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Gun o' the Pants ([info]gun) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-02-11 09:45:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
alan sokal would turn in his grave if he were dead
Some jackass COMEDIC GENIUS writes a "satirical" piece about how ZOMGAWESOME rape is for everyone.

Nobody else gets the humour.

The college newspaper it was printed in has a bit of a whinge:

Our editorial staff was unaware that only “official” journalists benefit from the right of freedom of the press—we happen to believe that all citizens of this country enjoy that right—but even if only “official” journalists are entitled, who gets to decide what makes a journalist “official” in the first place? Must they be published in a regular, hard-copy newspaper, or should a devoted blogger who follows journalistic procedure be considered “official” as well?

We are of the opinion that all journalists are “official,” regardless of if they are published in the Hartford Courant, The Recorder or slate.com. There is not, after all, any magical “journalist certificate” that is required by law for someone to carry a tape recorder.

As such, all journalists should be treated with an equal amount of respect. It is absolutely inexcusable for some journalists to be censored or imprisoned while others roam free, and it is certainly in contradiction to everything this nation supposedly values.


LOL SENSITIVE.

Feministe.Us points out, in a most FTW fashion:

Predictably, the mouth-breathing editors at the Central Connecticut State University newspaper claim that it’s “satire,” and that Petroski is a “gifted satirist” (no, seriously) and his brilliance simply “fell on deaf ears.”

It’s a shame that, for all his satirical brilliance, he couldn’t find an equally brilliant copy editor to correct his repeated use of the word “benifits.”


They find even more excerpts of his genius, where he manages to break Snacky's Law by bitching about the mean girls at school who won't sleep with him. Funny, that, you'd think they'd be lining up around the block to bang such a worthy piece of cock:

They seem to still think that they’re invincible, or that their good looks and charm will see them through life. While that might work for a while, there are some harsh realities to face. Ladies, your breasts will sag and there will always be a younger model right around the corner, anyway.

I'm wanking it because it's caused a fair bit of stir over the internets the past few days and at any rate, some of the smackdowns in the comments are just beautiful:

Is there any chance this thing may be full-blown satire, what with the spelling mistakes and all? I mean, “flidgling nation”?


(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 01:38 am UTC (link)
Can someone explain to me why being called a "mouth breather" is supposed to be an insult and have connotations of low intelligence? As someone with small nasal passages who has to breathe with my mouth or else accidentally suffocate, I've never quite understood why breathing with one's mouth is supposed to be bad. :/


That aside, this guy is fuckwit.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]gun
2007-02-11 01:49 am UTC (link)
The way I've always understood it is that "mouth breathers" are supposed to be like those creepy guys who breathe heavily out their mouths - usually into a phone line hooked up to a non-plussed female who would rather they die painfully instead.

But rather, as someone who has chronically infected sinuses, I can see your point too.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hallidae
2007-02-11 01:53 am UTC (link)
You mean those dudes who can't seem to figure out that retail workers and call center girls aren't phone sex operators? Up with drunks and creepy guys trying to pet my hair, that's gotta be up top of things that sucked about nightshift.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 02:04 am UTC (link)
Ah, creepy-telephone-callers-from-bad-horror-movie-mouth-breathers, then? Gotcha.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]tao_tao
2007-02-11 11:22 pm UTC (link)
Erm, no. The insult is about intelligence. Wide open mouth = stupid expression, is what it means.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

(Deleted post)

(Anonymous)
2007-02-11 05:55 am UTC (link)
yeah, I always thought it meant someone who doesn't have a lot going on upstairs and always has a blank expression on his face and his mouth hanging open. cuz it doesn't occur to him to close it when he's not using it.

prairiedawn

(Reply to this)(Parent)


iwanttobeasleep
2007-02-11 02:55 am UTC (link)
As I've understood it as a person who lives in chilly weather, it's because if you breathe with your mouth open during the winter, your mouth gets gross and dry really fast, so clearly only foreigners unintelligent people would do that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 03:28 am UTC (link)
Weird, I've never had that problem.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


iwanttobeasleep
2007-02-11 03:29 am UTC (link)
Really? I was sick almost the whole winter last year, and having to breathe through my mouth was the bane of my existance.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 03:37 am UTC (link)
Maybe it had something to do with being sick? Noses and mouths being all tied up internally and all that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]soupspooks
2007-02-12 01:17 am UTC (link)
Might also have to do with what kind of cold you get. Damp cold, dry cold. . . I know that a dry cold will make my skin start to peel off my face if I don't wear a scarf, where as a damp cold makes me get weird little bumps that fade fairly quickly. A dry cold also always makes me really, really thirsty.

-crabapplered, the other person on this account

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lyppy
2007-02-11 05:00 am UTC (link)
If my mouth falls open while I sleep during the winter, I get a wicked soar throat.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]heddychaa
2007-02-11 08:34 pm UTC (link)
my tongue gets so dry I can't move it :(

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]mistal
2007-02-11 06:06 am UTC (link)
How can you think about how you breathe? If I do that, I totally forget how to breathe.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]grrliz
2007-02-11 07:56 am UTC (link)
I don't think about how I breathe; breathing with my mouth comes automatically to me because if I tried to breathe exclusively with my nose, I wouldn't get enough oxygen.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]mistal
2007-02-11 08:22 pm UTC (link)
See, I think I breathe with my mouth, but I'm not sure since if I think about it, I get screw.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]squib
2007-02-11 06:57 am UTC (link)
Yay, I'm not the only one saying "bwuh?" every time I see "mouth-breather". Glad to finally see it explained. (Even if the explanations are all different.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]catslash
2007-02-11 06:57 pm UTC (link)
I think it's one of those things where people think they know what it means, but, when pressed, find it difficult to define. I myself hate having colds and such because breathing through my mouth makes me feel like I look as though my IQ dropped by twenty points (which is just my little neurosis; I don't tend to think that way about other people), but bugger if I could explain exactly why.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ladyvoldything
2007-02-12 10:18 pm UTC (link)
Because if you don't breathe every second of your life with your mouth closed and your glossy lips pouting ever-so-slightly and never speaking unless spoken to, you're clearly a hideous perma-virgin who no man wants and who will forever have a loveless existence who goes home to a house full of cats.

Obviously.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]priestesspadfoo
2007-02-13 05:00 am UTC (link)
Perma-virgin is my new favorite word.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-14 02:01 am UTC (link)
Well, dang, I'm screwed, then. Unless... *glances at the wank* Suicide rape is my only option. >_>

- Dracobolt

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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