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Gun o' the Pants ([info]gun) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-02-11 09:45:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
alan sokal would turn in his grave if he were dead
Some jackass COMEDIC GENIUS writes a "satirical" piece about how ZOMGAWESOME rape is for everyone.

Nobody else gets the humour.

The college newspaper it was printed in has a bit of a whinge:

Our editorial staff was unaware that only “official” journalists benefit from the right of freedom of the press—we happen to believe that all citizens of this country enjoy that right—but even if only “official” journalists are entitled, who gets to decide what makes a journalist “official” in the first place? Must they be published in a regular, hard-copy newspaper, or should a devoted blogger who follows journalistic procedure be considered “official” as well?

We are of the opinion that all journalists are “official,” regardless of if they are published in the Hartford Courant, The Recorder or slate.com. There is not, after all, any magical “journalist certificate” that is required by law for someone to carry a tape recorder.

As such, all journalists should be treated with an equal amount of respect. It is absolutely inexcusable for some journalists to be censored or imprisoned while others roam free, and it is certainly in contradiction to everything this nation supposedly values.


LOL SENSITIVE.

Feministe.Us points out, in a most FTW fashion:

Predictably, the mouth-breathing editors at the Central Connecticut State University newspaper claim that it’s “satire,” and that Petroski is a “gifted satirist” (no, seriously) and his brilliance simply “fell on deaf ears.”

It’s a shame that, for all his satirical brilliance, he couldn’t find an equally brilliant copy editor to correct his repeated use of the word “benifits.”


They find even more excerpts of his genius, where he manages to break Snacky's Law by bitching about the mean girls at school who won't sleep with him. Funny, that, you'd think they'd be lining up around the block to bang such a worthy piece of cock:

They seem to still think that they’re invincible, or that their good looks and charm will see them through life. While that might work for a while, there are some harsh realities to face. Ladies, your breasts will sag and there will always be a younger model right around the corner, anyway.

I'm wanking it because it's caused a fair bit of stir over the internets the past few days and at any rate, some of the smackdowns in the comments are just beautiful:

Is there any chance this thing may be full-blown satire, what with the spelling mistakes and all? I mean, “flidgling nation”?


(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]everyoung
2007-02-11 01:09 am UTC (link)
Take ugly women for example. If it weren't for rape, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn't drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn't have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn't–at least no self-respecting man would–but there in lies the beauty of rape. No self respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too; and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

There is absolutely no universe in which this is an acceptable satire.

Also, are op-eds journalism, really? I thought they were, well, opinions. Opinion pieces that could be written and submitted to newspapers by anybody, and then the paper decided what to publish, but not everything published in a newspaper is automatically journalism.

Ladies, your breasts will sag and there will always be a younger model right around the corner, anyway.

And she isn't going to sleep with you either, tool.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]oar
2007-02-11 01:19 am UTC (link)
Saggy tits can be corrected with a few silicone implants, whereas no amount of surgery in the world will make this guy less of an asshole. Unless it's a lobotomy, of course.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-11 02:12 am UTC (link)
And she isn't going to sleep with you either, tool.
pwned!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]photosinensis
2007-02-11 02:33 am UTC (link)
Op-Eds are considered journalism by the courts. As someone who writes such stuff for the local college newspaper, I can tell you that the opinion page is about the only place where many things of relevance to the student body get discussed, simply because our news staff is busy covering the human interest stuff. Yeah, I know, it's an alarming trend, but to be honest, that's the kind of thing that most news agencies are looking for these days because it sells ads.

That said, the quote in question looks more like a bad, trolling blog entry than a true op-ed.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]arionhunter
2007-02-11 02:59 am UTC (link)
Honestly, I wonder how their opinions editor got there. Bribing someone? He or she should have thrown that piece out on its ass the minute the author turned in the copy. Not only is it not funny, it's painfully bad writing in general.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-12 11:30 am UTC (link)
And take the entire copy desk with them.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]nevadafighter
2007-02-11 05:10 am UTC (link)
Jonathan Swift should rise from the grave and kick this guy's ass just for abusing the word satire.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]akairis
2007-02-11 11:55 pm UTC (link)
And he can be joined by Zombie Horace and Zombie Petronius.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]explosivefun
2007-02-12 03:11 am UTC (link)
Zombies can only improve this situation.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-14 01:36 am UTC (link)
Zombies improve every situation, really.

~~Dogsbody

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]rimrunner
2007-02-13 06:44 am UTC (link)
For real.

If I had a fucking nickel for every would-be wit who'd abused the concept of satire—usually without having looked it up in the fucking dictionary first—I'd be able to afford a cup of fucking Starbucks.

(Excuse all the fucking, I've been watching Deadwood.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]napalmnacey
2007-02-11 11:39 am UTC (link)
And she isn't going to sleep with you either, tool.

*bows before the awesome*

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]doc_lydgate
2007-02-11 08:43 pm UTC (link)
Also, are op-eds journalism, really? I thought they were, well, opinions. Opinion pieces that could be written and submitted to newspapers by anybody, and then the paper decided what to publish, but not everything published in a newspaper is automatically journalism.

In any case, the real question isn't about whether any Joe should be able qualify as a journalist, but whether any Joe should qualify as an editor. And the answer is: NO, YOU FUCKWITS.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-12 11:29 am UTC (link)
Op-ed writing is very much legitimate journalism. Dave Barry, Leonard Pitts, Clarence Page...any of those names ring a bell? They did at numerous Pulitizer Price ceremonies. When done incorrectly, you wind up with preachy whinging or ridiculous crap like this. You also have to make people actually give a shit about what you're writing about. The question is simple: what do you have to say that is so important that others would want to read it? And how can you hold their attention long enough to do so?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-12 11:32 am UTC (link)
Price = Prize

Sorry if I sound so touchy, but I get so sick of people thinking that op-ed writing is the same as writing in your LiveJournal. Most journalism majors have to take feature writing to get their degrees, and even undergrad FW is TOUGH, with a Soup Nazi-like professor flinging papers in the air, screaming "Who cares!? Who cares!? WHO IN THE HELL CARES!?!?!"

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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