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Gun o' the Pants ([info]gun) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-02-11 09:45:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
alan sokal would turn in his grave if he were dead
Some jackass COMEDIC GENIUS writes a "satirical" piece about how ZOMGAWESOME rape is for everyone.

Nobody else gets the humour.

The college newspaper it was printed in has a bit of a whinge:

Our editorial staff was unaware that only “official” journalists benefit from the right of freedom of the press—we happen to believe that all citizens of this country enjoy that right—but even if only “official” journalists are entitled, who gets to decide what makes a journalist “official” in the first place? Must they be published in a regular, hard-copy newspaper, or should a devoted blogger who follows journalistic procedure be considered “official” as well?

We are of the opinion that all journalists are “official,” regardless of if they are published in the Hartford Courant, The Recorder or slate.com. There is not, after all, any magical “journalist certificate” that is required by law for someone to carry a tape recorder.

As such, all journalists should be treated with an equal amount of respect. It is absolutely inexcusable for some journalists to be censored or imprisoned while others roam free, and it is certainly in contradiction to everything this nation supposedly values.


LOL SENSITIVE.

Feministe.Us points out, in a most FTW fashion:

Predictably, the mouth-breathing editors at the Central Connecticut State University newspaper claim that it’s “satire,” and that Petroski is a “gifted satirist” (no, seriously) and his brilliance simply “fell on deaf ears.”

It’s a shame that, for all his satirical brilliance, he couldn’t find an equally brilliant copy editor to correct his repeated use of the word “benifits.”


They find even more excerpts of his genius, where he manages to break Snacky's Law by bitching about the mean girls at school who won't sleep with him. Funny, that, you'd think they'd be lining up around the block to bang such a worthy piece of cock:

They seem to still think that they’re invincible, or that their good looks and charm will see them through life. While that might work for a while, there are some harsh realities to face. Ladies, your breasts will sag and there will always be a younger model right around the corner, anyway.

I'm wanking it because it's caused a fair bit of stir over the internets the past few days and at any rate, some of the smackdowns in the comments are just beautiful:

Is there any chance this thing may be full-blown satire, what with the spelling mistakes and all? I mean, “flidgling nation”?



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[info]caffeine_fairy
2007-02-11 01:01 am UTC (link)
Dear World

People disagreeing with you/not finding you funny/wishing you would shut the hell up/ignoring you does not equal destruction of your freedom of speech.

In fact, quite the opposite.

Noe we have that sorted out, I want a pony.

Love
Caffiene_Fairy

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]gun, 2007-02-11 01:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-11 01:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]harrylovesron, 2007-02-11 01:42 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 03:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-11 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]froda_baggins, 2007-02-11 04:54 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 08:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]doc_lydgate, 2007-02-11 08:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2007-02-11 11:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-12 07:52 pm UTC
For the Win - (Anonymous), 2007-02-13 12:22 am UTC
Re: For the Win - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-13 10:29 am UTC
Re: For the Win - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-13 10:29 am UTC

[info]everyoung
2007-02-11 01:09 am UTC (link)
Take ugly women for example. If it weren't for rape, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn't drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn't have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn't–at least no self-respecting man would–but there in lies the beauty of rape. No self respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too; and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

There is absolutely no universe in which this is an acceptable satire.

Also, are op-eds journalism, really? I thought they were, well, opinions. Opinion pieces that could be written and submitted to newspapers by anybody, and then the paper decided what to publish, but not everything published in a newspaper is automatically journalism.

Ladies, your breasts will sag and there will always be a younger model right around the corner, anyway.

