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snarkivist ([info]snarkivist) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-07-18 20:20:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
What's Latin for "wank"?
I guess you could say that this is from the Jesus fandom. One of the two recent pieces of news out of the Vatican that pissed off most of the planet was that individual priests will be free to celebrate the Tridentine Mass whenever they damn well please. The Tridentine Mass is the Latin service used worldwide by all Catholics from the 16th century until about 1970. The structure of the service itself is different, not just what language it's celebrated in.

(Full disclosure: Yes, I am one of those whackjobs who attends this kind of Mass.)

Well, this has caused such global waves of wank in the press and on the Internets that the entire planet is red and sore by now. I have many examples, but my favorite so far has got to be this innocent-looking article from Indianapolis. All would have been well...if this paper didn't have forums attached to every article.

"A dead language for a dead god. How appropriate," one commenter said oh-so-cleverly. And...they're off! Catholics aren't Christians! Protestants don't understand history! Anyone who believes in God is a fucking moron! Pedophile priests!  FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!!!11

I'd pick out highlights, but really...there's too much here.





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[info]snarkivist
2007-07-19 01:11 am UTC (link)
Basic Protestant issues with Catholicism:

- Catholics follow traditions other than what's in the Bible
- Eating Jesus is freaky
- Catholics believe that whether or not you're saved depends on how you behave, instead of just calling yourself a Christian

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]utahraptor
2007-07-19 01:26 am UTC (link)
Catholics believe that whether or not you're saved depends on how you behave, instead of just calling yourself a Christian

Not necesserily...

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]snarkivist
2007-07-19 02:39 am UTC (link)
Oh?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]utahraptor
2007-07-19 02:51 am UTC (link)
Referring mostly to the medieval ones and some who seem to have stuck there.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]snarkivist, 2007-07-19 03:31 am UTC

[info]snacky
2007-07-19 01:27 am UTC (link)
But still! Believing in Christ! Very important.

Silly Protestants.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]vigilanterodent
2007-07-19 01:39 am UTC (link)
To be fair, a lot of Christian groups make it more complicated than just "Jesus Christ is my homeboy", but even then Catholics usually make the cut.

Protestants, like all teen rebels, are often not so good at the logic.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]squeakytoy, 2007-07-19 02:09 am UTC

[info]mochibuni
2007-07-19 01:55 am UTC (link)
I know several Catholics who believe they aren't Christians, that only Protestants are.

'Course, these are the old crotchity Catholics like my grandma.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]doomsday
2007-07-19 01:28 am UTC (link)
Eating Jesus is delicious! As an ex-Catholic, it's the thing I miss most.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]luthe
2007-07-19 02:57 am UTC (link)
Really? I always found that Jesus tasted a lot like cardboard...

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]snarkivist, 2007-07-19 03:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]magnolia_mama, 2007-07-19 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2007-07-19 03:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2007-07-19 04:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sharps, 2007-07-19 09:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]octavia, 2007-07-19 09:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]magic_lilybean, 2007-07-19 01:20 pm UTC

[info]blue_penguin
2007-07-19 04:03 am UTC (link)
IT IS DELICIOUS JESUS. YOU MUST EAT IT.

/ /b/tardation

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kadath
2007-07-19 01:17 pm UTC (link)
You can get the unconsecrated wafers in bulk. I used to eat them by the handful out of the fridge in the back room of the church. They were in a plastic bag in the door.

Aaaand...that's about it for my fond memories of Catholicism.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vergilsparda, 2007-07-19 01:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kadath, 2007-07-19 01:49 pm UTC

pastri_archy
2007-07-19 05:46 pm UTC (link)
The Baptist church we used to go to had freshly baked body of Jesus for the communion service. :D

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]drhenryjekyll, 2007-07-20 03:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - pastri_archy, 2007-07-20 04:07 pm UTC

[info]doc_lydgate
2007-07-21 03:22 am UTC (link)
If you go to the right healthfood stores, you can get Jesus gluten free. How cool is that?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]vigilanterodent
2007-07-19 01:32 am UTC (link)
Eating Jesus is the primary reason I kind of wish I was a Catholic. Well, and the cooler history. And the saints.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]snarkivist
2007-07-19 03:43 am UTC (link)
Plus, we set things on fire. Like candles. And incense.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]magnolia_mama, 2007-07-19 03:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]thecheese, 2007-07-19 08:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vigilanterodent, 2007-07-19 04:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2007-07-21 02:06 pm UTC

[info]wrongly_amused
2007-07-19 01:49 am UTC (link)
Ah, man, the transubstantiation v.s. consubstantiation debates are a thing of beauty when they really get revved up.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]magic_lilybean
2007-07-19 01:25 pm UTC (link)
That, and faith vs. works. I stumbled into that by accident one day as a new Catholic. I had no idea! I also may have one day mentioned Catholicism being "the original church" to someone who is Orthodox. It seems so funny now, but at the time I had no idea people fought over this stuff. I learned better right quick, though.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]warrioreowyn
2007-07-19 02:29 am UTC (link)
Catholics believe that whether or not you're saved depends on how you behave, instead of just calling yourself a Christian.

So do Anabaptists. At least the kind I know/am.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]snarkivist
2007-07-19 03:43 am UTC (link)
Ah, Anabaptists, I don't know much about.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2007-07-19 01:43 pm UTC

[info]lizzypaul
2007-07-19 05:37 am UTC (link)
Heh. Which leads to lots of Anabaptist vs. Calvinist wank.

Mennonite preacher I knew: "Baptists aren't really Christians. They think you can just say the words and do whatever you want after that."

The Calvinist grandmother of a friend: "Those people at the Free Methodist* church are so nice. It's a shame they don't know whether they're saved or not."

*While not technically Anabaptist, the Free Methodists fall in that tradition, I think.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]warrioreowyn
2007-07-19 02:31 am UTC (link)
And of course there's the fact that your Pope says we're all a load of heretics.

On the bright side, you invented liberation theology. (Which, unless I'm mistaken, the Pope also doesn't like, but too bad for him.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]saralina25
2007-07-19 02:53 am UTC (link)
Luckily I have brought an icon to explain the Pope's actions.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]snarkivist
2007-07-19 03:38 am UTC (link)
Eh, our Pope says that everyone is a heretic.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ladybirdsleeps, 2007-07-19 04:21 am UTC

[info]eilan
2007-07-19 05:16 am UTC (link)
And of course there's the fact that your Pope says we're all a load of heretics

we=?

Because if we=Protestants, as far as I recall that's not true. Or maybe the Popes were partial to European protestants and condemned the US varieties.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]snarkivist, 2007-07-19 05:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]eilan, 2007-07-19 05:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]snarkivist, 2007-07-19 05:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]eilan, 2007-07-19 06:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]warrioreowyn, 2007-07-21 01:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]snarkivist, 2007-07-21 06:13 am UTC

pastri_archy
2007-07-19 05:44 pm UTC (link)
I've done communion for as long as I could remember. *non-denom*

(Reply to this)(Parent)

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