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Makeshyft ([info]makeshyft) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-03-28 12:37:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
God of Wank 2: The Christian Pwning!
Soooo, this here'll be my first ever wank. SO be gentle..ish.

To distract from the joys of horsebuggery and whatnot, I bring a chunky little GameFaqs wank over certain thoughts on yaoi God Of Waw 2.

http://boards.gamefaqs.com/gfaqs/genmessage.php?board=932295&topic=34192752

The basic premise is, there's a certain image in the Temple of The Fates that has certian Three Wise Men-y connotations. Thus leading to a chain reaction of spooge on everything from the Origins of The Spear of Destiny, to the "hybrid" quality of Christianity, Evolution, Islam, and the occasional boob reference.

Some o' my favorite lines:

"dont ruin this game by bringing christianity into it "

"Greek Mythology kicks Christianity's sin obsessed ass."

"and i agree with the dude who says mythology pwns chrstianity"

"The Lance of Longinus is so sexy"

"It's offensive how everyone will take a shot at Christianity the first chance they get. If someone mentioned the game had a picture of Mohammed no one would have said anything to belittle Islam. Perhaps because they don't want to be beheaded or blown up."

"What if all the gods and titans die except for Kratos - so it ends up that Kratos is the god of Christian mythology. If they wanted to piss some people off, that'd be the way to do it. Also, it would explain the Old Testament. "



Of all the arguements that could be inspired by such a breath-takingly brutal game like this, religion-wank was not expected.

Enjoy.

(Post a new comment)


[info]soupspooks
2007-03-28 06:55 pm UTC (link)
These people make me giggle and to point them towards what the myths actually said...

(Reply to this)


[info]lurker32
2007-03-28 07:11 pm UTC (link)
If someone mentioned the game had a picture of Mohammed no one would have said anything to belittle Islam.

Except you, right?

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[info]brown_betty
2007-03-28 10:16 pm UTC (link)
He's too shy to mention it, but it so happens he does have exceptional moral courage required!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]joye
2007-03-28 09:17 pm UTC (link)
The game couldn't possibly have any Christian elements in it, it takes place several centuries before the supposed time of Jesus.
Because this game wasn't made in the 21st century. At all.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]daylightsparks
2007-03-28 10:03 pm UTC (link)
It's a little-known fact that archaeologists have found video games dating back to 1000 BC!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]vzg
2007-03-29 02:47 am UTC (link)
The answer to all of life's questions lies in webcomics.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sarracenia
2007-03-28 09:54 pm UTC (link)
I have to agree that until Jesus assumes the form of an ant to seduce a women, Greek mythology > Christian mythology.

Bonus points if he assumes the form of a zombie ant.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]makeshyft
2007-03-29 03:40 am UTC (link)
It also needs more incest. After all, those greek gods were ALL about the brother/sister pairings.

I think it's why people still ship Wanda/Pietro after all these years.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]sarracenia
2007-03-29 04:18 am UTC (link)
That's what God/Jesus/Holy Spirit slash is for! Also, the Song of Solomon has a disturbing amount of referring to their wife as their sister, if that helps.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]barankhy
2007-03-29 12:03 pm UTC (link)
And don't forget that hot father-uncle/daughter-niece action between Zeus and Persephone according to Orphic tradition! With subsequent mpreg, even.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]napalmnacey
2007-03-29 03:46 am UTC (link)
I wish Jesus would seduce me. *sigh*

...

Or a guy that LOOKED like him anyway.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]sarracenia
2007-03-29 04:15 am UTC (link)
You want to have sex with a zombie ant? I think they offer counseling for that.

(Really, though, I totally agree. I once spent a semester working with a guy who, if he had gained 30 pounds, would have looked exactly like all the Jesus illustrations. And who was intelligent. I spent much of the time bitching to myself about how he already had a girlfriend. Damnit.

And there ends the mandatory otf wank related anecdote.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]napalmnacey
2007-03-29 08:42 am UTC (link)
Ew. No. I had ants bite me on the bum once. That really hurt.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]mindset
2007-03-29 06:08 pm UTC (link)
♫ No, he doesn't look a thing like Jeeeeesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined, when you were youuuuuuung ♫

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]aposiopetic
2007-03-31 12:11 am UTC (link)
I haven't seen my ex-boyfriend from high school since the summer after we all toddled off to college. In the subsequent years, we became friends on facebook and he went off to have lots of crazy shenanigans and posted photographic proof of them on said facebook.

Trust me when I say it's really weird to know that a guy that now looks creepily like Jesus has groped your tits (and been thoroughly confused by the mechanics of a bra).