And she isn't going to sleep with you either, tool.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]oar, 2007-02-11 01:19 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 02:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]photosinensis, 2007-02-11 02:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]arionhunter, 2007-02-11 02:59 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-12 11:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nevadafighter, 2007-02-11 05:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]akairis, 2007-02-11 11:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]explosivefun, 2007-02-12 03:11 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-14 01:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-02-13 06:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-02-11 11:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]doc_lydgate, 2007-02-11 08:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-12 11:29 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-12 11:32 am UTC

[info]hallidae
2007-02-11 01:14 am UTC (link)
::reads the "satire":: Wait... The newspaper staff was actually expecting people to find that funny? And then whining when they didn't? Wow. Now that is some Pure Fail.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-11 01:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]oar, 2007-02-11 01:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-11 01:18 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 04:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cinnamonical, 2007-02-11 05:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 06:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kahteh, 2007-02-11 05:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 05:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]southerngaelic, 2007-02-11 10:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-02-11 11:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-12 12:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cinnamonical, 2007-02-14 11:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-02-13 06:46 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-14 02:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]amyheartssiroc, 2007-02-15 06:51 am UTC
I can't believe a newspaper would print this...
[info]avari
2007-02-11 01:14 am UTC (link)
In actuality rape advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk?

OMG he's so funny!11!

As such, all journalists should be treated with an equal amount of respect. It is absolutely inexcusable for some journalists to be censored or imprisoned while others roam free.

However, they can be raped. Because "rape is a magical experience that benifits society as a whole".

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: I can't believe a newspaper would print this... - [info]panthea, 2007-02-11 02:34 pm UTC

[info]oar
2007-02-11 01:15 am UTC (link)
Oh, but you just don't understand! Rape is the only way that ugly chicks can get laid! Because we all know that only physically perfect women can ever find someone to have sex with, and that all of those who can't are constantly beset by longing for the Almighty Penis. It's practically a service, guys! Those rapists should get medals. Geez, it's not like women are people or anything.

(Note to dumbass college newspaper: That? Was satire. Notice how I mocked misogynist attitudes by exaggerating them in order to expose their inherent ridiculousness. What you did was . . . well, I'm not sure what you did, but it wasn't satire, that's for damn sure.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]nekoama, 2007-02-11 01:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]onaga, 2007-02-11 01:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]oar, 2007-02-11 01:38 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 03:16 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 02:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]edgyspice, 2007-02-11 02:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2007-02-11 05:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]big_bad_wolf, 2007-02-12 12:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cookie_love, 2007-02-11 04:09 pm UTC

[info]shaggydogstail
2007-02-11 01:26 am UTC (link)
You talk as though satire were a literary device, not a magical catch-all protection from criticism for ignorant, unfunny, misogynistic pigswill. You can be as offensive and stupid as you like as long as you call it satire!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]gun, 2007-02-11 01:28 am UTC
ALSO! - [info]gun, 2007-02-11 01:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shaggydogstail, 2007-02-11 01:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]oar, 2007-02-11 01:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]itsirtou, 2007-02-11 01:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shaggydogstail, 2007-02-11 01:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2007-02-11 07:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]narcissam, 2007-02-11 02:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]gun, 2007-02-11 02:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]notjo, 2007-02-11 01:31 am UTC

iwanttobeasleep
2007-02-11 01:35 am UTC (link)
Okay, I get that it's supposed to be a joke. . .but what the fuck is that supposed to be satire of?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 02:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kahteh, 2007-02-11 05:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 08:29 pm UTC

[info]distractogirl
2007-02-11 01:38 am UTC (link)
Now, I read the *ahem* satire - but I don't believe the satire.

Urge to kill... rising...

