Wanky Biblical Exegesis Fun For The Whole Family!
So, skzbrust, author of the Dragaera books (of which contain, most notably, the Vlad Taltos series) posted a little blurb on his LJ* about a Republican friend of his who offered a sarcastic alteration of John 3:15 to prove a point about gay-bashing.

Because it deserves to be posted everywhere, this friend said:
"That whosoever believeth in him may not perish, but may have life everlasting, except for you two cocksuckers in back, because ain't no fucking fags gettin' into heaven!"

Most people respond with sarcasm in a similar vein or with resounding approval, but what's a post about Jesus without someone commenting who misses the point? Aptly titling the comment with "Someone is confused," "Holy Crusader For Great Justice" aka dvcastle says:

"Speaking for Jesus is a pretty bold move. I mean, if the manger and the cross and the entire story in between doesn't scream out that the penultimate virtue is humility then maybe I missed something."

Then, "Bitter Satanist Somebody Set Up Us The Bomb" aka cpxbrex responds with:

"Jesus doesn't come off to me as particularly humble. He comes off as an arrogant jerk, really....Sorry, any asshat who condemns most of the human race to hellfire because they don't accept the holy spirit or whatever is not humble. That's arrogance on a massive scale."

Now, really, cpxbrex, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel!

As predicted by cloistered Franciscan monks for thousands of years in ancient prophecy, the people respond to this heresy. Responses vary from agreement to patient sermons about how awesome Jesus really was, because he died and stuff.

Choice quotes:
hellmutt: "He comes across very arrogantly to me too (although at least he denies that he's God, which is nice)."

Uh, denies he's God? That's funny, he spends most of the Gospel of John affirming that he and the Father are one. Someone fell asleep during Sunday school.

cpxbrex: "Positive aspect of his religion? When was the last time a Christian was humble?"

I'm guessing he doesn't know many people or read much history?

mattador: "While I respect the point you're trying to make, a) turning down a gift doesn't mean it wasn't given to you, and b) you have absolutely no empirical basis for saying that you haven't been helped by it happening."

Aren't religionists cute when they use big words like "empirical?"

talesya: "This is the most patently absurd claim Christians like to make. They somehow think that an all-powerful being being inconvenienced for a few hours is somehow a sacrifice which demands the adulation of every human who lives."

Come on. Christians make a lot of patently absurd claims. I wouldn't say this is the most absurd.

dvcastle: "If it wasn't a sacrifice for the infinite God to become a fetus in a womb, be born in the most humble manner, live a sinless life while subject to all its torments and temptations and ultimately to be tortured to death, then what verifiable method would meet your criteria?"

I'm sorry, I got hung up on the idea of God as a fetus and paid no attention to the rest of the sentence. Do you think he glowed wth a holy aura on the inside? Did Mary's pregnant belly look like that of a Glow Worm? How many jelly beans do you think I can fit in my mouth?

cpxbrex: "To me, he comes off like just another end-of-the-world nutter mindlessly challenging authority in order to bring about his eschatology. He's as much a social reformer as Jim Jones or L. Ron Hubbard was."

Damn, man. I'm about as Christian as Gandhi was, but that's harsh. No one deserves to be compared to L. Ron Hubbard. No one.

cpxbrex: "It would be hard for me to be smarter than I think I am. See, I already consider myself waaaaaaay smarter than C.S. Lewis. For instance, I know what Jesus said was not true. ;)"

And remember kids, when wanking about a popular religious figure, it always boils down to how much smarter than C.S. Lewis you are. Or something. I'm going to go watch The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.


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* - I'd just like to say that the title of skzbrust's post, "Jesus and the Gays," sounds like a band name. I'm picturing a hairy guy in white robes playing an electric guitar surrounded by flashy metrosexuals on keyboards and drums. Song titles could include, "Messiah Love You Long Time," "Going Down To Be Born From Above," and "Just Wait For The Second Coming."

Edit: Fixed the spelling of Gandhi.