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Like a book club, except with more sex! ([info]notjo) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-03-14 07:27:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Catty

I Gave Her My Ring (and then she asked for another carrot)
Oh, man.

Wedding Photos for Horsey!Wife

My SO said that I spend so much time working outside with the horses I should marry her.. so I did... matching rings, a little ceremony and all. I couldnt resist.

Comments range from: How can I, too, get an appropriate ring for my lover to Please stop being an asshat

People quote the Terms and Conditions of the site (stop being a hata!), argue that it's not hurting anyone (with special argument over affect -vs- effect, express how offended they are, and argue about OMG censorship.

There's more, but my head hurts.

I'm gonna go make a salad now. With carrots. Lots of carrots.

ETA: She totally meant it!
I think all things considered such a commitment is a human ceremony and I would wager she was indiffrent but she stood there and rested her head on my knee. I would like to think she knew it was something special or atleast did it for me. I laugh when I look at the state of the world... we probibly take our marrage more serously than most people do looking at statistics anyway.

But I think what is important to her is when I share my coffee with her in the mornings, when I hug her after I get home every day without fail, the times she has slept with her head on my chest, when I canceled all my appointments and sat up all day with her because she had a sore hoof. The first time she broke into the house when I was sick and she stood by the bed, when she seeks me out when I am upset because she just knows and gives me a shoulder to cry on, me knowing just where that one itchy spot is she cant reach. In the end these are things that have meaning. If things like this dont make a relationship I dont know what does.

Its a long story but in many ways she saved my life just as I did hers in the begining I wouldnt know what to do without her




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(Post a new comment)


[info]coffee_mug
2007-03-14 03:30 pm UTC (link)
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

(Reply to this)


[info]annabelle_lee
2007-03-14 03:34 pm UTC (link)
I have come to a startling life decision after witnessing the long saga of Ponyfucker and it is thus: the next fuckheaded fantard who bitches that any sort of fantasy kink lovers are immoral is going to be shown this. Every last bit of it.

And while they're boggling in horror, I'll steal their wallet and buy lots of yaoi with it.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]thesilentsenshi, 2007-03-14 06:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]annabelle_lee, 2007-03-14 07:06 pm UTC

[info]pariforma
2007-03-14 03:49 pm UTC (link)
I fail at life, because I can't stop laughing at this. And I'm at work and trying to contain myself and tears are spurting from my eyes, literally. And it's wrong, so very wrong. I think any kind of human sexual contact with animals is just basically unfair to the animal, as well as being an abuse of the advantages humans have over them. Their sexuality belongs to them, you know? It has its own dignity. But I can't stop laughing at this poor sick ponyfucker even while I feel sorry for the animal getting caught up in his fantasies.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-03-14 07:22 pm UTC

[info]made_by_kali
2007-03-14 04:24 pm UTC (link)
I think my brain exploded. Either that or I'm bleeding out of my ears because of the sheer WTFery.

(Reply to this)


[info]blackflag
2007-03-14 04:42 pm UTC (link)
How can this 'man' not be in prison?! *weeps*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]airborne_rodent, 2007-03-14 06:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]miraba, 2007-03-14 11:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blackflag, 2007-03-15 07:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mer1973, 2007-03-14 11:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blackflag, 2007-03-15 07:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-03-18 12:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]blackflag, 2007-03-18 12:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-03-21 03:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]blackflag, 2007-03-21 04:01 pm UTC

[info]queencallipygos
2007-03-14 04:46 pm UTC (link)
*clapping hands*

This is the wank that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends....

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-03-15 12:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-15 08:14 pm UTC

[info]mertonfanatic
2007-03-14 05:29 pm UTC (link)
I think my brain broke. -_-

(Reply to this)

Icon!
[info]oh_envy
2007-03-14 07:57 pm UTC (link)
Oh man, him again. Poor pony.

(Reply to this)


[info]jacquez
2007-03-14 09:04 pm UTC (link)
What I want to know is, did he get her some special perfume to celebrate the day?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]emmagrant01, 2007-03-17 06:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jacquez, 2007-03-17 04:36 pm UTC

[info]barankhy
2007-03-14 09:10 pm UTC (link)
Seriously, I find the whole "I love my horse, she loves me, let's all fuck Barney up the ass" vibe much more creepy and icky than the "simple" horsefucking. God, why has the internet broken my moral codex!?

(Reply to this)


[info]pet
2007-03-14 11:48 pm UTC (link)
a) as a horseowner, may I just say, EW. EW EW EW.

b) Rune_Bleu_Roan: I forgot to ask. what breed is she? cause she looks remarkably like my bro's late love. Color and all.

Darkhorse: The farm owner says american shetland. Shes a tad bigger than a standard shetland and looks like a small arabian. I would have to dig through my desk and see if I could find the papers to be sure.


No, no she doesn't. She looks like a fat oversized Mini, you freak. I can't believe this is bothering me, but it is! Also, Arabs don't come in that color. Also, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER.

c) My pony licks my face (kinda like a dog) sometimes, and it's really sweet, and NOW I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LET HIM DO IT AGAIN.

Thanks, horsefucker, for taking innocent equine affection to a REALLY BAD PLACE.

d) Okay, what farm owner lets this kind of shenanigans go on? I mean, seriously. I thought it was his own horse, at least! (also, no way did she break into his house and stand by his bed when he was sick. Horses don't do that. No, not even the ones that are 'in love.' What a liar.)

