Dear Internet:

I realize that many of you have probably never seen an actual woman, so allow me to explain some of the finer points of this rare and elusive creature's anatomy.

Like her comic book counterpart, the woman (woom-uhn) has a pair of breasts. Real breasts, however, are unlike the ones in comics in that they (a) respond to gravity and (b) have nipples. The latter structures are a raised, often darker protruberance that serve as an outlet for the milk ducts. You see, again unlike comic book ones, real breasts have an additional purpose besides turning you on: they produce milk, much like a cow's udders, so that the woman may feed her offspring.

If you doubt this, spend some time in a sitting area at your local shopping mall. Chances are at least one woman will stop there to breastfeed during the day. Don't be alarmed; anime may have taught you that women are violent when provoked, but if left alone and not stared at too openly, they are normally quite docile.

Now: GET OVER IT.