2007-02-13 07:55 pm UTC

[info]mister_terrific
2007-02-06 11:59 pm UTC (link)
His journal needs a new name.

I'm torn between "TL;ITNOGDR" (Too Long; In The Name Of God Don't Read) or "WTMI" (Wayyyyy Too Much Information).

Mister Terrific
Uses His Blog For Good

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]snacky, 2007-02-07 12:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-07 12:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-07 01:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mmanurere, 2007-02-07 06:50 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 07:59 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 07:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-07 08:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]glossing2, 2007-02-07 04:13 pm UTC

[info]wickedchild
2007-02-07 12:12 am UTC (link)
Okay, maybe it's because I have an armpit phobia or something but just that bit about Melinda sniffing him? I'm scarred.

(Reply to this)


[info]zealot
2007-02-07 12:20 am UTC (link)
From the highly-detailed section about straight boys, er, paying their respects to him:

I'll stop thrusting and let you get your bearings again before I slam my dick into your envious little faces, my big balls both slapping up against your sad, scared little cowardly, spineless chins...

Your chin is without vertebrae, sir!

And I'm not really one to talk, but Jesus, maybe this guy should just marry his hand.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]april_hurst, 2007-02-07 12:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zealot, 2007-02-07 01:03 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 01:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2007-02-07 01:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-02-07 01:39 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 05:46 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 07:52 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 07:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2007-02-07 09:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]antimatterspork, 2007-02-07 04:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mcity, 2007-02-07 05:15 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-07 12:40 am UTC (link)
It's sad when a man's blog entries are longer than his lovemaking D:

-thermopylae_h


(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2007-02-07 02:59 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 04:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2007-02-07 10:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]b_jellybean, 2007-02-07 03:23 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 04:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mcity, 2007-02-07 05:19 am UTC
(no subject) - ealusaid, 2007-02-07 07:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]animeg3282, 2007-02-08 02:56 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-09 10:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - ealusaid, 2007-02-09 11:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]b_jellybean, 2007-02-07 12:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mcity, 2007-02-07 03:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]b_jellybean, 2007-02-07 09:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2007-02-07 08:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]b_jellybean, 2007-02-07 12:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]isa, 2007-02-07 07:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]b_jellybean, 2007-02-07 09:35 pm UTC

[info]wtf
2007-02-07 12:51 am UTC (link)
OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME

It's like Internet Psychologist Bingo!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]caoilainn, 2007-02-07 01:48 am UTC

[info]damien
2007-02-07 01:00 am UTC (link)
I just went and read through his entries. Based on how he went and scolded the Gawkerettes for boosting his hit count, think that he's going to dedicate an entry to Fandom Wank's hive vagina?

I mean, goodness knows, Fandom Wank really needs more badly written pr0n. XD

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2007-02-07 05:17 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-07 01:44 am UTC (link)
this is allegedly the poetry of Eric Schaeffer:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=84679072&blogID=210509378

prairiedawn

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]cinnamonical, 2007-02-07 06:42 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 08:05 am UTC

[info]firebad
2007-02-07 02:09 am UTC (link)
I don't know why, but there's nothing I enjoy laughing at more than this type of personality. Trainwreck-meets-narcissism. The Countess, Monroe Mann, and now Eric, who might be my new favourite. There's just something about their completely misguided bright-eyed belief in themselves that makes me tingly all over.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2007-02-07 05:17 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-07 02:09 am UTC (link)
I usually treat them like the terrorists they are and don't respond, but this time somehow I wanted to buck that age old theory of non-negotiation and find some way to help them to be happy and free too.

Terror Alert Orange: High Risk of Wank!
Please report any bloggers with grudges to the proper authorities so thaty they may be shown the truth path to happiness and freedom.

(Reply to this)



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