Do not want.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-03-15 12:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shallow_kid, 2007-03-15 12:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-03-15 12:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rekall, 2007-03-15 02:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-03-15 01:46 am UTC

[info]kermit_the_sock
2007-03-14 11:49 pm UTC (link)
Well, to be fair, some mornings I'd marry a horse if it shared it's coffee with me ;)

(Reply to this)


[info]ladyvoldything
2007-03-15 12:23 am UTC (link)
And this is the point where I go toddle off to the cf_hardcore wanks in search of sanity.

(Reply to this)


[info]shallow_kid
2007-03-15 12:25 am UTC (link)
Oh lawd. Where does this guy live? I'm really bored right now so I volunteer to drive to Horsefuck, Nowhere and kidnap the pony.

(Reply to this)


[info]luvginnyarwen
2007-03-15 01:46 am UTC (link)
This kinda beats Snapewank by a mile...although, at least Alan Rickman is hot.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-03-15 03:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luvginnyarwen, 2007-03-15 04:30 am UTC
(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-03-15 04:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luvginnyarwen, 2007-03-15 05:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jacquez, 2007-03-15 04:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luvginnyarwen, 2007-03-15 06:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-03-15 07:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luvginnyarwen, 2007-03-15 07:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-03-16 01:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]marumae, 2007-03-29 02:33 am UTC

[info]pepperlandgirl4
2007-03-15 03:04 am UTC (link)
Some people think I am weird but I pick up on things and try to talk with my horses. Naturally this is strongest with my mare. The other day I felt a kick while I was giving belly rubs and heard a new voice :hello? "hi" :who are you "Im... your daddy :hi daddy. And then I guess the foal went back to sleep. I wish I could tell male or female at this point. Even my mare since its not a spoken voice you wouldnt be able to tell without seeing her.

I...

wha...

just...what?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]anonyrat, 2007-03-15 03:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2007-03-15 11:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_serpent, 2007-03-16 05:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_serpent, 2007-03-16 05:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-03-16 07:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]michmatch, 2007-03-15 05:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-15 08:19 pm UTC

[info]jun_motomiya17
2007-03-15 03:08 am UTC (link)
Damn, and here I had almost repressed that wank.

Which is to say, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GUY'S PROBLEM?

(Reply to this)


[info]plazmah
2007-03-15 04:09 am UTC (link)
And now that I've read through every comment, I SHALL NEVER VISIT THIS DARK PLACE AGAIN. D:

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2007-03-15 07:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]notjo, 2007-03-16 03:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]plazmah, 2007-03-17 01:21 am UTC

[info]enviousness
2007-03-15 04:23 am UTC (link)
...Oh god, as if the first round hadn't mentally scarred me enough.

(Reply to this)


[info]luvginnyarwen
2007-03-15 04:32 am UTC (link)
me knowing just where that one itchy spot is she cant reach

I...what?????? Aughhhhh.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2007-03-15 05:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luvginnyarwen, 2007-03-15 05:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2007-03-15 06:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luvginnyarwen, 2007-03-15 06:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninja_stripper, 2007-03-15 08:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-15 08:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2007-03-16 08:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-16 03:47 pm UTC

[info]southerngaelic
2007-03-15 03:06 pm UTC (link)
Oh God NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......................

*weeps and weeps and weeps*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-15 08:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]southerngaelic, 2007-03-17 06:56 pm UTC

[info]fionnabhair
2007-03-15 05:18 pm UTC (link)
I was thinking of going to Equus next week, but...

There's only so much horsefucking my poor brain can take!

(Reply to this)


[info]the_mouse
2007-03-15 08:24 pm UTC (link)
Okay, so, who else thinks that when the foal is born Darkhorse'll be showing up here again, if not sooner?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ladysphinx, 2007-03-15 08:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jat_sapphire, 2007-03-16 01:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-16 02:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladysphinx, 2007-03-16 02:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_mouse, 2007-03-16 03:42 am UTC

[info]ladysphinx
2007-03-15 08:56 pm UTC (link)
In the spirit of lulz investigative journalism, I have infiltrated FurAffinity under a false account (and, er, using my husband's email address) and uncovered this NSFW on Darkhorse's "mature" art account. The "art", if you can't tell from the screencap, is titled "I can dream cant I" (and the answer is NO, NO, YOU CAN NEVER DREAM EVER) and it depicts graphic humanoid-horse on real-horse missionary action.


But the comments are where the real thrills are.


HELPFUL PERVERT: There is a commercial manufacturer of water beds for milk cows, which are much heavier and larger than your mare. With a nice soft warm floaty water bed, you might be able to win her affection for a little side by side action...
DARKHORSE: laying down and side by side... kindof has been acomplished. Its the face to face I would like.
HELPFUL PERVERT: A horse isn't as padded on the backside as a woman, but a cow water bed could make a big difference in comfort. It is also a lot cheaper in the long run than straw. I've been sleeping on a waterbed for a third of a century, and it beats the hell out of regular beds, even expensive memory foam. Cows given a choice between a water bed and straw nearly unanimously choose the former.
DARKHORSE: And I mentioned the waterbed idea to the SO and she wasnt too keen on it. Said only if I put it in the barn. Even if I did talk her into it I would have to brace the floors. They can support what I have now plus a pony but a water bed plus a pony would be pushing it.


. . . and then my brane broke under the implications.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2007-03-15 09:23 pm UTC

[info]catman
2007-03-17 01:20 am UTC (link)
omg. He's back. Like that smell you can't get out of your basement.

Please...We all know this marriage is a sham. When the priest asked, "Do you, mare, take Darkhouse to be your loving wedding husband?" we all know she said NEIGH!

...

Sorry. It was too easy.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2007-03-18 12:39 am UTC


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