(Reply to this)


[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 01:38 am UTC (link)
Can someone explain to me why being called a "mouth breather" is supposed to be an insult and have connotations of low intelligence? As someone with small nasal passages who has to breathe with my mouth or else accidentally suffocate, I've never quite understood why breathing with one's mouth is supposed to be bad. :/


That aside, this guy is fuckwit.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]gun, 2007-02-11 01:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2007-02-11 01:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]grrliz, 2007-02-11 02:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tao_tao, 2007-02-11 11:22 pm UTC

(Deleted post)
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 05:55 am UTC
(no subject) - iwanttobeasleep, 2007-02-11 02:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]grrliz, 2007-02-11 03:28 am UTC
(no subject) - iwanttobeasleep, 2007-02-11 03:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]grrliz, 2007-02-11 03:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2007-02-12 01:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lyppy, 2007-02-11 05:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]heddychaa, 2007-02-11 08:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistal, 2007-02-11 06:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]grrliz, 2007-02-11 07:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistal, 2007-02-11 08:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]squib, 2007-02-11 06:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]catslash, 2007-02-11 06:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvoldything, 2007-02-12 10:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]priestesspadfoo, 2007-02-13 05:00 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-14 02:01 am UTC

[info]itsirtou
2007-02-11 01:41 am UTC (link)
Even without the content of the piece, it's obvious he advocates rape. After all, he did a pretty thorough job of raping the English language.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]oar, 2007-02-11 01:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]itsirtou, 2007-02-11 01:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]photosinensis, 2007-02-11 02:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]itsirtou, 2007-02-11 02:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]photosinensis, 2007-02-11 02:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]akairis, 2007-02-12 12:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shaggydogstail, 2007-02-11 01:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]oar, 2007-02-11 01:58 am UTC

[info]bookbug87
2007-02-11 01:48 am UTC (link)
I support freedom of speech. Mr. Petroski is free to write offensive trollish drivel and call it satire. I am also free to call him a gibbering fucktard with the intelligence of an amoeba.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chofi, 2007-02-11 07:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]doc_lydgate, 2007-02-11 08:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]akairis, 2007-02-12 12:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]maureenlycaon, 2007-02-12 04:22 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-20 03:18 pm UTC

[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 02:16 am UTC (link)
Follow-up post in which our gifted satirist attempts an apology by refering to rape as a "pseudo-subject". o_O

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - verthandi, 2007-02-11 02:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-11 04:02 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 04:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-11 04:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2007-02-11 06:08 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 07:32 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 09:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cookie_love, 2007-02-11 04:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]waterfront, 2007-02-11 11:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-02-13 06:48 am UTC

[info]ladyvorkosigan
2007-02-11 02:19 am UTC (link)
Okay, like, it's stupid and offensive (and on a side note, what is it with college newspapers, anyway? Do they ever print humor pieces that are actually funny?). And people have every right to denounce it. But yeah, I'm also going to say they have a right to print it as well, because it's a bad precedent to set.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 02:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2007-02-11 06:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]edgyspice, 2007-02-11 02:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]gun, 2007-02-11 03:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]amyheartssiroc, 2007-02-15 06:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvorkosigan, 2007-02-11 01:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]fevered_ego, 2007-02-13 10:48 am UTC
(no subject) - iwanttobeasleep, 2007-02-11 03:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvorkosigan, 2007-02-11 01:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2007-02-12 04:23 pm UTC

[info]mercutia
2007-02-11 02:45 am UTC (link)
It's really wrong of me to hope that some dark night he runs afoul of a large woman with a strap-on the size of a Volkswagen, isn't it?

Believe me, this notwithstanding, I'm already going to hell, OK?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 03:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2007-02-11 05:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-02-11 12:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-12 07:57 pm UTC

[info]photosinensis
2007-02-11 02:49 am UTC (link)
Wait...did he just call the Roman Republic a flawless example of government? Because if I remember correctly, it was actually a pretty damned messed up system in which any idiot could gain power by simply walking into the room at the right time, and fell apart when Caesar did just that.

*headdesk*

Dude, my college newspaper has had some beastly flaps in the past, including one over a sports columnist calling Cajuns out as dumb, inbred hicks, printing an obscene template text (the templates are full of in-jokes), and even once running a cartoon about the handful of Katrina refugees that were stupid enough to blow what little FEMA money they got on bling instead of, you know, food. (Okay, so it was based on something he saw while helping out at one of the local ERs, but even still.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-02-11 03:20 am UTC

[info]jenny_atrox
2007-02-11 02:56 am UTC (link)
...i want to set him on fire.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-11 02:56 am UTC (link)
The editors further argue that the media is misrepresenting poor Petroski, ostensibly by quoting his entire article.