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]napalmnacey
2007-03-31 05:24 am UTC (link)
Considering the last guy I went out with had long hair and a goatee, I'm not phased. LOL!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]manasseh
2007-03-28 10:23 pm UTC (link)
I was not expecting there to be ANY God of War wank, actually. I figured everyone who has encountered the game would be too busy playing it to bother wanking.

That said, this wank needs more harpies.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]makeshyft
2007-03-29 12:28 am UTC (link)
Harpies, and boobies.

Anything involving God of War needs more boobies.

Case in point, Clotho.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sepiamagpie
2007-03-29 11:39 am UTC (link)
Your icon! :D

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]pantyless_angel
2007-03-28 11:27 pm UTC (link)
The game couldn't possibly have any Christian elements in it, it takes place several centuries before the supposed time of Jesus.

Yeah... Because the game is so historically accurate.

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[info]kadath
2007-03-29 12:26 am UTC (link)
It might, just barely, be possible that a game centering on a quest to kill the Fates might, conceivably, contain a great deal of imagery concerning groups of three, and that other symbolism read into those groups says more about the viewer than it does about the game developers. Maybe.

Just sayin'.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]soupspooks
2007-03-29 12:35 am UTC (link)
What people forget is, like a lot of things, religion *borrows* from other religions. So, themes repeat themselves a lot, and that's probably what they're noticing.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]darkeyes
2007-03-29 12:42 am UTC (link)
Hey now, both of you quit it! We don't need your filthy 'earth logic' around here, you heathens!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]soupspooks
2007-03-29 12:55 am UTC (link)
/cower

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ladysphinx
2007-03-29 12:41 am UTC (link)
Exactly. It's a motif, yo.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]visp
2007-03-29 02:09 am UTC (link)
"It's offensive how everyone will take a shot at Christianity the first chance they get. If someone mentioned the game had a picture of Mohammed no one would have said anything to belittle Islam. Perhaps because they don't want to be beheaded or blown up."

Well thank you for showing us how not to insult another religion. We shall all strive to follow in your respectful, peaceful footprints.

(Reply to this)


[info]mcity
2007-03-29 02:41 am UTC (link)
Wanking? THIS IS GAMEFAQS!
/runs

(Reply to this)


[info]lady7jane
2007-03-29 03:28 am UTC (link)
Greek Mythology kicks Christianity's sin obsessed ass.

Bah!, I say. Play Gabriel Knight 3 and tell that to my face. I'll punch you in the mouth, I swear I will!

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]makeshyft
2007-03-29 03:38 am UTC (link)
And, and in Jesus Fighter, God can go all Akuma on the other gods.

He's like pow, wap, Biblical Flood super!

Of course, there's a very good chance this game is purely a figment of my imagination.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hallidae
2007-03-29 04:09 am UTC (link)
I'd totally play it.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]dragonfangirl
2007-03-29 07:11 am UTC (link)
There actually is a game in which you machine-gun people for Jesus. There was a bit of a kerfluffle recently over whether a game that glorifies violence for Jesus should be allowed on the shelves. With which sentiment I can sympathize, but honestly, if people argued for the right for Sin City to stay on the shelves, I don't think they have much leverage left.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]fevered_ego
2007-03-29 10:58 am UTC (link)
My housemate Seebs wants to design a PC game on a similar theme, only he wants to make it so that your inventory will allow you to carry a Bible or a gun--but never both at the same time.

I love living here!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]visp
2007-03-29 05:03 am UTC (link)
The Japanese do a great job with christian mythology! All the slashable angels and battles and prophets... the manga are many and awesome.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]lady7jane
2007-03-29 05:28 am UTC (link)
I don't know about those, but Marimite does a cute job on the Catholic School myth. All those slashable girls!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]uriel
2007-03-29 09:45 am UTC (link)
I so need to replay the Gabriel Knight series. I've only played through the third one once.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]kijikun
2007-03-30 04:30 am UTC (link)
I was so sad when 1) there wasn't a novel to go with it like the last two, and 2) there was no GK: 4.

;_;

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]oxydosic
2007-03-29 04:04 pm UTC (link)
*is playing God of War 2 right now*

God I love mythology. Incest ahoy!

Though I must ponder how a Titan has children with a normal woamn...how would that work, exactly?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]ashu
2007-03-29 05:44 pm UTC (link)
Though I must ponder how a Titan has children with a normal woamn...how would that work, exactly?

Lube, and lots of it?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]carlanime
2007-03-29 05:54 pm UTC (link)
"The Lance of Longinus is so sexy"

I badly want that on an icon.

(Reply to this)

  
   
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