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Dan Fogelberg's ([info]llama_treats) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-02-06 15:10:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Manorexic
Entry tags:person: eric schaeffer, there's a reason you're still single

TL;DR, Douchebags, and Stalkerblogs; OH MY!
I'll try to keep it short.

OK, so there's this guy named Eric Schaeffer who acts and directs and stuff, and also suffers from manorexia. But most importantly, he wonders why he's still single. Let's see if we can figure it out, shall we? Is it the cutoff age for his potential mate so she can still pop out his puppies (36, when he's 45)? Is it the fact that he says "Namaste" all the time? Is it the tl;dr? I wonder.

But Gawker doesn't wonder, they know. It's because Eric's a douchebag, which they painstakingly let us know. Over and over again.

Unfortunately, the rise in blog hits alerted Eric that something might be awry. So, he lets Gawker know that "I AM YOU"...and also that he practices deep-throating dildos. No, really. Scroll down. Gawker says nanny-nanny-poo-poo (I'm totally paraphrasing. Almost.)

See also:
--"I ♥ Eric!" "No, Eric is a douche" rambling
--I Know Why You're Still Single, complete with cafepress store.

Assholes for everyone...on me!
Page 2 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>

(Post a new comment)


[info]gun
2007-02-07 03:01 am UTC (link)
Wow, what a passive-aggressive, untalented, un-redeeming winner! Maybe I should leave Mr Gun for him.

(Reply to this)


[info]jenny_atrox
2007-02-07 03:51 am UTC (link)
Did anyone else read his thing about gentle hugs and real hugs? Sweet jesus, someone get this man the fuck away from the keyboard.

(Reply to this)

At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept...
[info]miss_arel
2007-02-07 04:18 am UTC (link)
...but then I found this little gem.

I mean we're men. We're wired to see a woman, smash her on the head with a bone, drag her unconscious body back to our apartment by the hair, and fuck her. I think you all should give us a break and, in fact, a little credit.

KILL IT. KILL IT WITH FIRE. IN THE FACE.

cos I know I always thank every guy I see for not raping me. "Here's your tip, mister waiter, and by the way, thank you so much for not raping me, you're a true gentleman." Ugh.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-07 04:39 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 09:42 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-08 02:14 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 05:00 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - [info]miss_arel, 2007-02-07 05:05 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - [info]issendai, 2007-02-07 05:19 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - [info]doomsday, 2007-02-07 09:10 am UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 07:14 pm UTC
Re: At first I just thought he was amusingly crazy and socially inept... - [info]michmatch, 2007-02-07 08:30 pm UTC

[info]tiki
2007-02-07 05:18 am UTC (link)
You know...? He IS kind of a douchebag!

But at least lurkers Salon Magazine supports him in e-mail.

(Reply to this)


[info]mercutia
2007-02-07 06:05 am UTC (link)
From one of the Gawker articles:

i have honestly never met a man who is so obsessed with himself, and yet, seems to spend all if his time HATING himself and adoring himself at once.

He hates and loves himself...OMG HE'S GOLLUM!!

I guess fertile young women are his One Ring.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tez, 2007-02-07 08:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2007-02-07 09:12 am UTC

[info]joye
2007-02-07 06:25 am UTC (link)
I didn't really have time to find them, you know with my life and all, making movies and TV shows and writing books that millions of people world wide love and will love for hundreds of years, long after the small, sad, scared gossip writers who spew hate because they can't get a job either for lack of talent or gumption, have been forgotten

I had never heard of this guy, up til now.
Considering that his traffic was so low, and that Gawker increased it so incredibly, it seems like Gawker has a much bigger fanbase than him.
And am I sensing a theme in his movies? Aren't they all "incredibly talented yet shamefully ignored guy lands supermodel" type things?

(Reply to this)


[info]churri
2007-02-07 07:15 am UTC (link)
"I am you?"

Okay. I remember when "I am rubber, you are glue, it bounces off me and sticks to you!" was a really cutting comeback.

That time? FIRST GRADE.

(Reply to this)


[info]luthe
2007-02-07 08:26 am UTC (link)
I thank you all for giving me hints as to the tasty parts of this wank, because the TL;DR, it blinded me. *could not read any of it, it was that badly written*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]annabelle_lee, 2007-02-07 06:47 pm UTC

[info]lottelita
2007-02-07 09:01 am UTC (link)
Wow, I didn't know there was a place on the internet with more angry, angry cunts than F_W. Gawker, you take the prize!

And I say that with entirely genuine admiration!

(Reply to this)


[info]napalmnacey
2007-02-07 09:15 am UTC (link)
After reading all of that, I feel like I need a long hot shower in dettol and acid. Bleargh!

(Reply to this)


[info]solle
2007-02-07 11:19 am UTC (link)
(...) because even though I have an average sized cock both in length and girth, it still is going to shock you a bit when it hits the back of your throat and your gag reflex is gonna cause you to choke (I know this from the strap-ons I've sucked, which when you grow up, if you're man enough to admit you might like to experiment in your sexuality, you'll realize not only doesn't make you gay but in fact liberates you and makes you more of a real man regardless of your sexual orientation and proclivities)

Wait, what?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 11:24 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-07 02:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]randomsome1, 2007-02-07 05:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2007-02-07 07:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-07 07:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2007-02-07 07:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-07 07:19 pm UTC
I know you are, but what am I?
(Anonymous)
2007-02-07 12:14 pm UTC (link)
Anything you think, feel, say about me... is how you think, feel and speak about yourself.