HOMG. CONTEXT, ASSHOLES. *insert obligatory mention of wrongly interrogating something*

LB

(Reply to this)


[info]daylightsparks
2007-02-11 03:16 am UTC (link)
Hokay. Effective satire takes something that exists already (e.g., the British screwing over the Irish poor) and pushes it one step further into the realm of absurdity (e.g., suggesting that the British eat Irish babies).

Here's why this guy isn't funny: Nobody is suggesting that rape is wonderful. There's nothing to satirize. Maybe if he was satirizing the idea that rape is always the woman's fault (which many people do believe), that might actually make sense. But he isn't.

Ergo, he is a dipshit. Q.E.D.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 03:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-02-13 06:49 am UTC

[info]the_mouse
2007-02-11 03:19 am UTC (link)
It's only satire if it's funny. I can tell the rape thing was meant to be exaggerated, but.... it's not funny. It's just stupid.

For examples of satire, see: Dave Barry, Terry Pratchett.

For examples of stupid masquerading as satire, see: this guy.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - verthandi, 2007-02-11 03:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-02-11 06:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 05:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-02-11 06:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 06:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]panthea, 2007-02-11 02:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 07:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 07:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 07:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-02-11 11:00 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-11 11:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvoldything, 2007-02-12 10:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-12 10:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvoldything, 2007-02-12 10:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-12 10:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvoldything, 2007-02-12 11:00 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-13 12:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvoldything, 2007-02-13 12:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2007-02-13 12:45 am UTC

[info]littlest_lurker
2007-02-11 03:42 am UTC (link)
Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

-- Molly Ivins


Asshole.

Seriously, there needs to be a Stop Making the Baby Jonathan Swift Cry law about people using satire to defend their dust-brained tirades.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]thexphial, 2007-02-11 04:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]crysiana, 2007-02-12 04:14 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-12 02:25 pm UTC
Damn straight. - (Anonymous), 2007-02-15 04:11 am UTC

[info]ladyrogue
2007-02-11 03:56 am UTC (link)
Is there anyway to summon Jonathan Swift back from the dead so he can go beat unfunny "satirists" like this guy? Please??

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2007-02-11 06:12 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-11 04:15 am UTC (link)
And once again, my home state makes the news for being full of asshats. (Giordano, the entire Republican party except Jodi Rell Rowland, Petroski - oh my!)

Oh, Connecticut. You're trying to steal New Jersey's reputation as the most pathetic state in the US, aren't you?

ainself

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 07:29 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 10:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]antimatterspork, 2007-02-12 12:23 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 11:54 am UTC

[info]evilsqueakers
2007-02-11 04:18 am UTC (link)
He’s the kid whose hand shoots up every five seconds and who needs to prove his intellectual superiority to everyone else in the classroom.

So he's Hermione then?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 04:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-11 04:31 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 04:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-11 04:35 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2007-02-11 07:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-11 07:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ayezur, 2007-02-11 10:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-02-12 01:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]funwithrage, 2007-02-12 03:11 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2007-02-11 04:40 am UTC (link)
Wow. *BLINK*
*speechless*

~SleepyMouse

(Reply to this)


[info]ahiru
2007-02-11 05:17 am UTC (link)
I had to double check to make sure I didn't know that guy. There was a guy in one of my classes in college who was like this asshat and once stood outside class going "No, rape is funny. Rape is totally funny" over and over again because, y'know, he was just being so EDGY and FUNNY and LAUGH DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU NOT LAUGHING AT MY GENIUS. I kinda wanted to punch him.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2007-02-11 06:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2007-02-11 11:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2007-02-12 07:58 pm UTC



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