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joye ([info]joye) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-03-21 13:44:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
THE WORLD IS FULL OF HORROR AND DOGS WANT TO EAT YOUR BABY!!!!!!
Cute and wank: proportional? Sometimes.
I've been studiously avoiding posts on CuteOverload and such about Knut, the baby polar bear that some animal rights activists want dead, because nothing good can come of that. So I entered the word "cute" into StumbleUpon and clicked, hoping to find some uncontroversial cute.
My very first stumble is a series of photos of a mastiff and a human infant.

Seriously. Its great that it became a ‘cute series of pictures’ but it could have been easily been evidence in a manslaughter case instead.

You’re right this is unhygienic. Do you know how sick that dog could get from licking a baby?

It makes me sick that there’s a whole generation people that are too pansy to enjoy cute photos. in conclusion, I killed Nazis with my bare hands.

Baby’s are very frail creatures, puppies much less so. One playful nuzzle from the dog could easily seriously injure the baby for life. Which is great because it adds quite a bit of suspense to an otherwise trivial series of photos. Quite a thrill right up to the end.

One of the best ways of training a dog, particularly a large dog – is when they do something wrong – you hold them and place your kneck and head over theirs and hold that position for a few seconds – true! I’m a dog - I know!

Babies typically carry lots of nasty diseases and will attack anything that moves quickly or makes a noise.

Second, babies are HARDLY fragile. You could probably bounce a baby like a basketball and it would be fine (and NO I am not advocating this, simply exaggerating to make a point) because babies and kids have the cellular rejuvenation skills of a gecko tail. They can heal within minutes.

And so on and so on for 150 comments, with all the evolutionary psychology you can eat!

ETA: The same set of pictures on CO. The comments there are more serious business and there's a lot more of them to wade through, but there's still some choice niblets. My favorite is the guy who commented "While you shmucks are worried about a baby crushing/eating dog there are 13 year old females suffering genital mutilation in several countries overseas." Oh dear. In the time I took to type this post, I could have saved 3.2 girls from FGM. Why are you reading this post when you could be stamping out rape/AIDS/drugs/halitosis? Don't you care about FREEDOM?


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[info]damnedfallacy
2007-03-21 07:09 pm UTC (link)
Whoa! Those little baby nails are razor sharp and you can't hold SuperWigglyBaby still long enough to cut them off safely. I still have scars on my boobs from breastfeeding to prove it. Of course, I tell people they're part of a funky tribal tattoo, but still...

Wolverine has nothing on baby claws.

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[info]beccastareyes
2007-03-21 07:14 pm UTC (link)
Correction accepted. Babies ARE like Wolverine.

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[info]damnedfallacy
2007-03-21 07:57 pm UTC (link)
Only no black leather or yellow spandex, depending on whether you prefer movie! or comic! Wolverine. Either way, makes it really hard to change those diapers.

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[info]breecita
2007-03-21 07:14 pm UTC (link)
Let us not forget the power of baby-death-grip, too. Those buggers latch on, and it's ALL OVER.

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[info]damnedfallacy
2007-03-21 07:58 pm UTC (link)
And they grip whatever comes within grabbing distance. For five solid years I wore my hair in what I call a "Please Don't Yank Mommy's Hair Out By The Roots" ponytail.

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[info]soupspooks
2007-03-21 08:54 pm UTC (link)
The boy I babysit for doesn't tug hair, but he tends to crawl on his mother's lap and put his knees in uncomfortable places.

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[info]doomsday
2007-03-21 08:05 pm UTC (link)
My baby brother went for necks. That was his comfort thing, to pinch people's necks when he was upset, usually with his nails. That hurt like a motherfucker!

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[info]breecita
2007-03-21 08:11 pm UTC (link)
Mohawk!Baby liked to get her fingers inside someone's lower lip and attempt to remove it with her fingernails. It was very, very painful. *whimper*

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iwanttobeasleep
2007-03-21 08:16 pm UTC (link)
This thread=Reason #239 why I'm adopting toddlers and getting a doctor to tie my tubes ASAP.

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[info]mary_mac
2007-03-21 08:49 pm UTC (link)
Our ones all went for the shinies.
Although its when you add the chewing everything in sight to the baby-death-grip that you can really effectively traumatise the entire extended family, as The Ba has been demonstrating admirably in the past nine months. No jewellry or sparkly Beaker is safe!

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[info]shadowkitty
2007-03-21 09:23 pm UTC (link)
My mum's got a scar on her lip from where she forgot to put baby mittens on me one time. She still complains about it.

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