Gawker ain't the only one in 7th grade.

I know it's a little confusing so let me break it down and make it reeeeeeeeeeeeally simple.

Yeah. I got nothin'


--baskerville

(Reply to this)


[info]rossywar
2007-02-07 01:30 pm UTC (link)
I like the way he describes Gawker as being both "homophobic and anti-gay" because it's not enough that they're homophobic, they're anti-gay as well!!

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-07 02:16 pm UTC (link)
This guy is seriously weird, in a creepy way. I know that according to him, that means I'm saying that I'm seriously weird in a creepy way, but I don't care. It's worth it.

I know people like him and now I am extra sad for them. I feel like I've seen their future, and it's not pleasant.

(Reply to this)


[info]koipool
2007-02-07 07:01 pm UTC (link)
Aaaaaaugh, God, so, so creepy. The misogyny, it burns! People like that need chemical castrations, for the good of humanity. T___T;;;

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2007-02-07 07:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]koipool, 2007-02-07 07:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2007-02-07 10:28 pm UTC

[info]koipool
2007-02-07 07:02 pm UTC (link)
LOL, also, I'm kind of amused by the people over at the Tucker Max forums who are like "Ha ha, Gawker sucks .... uh, not that I want to associate myself Eric Schaeffer in any way."

(Reply to this)


[info]catman
2007-02-07 07:13 pm UTC (link)
Woah, that's a whole lotta fucked up psuedo-celebrity on that blog...o.O''

Eric, dude, you're looking creepier than Tom Cruise. Seriously, you are dangerously close to Micheal Jackson territory here.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-08 06:12 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-10 10:21 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-07 09:05 pm UTC (link)
In short:

Whine, whine, no my feelings aren't hurt, whine, I'm so totally above this, I am you, SUCK MY COCK EVERYBODY, and now the words of Mother Theresa... *copy-paste*

What a lunatic.

(Reply to this)


[info]onyxnoir
2007-02-07 10:33 pm UTC (link)
"You have enough energy to give me little half comatose blow job before you pass out again, baby?"


Who cares that she's about to pass out because she took a benadryl? Who cares if she has a good time too? It's all about him getting off.

What a douchbag. I can't imagine why he's still single.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2007-02-08 04:25 am UTC

[info]michmatch
2007-02-08 06:48 am UTC (link)
"So, you, champions that you are, courageous men and women that you are, (well tiny children with malformed, stunted child psyches that you are in men and women's bodies,) continue to spend your time desperately trying to gain a smidgen of self esteem by attempting to pull down those people who, like you, suffered the same heartbreak, but unlike you suffered it over and over and over and over and over and over again and still had the balls to continue pursuing their dreams because they knew for every one of you out there that would spend their life trying to kill them for having the courage you would never have, could never have, there are a thousand others like themselves who do have the courage of their convictions and the strength of heart and will to follow their dreams, and that the joy of uniting with even one of those thousand like minded warriors would be sublime to the millionth degree compared to the lonely obvious pathetic pin prick of your attempt to bring them down, which screams the truth of what it and you really are;

A sad, lonely person, who wishes with every ounce of your being that you could be, if only for one second of your life, like those people who have enough courage to actually live their life without the care of what others think, feel, and say about them."

That? Is one sentence. 200+ words, and I'm pretty sure some sort of strange TL;DR mess of a Snacky's Law violation.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-08 05:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]stromatolite, 2007-02-08 09:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-09 01:11 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-08 05:26 pm UTC (link)
Sweet screaming Jesus on a whole wheat cracker.
http://www.gawker.com/news/eric-schaeffer/eric-schaeffer-skeeves-rebecca-traister-in-salon-234971.php
I'm twitching uncontrollably now. Is that normal? Should I call someone?

prairiedawn

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]scourgemonkey, 2007-02-08 06:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-09 01:05 am UTC

nam_jai
2007-02-08 11:22 pm UTC (link)
And Salon jumps into the fray. Followed by the letter writers, of course.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]llama_treats, 2007-02-09 12:02 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-09 12:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]randomsome1, 2007-02-09 06:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2007-02-11 02:21 am UTC
Does this count as sharing your tl;dr related experiences on OTF?
(Anonymous)
2007-02-08 11:34 pm UTC (link)
*Goes to Wikipedia entry for the hell of it*

He shares my birthday! I forgive him for everything... am deeply, deeply ashamed. But then again, so do Rasputin, Sir Francis Bacon, and a whole host of other interesting people! *Slightly less ashamed*

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-10 04:49 am UTC (link)
Oh, that is SHAMEFUL. SO much more shameful than admitting to doing 18 hookers/"massage therapists"/dominatrices and retelling your "totally normal" childhood stories of having SEX AT SIX YEARS OLD WITH YOUR GIRL COUSIN.

*shudders* This is the worst case of skewed perception I've ever come across, I think. But yeah...Gawker? A little much, no? Now Melinda's gone to the boards to defend her man. "His cookies are good! OMG END OF STORYZ!"

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-13 09:22 am UTC (link)
still wanking. doesn't he ever get tired?
http://www.icantbelieveimstillsingle.com/archives/post_7.phtml
He's not a rapist because his 5-year-old cousin totally consented.
His Salon interviewer is a fatty and doesn't have a boyfriend.
He truly, truly believes that all of his haters are women that he rejected.
Also, prostitutes now prefer to be called whores.

prairiedawn

(Reply to this)
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